Tell me your biggest dating red flags.

So, big red flags, let’s see…I’d say if someone's being dishonest in any way, that’s a huge one. You want to look out for people being evasive and not wanting to open up or share things about their lives, too. That’s a common sign they aren’t online dating with intention. Not that their intention has to be “I'm definitely moving into a relationship and I'm definitely looking for that,” but they're just not being clear with what they want in their life and you don’t have time for that if you’re dating with purpose. After that, the red flags are kind of up to you! Everyone has their own list of red flags when it comes to what they require in a partner. You will have to ask yourself, “What are my values right now? What do I want out of life?” It's a red flag if you and a potential partner have totally incompatible or competing values.

I think communication red flags are important to look out for early on in the dating process. A relationship is built on solid communication. Do they seem responsive and eager to chat with you (both on the dating app and in person) or do they frequently leave you wondering when they'll get back to you? Do they give you their full attention when you're talking to them and seem genuinely interested in what you have to say or do they seem disengaged and do things like only talk about themselves or dominate the conversation? Do the two of you have a lot of misunderstandings, disagreements, or even fights? How do you feel after you talk to them? If you feel negative more often than you feel positive after you talk to them, that's a red flag. Just some questions to think about!

Do you notice any control issues early on? If they come across as entitled to you and your time even though you're only in the talking stage or have been on just a few dates, that's a red flag. Some examples of how control red flags might look are them demanding that you tell them what you're up to at any given time, them trying to control who you do or don't hang out with or making you pick them over your friends or family, or them constantly putting their needs above yours and expecting you to accommodate them.

Friends and family (if you have good ones!) can be super helpful for picking up on red flags as you date new people. If you find your friends and family reacting negatively to stories or interactions you tell them about the person you're dating, that's probably a red flag.

I do NOT mess around with people who have tempers. If I am dating someone and they raise their voice at me or get violent, I'm gone. Once is enough. I will not put up with someone who doesn't know how to handle their emotions in a healthy way that doesn't hurt the people around them. The violence part is especially important. If someone lays their hands on you, they could do it again and you could be putting your life at risk—not worth it! I've been dating my current boyfriend for over 2 years and he has never once raised his voice at me. Be patient and don't settle, you'll find the right person for you.