How to Get Pet Custody After a Breakup

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Breakups are difficult enough, but when you and your former partner brought a pet into your lives that you both care for, who gets the pet can become a serious issue. U.S. law is slowly but surely recognizing the deep bond that many people share with their pets, and courts will determine custody arrangements for pets, just as they do for children. However, in most cases it's better for you to try to work out something with your former partner rather than letting someone else make the decision for you. [1] [2]

Method 1
Method 1 of 3:

Negotiating with Your Former Partner

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  1. If your relationship with your former partner involved physical or emotional abuse, attempting to negotiate pet custody with them directly may not be the best option for you.
    • Breakups are seldom completely amicable, but unless there are abuse problems, you should be able to get your former partner to listen to reason.
    • However, if your former partner was abusive, or if you suspect they might hurt your pet, call an animal law attorney immediately to learn your options.
    • You can find an attorney by doing a general internet search for "animal law attorney" with the name of your city or state. You also may be able to find names through your state or local bar association's online directory.
    • In some cases, animal law attorneys have been successful with getting restraining orders that include pets.
    • If you're concerned for the safety of your pet as well as yourself, talk to a family law attorney who has experience with restraining orders. You also can seek help from a local domestic violence shelter.
  2. Ideally, you want to talk about pet custody in a private environment where the two of you can talk about the issues involved with a minimum of distractions.
    • You may want to choose a neutral location such as a local café or restaurant. Go for a time when you are both available, but try not to make it late at night or on a weekend when the place will be packed.
    • Let them know what you want to talk about when you schedule the meeting. If they try to insult or demean you for making such a big deal over it, simply tell them that it means a lot to you and you'd appreciate it if they would give you the benefit of the doubt and take you seriously.
    • When you call to schedule the meeting, try to keep your conversation civil. You want to meet and discuss the issue, but there's no need to get in a fight about it over the phone.
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  3. According to state law, pets are considered property. This means that with pet custody, as with determining ownership of other items of personal property, the law favors the person in possession. [3]
    • You may have heard the phrase "possession is nine-tenths of the law." This phrase is true in most cases and applies to the issue of pet custody.
    • If your former partner already has taken your pet with them, coming to an agreement together may be the best chance you have of getting your pet back.
    • If you end up having to take them to court and they already have possession of the animal, chances are the court will end up awarding custody to them.
  4. There are a lot of issues wrapped up in pet care, including food, activities, and veterinary care. Assuming that both of you love the pet and want what's best for the animal, you want to go over all of these aspects at your meeting with your former spouse.
    • Create an outline of your history with your pet, starting from the beginning. This can help you create arguments for why you should get pet custody after the breakup.
    • For example, suppose you are the one who initially adopted the pet. Your former partner was reluctant at first and wanted nothing to do with it, but eventually came around and grew to love the animal.
    • In that case, the fact that you originally adopted the animal works in your favor. It also helps if you are typically the one to take your pet to the vet or the groomer and buy its food.
    • Money can be difficult if you and your former partner had a joint bank account. In that case, think about who provided most of the care and attention.
    • You also may want to think about which of you the animal is more attached to – although typically that will be the person who most often feeds and cares for the pet.
  5. It can be difficult to hold back your emotions if you're particularly attached to your pet, but try to do your best to look at the situation objectively and determine which of you is best suited to take care of the animal. [4]
    • Regardless of your feelings, if your former partner would take better care of your pet than you would be able to, you may want to let them have custody.
    • Just make sure it's understood that you want to be able to come and visit your pet – for example, to visit once a week and take the dog for a walk in the park.
    • On the other hand, if you have the time and money to adequately support your pet, use the reasons you wrote in your outline to explain to your former partner why you want custody of your pet.
  6. Breakups rarely happen for no reason. Tensions are bound to be high anyway, but the last thing you want to do is turn your pet custody meeting into a shouting match.
    • Try to keep in mind that you are there because you both love and care for your pet. If your former partner didn't care about the animal, they probably would have let you have it with no problem.
    • If you find yourself getting angry or frustrated, turn your attention back to your pet. Keep your pet's face in your mind and remember what you're doing this for.
    • It also can help to remind your former partner, if things start to get heated, that you're both there for your pet, not for each other.
  7. Assume that your former partner genuinely cares about your pet and its well-being. They may have serious concerns about your ability to provide adequate care for the animal.
    • You can only learn these concerns by keeping an open mind and listening carefully. Try to ask your former partner questions, if necessary, to draw out their reasons for not wanting to give you custody of your pet.
    • By listening to your former partner's concerns, you may be able to find a solution that makes both of you happy and puts your pet in as good a position as it was before the breakup.
    • For example, suppose your former partner is concerned you won't have time to take the dog for a walk during the day because you have a 30-minute commute to work and are gone all day.
    • In that situation, you may be able to work out an arrangement in which you allow your former partner to come over during the day to walk the dog. In exchange, you could pay them a small amount (which could potentially save you from having to hire a stranger to walk your dog).
  8. Put any agreement in writing . When you sit down and discuss the situation rationally, hopefully you and your former partner are able to come to an agreement regarding custody of your pet. If you do, draw up a written agreement that both of you can sign. [5]
    • A signed written agreement is legally binding, but it's not necessary to stress that point. Nor do you need to hire a lawyer or draft a complex contract with lots of legalese.
    • A simple agreement that outlines what you've decided is fine. Include everything you've discussed about your pet's care.
    • Both of you should sign it, then make sure your former partner gets a copy of the signed agreement.
    • To avoid any problems later, grab someone to witness the signatures, or take a photo on your phone of each of you signing the agreement.
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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:

Attempting Mediation

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  1. Most towns and cities have community mediation clinics that offer mediation services for common disputes that people have, including pet custody issues. [6] [7]
    • To find a community mediation center near you, do a search on the internet or call the county court clerk's office.
    • Particularly if you live in a larger city, you may find several different service centers. Look at their websites or call for more information to find the one you like the best.
    • You also may be able to get a recommendation by calling a local animal law attorney. They may have a particular mediation clinic that they prefer.
    • Most community clinics are relatively affordable. You can expect a single mediation session to cost a few hundred dollars, although many have sliding-fee scales to assist lower-income individuals.
  2. Since mediation is a voluntary process, you can't force your former partner to participate if they aren't interested. However, you can tell them about it and do your best to convince them it's the easiest way to resolve the dispute. [8]
    • The mediation center you've chosen may have a pamphlet that explains their process and services in a straightforward way.
    • Emphasize to your former partner that with mediation, a neutral third-party will work with the two of you to emphasize a mutually agreeable solution. They will not pressure you to come to an agreement, and if you don't reach an agreement you can walk away.
    • Another benefit of mediation is that any agreement you reach is confidential. This may be helpful if your former partner is concerned about how it will look to be arguing about pet custody in a public forum such as a courtroom.
  3. If you already attempted to resolve the dispute with your former partner in person, you may have notes from that attempt that you can use to frame the points you want to bring up in mediation. [9]
    • A previous attempt also can help you isolate the issues about pet custody that are particularly contentious.
    • It can help the mediator if you can figure out where there is significant disagreement, as opposed to more minor issues on which you could both find common ground.
    • Take some time to think about what your goals are for the medication. Perhaps your ideal outcome is that you have full custody of your pet and your former partner never has anything to do with either of you.
    • Given the odds of that outcome happening are slim (or you wouldn't be at this point), try to think of some areas on which you would be willing to compromise. You can present those ideas to the mediator.
  4. On the date of your mediation appointment, try to get there at least 10 minutes early so you have time to get to the right place and get settled before the session actually starts. [10]
    • Mediation is not court – the session typically will be in an office-like setting. However, try to dress neatly and conservatively. You want the mediator to have a good impression of you.
    • Bring with you any notes or other materials you want to use in your negotiation. You also may want to bring a picture of your pet, so you can look at it and focus on that during negotiations.
    • Typically you'll be directed to a private room, although you may have to wait in a waiting room. If your former partner is not there yet, you may meet your mediator, but don't expect to engage them in conversation.
    • Your mediator usually will keep conversation to a minimum so they can remain neutral and assist both of you in finding a mutually agreeable solution to your problem.
  5. Once you and your former partner have arrived, the mediator typically will provide a brief introduction and explain the basic procedure. Then they may ask each of you to give a brief opening statement. [11]
    • Your opening statement doesn't have to be a long, involved speech, like an opening statement in a courtroom. Nor should it include a single conclusory statement like "I want full custody of my pet." This kind of statement is not helpful for mediation.
    • Come up with two or three points in your favor that you want to emphasize. For example, you might say "I believe I am entitled to full custody of the dog because I brought him home from the pound, named him, and feed him every day. I have taken him to the vet regularly and his registration is in my name."
    • This isn't just about factual arguments, though. If you're short on such points, you may be able to point to the unique bond you share with your pet. For example, you might note that your cat sleeps with you every night and comes running to the door when you come home from work.
  6. After the initial part of the mediation has concluded, the mediator typically will have you and your former partner move to separate rooms so the real work of mediation can begin. [12]
    • Before moving to separate rooms, the mediator may identify particular issues upon which both you and your former partner can agree.
    • If you're able to find common ground, it sews the seeds for continued agreement and compromise – even if the issues you're able to agree on are fairly minor points.
    • Once you've separated, the mediator will move back and forth between you, discussing the situation and trying to find room for compromise.
  7. If you and your former partner are able to reach an agreement through mediation, the mediator typically will write up an agreement for you both to sign. Read it over carefully and make sure it reflects everything you've discussed. [13]
    • Your custody agreement can cover many different aspects of pet care, including not only which of you gets to keep the animal in your home, but what kind of food your pet can eat as well as specifying activities or particular veterinary services.
    • For example, your former partner may be willing to let you have custody of your dog if you agree to take him to his favorite park at least once a week.
    • Take this agreement seriously – even if it includes relatively minor things – and understand that once signed it is a legally binding document and can be enforced in a court of law.
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:

Demonstrating Rightful Ownership in Court

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  1. If you're thinking about suing your former partner for custody of your pet, you need to first figure out what court has jurisdiction over both your former partner and your dispute. [14] [15]
    • If you and your former partner were married and are seeking a divorce, the issue of who gets the pet will bewared up in your divorce case.
    • If you were not married, however, you'll have to file a lawsuit on your own. In most cases, small claims courts are equipped to handle a pet custody issue.
    • However, keep in mind that small claims courts only award monetary damages. If you file a lawsuit in small claims, you run the risk of winning your case but being awarded the monetary value of your pet – rather than the pet itself.
    • Your county court typically also has jurisdiction over these sorts of claims, and can order your former partner to give your pet back to you if they currently have possession of the animal.
  2. If you intend to pursue custody of your pet in the courts, you'll have the best chance of success if you have an experienced animal law attorney on your side. Even if you have a family law attorney for your divorce, an animal law attorney will understand more about the ins and outs of animal law in your state. [16]
    • Keep in mind that animal law is a relatively new area of law. It may be difficult to find an attorney who specializes solely in animal law unless you live in or near a fairly big city.
    • However, because animal law is relatively new and is rapidly changing, it's important to find someone who has experience litigating cases similar to yours.
    • Your local humane society or other nonprofit groups dedicated to animal rights may be able to connect you with an attorney who can help you.
  3. After consulting an attorney, if you want to sue your former partner for pet custody, you should do so as soon as possible. You can initiate a lawsuit by filing a complaint with the clerk of the court you've chosen to hear your case. [17] [18]
    • If you're not using an attorney, check with the clerk's office or on the court's website for forms you can use to draft your complaint.
    • The complaint lists factual allegations which you believe, if proven, entitle you to custody of your pet. Keep in mind that this is a legal argument, so you must have facts that tend to indicate you are the rightful owner of the animal.
    • When you file your lawsuit, you'll have to pay a filing fee – typically amounting to several hundred dollars. If you can't afford this fee, ask to apply for a fee waiver. If your income and assets are below the court's threshold, your court costs will be waived.
    • Take your complaint forms to the clerk's office along with at least two copies. The clerk will stamp all of them "filed" with the date, and assign a date for the next time you have to appear in court. They will then give your copies back to you.
  4. One of the two copies of your court documents is for your own records. The other copy must be delivered to your former partner using the correct legal service of process. [19]
    • Technically you can get anyone over the age of 18 who isn't involved in your lawsuit to hand-deliver the documents to your former partner. You might choose a trusted friend or relative.
    • After service is completed they must sign a proof of service form for you to file with the court.
    • You also can hire a sheriff's deputy to hand-deliver the court documents to your former partner, or mail the documents using certified mail with return receipt requested.
  5. When your former partner receives your court documents, they have a limited period of time – typically only a couple of weeks – to file a written response to your lawsuit. [20]
    • If your former partner does not respond to your lawsuit, you may be eligible to win your case by default. However, you still must show up on the date your hearing is scheduled.
    • If your former partner does file a written response, it will be served on you using a process similar to that which you used to serve your former partner.
    • It also is likely that your former partner will contact you seeking to come to an agreement rather than go through a trial.
    • The other option is that your former partner will decide to fight you every step of the way, perhaps even filing a motion to dismiss arguing that you have stated no legal claim to ownership of your pet.
  6. Lawsuits are won or lost based on the weight of the evidence. In your lawsuit, you must show that it is more likely than not that you are the rightful owner of your pet and should therefore be granted custody. [21] [22]
    • Depending on the court in which you filed your lawsuit, you may share evidence with your former partner through the discovery process.
    • Unless your former partner has decided to fight you every step of the way, however, you shouldn't expect this to be an extensive process.
    • Evidence that will support your claim for pet custody in court includes things such as proof that you adopted the pet, state registration or veterinary records that list only you as the owner, and even receipts for pet food and other pet supplies.
  7. When your hearing date arrives, you will have the opportunity to tell the judge your story and present your evidence to show that you deserve full custody of your pet. If you have an attorney, your role in the actual proceedings may be limited, but you still should expect to take the stand. [23] [24]
    • Try to show up at the courthouse at least 30 minutes before your hearing is scheduled, but keep in mind that the judge likely will be hearing several cases on the same day.
    • Once you've passed through courthouse security, take a seat in the courtroom gallery until your case is called. Then you (and your attorney, if you have one) can move to the front of the courtroom.
    • As in any trial, you can introduce evidence and even call witnesses if you want to support your arguments. For example, you may call a friend to testify regarding your relationship with your pet.
    • Your pet's veterinarian, or a veterinary assistant in their office, also can be a good witness if you were the only one who ever took your pet to receive veterinary care or treatment.
  8. Once you've presented your side of the story, your former partner will have the opportunity to respond. Just as you did, they may introduce evidence or even have witnesses testify on their behalf. [25]
    • When your former partner is speaking, watch your body language and try to pay attention. Avoid shouting out or interrupting your former partner – even if they interrupted you.
    • If your former partner calls any witnesses to testify on their behalf, you will have the opportunity to cross-examine them (through your attorney, if you've hired one). Pay close attention to their statements and draw on your own knowledge of the person called to question their reliability and the trustworthiness of their statements.
  9. After the judge has heard from both sides, they will enter an order deciding who gets custody of your pet. You may learn the judge's decision immediately after the end of the hearing. However, it may be a few days before he written order is ready. [26]
    • Keep in mind that if the judge rules in your favor, the court isn't going to enforce the order for you – you must do this yourself.
    • An attorney can help you determine what you need to do if your former spouse does not immediately comply and deliver your pet to you.
    • If you filed your case in small claims court, your ability to appeal a decision that wasn't in your favor may be limited.
    • In any case, if the judge doesn't rule in your favor, you have a limited period of time to file an appeal – typically 30 days or less.
    • Talk to an attorney immediately to find out if you have a possible case for appeal.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.animallaw.info/intro/custody-pets-divorce
      2. ↑ https://www.findlaw.com/legalblogs/law-and-life/pet-custody-laws-5-things-to-know/
      3. ↑ https://www.findlaw.com/legalblogs/law-and-life/pet-custody-laws-5-things-to-know/
      4. ↑ https://www.findlaw.com/legalblogs/law-and-life/pet-custody-laws-5-things-to-know/
      5. ↑ https://www.animallaw.info/intro/custody-pets-divorce
      6. ↑ https://aldf.org/article/what-to-do-if-you-are-involved-in-a-custody-battle-over-your-companion-animal/
      7. ↑ https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/mediation-six-stages-30252.html
      8. ↑ https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/mediation-six-stages-30252.html
      9. ↑ https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/mediation-six-stages-30252.html
      1. ↑ https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/mediation-six-stages-30252.html
      2. ↑ https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/mediation-six-stages-30252.html
      3. ↑ https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/mediation-six-stages-30252.html
      4. ↑ https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/mediation-six-stages-30252.html
      5. ↑ https://www.animallaw.info/intro/custody-pets-divorce
      6. ↑ https://www.courts.ca.gov/9617.htm#Jurisdiction
      7. ↑ https://aldf.org/article/what-to-do-if-you-are-involved-in-a-custody-battle-over-your-companion-animal/
      8. ↑ https://www.findlaw.com/legalblogs/law-and-life/pet-custody-laws-5-things-to-know/
      9. ↑ https://www.courts.ca.gov/1089.htm
      10. ↑ https://www.courts.ca.gov/selfhelp-serving.htm
      11. ↑ https://www.courts.ca.gov/1089.htm
      12. ↑ https://www.courts.ca.gov/1094.htm
      13. ↑ https://www.courts.ca.gov/1093.htm
      14. ↑ https://www.findlaw.com/legalblogs/law-and-life/pet-custody-laws-5-things-to-know/
      15. ↑ https://www.courts.ca.gov/1094.htm
      16. ↑ https://www.courts.ca.gov/1094.htm
      17. ↑ https://www.courts.ca.gov/1094.htm

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      To get pet custody after a breakup, keep in mind that a court will usually side with the person who currently has possession of the animal. If you don't have possession of your pet, your best chance of getting it back may be coming to an agreement with your ex. If you can't come to an agreement, consider attending mediation with your ex to reach a custody agreement. Or, you can take your ex to court and try to prove that the animal is rightfully yours. For more advice from our Legal co-author, like how to reach a custody agreement with your ex, read on.

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