How to Be Happy Without a Romantic Partner

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Learn to let go of relationship insecurities and live your best life
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When you’re single, it can often feel like everyone around you is coupled up and you’re the constant third wheel. However, the path to finding a partner can sometimes be long and winding, so it's important to find ways to enjoy your own life and individually thrive. Keep reading for a comprehensive guide to not having a boyfriend or girlfriend, and living a fabulous, fulfilling single life. Plus, we’ve got advice from dating and life coaches, as well as psychology experts, to help you become your best single self.

How to Cope & Thrive When You’re Single: Quick Tips

  • Focus on getting to know yourself more.
  • Practice mindfulness, gratitude, and self-care.
  • Create a new healthy routine.
  • Save money and dive into your career.
  • Pick up new hobbies and interests, which can help you meet new people.
  • If you do decide to start dating, set high standards and aim to make connections.
1

Get to know yourself more.

  1. Single people often have more time for personal growth, which can lead to increased happiness and a better lease on life. Spend some time figuring out your goals in life, your passions, and who you want to be in the next couple of years. [1]
    • Sit down and think about your values and what’s really important to you. Then, create goals out of those. For instance, if owning property is really important to you, you might try to buy a house in the next 10 years. If education is important, you might try to finish college within the next 5 years. If getting that job feels most important, go for it!
    • It can help to write out a list of goals you want to achieve within the next few years or so. For instance, you might try to finish school, get a good job, or move to the city.
    • Dating coach Amy Chan says, “Being single is a valuable time to get ‘back to you’. When you’re in a relationship, sometimes we merge with our partner to the point of unbalance. Suddenly, our identity and sense of validation become enmeshed with our relationship, which is an identity crisis waiting to happen.” [2]
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2

Focus on your own feelings, not other people’s opinions.

  1. However, your opinion is the only one that matters. If you’re happy being single, then that’s great! And if you just haven’t found the right person yet, then that’s fine, too! Chan says, “There’s a freedom to being single. Being able to do what you want, when you want, where you want, without having to worry about someone else, is liberating and exciting.” [3]
    • You can usually deflect well-meaning comments from loved ones by saying, “I guess I just haven’t found the right person yet,” or, “I’m pretty busy with other things in my life right now.”
    • Psychotherapist Kelli Miller states that there’s also no shame in saying, “I shouldn't really be with anybody right now. I need to learn more about myself and do the inner work of discovering who I am.” [4]
3

Lean on friends and family.

  1. When you're sad, reach out to someone and talk about how you're feeling. This can go a long way toward alleviating any loneliness you feel about being single. Plus, if you are happy and healthy, others will come to you! [5]
    • If it's hard for you and your friends to find time to meet up, try hosting regular get-togethers at your home. For instance, you might have a weekly watch party for your favorite show, and let your friends know they can drop by whenever they're free.
    • If you'd like to make new friends, try joining a group for people who share the same interests as you. Check out Facebook or NextDoor to meet people in your area who enjoy the same hobby as you.
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4

Come up with a self-care routine.

  1. Part of being a well-rounded individual means finding the things you need to do for yourself to feel healthy and cared for. Self-care looks different for everyone, so think about what your ideal day would look like, from your morning routine to getting in bed at night, then work to make that a reality. [6]
    • For instance, if a beauty routine makes you feel pampered, you might start your day by washing and moisturizing your face. At night, you might take a long bath, use a rich face mask, and apply lotion to your whole body.
    • Having a healthy body is a great way to feel good about yourself , so consider incorporating exercise and a healthy diet into your lifestyle.
    • Life coach Kamal Ravikant believes that making a commitment to your health is a great way to build confidence. He says, “If you make a commitment that you're going to eat a certain way, and you stick to it, you develop a sense of confidence in your abilities, and you keep making commitments to other things, and before you know it, you're a person who keeps your word to yourself. And that's real confidence.” [7]
    • You can also create a good morning routine. Chan shares, “Each morning, set time for yourself to get grounded and inspired. Ideally, you would have an hour to do this, but if you can only afford 15- 30 minutes, that’s a good start.” [8]
      • She suggests that you begin your morning ritual before you look at your phone without allowing the outside world to start dictating your mood. “You’re the boss here—set the tone the way you want: calm, positive, and inspired,” Chan offers. [9]
5

Practice mindfulness and gratitude.

  1. Form a healthy relationship with yourself. Miller reminds us how important this is in order to be in a healthy relationship with someone else. “If you work on loving yourself first, when you're ultimately in a relationship, you're not dependent on that person to make you happy,” she adds. Being happy with who you are is key, and Miller encourages you to look inward to really figure out what makes you happiest. [10]
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6

Pick up a new hobby.

  1. It can sometimes be hard to make time for what you enjoy when you're sharing your time with a partner, so take advantage of the chance to do what you love! One way to work on this is to make time for an activity you enjoy. If you don't know what that would be, push yourself to try new things until you figure out what it is. [16]
    • Think about your personality type and what hobbies might suit you. If you're athletic, for instance, your hobbies might be things like going to the gym and hiking. If you're artistic, you might paint or take a cake-decorating class.
7

Dive into your studies or career.

  1. Since you’re single, you probably have a lot more free time to dedicate to your job or classes. Do your best to work hard and prove that you’re a competent employee or student. Apply for raises, promotions, or new jobs if you think they’ll advance your career, and do your best to get good grades to keep your GPA up. [17]
    • Not a fan of your current job? It’s never too late to go back to school! Look into trade schools or community colleges where classes might be a little cheaper.
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8

Save money to reach your goals.

  1. Since you aren’t spending it on dates or nights out on the town, you can put it into savings to have money in the future. Try setting a savings goal for yourself and meeting it every month to see yourself succeed in no time. [18]
    • For instance, you might try to store away 1/4 of your paycheck every month so you can eventually buy a house.
    • Or, you might set a goal to save $300 a month so you can move to a new state.
9

Heal your inner child.

  1. Allow your childhood wounds to heal. This expression has become more and more popular in recent years, and therapist Samantha Fox is a big proponent of healing your inner child . “Feeling desperate when you are single is a sign of traumatic aloneness, which comes from childhood, “ Fox begins. “When we are little, we are meant to be connected and cared for, and we need to have had that in order to develop into healthy, independent adults.” [19]
    • Fox explains that working on connecting to your inner child, and becoming a good parent to them in adulthood can help quiet the pain of being alone. “Once you are with all parts of yourself, the aloneness changes and feels more tolerable,” she assures. [20]
    • Fox reminds us to be kind to ourselves as we navigate our personal journeys. “Understanding oneself is a chosen path, and those who do this, reap great rewards. Being human is hard work.” [21]
    • Fox says that having curiosity about yourself and others is essential to growth: “If you can maintain a curious stance, be open and interested in the way you react, the thoughts you have, the feelings you experience, you will come to see patterns and from the curious stance you will start to find answers.” [22]
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10

Volunteer your time.

  1. If you find yourself feeling down about being single, consider giving some of your time to helping others who are less fortunate. Supporting a cause you believe in can be a very rewarding way to help you put your own problems in perspective. [23]
    • Think about needs in the community you feel passionately about, then find a way to help. For instance, if you feel bad every time you see a stray animal, you might volunteer at a local animal shelter.
11

Date yourself.

  1. There’s no need to wait around for anyone else to do it for you! If you want to see a movie or go out to eat, you can do that all by yourself. Go on fancy vacations, hit up that new coffee shop, and enjoy your own company while you’re out. [24]
    • You might also travel around the world, head out on a solo hike, or even go camping on your own.
    • If you want to, you can invite friends along—just don’t back out if they can’t go!
    • Chan says, “This is the time to reconnect with the relationship you have with yourself. To start that passion project you’ve procrastinated on, to develop those friendships that have been on the back burner, to take that solo trip you’ve always wondered about.” [25]
    • Chan reminds us that a breakup is merely the end of one chapter and the beginning of your next. “So, make this next chapter colorful, vibrant, playful, and fun,” she adds. [26]
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12

Meet new people.

  1. Having a big group of friends will not only make you feel less lonely, but it’s a great way to experience life! If you don’t have a lot of friends right now, try joining a group or club near you to meet people who share your interests. Or, introduce yourself to people when you’re out and about to get to know them. [27]
    • Plus, meeting new people is a great way to meet potential dates, too (if that’s what you’re looking for).
    • Chan discusses the benefits of being single and dating around for a while. She says, “You can date different people and test out what you like and don’t like, and get really conscious of the type of partner that will be a good fit for you the next time around.” [28]
    • Try searching Facebook groups or NextDoor to find like-minded people who share your same hobby.
    EXPERT TIP

    Cher Gopman

    Dating Coach
    Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.
    Cher Gopman
    Dating Coach

    Try using meetup groups to meet people that have similar interests as you. For example, if you love wine tasting, or you're into video games, find a meetup group for people that are interested in wine or gaming. Right away, you'll have a shared interest to talk about and connect over with everyone in that group. At a meetup, try your best not to be scared to talk to someone you don't know. There's never going to be a perfect time to meet somebody. If you see someone that sparks your interest, don't be afraid to say hello!

13

Break free of a scarcity mentality.

  1. Stop putting your ex on a pedestal. Some people feel stuck after they end a relationship because they wonder, “What if my ex was the love of my life? What if I never meet anyone who makes me feel like that again?” Good news: Chan suggests that the truth is quite the opposite! “The idea of a one-and-only soulmate is a myth. There is more than one person out there for you,” she shares. [29]
    • “This may seem absurd— you may think, ‘There’s nobody else like my ex.’ And maybe it’s true, but you will find someone who’s amazing in their own way, and you’ll find new special things together.” [30]
    • Chan goes on to say that getting rid of this scarcity mindset can benefit your friendships, professional relationships, and more. [31]
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14

Have high standards for anyone you might date in the future.

  1. Sometimes it can be tempting to jump into the first relationship that comes along, especially if you've been single for a while. However, it's important to keep in mind that even if you feel lonely, it's still better to have high standards while being single than to be in a toxic relationship that isn't right for you. Miller suggests that you ask yourself the following questions: “Am I rushing into something else? Why do I really want to be in a relationship? What am I trying to cover up? Am I scared to be alone ? What are some of those underlying feelings?” [32]
    • Miller speaks to the importance of being honest about why you don't want to be single. “That's going to be really insightful,” she affirms. [33]
    • Always treat and view yourself with value. You deserve to be treated right!
    • To ensure that doesn't happen, watch out for red flags when you meet someone new, and don't date anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself.
      • Red flags can include someone who tries to control you, someone who wants to be around you 24/7, someone who tries to change you, and someone who you can’t see yourself with long-term.
15

Date to connect.

  1. Date with the intention of forming a connection. Chan says, “Think of dating as a skill that gets better the more you practice.” She reminds us that the goal is not to meet the one after dipping a toe back in the dating pool, but to connect with someone. She says to “practice building rapport, feeling curious, tapping back into your playful side. Test out different ways of flirting. When you shift your perspective on dating as a practice of connection, it takes away the pressure and the angst.” [34]
    • Chan believes that connection is “an art form,” stating, “The goal is to be a people magnet, where you’re vibrating at a positive level where people naturally gravitate towards you.” [35]
    • Chan doubles down on the importance of connection, calling it the “foundation of love.” She proposes, “Set your goal on not falling in love, but in creating connection. The former is not something you can control, the latter is a choice you make, every day.” [36]
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Join the Discussion...

Why am I still single?
WikiWombatCaster809
WikiWombatCaster809
I'm in my late 20s and have never been in a serious relationship. I'm just tired and frustrated. I don't know where to meet people and I'm not good at talking to new people. Should I just give up even trying?
Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist
Being single doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong! Being single gives you a chance to really love yourself so that, when you're ultimately in a relationship, you're not dependent on the other person to make you happy. It's of prime importance that you really be happy with yourself. That might look like embracing the things that you've wanted to do, going back to some hobbies, or writing a gratitude list every day about what you love about yourself. All the things that go into loving yourself and being happy with yourself are really key.

However, there are two sides to every coin. A lot of people who are single don't want to be single. And that's fine. It's just where you are now, so how can you embrace it? Think about how there are things that you can do as a single person that you can't do as part of a couple, and embrace those types of things. For example, if you'd like to travel alone, do it! Look at all the positives, and enjoy the single life while you can. You'll get into a relationship when the right person comes along!
John Keegan
Dating Coach
The number one reason is that there are more distractions than ever. There are apps like TikTok, Instagram, Twitter...there's a lot of nonstop distractions pulling people's energy in a million directions. Also, these apps make you feel like you're doing something for your social and dating life. They make you feel like you're being social when swiping or messaging, but you may never meet up with that person. It just doesn't come together.

Also, there are unrealistic and over-sexualized videos that give us the wrong idea of how life should be when we should really just focus on enjoying the simple things, like meeting someone who understands you, having a good conversation, taking a walk and having a coffee together, planning your future, and just doing things that aren't as involved now as they used to be.

I think society has shifted in many ways where a lot of people don't have to live a traditional life. For example, you don't need to live in only one location. But if you can travel the world and make money, relationships can be harder to manage with that nomadic lifestyle. One of the biggest issues, though, is the amount of distraction and the feeling that there are just so many options out there. A very beautiful girl could be getting many offers to go travel the world just because of the pictures she has up online. So then once she meets a real guy in a real situation, it's a lot less likely to come together because she has so many options pulling her attention away from having that kind of a relationship. And also, that kind of relationship may not even appeal to her anymore because now she has a lot of different options to have many different kinds of experiences.
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  • Question
    How do I survive without a boyfriend?
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    Being single can be hard, but you can absolutely survive on your own. Focus on self-care, which can include things like caring for your health and hygiene, taking care of chores and other responsibilities, and doing things you enjoy on your own or with friends and family. Work on building life skills that will help you get by on your own, whether that means taking classes so you can get a better job or mastering life basics such as cooking, budgeting, or taking care of a car. Don’t be afraid to reach out to friends and family for support, or look for groups of likeminded people in your area if you don’t have anyone close by.
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    Is it OK to not have a girlfriend?
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    Yes! Whether you’ve recently broken up, you haven’t met the right person yet, or you just prefer to be single, it’s absolutely okay to not be in a relationship. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for why you’re single, and it’s nothing to be embarrassed about.
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    Is it normal to cry over not having a boyfriend?
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    Yes. It’s common for people to feel lonely and sad about not being in a romantic relationship, and crying is a totally normal response to those feelings. If your sadness about not having a boyfriend is overwhelming or you feel like it’s interfering with your day-to-day life, consider reaching out to a counselor or talking to a trusted friend or family member about how you feel.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://time.com/5401028/benefits-being-single-experts/
      2. ↑ Amy Chan. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.
      3. ↑ Amy Chan. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.
      4. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 27 October 2021.
      5. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-to-be-ok-with-being-single/
      6. ↑ https://rightasrain.uwmedicine.org/mind/well-being/one-isnt-loneliest-number-self-care-singles/
      7. ↑ Kamal Ravikant. Author, Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It. Expert Interview. 2 December 2019.
      8. ↑ Amy Chan. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.
      9. ↑ Amy Chan. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.
      1. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 27 October 2021.
      2. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 27 October 2021.
      3. ↑ Amy Chan. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.
      4. ↑ Amy Chan. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.
      5. ↑ Amy Chan. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.
      6. ↑ Amy Chan. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.
      7. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-to-be-ok-with-being-single/
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/201810/are-single-people-happy-because-they-are-free
      9. ↑ https://time.com/5401028/benefits-being-single-experts/
      10. ↑ Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 19 January 2021.
      11. ↑ Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 19 January 2021.
      12. ↑ Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 19 January 2021.
      13. ↑ Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 19 January 2021.
      14. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-to-be-ok-with-being-single/
      15. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-to-be-ok-with-being-single/
      16. ↑ Amy Chan. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.
      17. ↑ Amy Chan. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.
      18. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/201810/are-single-people-happy-because-they-are-free
      19. ↑ Amy Chan. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.
      20. ↑ Amy Chan. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.
      21. ↑ Amy Chan. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.
      22. ↑ Amy Chan. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.
      23. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 27 October 2021.
      24. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 27 October 2021.
      25. ↑ Amy Chan. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.
      26. ↑ Amy Chan. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.
      27. ↑ Amy Chan. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      Not having a boyfriend or girlfriend can be hard and lonely at times, but if you focus on being who you want to be, you’ll be the best version of yourself when the right person comes along. Pursue your own goals, like succeeding in your career, getting in shape, or travelling the world. You can also make the most of your freedom by spending time on your hobbies. If you don’t have any hobbies, try joining a new club or sports team. Or, volunteer in your community. This will give you a chance to meet new friends and maybe even a special someone. You can also hang out with your friends and family to build your existing relationships. Remember that being single doesn't make you any less complete as a person. You can be just as happy and confident without a partner. For more tips, including how to choose a new boyfriend or girlfriend, read on!

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