How to Talk to Older People

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Conversation starters, topics, and tips for talking to seniors
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Talking to people who are older is a great way to offer stimulation, companionship, and entertainment to a neighbor, family member, or even a friend of a different generation. [1] You’ll find that you can talk to them about almost anything—the key is to keep in mind that they’re just a person like you. We’ll give you a handy list of conversation topics, as well as helpful tips for communicating effectively and sensitively to make your conversation pleasant, engaging, and enriching for everyone involved.

Things You Should Know

  • Ask a person who’s older questions about their family, childhood, or for advice to give them opportunities to reminisce and share their wisdom.
  • Speak slowly and enunciate while maintaining eye contact to communicate more clearly, and allow time for them to process and think about the conversation.
  • Avoid talking down to an older companion or treating them like a child. Give them your full attention and respect when speaking to them.
Method 1
Method 1 of 3:

Finding Conversation Topics

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  1. Not every discussion you have with a person who’s older needs to be in-depth. They enjoy making polite small talk , too. It also helps you gauge their state of mind and health, and gives you a better idea of what they might want to talk about or how much energy they have to talk at that moment. Ask them about what they’ve done or will do that day, as well as their habits or routines. [2] Other good small talk questions include:
    • "What have you been up to today?”
    • “Are you excited for anything happening soon?”
    • “How are your hobbies going?”
    • “Have there been any big changes in your life recently?”
    • “How are you feeling today?”
  2. Older folks are full of stories, and many are grateful for the opportunity to share them. Stories about family and relatives are especially common topics among our older neighbors. [3] As you listen, don’t be afraid to offer your own related or relevant stories to keep the conversation lively. [4] Just remember to let them have the stage!
    • “Do you have any stories about Aunt Marla?”
    • “Can you tell me about the time you caught Dad sneaking out?”
    • “Do you have any siblings?”
    • “How did you choose your children’s names?”
    • “How did you meet your spouse?”
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  3. Reminiscing on their past can be a pleasant and mentally stimulating way to talk to a person who’s older. It’s especially welcome if they haven’t had the opportunity to share those parts of themselves recently. [5] You might ask them what it was like growing up when they did, or what they got up to for fun back when they were a kid. Other questions you might ask include:
    • “Did you ever have any pets as a kid?”
    • “Did you have a favorite book when you were growing up?”
    • “Did you ever get into any trouble with your friends?”
    • “Who are some big celebrities from when you were a kid?”
    • “What was your favorite gift you ever received for a birthday or holiday?”
    • “Can you describe the town you grew up in?”
    • “What was your biggest accomplishment while growing up?”
  4. Older people don’t just live in the past! They’re just as affected by and interested in current events as anyone else, so ask their opinion on recent happenings. Or, ask them how current events compare to how things were in the past. [6] You might even ask them how things like politics, climate, or technology will look in the future. Also ask:
    • “What’s a piece of technology you thought we’d have by now?”
    • “Are there any headlines that made you happy this week?”
    • “Have you seen any friends recently?”
    • “Are you doing anything fun this week?”
    • “Have you seen any good TV shows or recent movies?”
  5. Older people have plenty of experiences under their belts, and many of them are happy to share those experiences or offer some perspective on life. [7] If you’re in a sticky situation or having trouble making a big decision, consider talking about it with an older person. They’ll likely be flattered that you asked them, too.
    • “Do you have any advice for leading a full life?”
    • “What’s your philosophy for living?”
    • “I’m having a hard time choosing between two jobs. Which do you think is more important, making a lot of money or enjoying your work?”
    • “If you could do one thing differently, what would it be?”
    • “Is there any advice you might give to someone my age?
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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:

Communicating Clearly

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  1. If you already know the person, let them know you’re glad to see them by saying hello with a smile. Give them a hug if it’s appropriate. If you do not know the person, introduce yourself in a friendly tone of voice and offer a handshake. Use formal language like “Mr.” or “Ms.” to show your respect , and avoid overly familiar terms like “dear” if you don’t already have that relationship with them. [8]
    • Greeting them with a quick label alluding to your relationship can also remind them of who you are to them if they have memory troubles. For example, “Hi, Grandma!” reminds them that you’re their grandchild.
  2. Talk somewhere quiet and calm, where neither you nor the other person will get distracted or overwhelmed. Turn off any radios or televisions in the background so you can hear each other. [9] Sit somewhere they can see your face clearly, so they can read your lips if they need to.
  3. Making eye contact shows the person that you’re paying attention to them and care about what they’re saying. [11] Enunciate your words distinctly, speak loudly enough to be easily heard, and don’t talk too fast. Be careful not to shout at the person, though, unless they ask you to speak up more.
    • Don’t be afraid to repeat yourself, slow down, or shorten your sentences if your conversation partner has trouble understanding you.
  4. If you’re offering something to a person who’s older, or trying to find out what they want to do, give them 2 or 3 choices. This gives them a sense of control over the situation without overwhelming them with too many options. [12]
    • For instance, don’t just say, “Where would you like to go today?” Instead, say, “Should we go to the park or a coffee shop?”
  5. During your conversation, the older person may need to pause to find the right word, recover their train of thought, or reminisce about something. Offer plenty of pauses in the conversation to allow them to digest information or jump in, and avoid hurrying their answers. [13] Wait patiently for them to finish talking. Don’t try to complete their sentence for them or find the word they’re looking for unless they ask you to. [14]
    • Also, concentrate on one topic at a time to avoid confusing a person with altered memory or cognition, and don’t move on to the next topic too quickly. [15]
  6. If you know ahead of time that you’ll be visiting a person who’s older, consider bringing something to do or talk about. A few ideas include a family photo album (if you are visiting a family member), music from when the person was young, or a homemade treat that you can enjoy together. Or, you might cook them a meal or aid them with household chores, which makes your time with them even more helpful and appreciated. [16]
    • Even making them a cup of tea is a kind gesture that can lead to pleasant conversation about what kind of teas they like, memories about special mugs they might have, or other opportunities to reminisce.
  7. If the older person has dementia or gets confused easily, make sure they understand when you are leaving. This helps them understand that you’re no longer present so that they don’t think you’re still in their home, which can cause anxiety. Say goodbye to them and tell them when they can expect to see you again. Giving them a hug or a handshake is another good way to signal the end of the conversation. [17]
    • Also, leave them a written note with your name and the current date, thanking them for the conversation and letting them know the date of your next visit.
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:

Communicating Sensitively

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  1. Communication often becomes more difficult with age. These difficulties may result from age-related conditions such as hearing and vision loss, physical disabilities, or neurological disorders such as dementia or a past stroke. [18] Pay attention to whether the person you’re talking to is hard of hearing, has memory problems, or otherwise has trouble communicating. Adjust your own communication style so they can participate in the conversation more easily.
    • For instance, if the person is having a hard time hearing you, move closer to them and speak more loudly.
    • If the person seems to get confused easily, use shorter sentences and be patient as you get your point across.
    • If they have memory loss, avoid asking too many questions at once. Also, avoid "why" questions, which may frustrate them.
    • If you can, try to find out ahead of time about any communication issues the person may have before you start conversing with them.
  2. Do not use baby talk, a singsong voice, or inappropriately familiar terms of endearment when you talk to a person who’s older. [19] Talk to them like you would any other adult. If they show signs of confusion, simplify your wording or shorten your sentences. [20] That said, avoid any condescending tones or outward signs of frustration.
    • Many older people feel insulted when others talk to them as if they are children, even if those people don’t mean any harm.
  3. Just like anyone else, older folks have topics they’d rather not talk about, or which provoke feelings of sadness, which can make the conversation uncomfortable. [21] Unless they start talking about these topics first, generally avoid subjects like war, deaths, regrets, or anything that seems to make them uncomfortable.
    • If they do appear uncomfortable, change the subject by saying something like, “We don’t have to talk about that if you don’t want to. Can you tell me about your childhood instead?”
    • That said, don’t shy away from big emotions like tears or laughter. Let the emotions happen, and offer emotional support in the form of a touch on the shoulder until they pass. [22]
  4. Some older people are sensitive to feeling ordered or bossed around, even if that’s not your intention. To avoid this, use “I” or “we” statements when suggesting activities or topics of conversation, rather than “you” statements, which helps them feel more comfortable and confident. [23]
    • For example, say, “Why don’t I open a window for some air?” instead of, “You really need to let more air in.”
  5. Be a good listener and give the person your full attention, even if they ramble. Make sure you’re understanding them and keep conversation flowing by asking questions related to what they are saying. Avoid letting your gaze wander around the room or checking your watch while the other person is talking, which may make them feel as though you’re bored. [24]
    • For instance, if the person mentions living in another country, you could ask them to tell you more about that part of their life.
  6. You may have different viewpoints, perspectives, or opinions than your conversation partner, but it’s often unproductive to try to convince them to see things your way. [25] If conversation veers into uncomfortable territory, agree to disagree and gracefully suggest another topic by saying something like, “I’ve been wondering about what your life looked like when you were 20, can you tell me about that?”
    • As with anyone, don’t feel obligated to sit through hateful or prejudiced speech. If you feel unsafe or the conversation is uncivil, feel free to excuse yourself.
  7. Our older friends, family, and neighbors were once your age, and they’ve experienced the same feelings and many of the same life events as you. Treat the person with the same respect and courtesy you would expect from others, and look for common ground that will help you connect with each other. [26]
    • Think about how you want people to talk to you someday when you are elderly, and use that as a guideline for yourself.
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How should I address someone who's elderly?
    Justin Barnes
    Senior Home Care Specialist
    Justin Barnes is a Senior Home Care Specialist and the Co-Owner of Presidio Home Care, a family-owned and operated Home Care Organization based in the Los Angeles, California metro area. Presidio Home Care, which provides non-medical supportive services, was the first agency in the state of California to become a licensed Home Care Organization. Justin has over 10 years of experience in the Home Care field. He has a BS in Technology and Operations Management from the California State Polytechnic University - Pomona.
    Justin Barnes
    Senior Home Care Specialist
    Expert Answer
    Talk to them the same way you would with everybody. Avoid using a higher-pitched "baby voice" since it will come across as disrespectful.
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    Not Helpful 1 Helpful 3
  • Question
    Is it normal for grandparents to have trouble understanding?
    Justin Barnes
    Senior Home Care Specialist
    Justin Barnes is a Senior Home Care Specialist and the Co-Owner of Presidio Home Care, a family-owned and operated Home Care Organization based in the Los Angeles, California metro area. Presidio Home Care, which provides non-medical supportive services, was the first agency in the state of California to become a licensed Home Care Organization. Justin has over 10 years of experience in the Home Care field. He has a BS in Technology and Operations Management from the California State Polytechnic University - Pomona.
    Justin Barnes
    Senior Home Care Specialist
    Expert Answer
    Yes, people often have trouble hearing and communicating when they become elderly. Just be patient because your grandparents still want to talk to you.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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  • Question
    What do I call an older person when being respectful?
    Community Answer
    It's appropriate to address them by "sir" or "ma'am."
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      References

      1. ↑ https://ralna.org/how-to-engage-seniors-simple-conversation-starters/
      2. ↑ https://ralna.org/how-to-engage-seniors-simple-conversation-starters/
      3. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4610278/
      4. ↑ https://scnova.org/interesting-senior-citizen-conversation-starters-and-prompts-for-volunteers/
      5. ↑ https://scnova.org/interesting-senior-citizen-conversation-starters-and-prompts-for-volunteers/
      6. ↑ https://scnova.org/interesting-senior-citizen-conversation-starters-and-prompts-for-volunteers/
      7. ↑ https://ralna.org/how-to-engage-seniors-simple-conversation-starters/
      8. ↑ https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/tips-improving-communication-older-patients
      9. ↑ https://myhealth.alberta.ca/speech-language-hearing/language/for-adults/communicating-with-someone-who-has-dementia
      1. ↑ Justin Barnes. Senior Home Care Specialist. Expert Interview. 6 March 2020.
      2. ↑ https://www.alz.org/care/dementia-communication-tips.asp
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201411/how-communicate-effectively-older-adults
      4. ↑ https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/advice-for-life-situations-and-events/loneliness-in-older-people-how-to-help/
      5. ↑ https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/tips-improving-communication-older-patients
      6. ↑ https://scnova.org/interesting-senior-citizen-conversation-starters-and-prompts-for-volunteers/
      7. ↑ https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/advice-for-life-situations-and-events/loneliness-in-older-people-how-to-help/
      8. ↑ http://www.scie.org.uk/dementia/after-diagnosis/communication/conversation.asp
      9. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3074568/
      10. ↑ Justin Barnes. Senior Home Care Specialist. Expert Interview. 6 March 2020.
      11. ↑ https://www.aafp.org/pubs/fpm/issues/2006/0900/p73.html
      12. ↑ https://ralna.org/how-to-engage-seniors-simple-conversation-starters/
      13. ↑ https://www.scie.org.uk/dementia/after-diagnosis/communication/conversation.asp
      14. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/communication-success/201411/how-communicate-effectively-older-adults
      15. ↑ https://www.aafp.org/pubs/fpm/issues/2006/0900/p73.html
      16. ↑ https://www.scie.org.uk/dementia/after-diagnosis/communication/conversation.asp
      17. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/communication-success/201411/how-communicate-effectively-older-adults

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      You can have a great conversation with an elderly person if you find interesting topics to talk about. Try asking them about their past or what they like to do at the moment. For example, you could ask what their favorite job was or if they’ve read any good books lately. If you know their family, you can ask about their children and grandchildren. Sometimes, people’s hearing can get worse with age, so try to speak clearly and loudly enough so they can hear you. If they speak slowly or pause when they’re thinking, try not to interrupt them or complete their sentences for them. It’s probably a good idea to avoid any slang that they might not understand too. For more tips from our co-author, including how to greet an elderly person, read on!

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