How Does Sex Affect a Relationship?

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It's totally normal to wonder about sex and how it affects your relationships. If you're curious about this connection, you've come to the right place. In this article, we'll explain the role sex plays in both new and long-term relationships. We'll also do a deep dive into common questions about frequency and whether a relationship can survive in the long-term without sex. Keep reading for our complete guide on how sex affects a relationship.

Things You Should Know

  • In new relationships, sex can increase feelings of intensity and closeness. Sometimes, this can be mistaken for emotional attachment.
  • In long term relationships, healthy sex can increase intimacy and a sense of passion in the relationship. It can also increase the wellbeing of the couple.
  • Frequency of sex doesn't matter. Find a cadence that fits well with both individuals' needs.
Section 1 of 5:

Dating and New Relationships

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  1. Sex creates a sense of closeness, even if you don’t know the other person well. It’s easy to mistake this for an emotional connection, which can result in a couple making big decisions, like moving in together, faster than they normally would. [1]
    • If you're ready to have sex now, that's great! Just make sure you and your partner are on the same page. For example, if your partner is looking for a long-term relationship whereas you'd prefer to keep things casual, having sex may complicate things.
  2. Sex can make you really feel close to the other person, and this premature bonded feeling creates attachment. Once you get to know the person better, you might realize they aren’t a great partner for you after all—but breaking up may be harder if you're feeling attached or emotionally entangled. [2]
    • For example, a couple with premature emotional entanglement might adopt a pet together. Unfortunately, if the couple breaks up, dealing with their pet will be an additional complication.
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  3. It's normal to get swept up in the moment, but if you're about to have sex with a new partner, you'll need to address safe sex and birth control. If you don't see eye to eye on one or both topics, you may find yourself in an awkward situation in the moment. Make it a point to address the following before having sex:
    • Form(s) of birth control
    • Past partners and STI history
    • Using a condom (every time)
    • Past (or current) drug use [3]
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Section 2 of 5:

Long-term Relationships

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  1. Having sex with your partner can deepen intimacy and strengthen your relationship because it helps you feel emotionally connected and supported. You’re more likely to be vulnerable with each other after having sex, and it’s easier to express your thoughts and emotions. [4]
  2. Sex can keep the romantic spark alive . It’s normal for couples to have less sex as their relationship moves out of the exciting honeymoon phase. You may fall into comfortable routines or get busy with life’s many distractions, and sex gets put on the backburner. To keep the spark and passion alive in the long-term, make time for sex. [5] You can do things like:
    • Schedule a weekly date night.
    • Explore each other’s fantasies.
    • Wear something that makes you feel sexy.
  3. A good relationship is when both people feel happy, safe, and emotionally fulfilled. Well, sex can help with that! During physical intimacy, your brain releases dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin—neurotransmitters that boost feelings of happiness and relaxation. Your stress and anxiety levels will decrease, as well. [6]
    • Sex isn’t the only way to be physically intimate. Hugging, kissing, holding hands, and cuddling can trigger those warm and fuzzy neurotransmitters, too.
  4. Yes, sex boosts your emotional and mental health—and there are physical health benefits, too. Regular sex with an intimate partner burns calories, lowers your blood pressure, and may even stimulate your immune system. [7]
    • You can reap similar benefits in the short-term if you engage in casual sex, but the benefits probably won’t be as pronounced or long-lasting.
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Section 3 of 5:

Does sex change over time?

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  1. In a long-term relationship, things like having kids, busy schedules, and exhausting day jobs can take a toll on how exciting sex feels and how often if happens. This is very common and not anything to worry about. It’s also normal for a person’s libido to shift or dip over time, especially as they grow older. [8]
    • For example, for men, erections start becoming less firm and less frequent by the age of 50. [9] This is the result of normal aging.
    • Certain medications, like antidepressants, can decrease libido and delay orgasms. Same for physical issues like increased weight, diabetes, hypertension, and high cholesterol.
Section 4 of 5:

Is sex essential in a relationship?

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  1. Everyone has different needs when it comes to sex. Whether you find it “essential” or not depends on your view of sex and how important it is to you. That said, other types of intimacy, like affection, communication, and love, are definitely essential in a long-term relationship. [10]
    • Everyone is different when it comes to how often they want sex, and dealing with mismatched libidos is a common problem for couples. It's important that both partners communicate their sexual needs openly and honestly. Then, you can work together to find a balance that you're both happy with.
    • If you and your partner can’t have sex anymore because of health reasons, you can absolutely still have satisfying and close relationship. Focus on creating intimacy through affection and loving communication.
    • If you want to initiate sex or physical intimacy and your partner does not feel up to it, do not force them to do it.
    • There is a correlation between physical intimacy and emotional intimacy. So try to enhance emotional intimacy with your partner. [11]
    • For example, you should spend more time with your partner and get to know them. Stay tuned to your partner and engage them in emotional, thought-provoking discussions. [12]
    Emily Morse, Author & Sex Therapist

    Embrace intimacy as a conversation topic. "I encourage people to look at sex as something that you get to embrace. You get to decide what works for you, and do your own research with your body."

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Section 5 of 5:

Can lack of sex damage a relationship?

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  1. The most important thing is to have an honest, straightforward discussion about your sexual needs and wants. Ideally, both partners will work to meet each other's needs or come up with a compromise. If your physical or mental health is affecting your libido, be honest about that. Pursue treatment and focus on other types of intimacy (loving support, verbal affection, etc.) [13]
    • As far as frequency goes, there’s no “right amount” of sex that you should be having. It’s entirely dependent on you and your partner’s needs. If both partners are fulfilled, then you’re having enough sex. If one person is unhappy, work on finding a compromise that you can both be satisfied with.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 240 wikiHow readers how they like to discuss their needs with their partner, and 62% of them agreed that they prefer open and honest communication without judgment. [Take Poll] Don’t be afraid to tell your partner what you need in regards to intimacy. By discussing it frankly, you can come up with a solution that fits both of your needs.

How Long Is Too Long Without Sex In a Relationship?


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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/underneath-the-sheets/202403/relationship-lessons-from-a-sex-and-couples-therapist
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/relationships/maintaining-a-relationship
      3. ↑ https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/safer-sex-guidelines
      4. ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/relationships-creating-intimacy#intimacy-and-sex
      5. ↑ https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/keep-the-spark-alive-in-your-marriage
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/if-you-re-in-my-office-it-s-already-too-late/201804/the-key-great-sex-in-long-term
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/if-you-re-in-my-office-it-s-already-too-late/201804/the-key-great-sex-in-long-term
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/loving-bravely/202001/great-sex-begins-sexual-self-awareness
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/201711/the-9-keys-great-sex-in-relationship
      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/sex/sex-in-long-term-relationships
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/couples-thrive/202211/why-emotional-intimacy-and-sexual-intimacy-go-together
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-online/202102/why-partners-should-try-go-bed-the-same-time
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sex-sociability/201401/sexless-relationships

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