Best Insults for Your Bitter Ex After a Breakup

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What to say to get under your ex’s skin
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Your heart is broken, and there’s one person to blame—your ex. It’s totally normal to want to insult your ex after a breakup, especially if they hurt you a lot. If you really need to tell him off, we have some tips and tricks on how to do it, with expert advice from relationship psychologist, Sarah Schewitz, and therapist, Allison Broennimann, on setting boundaries, prioritizing yourself, and moving on.

What to Say to an Ex That Hurt You

If your ex-boyfriend hurt you, you can say something like, "I can't believe I stayed with you for as long as I did." If he insults you, you can say, "I've been called worse, like your girlfriend." However, getting revenge on your ex usually won't make you feel better. It might be best to just walk away and move on.

Section 1 of 4:

Insulting Him

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  1. At this point, you no longer care what he thinks. Everything he says now sounds like “blah, blah, blah.” Put the cherry on top of your insult by rolling your eyes and walking away.
    • To get the full effect, don’t respond to anything he says. You don’t care what he thinks, anyway. 
  2. It doesn’t matter if you’re secretly upset over the breakup. Being angry at your ex can actually be empowering after a breakup. You totally deserve better. [1]
    • You could also say, “I can’t believe I stayed with you for so long," “I wish we’d never met," or "My life is so much better without you."  
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  3. Chances are, he did things you didn’t like sometimes, and hopefully your next boyfriend will be better. Focusing on your ex’s bad qualities can actually help you move on faster. [2]
    • Keep your criticisms to yourself so that you can take the high road in the breakup. Let him wonder what he did wrong. 
  4. It might hurt to see your ex flirting with other people, and he may even be trying to rub it in your face. But seriously, you can do way better than a jerk like him.
    • Spend more time with your friends right now so they can remind you how awesome you are. 
  5. It’s not okay for your ex to say mean things about you, and it’s understandable that you want to retaliate with insults of your own. Sometimes, the best retort is the simplest one. The cleverest way to insult him is to say that whatever he called you isn’t nearly as bad as you being called his girlfriend.
    • This is your mic drop moment, so strut away with confidence after you drop this truth bomb.
    • You could also say, “You don't like me because you have bad taste.”
  6. He probably isn’t over you if he’s still rehashing your breakup, talking badly about you, or trying to slide back into your DMs. That’s because constantly thinking about you can prevent him from moving on. [3] So, call him out.
    • Hopefully, this will make him back off so you can finally forget him. 
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Section 2 of 4:

Dealing with the Urge to Insult Your Ex

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  1. Fantasizing about revenge may help you feel loads better. Picture yourself telling off your ex and consider how empowered you might feel in the moment. Then, think about the fallout, such as mutual friends taking sides. [4]
    • If you actually insult him, you might get in trouble at school. Additionally, your friends could unfortunately feel sorry for him and take his side. 
    • In most cases, you’ll feel much better if you just imagine yourself getting back at your ex.
  2. Your emotions are probably really intense right now, which is totally normal. Try relieving stress to help you feel a bit better. Here are some ways you can relax:
    • Listen to soothing music, take a warm bath, or practice taking slow, deep breaths. [5]
    • Do yoga, meditate, or color in a coloring book. [6]
  3. You might be tempted to check your ex’s social media profiles to see what he’s up to right now. However, this is a recipe for disaster. Chances are, seeing his photos will just make you feel bad. Unfollow him so you won’t see his posts. [7]
  4. After a breakup, letting yourself feel your emotions will help you move on faster. Try talking to a trusted friend about how you feel. If you don’t want to talk, writing about your feelings is a great way to get them out. You might journal about how you feel.
    • It might take a while for your feelings to fade, but you will feel better. Try to remember that pain and anger from a breakup are both normal and temporary. 
    • Schewitz shares that breakups can feel like a death, so mourning is an appropriate response. She says, “There is a true grieving process that happens in a breakup just like if you lost somebody to death.”
      • She recommends navigating the five stages of grief: “Don’t try to cover up your grief with drugs or alcohol, or overeating or avoiding, or just getting into another relationship,” she advises. “You really need to process it and heal.”
    EXPERT TIP

    Sarah Schewitz, PsyD

    Licensed Psychologist
    Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships.
    Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
    Licensed Psychologist

    There's a period of personal growth that can happen after a breakup. So, ask yourself, what did you learn? And how does it fit into your journey of evolution as a human being? When you're able to answer those two questions after you've gone through the grieving process, you'll usually get some closure.

  5. When dealing with the grief of a painful breakup, investing in yourself is an important step toward moving on. Broennimann, suggests befriending yourself during this time of transition. She says, “Figure out the things that bring you joy, and imagine you’ve been given an unlimited personal retreat! Befriending yourself during this time will only increase your potential for love.” 
    • Additionally, Broennimann encourages that you feel all your feelings instead of trying to avoid them. 
      • “Don’t be afraid of the deep longing and desire for a relationship if that is what you really want. In fact, sink into it, feel the pain of not having it. This is the transformative fire that prepares us for a healthier love,” she recommends.
    • Schewitz suggests reflecting on the relationship in order to give yourself closure. She says, “One thing that really helps is understanding how you may have contributed to the breakup— not to place blame—but just to make yourself understand.”
      • She explains that it’s easy to slip into victim mode when we're going through a breakup, but really, it can really be such a great time for personal growth and development.
  6. In some cases, confronting your ex can help you get closure. Invite him to talk one-on-one or give him a call if you need to get things off your chest. Use “I” statements to express your feelings so your ex doesn’t feel like you’re attacking him. He'll be a lot more receptive to what you have to say. [8]
    • Say something like, “I feel like you betrayed my trust, and I’m really hurt,” or “My heart is broken, and I feel like you didn’t really care about me.” 
    • If you don’t want to talk to him, you could try texting or messaging him.
    • As another option, write a letter to your ex but destroy it instead of sending it.
    • Broennimann reminds us that breakups mark an end to your social contract. She says, “Remember that once harassment, or any types of intimidation, cruelty, or abuse show up in your relationship— you no longer owe that person any social etiquette!”
      • She recommends that you block their telephone number and social media.
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Section 3 of 4:

Showing Him You’re Over Him

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  1. When you talk about your ex, it keeps your breakup on your mind. Plus, it might make him think you’re still hung up on him. Try not to talk about your ex at school. Additionally, don’t say anything about him to mutual friends, if possible. [9]
    • You want him to think you’ve completely moved on and aren’t even thinking about him anymore.
    • It’s okay to vent to a close friend or family member if you need to talk about what happened. 
    • On the topic of talking to friends about your ex, Broennimann offers, “Ask for support from friends or family, and surround yourself with things that help you remember how much you are loved. If you don’t have that, focus on loving yourself.”
  2. Show your ex what he’s missing by putting together your best looks. Wear your favorite outfits and style your hair so you look fantastic. If you wear makeup, watch a few tutorials and try out some new looks. You’ll be able to confidently stroll down the hallways at school knowing you look amazing. [10]
    • You might even treat yourself to a post-break up hair makeover or a new outfit. 
  3. Spending time with friends after a breakup will help you feel better. Plus, it shows your ex that you aren’t sitting at home pining over him. Fill up your planner with exciting activities to keep you occupied. [11] You might try:
    • Hosting a game night, a movie night, or a spa night. 
    • Playing mini golf, going bowling,  or going shopping.
    • Doing a scavenger hunt, going to the beach or a park, or starting a book club.
  4. Your ex might still be checking your social media. Make sure he finds a slew of fun pics that make it clear you’ve moved on. Take photos to show you’re busy enjoying your life to show you’re totally over him. [12] You might post photos like these:
    • Cookies you’ve baked, you playing with your pet, or you hanging with your friends.
    • A painting or craft you did, a hot bath with a bath bomb or bath salts, or a mug of cocoa and a book you’re reading.
  5. After a breakup, new experiences can help you feel better. Make a list of things you’d like to try. Then, start with something easy. You might even invite your friends along on activities you don’t want to do solo. [13] You could try:
    • Going to new restaurant, taking a pottery or craft class, or playing a new game on your phone or gaming system.
    • Learning a language, visiting a local museum, or hosting a themed party with your friends.
  6. Seeing you with someone else will show your ex that you aren’t interested in him anymore. Start by making eye contact and smiling. If the guy smiles back, give him a compliment or start a conversation about a common interest. You might even touch his arm if he seems comfortable with you. [14]
    • It’s best to only flirt with people you like. You don’t want to accidentally hurt someone’s feelings by making them think you’re interested in them if you’re not.
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Section 4 of 4:

Final Thoughts

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  1. It’s perfectly natural to want to hurt someone who hurt you, but this will likely only result in a fleeting sense of satisfaction, followed by lingering pain or shame. Calling or texting your ex-boyfriend one final time to have the last word is fine, but don’t overdo it, as this can lead to more hurt feelings for the both of you. [15]
    • Additionally, going out of your way to insult your ex could prolong an already painful situation.
    • Acting out of spite rarely yields positive results, so you may be better off reflecting on the relationship on your own and ultimately moving on with your life.

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      References

      1. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/coping-with-the-end-of-a-relationship
      2. ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/marriage-preparation/reasons-its-okay-to-hate-your-ex/
      3. ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/relations/how-to-get-over-an-ex-boyfriend-the-easy-way/
      4. ↑ https://theconversation.com/revenge-the-neuroscience-of-why-it-feels-good-in-the-moment-but-may-be-a-bad-idea-in-the-long-run-175747
      5. ↑ https://www.uofmhealth.org/health-library/uz2209
      6. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/3-reasons-adult-coloring-can-actually-relax-brain/
      7. ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-get-over-a-crush
      8. ↑ https://dralexandrasolomon.com/how-to-get-closure-after-a-breakup/
      9. ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-get-over-a-crush
      1. ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/a2921/revenge-ideas-ex-boyfriend-1108/
      2. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
      3. ↑ https://www.vice.com/en/article/the-vice-guide-to-social-media-use-after-a-break-up/
      4. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
      5. ↑ https://www.thecut.com/article/learn-how-to-flirt.html
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/201906/spite-what-we-do-the-sweet-sake-revenge

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