How to Keep Yourself Calm During Tough Times

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Going through tough times is a part of life. Life can feel like a challenging maze sometimes where you are left with difficult options, which might make you feel unfocused, overwhelmed, and helpless. Start dealing with this stress by finding immediate relief from emotional distress. Learn to deal with your emotions to ease some of your inner conflict and distress. Accept that tough times happen to all of us. These strategies will help you feel stronger, more empowered, and ready to deal with future challenges.

Part 1
Part 1 of 4:

Staying Calm in the Moment

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  1. The first step in staying calm during tough times is relaxing your mind and body so you can think clearly, remain rational, and do your best to navigate through the challenges you are being faced with. [1] Breathing is your best friend, always. Allowing your body to oxygenate not only helps your muscles relax but also gets oxygen to your brain. By focusing on your breath, you are giving your mind and emotions a much needed break.
    • Taking deep breaths can be done anywhere: at work, at home, in your car, doing dishes, in the shower, or whenever you feel like your nerves are creeping up on you.
    • If you can, try to focus on breathing all the way down in to your belly, and exhaling back from your belly.
  2. Hot water helps ease the tension that builds up in your muscles during times of stress. It can be very helpful to make sure you are taking care of your body and keeping your limbs, muscles, and bones as stress-free as possible.
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  3. Release the tension in your body by moving around. Shake your limbs and engage in light stretching. Don’t ever overdo it, and make sure you aren’t forcing yourself to do anything that hurts or uncomfortable. The goal is to stay calm in body and mind, not create more stress.
  4. Tapping, or Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), is a technique in which the individual taps on acupressure points to relieve stress and overwhelming emotions., [2]
    • Identify the most immediate issue that is bothering you.
    • Locate points on your body to tap. Some of these include: [3]
      • The outside of your hand on the fleshy part.
      • On the top center of your head.
      • The point where your eyebrow begins.
      • On the bone outside the corner of your eye.
      • Under your nose at the top of your upper lip.
    • Use two fingers to tap on one of the points. Tap about five times on the point. Move on to the next point.
    • Repeat acceptance to yourself. For example, as you tap, say to yourself, “Even though I feel like I’m going to cry every minute, I deeply and completely accept myself.”
  5. One of the easiest ways to calm your mind is to use a very simple visualization process where you count backwards from 10 to 1. Similar to breathing exercises, this can be done anywhere, and you are simply adding a mental picture of numbers. Start at the number 10 as you inhale fully into your belly. Exhale on the number 9. As you visualize the numbers getting smaller, also visualize that they are moving downward through your body.
    • Notice any tension you might be holding in your muscles and let your breath and focus on the numbers ease the tension away.
  6. Connect with symbols or visual reminders of things that make you feel relief or safe. Make a keepsake box of things that remind you to be strong. You could put anything in the box that will inspire you to keep going, remain calm. Feeling strong, capable and empowered can go a long way in helping you stay calm in the face of tough times. [4]
    • For example, teddy bears may hold a nostalgic meaning of safety and comfort, or there may be certain movies that make you feel inspired. Perhaps a certain famous person reminds you to be strong in the face of adversity. Looking at pictures of your children or loved ones may bring you feelings of empowerment.
  7. Give yourself the credit you deserve for going through hard times. Moderation is key, but you can reward yourself for keeping calm. Take yourself out to a movie, or take a walk in a park. Rewarding yourself for the challenges you are dealing with will help you regulate your emotions and stay calm. [5]
    • Studies suggest that developing flexibility so that you are able to shift your attention between something difficult and something you enjoy is key to managing negative emotions. [6]
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Part 2
Part 2 of 4:

Releasing Emotions Safely

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  1. Releasing emotions is a great way to help yourself feel calm during tough times. Many times you can feel angry, helpless, afraid, sad, grief, or ashamed when life has thrown you an overwhelming challenge. When emotions are bottled up, they add to feelings of panic and feeling out of control. Learning to honor your emotions will also help prepare you for understanding more coping strategies. [7]
    • Use a journal to write down things that help you release emotions and always remember, as painful as an emotion may seem, it is just an emotion and it will pass. You are an individual and the best way for you to release your emotions is to find and write in your journal what works best for you.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 375 wikiHow readers who journal what practice helps them get the most out of tracking their thoughts and feelings, and only 10% of them agreed that the best way is to record evidence for or against their beliefs about themselves. [Take Poll] Instead, focus on exploring and understanding your emotions rather than passing judgment on yourself.
  2. Using your emotions journal, make a list of all the people, things, circumstances, societal pressures, financial problems, loss, et cetera, of all the things you are angry at. Write them down on slips of paper, and then tear those slips up. Try to stay focused on your anger, notice where you feel it in your body, and notice if other things you are angry about come up. Consciously imagine yourself releasing the anger as you tear up the paper. [8]
    • Experts actually don't recommend that you express your anger by smashing or hitting things, or doing anything violent to release your anger. These actions may actually increase your feelings of anger, not lessen them. [9]
    • On the other hand, getting some exercise can be a great way to release pent-up anger. Several studies suggest that taking a good run or getting other forms of aerobic exercise help you feel calmer after an upsetting experience. [10] This is because exercise releases endorphins, which are natural mood-elevating chemicals. [11]
    • See the wikiHow article Release Anger for more ways to safely express your anger in healthy ways.
  3. Using your emotions journal, write about what is making you sad in your current situation. Are you hurt by someone’s actions or something that has transpired? Are you sad about a missed opportunity? Are you sad because the tough times you are going through are simply sad? Try to write as much of an extensive list as you can, remembering that all emotions are valid, no matter how large or small.
  4. With sadness, the best way to release this emotion is to cry. If you feel more comfortable in private, find a private space, like your room, or take a drive or take a bath. Try to feel where the sadness is in your body and honor that feeling as long as possible. Sometimes watching a sad movie, or listening to a song that helps invoke sadness will help.
    • In your emotions journal, write down how it felt to be sad, how it felt in your body, what were things that helped you get in touch with your sadness. There is always sadness in tough times, allow yourself the courage to feel your sadness and release. [12]
  5. Fear may be the biggest emotion that gets in the way of feeling calm during tough times. Fear is just an emotion, like all the other emotions. By accepting fear for what it is, an emotional response that can be dealt with like all other emotions, you can take steps toward facing fears. Fear often shows up in your mind with statements like, “I could never do that” or “I’m afraid of change” or “I’m afraid of what might happen.” The truth about fear is that it is always concerned with the future.
    • In your emotions journal, write down everything you are afraid of concerning the challenging time you are going through. Then begin writing down all of the possible outcomes that you can think of, whether they are positive or negative. Also write down changes you might make to your life situation that you would be scared of. Write down the reasons why you are afraid of making these changes.
    • Keep journaling until you find yourself at the root of your fear. Releasing your emotions to the point where you can start being proactive and at least aware of your options can help you stay calm. You can’t make all the difficult life events go away, but you can understand your fear, and that in itself will help ease your fear. [13]
  6. After you have explored what you're afraid of in your journal, you can start to take steps to address those fears. The first step is to acknowledge that fear is a natural human response; all humans experience fear at some point. [14] As with anxiety, the only way to overcome your fear is to acknowledge it and work through it. [15] Then, use your journal to start exploring ways in which you could approach your fears to overcome them.
    • For example, imagine that you're frustrated at work because your work never gets credit. However, you're afraid of saying anything. Just the thought of talking to your boss fills you with terror.
    • Explore why you're afraid. Is it because your boss has a history of being unreceptive to others' ideas, and so you're worried that he won't listen to you? Is it because you don't feel confident talking to people in a position of authority? Are you worried that bringing up the idea of getting credit for your work will sound needy or demanding, and you might lose your job? Figuring out why you're afraid will help you take the next step.
    • Once you have some idea of why you're afraid, consider ways you could approach the situation that would help you deal with that fear. For example, if you don't feel confident talking to authority figures, you could ask a friend to practice with you. Script a conversation with your boss the way you hope it would go, and the way you're afraid it will go. Then, practice with your friend. This will give you a safe way to trouble-shoot and may help build your confidence.
    • Be patient with yourself. Dealing with fears can be a lifelong learning process, and it may take some time for you to overcome the ones you're currently dealing with.
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Part 3
Part 3 of 4:

Recognizing Your Inner Strength

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  1. Meditate . Meditation encourages you to embrace being in the present moment, accepting it without judgment. It can help you realize how strong you really are. [16] Many research studies have shown that practicing meditation has a variety of physical and mental health benefits, from lowering your heart rate and boosting your immune system to promoting feelings of calm and well-being. Meditation can even help rewire how your brain responds to stress. [17] Many types of meditation exist, although one that has received a lot of scientific study is "mindfulness" meditation . [18]
    • If you can't find a meditation class near you, you can find many online. The UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center has several downloadable MP3 meditation guides. [19]
    • There are also several mobile apps that offer guided meditations and mini-meditations.
    • And of course, wikiHow has many articles to help you learn to meditate .
  2. Mindfulness has significant scientific support. Studies have shown that using mindfulness techniques can help you feel calmer and more relaxed, improve your relationships, increase your empathy, and even lower your blood pressure. [20]
    • The University of California, Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center has a website with many mindfulness techniques that you can try in your everyday life.
    • Many mindfulness exercises can be done in just a few minutes a day. For example, the next time you have a snack, slow it way down. Try to focus on all aspects of the experience, using all of your senses. What do you smell, see, hear, taste, and touch? What does it feel like to eat this food? Can you sense the food going down your throat into your stomach? Paying attention to the little things will help you practice mindfulness in your daily life. [21]
  3. In your life, you have come up against many challenges, big and small. In your emotions journal, write down your emotions – sad, angry, scared, ashamed – and how you dealt with those emotions. Write down how you responded, what you did, how you handled that situation.
    • Write down your accomplishments that you’re proud of. Write down the last time you made someone smile. Make a list of things that you like about your character, things that make you brave, times you have had to persevere. Add to the list every day.
  4. Become comfortable with the idea of knowing your strength and having confidence that no matter the outcome, you will make it through this part of your life, even if it takes time. Make a small poster that says, “I am stronger than I think I am” or something similar. Hang it up beside your bed or next to your bathroom mirror. [22]
  5. It can be easy to fall into self-pity and think things like “I deserve this” or “This is because I am a bad person.” Stay calm during tough times by realizing your self-worth. Nurturing a healthy sense of self-worth can really help you stay resilient when life gets tough.
    • Make a list of all the negative thoughts you have about yourself related to your situation, and then reframe them into positive, realistic statements. Black and white statements like “Everything always goes wrong in my life” can gnaw away at your feelings of self-worth. Try to reframe statements like this with thoughts like “Life is really challenging. Everyone goes through tough times. There have been times in my life that haven’t gone wrong too.” Then you can make a list of things that haven’t gone wrong, just for a reminder! [23]
  6. Living life with a healthy, well rounded, grounded perspective of what is really important in your life can help you stay calm in times of upheaval. Knowing yourself and your place in the world is a solid way to feel calm during tough times. [24]
    • In your emotions journal, start a gratitude list. Write down things you are grateful for every day, no matter how large or small. Maybe you saw a blade of grass that was exceptionally green. Write it down in your gratitude journal. Maybe you didn’t give up today and decided to face your challenges as best as you can. Sometimes, not giving up is the best we can do. Write “I didn’t give up today” in big bold letters and be proud of yourself.
    • If it’s helpful, look at pictures of outer space to give you the perspective of the strange world of nature, the mystery of life, and the beauty that is all around us. Gain strength in knowing that humans are capable of surviving all sorts of tough times, and you are one of them.
  7. One powerful coping strategy for getting through tough times is finding meaning in yourself, your struggle, and adversity. Using your journal, write down things you are learning about the current struggle you are going through. Write down the opportunities you have to be brave, what you can learn, and how you can decide to grow from this experience. Write down things that keep you going. Write down why you have chosen to deal with this life struggle.
    • Why did you decide to seek out ways to stay calm so that you can handle it? Is it for your children? Yourself? Your loved ones? Your pets? Because you want your life? Internalizing your own meaning will help you stay focused and calm as you wrestle with your life struggles. [25]
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Part 4
Part 4 of 4:

Taking Care of Yourself

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  1. It is extremely important that you are taking care of yourself during difficult times so that you can stay rejuvenated and healthy. Even if sleeping seems difficult try to make sure you are taking time to at least lie down with your eyes closed and resting. Honor that your body and mind are working overtime to get you through a stressful situation and that you need time to rest and heal.
  2. Some people respond to stress by undereating or overeating. Your journal can come in handy to keep track of what you are eating. There are also apps you can use on your computer or mobile device to make sure you are getting enough calories and also not over-indulging because of stress.
    • Eat healthy foods that are good for your body and brain such as fruits, vegetables, protein, and healthy grains.
  3. Getting some level of movement will help clear your head and reduce your stress. Even a 10 minute walk can help relieve tension and stress. Dancing can also help physically and emotionally. [26]
    • Walk up and down steps for 10 minutes. Take a small run. Do something active to get your blood pumping and to relieve your stress.
  4. If you have friends or loved ones that you can trust, lean on them to help you through your situation. Let them know you need help and need to vent. [27]
  5. Keeping calm during tough times can be overwhelming. You may feel as though you can’t handle your emotions, or as though you are exploding at other people. You may be having significant trouble sleeping. If you don’t feel in control, it may be time to seek the help of a therapist. If you have persistent feelings of depression, sadness, or hopelessness interfering with your ability to perform your daily functions, talk with a therapist. This person can help guide you, helping you find the calmness you need.
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      References

      1. ↑ http://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/stress-management/basics/definition/prc-20021046
      2. ↑ https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/types/emotional-freedom-technique
      3. ↑ https://www.therecoveryvillage.com/mental-health/anxiety/eft-tapping/
      4. ↑ Laughlin, Charles D.; Tiberia, Vincenza A. Archetypes: Toward a Jungian Anthropology of Consciousness. Anthropology of Consciousness. Fall2012, Vol. 23 Issue 2, p127-157.
      5. ↑ http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3624966/
      6. ↑ Derryberry & Rothbart, 1997; Lonigan & Phillips, 2001; White, Helfinstein, Reeb-Sutherland, Degnan, & Fox, 2009
      7. ↑ Rietti, Sophie. Emotion-Work and the Philosophy of Emotion. Journal of Social Philosophy. Spring2009, Vol. 40 Issue 1, p55-74.
      8. ↑ Mikolajczak, Moïra; Nelis, Delphine; Hansenne, Michel; Quoidbach, Jordi. If you can regulate sadness, you can probably regulate shame: Associations between trait emotional intelligence, emotion regulation and coping efficiency across discrete emotions. Personality & Individual Differences. Apr2008, Vol. 44 Issue 6, p1356-1368.
      9. ↑ http://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control.aspx
      1. ↑ http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20479481
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hidden-motives/201008/anger-and-exercise
      3. ↑ Mikolajczak, et al.
      4. ↑ Mikolajczak, et al.
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-career-within-you/201209/how-feel-less-frightened
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-therapy/201009/overcoming-fear-the-only-way-out-is-through
      7. ↑ http://selfdeterminationtheory.org/SDT/documents/2003_BrownRyan.pdf
      8. ↑ http://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2012/11/meditations-positive-residual-effects/
      9. ↑ http://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/meditation/in-depth/meditation/art-20045858
      10. ↑ http://marc.ucla.edu/body.cfm?id=22
      11. ↑ http://marc.ucla.edu/workfiles/pdfs/MARC-mindfulness-research-summary.pdf
      12. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-practice/201302/6-mindfulness-exercises-each-take-less-1-minute
      13. ↑ McCarley, Patricia. Patient Empowerment and Motivational Interviewing: Engaging Patients To Self-Manage Their Own Care. Nephrology Nursing Journal. Jul/Aug2009, Vol. 36 Issue 4, p409-413.
      14. ↑ Davey, Maureen; Eaker, Dawn Goettler; Walters, Lynda Henley. Resilience Processes in Adolescents: Personality Profiles, Self-Worth, and Coping. By: Journal of Adolescent Research, v18 n4 p347-62 Jul 2003.
      15. ↑ Taormina, Robert J. Adult Personal Resilience: A New Theory, New Measure, and Practical Implications. Psychological Thought. 2015, Vol. 8 Issue 1, p35-46. 12p. DOI: 10.5964/psyct.v8i1.126.
      16. ↑ Das, Ajit K. Frankl and the realm of meaning. By: Journal of Humanistic Education & Development. Jun98, Vol. 36 Issue 4, p199.
      17. ↑ http://www.apa.org/research/action/fit.aspx
      18. ↑ Strine, Tara W.; Chapman, Daniel P.; Balluz, Lina; Mokdad, Ali H. Health-related quality of life and health behaviors by social and emotional support. Social Psychiatry & Psychiatric Epidemiology. Feb2008, Vol. 43 Issue 2, pp. 151-159.

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      When you find yourself in tough times, being able to stay calm and think clearly will help you get through it. If you find yourself getting overwhelmed, try taking some deep breaths to help calm you down. Don’t be afraid to talk to a close friend or family member about what you’re dealing with, since sharing your feelings can often help you to process them. If you don’t have anyone to talk to, consider writing your feelings in a journal or talking to a therapist instead. You can also exercise, which will help distract you and release endorphins to make you feel better. Meditation is another great way to help you relax and process your emotions when life gets tough. For more tips from our co-author, including how to reframe negative thoughts as positive ones, read on!

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      • Parsa Kalantari

        May 4, 2016

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