How to Find Out If You’re Adopted

PDF download Download Article
7 signs you might be adopted, plus tips for talking to your family and finding proof
PDF download Download Article

If you suspect you’re adopted and want to know for sure, begin by looking for common signs, such as not resembling your biological parents, or having no pictures of yourself as a newborn in family photo albums. If you spot these signs, consider asking your parents directly if you're adopted. If you prefer not to do so or they won’t answer directly, search public records for your original birth certificate, try DNA testing, or join an online adoption registry to locate your biological family. This article explains all of these options in detail. Keep reading to learn how to prove whether or not you’re adopted, once and for all.

Things You Should Know

  • Signs you may be adopted include not looking like your biological parents and not having photos of you as a newborn, or of your mother when she was pregnant with you.
  • Ask your parents if you were adopted if you’re comfortable doing so. Give them time to admit the truth, and encourage them to be honest with you.
  • Search public records for your original birth certificate, or join an adoption registry to find your birth parents. Use DNA testing to learn about your background and find relatives.
Section 1 of 5:

Signs You May Be Adopted

PDF download Download Article
  1. If your family doesn't have any photos of your mother while she was pregnant, photos or mementos from your birth, or pictures of you with your parents as a newborn, it may be because you were adopted.
    • Check family photo albums from the year were born. Your biological mom should appear visibly pregnant in any photos taken 3-4 months before she gave birth.
    • Look for hospital bracelets, paperwork, cards, or other items from the hospital where you were delivered.
    • You might also find cards, decorations, or other items from the baby shower, if she had one.
  2. Family resemblance is normal among biological relatives, though height, hair color, eye color, complexion, and other traits may vary within a family. If you don't look like anyone in your family, it may make you feel like you could have been adopted. [1]
    • Children often appear to be of a similar ethnic or racial ancestry as their biological parents. However, these physical distinctions aren’t always cut and dry, especially for children born to multi-racial or multi-ethnic families.
    • You may also have different preferences, characteristics, or tendencies than the rest of the people in your family. [2]
  3. Maybe they’re extra kind to you, or go out of the way for you more than their other children. [3] On the other hand, they might be more distant and less affectionate. Maybe your siblings notice it too. Whatever the case, you can’t escape the feeling that your parents feel differently about you, and you suspect it could be because you’re not their biological child.
    • Your other relatives—aunts, uncles, grandparents—might also treat you differently.
  4. If you've always felt like you didn't belong in your own family, it may point to an adoption. [4] You may feel emotionally disconnected from them, or that you have very different interests or personality traits. Feeling “different” can be lonely and isolating, and can leave you questioning your place in the family.
    • You might even worry about being abandoned by your family, even if they’ve never given you a reason to believe they’d do so.
  5. You might notice odd family dynamics, such as your parents changing the subject whenever someone talks about your childhood. They may avoid answering questions about where you were born, where they lived when you were a baby, or why you’re the only person in your family with a certain hair color.
    • Other relatives may also be keeping a secret. For instance, your grandparents may give conflicting answers when you ask them about their earliest memories of you.
  6. A friend of the family or even one of your family members might make a comment that makes you suspicious about your parentage. [5] For instance, they might reference family traits that you don't have, or even make a more direct reference to not being biologically related.
  7. Paperwork that points to your parents not being biologically related to you could be a sign that you were adopted. [6] Your birth certificate may have been amended to provide you with a new name and new parents. Your family may also have court papers authorizing the adoption. You could even find personal letters, notes, cards, medical records, or other documents that mention your adoption, your parent’s desire to adopt children, or their inability to conceive biological children.
    • Your birth certificate may have an unusual location, such as a city or hospital far away from where your family was living at the time.
    8. Advertisement
Section 2 of 5:

Asking Your Family If You’re Adopted

PDF download Download Article
  1. Do this if you believe your parents will be upfront with you. Approach them privately, in person, and away from your siblings and other relatives. This gives them an opportunity to respond without being watched or judged by others. [7] If you’re not sure how to approach the topic, try one of the following:
    • “I love you both, and I have an important question to ask you. Was I adopted?” Assure them that you care about them, but you simply want to know the truth.
    • “You probably know what I’m doing to ask, but I really need to know. Am I adopted?” Opt for this approach if you suspect they’re anticipating the question.
    • “I think I know the answer, but it would mean so much to hear it from you. Was I adopted?” Use this if you’re certain that you’re adopted and want them to confirm it.
    • Don’t fret if your parents don’t answer you right away, or if they deny it at first. Give them a day or two to reflect on your question, then ask them again.
  2. Choose this approach if you’re not comfortable asking your family about adoption, directly. Ask questions about when you were born, when your family brought you home, and how happy they were to have another child. Ask one or two questions at a time to get a conversation started. [8] Use one or more of the following if you’re not sure where to start:
    • “What was it like the day I was born?” Add “I don’t think we’ve talked about it before” or “I'd love to hear about it” to emphasize your curiosity.
    • “Was it exciting to bring me home from the hospital?” Follow up with questions like “How long did the doctors keep you?” or “How long did mom have to stay in the hospital before I came home?”
    • Encourage them to be more detailed if they give vague answers, but avoid expressing suspicion. Instead, express your sincere interest by saying “I just want to know where I come from. It would mean a lot to me.”
  3. Parents of adopted children may worry that their children feel ashamed or unloved. Assure them that this isn’t the case. Explain that you know they love you too, and make it clear that knowing the truth would help feel even closer to them. [9] You can say:
    • “I love you both, no matter what. And I know you love me just as much.”
    • “I know you and being adopted wouldn’t change that. But knowing the truth would mean so much.”
    • “You’re my parents. Nothing will ever change that.”
  4. Admitting a secret isn’t easy, even when it’s necessary. Explain to your parents that you want them to be honest . Tell them that they don’t need to keep the truth from you and that you won’t hold their answer against them. [10] Persuade them with some of these statements:
    • “Please don’t worry. You can be honest.”
    • “I know this must be hard, but your honesty is important to me.”
    • “You can tell the truth. I promise I won’t judge you or be angry.”
  5. Your family may not acknowledge that you were adopted in the first conversation—or even after several conversations. Give them a chance to confront their own feelings and worries. Keep the conversation ongoing by raising the subject periodically, if you’re comfortable doing so. [11]
    • Talk to other relatives in the meantime if you’re able to do so. Reach out to aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, or even your siblings, if you have any. Ask them the same questions.
    • If your family continues to insist that you’re not adopted, consider whether they might be telling the truth. If you’re convinced that they’re being dishonest, try some of the options in the following steps, such as searching public records or obtaining a DNA test.
    6. Advertisement
Section 3 of 5:

Searching Public Records for Evidence that You’re Adopted

PDF download Download Article
  1. Your original birth certificate displays your original name and the names of your biological parents. To obtain your original birth certificate , contact the county clerk in the county or parish in the state where you were born. They’ll explain the procedures, including paperwork and fees. You must be at least 18 or 21 to do this, depending on the state. Each state has additional laws regarding who can access an original birth certificate: [12]
    • States with open adoption records allow all adult adoptees to obtain their original birth certificates. These include: Alabama, Alaska, Arkansas, Colorado, Hawaii, Indiana, Kansas, Maine, Missouri, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, and South Carolina.
    • States with restricted/partial access may redact identifying information, such as the names of your biological parents, but this can still confirm that you’re adopted. These states include: Connecticut, Delaware, Illinois, Massachusetts, Montana, Ohio, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Vermont, and Washington.
    • States with sealed adoption records require adoptees to petition a court for permission to view their original birth certificate. These states include: Arizona, California, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Iowa, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maryland, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Nebraska, Nevada, New Mexico, North Carolina, North Dakota, South Dakota, Texas, Utah, Virginia, West Virginia, Wisconsin, and Wyoming.
    • To petition to have your original birth certificate unsealed, contact the county clerk’s office and request to submit a petition. You will meet with a judge on an appointed court date. Explain why you wish to obtain your birth certificate—in most cases, you’ll need a special reason, such as wanting medical information for hereditary illnesses. The judge will grant or deny the request.
    • If you’re denied, ask to have a confidential intermediary provide you with the information on the birth certificate, or have them contact your biological parents to obtain authorization to unseal the document. If your biological parents are deceased, the birth certificate may be released to you automatically.
  2. for biological parents searching for their children. Adoption registries allow adult adoptees and biological parents to find each other. Both parties must submit their information to the registry, including names, the adoptee's date and city of birth, and other identifying details. If there’s a match, both parties can provide the other with their contact information and reconnect. [13]
    • Many states, such as New York and New Jersey , have official adoption registries online. Check the website for the state you were born in to confirm whether there is an official state-run adoption registry.
    • Create an account on Registry.Adoption.com , a large, privately-run adoption registry.
    • Visit ChildWelfare.Gov for a list of nonprofit organizations that work to reunite adopted children with their birth families.
    3. Advertisement
Section 4 of 5:

Using DNA Tests to Prove Adoption and Find Biological Relatives

PDF download Download Article
  1. This will prove beyond any doubt whether you’re related or adopted. [14] If your parents won’t agree to it, or you’re afraid to ask, consider asking a sibling who you trust. Use an at-home DNA paternity test for parents, or a DNA sibling test for siblings—or ask your doctor for bloodwork to compare your DNA. [15]
    • If you use an at-home DNA test, be sure to use the correct type of test for the person you’re comparing DNA with.
  2. Submit a DNA sample to 23andMe or Ancestry.com to have your genes sequenced. The results will detail your ethnic and racial heritage, including regions of the world where your ancestors came from. If this information doesn’t match your family’s history, it may indicate that you’re adopted. [16]
    • For example, if your family is of mostly Irish ancestry, but your results say you have 0% Irish ancestry, you may not be biologically related to them.
    • Remember that many people have ancestors from all over the world. For instance, you may discover that you’re of 5% Chinese ancestry, despite appearing Caucasian and not having any known ancestors from China. This would not necessarily prove that you’re adopted.
  3. Services like 23andMe or Ancestry.com allow users to locate living relatives with similar DNA profiles. These relatives may be distant cousins, long-lost siblings, or even birth parents. While it’s not guaranteed that you’ll find biological relatives this way, it could help you build a clearer picture of your roots.
    4. Advertisement
Section 5 of 5:

Personal Adoption Stories

PDF download Download Article
  1. Learning that you were adopted can be a difficult and emotional experience, but you're not alone. Read through these personal narratives to hear other adoptees' experiences and perspectives, how they navigated their own challenges, and even found their birth families.

Community Q&A

Search
Add New Question
  • Question
    My parents say "it will hurt you to see these documents" when I ask to see my birth records. I have never felt like part of the family, and I don't look, act or take after any of them. What do I do?
    Community Answer
    Do what you want to do. If you really want to know the truth, insist on seeing the documents. Say that it won't hurt you, you just want to know the truth.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 13 Helpful 97
  • Question
    I think I'm adopted. My parents always insist that I look like my dad but seem desperate when they do so. And there are no pictures of me until my first birthday. Should I be concerned?
    Community Answer
    Don't be concerned. Be open with your parents about your suspicions, and give them the chance to prove you incorrect. Chances are you are not adopted, but if you are, you can tackle that hurdle when you get to it.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 16 Helpful 58
  • Question
    My whole family is Asian, but I am pale with light blonde hair and blue eyes. There are no pictures of me before I was two and a half. No one will show me my birth certificate. Is it possible that I was adopted?
    Community Answer
    Yes, it's possible. It is best to speak with your parents about this, but it is not impossible to look nothing like your mom and dad.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 14 Helpful 63
See more answers
Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
      Advertisement

      Tips

      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Name
      Please provide your name and last initial
      Submit
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!

      You Might Also Like

      How to
      Adopt Your Stepchild
      How to
      Sign Up for Adopt a Family for Christmas
      How to
      Put a Child up for Adoption
      How to
      Have a Baby Without a Man
      How to
      Adopt a Child As a Single Man
      How to
      Drop Off an Unwanted Baby
      Advertisement

      References

      1. ↑ https://adoption.org/can-find-im-adopted
      2. ↑ https://www.choosingtherapy.com/adopted-child-syndrome/
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-human-beast/200906/do-parents-favor-natural-children-over-adopted-ones
      4. ↑ https://adoption.org/can-find-im-adopted
      5. ↑ https://adoption.org/can-find-im-adopted
      6. ↑ https://adoption.org/can-find-im-adopted
      7. ↑ https://adoption.com/how-do-i-talk-to-my-parents-about-my-adoption/
      8. ↑ https://adoption.com/how-do-i-talk-to-my-parents-about-my-adoption/
      9. ↑ https://adoption.com/how-do-i-talk-to-my-parents-about-my-adoption/
      1. ↑ https://adoption.com/how-do-i-talk-to-my-parents-about-my-adoption/
      2. ↑ https://adoption.com/how-do-i-talk-to-my-parents-about-my-adoption/
      3. ↑ https://consideringadoption.com/adopted/search-and-reunion/how-to-open-adoption-records/
      4. ↑ https://bestlifeonline.com/what-its-like-to-be-adopted/
      5. ↑ https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/us-visas/immigrate/family-immigration/dna-relationship-testing-procedures.html
      6. ↑ https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diagnostics/10119-dna-paternity-test
      7. ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/kashmirhill/2012/05/16/dna-site-23andme-outed-parents-who-gave-their-first-baby-up-for-adoption/?sh=65d390fd4dd1

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      To know if you’re adopted or not, look for family photos from when you were young to see how far back the photos go. You can also order a copy of your birth record by contacting your secretary of state's office, which will tell you where you were born and who your biological parents are. If you're at a family event and you hear people talking about your parents or your childhood, listen carefully to see if they say anything about adoption. Alternatively, go online to find a DNA test like Family Finder. If you can get a parent or other family member to do it too, compare your results to see how close your DNA is. For more tips, including how to ask your parents if you were adopted, read on!

      Did this summary help you?
      In other languages
      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 409,776 times.

      Reader Success Stories

      • T. L.

        Mar 20, 2016

        "The feelings I have are normal, and it verified how I felt to approach my mom."
      More reader stories Hide reader stories
      Share your story

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement