A Beginner's Guide to Lithosexuality (Akoisexuality)

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Learn the definition and origins of lithosexuality
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Lithosexuality is one of the many sexual orientations that fall under the asexual spectrum. Someone who is lithosexual, or akoisexual, may experience sexual attraction but does not want that attraction to be reciprocated. Sometimes, their feelings may even fade if the attraction is returned. In this article, we’ll teach you everything you need to know about lithosexuality, signs you might be lithosexual, the history of the term, and how to support someone who is lithosexual. Plus, learn what the lithosexual pride flag represents and other types of asexuality.

Lithosexual Meaning

Lithosexual (or akoisexual) is a sub-category of asexuality in which a person experiences sexual attraction until the attraction is reciprocated. Even if they have a crush on someone, that crush will fade if the other person likes them back. Lithosexuals can experience romantic and/or sexual attraction for any gender.

Section 1 of 7:

What is lithosexuality?

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  1. Lithosexuality is a sexual orientation that falls under the asexual spectrum. Someone who is lithosexual may experience sexual attraction toward someone, but that attraction fades once the feelings are returned. Many lithosexuals have another sexual orientation alongside their lithosexuality, and they can be attracted to any or all genders. [1]
    • For example, someone could be lithosexual and still be a lesbian because they only experience attraction toward women.
    • Lithosexuality is also sometimes referred to as lithsexuality or akoisexuality. These terms are all interchangeable and refer to the same sexuality.
    • In general, those who fall under the asexual spectrum experience little, no, or fluctuating amounts of sexual attraction. Some may choose to participate in sexual acts while others have no interest. This also applies to those who identify as lithosexual.
    • Lithosexual people can still experience romantic attraction, even if they don’t experience sexual attraction. If someone experiences romantic attraction until it’s reciprocated, they might be lithoromantic/lithromantic.
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Section 2 of 7:

Signs You Might Be Lithosexual

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  1. Asexuality is a spectrum, with some people experiencing no sexual interest or attraction and others sometimes experiencing sexual attraction. In most cases, those who identify as lithosexual do feel sexual desire to some degree. You can be lithosexual and be attracted to any gender. [2]
    • You may experience sexual attraction often, or it could happen very rarely.
  2. One of the key factors that separates lithosexuality from other sexualities is that lithosexuals do not want their sexual attraction to be reciprocated. If you feel awkward or uncomfortable when you find out someone has a crush on you or thinks you’re physically attractive, you might be lithosexual. [3]
  3. Many lithosexuals lose all interest once their feelings are returned. Even if you’re incredibly attracted to someone, that desire will immediately fade once you discover that person is also sexually attracted to you. [4]
  4. While this may vary from person to person, most lithosexuals are uninterested in pursuing a sexual relationship. Even if you’re attracted to someone, you may not want to initiate or maintain a sexual relationship with them. [5]
  5. Asexuality and aromanticism are different, so being on the asexual spectrum doesn’t mean you aren’t interested in a romantic relationship. Some lithosexuals may also be aromantic , but many experience some form of romantic attraction and may choose to be in a relationship. [6]
    • It is possible for lithosexuals to have and enjoy sex in these relationships, even if they experience little to no sexual attraction.
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Section 3 of 7:

Lithosexual History & Origins

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  1. In Ancient Greek, “litho” means “stone” or “rock.” [7] While not much is known about the origins of the term, the name of this sexuality has sometimes been credited to a Tumblr user called StopAnthropomorphizingMe. Lithosexuality may have been named such because many lithosexuals become uncomfortable when their attraction is reciprocated and might metaphorically turn to stone.
    • The term lithosexual seems to have been coined sometime in or before April 2014.
Section 4 of 7:

Are lithosexual and akoisexual the same?

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  1. Because the prefix “litho” means “stone,” and in the lesbian community, “stone lesbian” refers to someone who only feels comfortable “giving” during sex, some people prefer to use the term “akoisexual” instead of lithosexual. While there is no evidence that the lesbian community used the term lithosexual to describe stone lesbians, akoisexual is sometimes used to avoid appropriating lesbian culture. [8]
    • There is no consensus in the lesbian or asexual communities about which term is preferred, so it’s okay to use either one.
    • This sexuality is also sometimes called lithsexual.
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Section 5 of 7:

Lithosexual Pride Flag

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  1. While there are a few other flags that represent lithosexuality, the main flag consists of 5 horizontal stripes in these descending colors. Here is what each color represents: [9]
    • Red: sensitivity, life, leadership, and community
    • Orange: lithosexuality
    • Yellow: varied relationships, honor, and loyalty
    • White: sexuality
    • Black: asexuality
    • Another version of the lithosexual flag consists of the following colors: dark orange, light orange, yellow, black, and white.
    • A third version consists of red, purple, white, gray, and black stripes.
Section 6 of 7:

How to Support a Lithosexual Person

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  1. Sometimes, when a person comes out as asexual , others will try to tell them things like “You just haven’t met the right person yet” or “You’ll change your mind.” It can be really difficult for someone to come out about their sexuality, and hearing these things can be very invalidating. When someone tells you they’re lithosexual, believe them. If there’s anything you don’t understand, politely ask them. [10]
  2. If you’re unfamiliar with asexuality and the different sexualities that fall under the asexual spectrum, take some time to do some research on your own. Not only will this show the lithosexual person that you care about them and take their sexuality seriously, but it will help you understand the sexuality better so you don’t have to ask as many questions. [11]
  3. Once you have a good understanding of what the sexuality means, ask if they prefer one term or the other. For the most part, lithosexual and akoisexual are used interchangeably, but some people may choose to identify as only one for various reasons. By asking and using the correct term, you help validate their identity. [12]
  4. While it’s okay to ask questions about things you don’t understand, it is possible to take things too far. Asking about someone’s sex life would make anyone uncomfortable, regardless of sexuality, especially if you don’t know them well. Focus your questions on understanding the sexuality as a whole and wait for the person to volunteer any personal information they’d like to share. [13]
    • If you and the lithosexual person are friends and often talk about your intimate lives, it may be okay to ask under certain circumstances. Be sure you’re both comfortable having the conversation, however, and apologize and change the subject if either of you are uncomfortable.
    • It may also be okay to ask the lithosexual person questions about sex if you’re their partner. It’s important for you both to understand each other’s boundaries and what kind of relationship you’re going to have.
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Section 7 of 7:

Other Types of Asexuality

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  1. While many people identify strictly or solely as asexual , many others use it as an umbrella term for different orientations. Asexual people may experience little to no sexual attraction and be attracted to any, all, or no genders. Some enjoy the act of sex while others are repulsed or simply have no interest. Here are some other sexualities that fall under the asexual umbrella: [14]
    • Demisexual: May experience sexual attraction only when a deep, emotional bond is formed.
    • Gray-asexual: Experiences sexual attraction rarely, weakly, and/or ambiguously.
    • Fraysexual: The opposite of demisexual, attraction fades once a bond is formed.
    • Aceflux: Fluctuates between asexual and sexual, may feel more sexual at certain times and more asexual at other times.
    • Quoisexual: Unsure whether you experience sexual attraction.
    • Caedsexual: Refers to someone who was previously allosexual (experiences sexual attraction) but is now asexual due to past trauma.
    • Aegosexual: Feels a disconnection toward the subject of arousal
    • Autosexual: Primarily/exclusively feels sexual attraction toward one’s self

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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.thetrevorproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/asexuality.pdf
      2. ↑ https://www.bucksstudentsunion.org/news/article/6013/International-Asexuality-Day/
      3. ↑ https://ahcaf.com/lithosexual-meaning/
      4. ↑ https://ahcaf.com/lithosexual-meaning/
      5. ↑ https://www.oulgbtq.org/what-do-asexual-aromantic-mean.html
      6. ↑ https://www.oulgbtq.org/what-do-asexual-aromantic-mean.html
      7. ↑ https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/litho
      8. ↑ https://sites.smith.edu/aace/about-asexuality-and-aromanticism/definitions/
      9. ↑ https://flag.library.lgbt/flags/lithosexual/
      1. ↑ https://www.stonewall.org.uk/about-us/news/six-ways-be-ally-asexual-people
      2. ↑ https://www.stonewall.org.uk/about-us/news/six-ways-be-ally-asexual-people
      3. ↑ https://sites.smith.edu/aace/about-asexuality-and-aromanticism/definitions/
      4. ↑ https://www.stonewall.org.uk/about-us/news/six-ways-be-ally-asexual-people
      5. ↑ https://sites.smith.edu/aace/about-asexuality-and-aromanticism/definitions/

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