How to Make People Want to Be Your Best Friend

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Wanting to be liked is a natural instinct. Wanting to have a best friend is also something that most people desire. The problem is, not everyone knows how to do this. You can increase your chances of making people want to be your best friend by projecting your best self, putting in the work, and knowing the signs that you’re coming on too strong.

Part 1
Part 1 of 3:

Projecting Your Best Self

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  1. People tend to flock to those who have a good sense of self-confidence and self-esteem. [1] They often admire them and want to be around them. Project self-confidence to others, even if you don’t have much, and you’ll likely attract more friends.
    • The key to effective and attractive self-confidence is to not come off as cocky or self-centered. Simply walk with your back straight, shoulders back, and head held high. Look people in the eye and smile when you talk to them. [2]
    • Don't act like you're better than others by not speaking or ignoring them. Make everyone you meet feel like a million bucks.
  2. As much as it can be funny to make yourself the subject of a good joke, don't take self-deprecating talk too far. People don't want to be around someone who always talks about themselves too much--whether it's positive or negative.
    • For example, don't let your social group catch you saying negative things like "I'm fat" or "I look hideous." People want to be around people who feel good about themselves because that type of self-confidence can be contagious.
    • Belittling yourself sends the message that you're secretly low in confidence. So, avoid such language at all costs.
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  3. [3] You can’t expect people to want to be your friend if you aren’t willing to put yourself out there. Strike up conversations with people whenever and wherever you can. You never know, you could find your new best friend in line at the grocery store.
    • Practice what you are going to say to someone when you are alone. You could talk about the weather, the local sports team, outlandish celebrity news, or whatever you like to talk about. Having a topic prepared can help you feel more confident when you try to talk with someone new. [4]
  4. If you want to meet new people and potential best friends, you’ll need to engage in new experiences. You’re not going to meet anyone if you aren’t willing to try new things. Finding people who are interested in what you are is a great start at finding true friends.
    • Join groups or take classes that interest you. Doing so gives you a great chance of finding someone who enjoys the same things you do. You could also ask your friends and family if you could meet their friends, or talk to people who share the same religious beliefs as you do. Some of the most meaningful relationships start because of shared interests. [5]
  5. Is there a certain personality or trait that you find attractive when you’re looking for friends? If so, take on that trait. This doesn’t mean you have to be fake--just try to incorporate some of that into how you act.
    • For instance, if you like people who go out of their way to care for others, then do that, as well. If you admire people who take risks, then start taking some of your own. Be spontaneous and step out of your comfort zone. You’ll likely not only find that you are happier, but that new friends will naturally be more attracted to you. [6]
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Part 2
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Putting in the Work

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  1. A person isn't going to jump to be your best friend if you don't seem willing to put work into the friendship. Great best friends are there when you need them. Make sure you are there for the people around you and spend time with them when you can. Showing that you are truly interested in their happiness and well-being will make them see that you are a true friend.
    • This could mean sending texts to check in, bringing them soup when they aren’t feeling good, offering your time when they need help, and opening yourself up to them. It may make you feel vulnerable doing this, but it increases your chances of finding a best friend. [7]
  2. [8] People generally like to talk about themselves. This isn't done in an arrogant way--it's just how they best relate to others, through their own stories. Find out all you can about potential friends. Show interest in them by asking questions that get them talking.
    • Ask questions like, “What’s your favorite thing to do?” “Why did you choose this career path?” or “Who is the person who influences you most?” Asking different questions like this allows you to get to know them on a personal level and opens up the beginnings of a great friendship. [9]
    • Remember that your body language sometimes says more about yourself than verbal cues. Try to present yourself as an interested and open person. [10]
  3. It’s difficult to maintain a relationship with someone you don’t see. You also may make them feel like they aren’t worth your time if you don’t see them often. Do what you can to share your time with them and they will see that you think they are worth the effort.
    • Although going out and attending events together is fun, you don’t always have to do something. Just being in the same room together and chatting about what is going on with your life is often more fulfilling. [11]
  4. Part of being a good friend is acting as a cheerleader. You have the ability to make others feel good about themselves, and this is something you should take on for your friend. When you are able to lift up their spirits and support them, they will likely be grateful to you and your friendship, which can allow it to become stronger. [12]
    Brene Brown, Author & Professor of Social Work

    Real friends celebrate each other. "Good friends aren’t afraid of your light. When something good happens to you, they celebrate your flame. When something good happens to them, you celebrate their flame."

  5. What makes a best friend stand out from other friends is your ability to share anything with them. Best friends have secrets that are kept between them. You can show your capacity to be a best friend by being honest with your friends and keeping their secrets.
    • If a friend tells you something, don't share it with anyone else. Unless, of course, your friend is in danger, you should keep your lips zipped.
    • Trustworthy people are also honest. If your friend asks you a serious question, tell the truth, even if it hurts. For instance, if a close pal asks, "Do you think I should go to second-base with Josh?" Show your concern by saying "I think you should wait until you're sure he really cares about you." [13]
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Part 3
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Avoiding Coming on Too Strong

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  1. When you’re just building the relationship, you don’t want to scare the person away by trying to make too much contact. Texting and calling several times a day may be overkill and could make the person resist wanting to be friends with you.
    • Initially, making contact every few days or when you want to do something together is ideal. Over time, you can reach out more, but only after you’ve been friends for a while.
    • A good rule of thumb is to follow the other person’s lead. Return texts or calls when they text or call you. If you don’t hear from them after a few days you can reach out, but only do it once. Bombarding them with texts and calls will just scare them away. [14]
  2. If you’ve made the mistake of coming on too strong, you may be able to save your friendship by taking a step back. By giving the person space, you may make them more apt to being your friend.
    • If your calls and texts are unanswered, your invitations for spending time together are often declined, or you just have a feeling that something is going wrong, your friend may be backing away from you. You can ask them what happened, or you can try giving them space and see if that makes the friendship better.
  3. Just like every relationship, this friendship needs time to blossom. Don’t expect too much too soon. If you’ve found someone you feel you’ve made a connection with, you may want to jump at the chance of spending as much time together as possible. However, this may make your new friend shy away from you.
    • Take things slow and give your friendship a time to develop into something strong and long-lasting. [15]
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    What to do if the person is not interested in me?
    Nicole Barile, PhD, NTP
    Licensed Clinical Psychologist & Nutritional Therapist
    Dr. Nicole Lippman-Barile is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and a Nutritional Therapy Practitioner (NTP) who practices in New York. As a psychologist, she specializes in treating anxiety and mood disorders, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and related compulsive disorders. As a nutritional therapist, Dr. Lippman-Barile specializes in treating blood sugar dysregulation, digestive health, and mood disorders related to food. She holds a PhD in Clinical Psychology from Hofstra University and a Nutritional Therapy Practitioner Certification from the Nutritional Therapy Association.
    Nicole Barile, PhD, NTP
    Licensed Clinical Psychologist & Nutritional Therapist
    Expert Answer
    I would first question the validity of those thoughts. Is there evidence that suggests that that person doesn't like you? Maybe they were annoyed by something you did, but that is not the same as not liking you. Challenge those thoughts and use mindfulness techniques to get out of your head if you really want to interact with this person.
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    Not Helpful 21 Helpful 31
  • Question
    What qualities make a best friend?
    Nicole Barile, PhD, NTP
    Licensed Clinical Psychologist & Nutritional Therapist
    Dr. Nicole Lippman-Barile is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and a Nutritional Therapy Practitioner (NTP) who practices in New York. As a psychologist, she specializes in treating anxiety and mood disorders, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and related compulsive disorders. As a nutritional therapist, Dr. Lippman-Barile specializes in treating blood sugar dysregulation, digestive health, and mood disorders related to food. She holds a PhD in Clinical Psychology from Hofstra University and a Nutritional Therapy Practitioner Certification from the Nutritional Therapy Association.
    Nicole Barile, PhD, NTP
    Licensed Clinical Psychologist & Nutritional Therapist
    Expert Answer
    Humans are pretty good at picking up on social interactions. The other person can probably know if you're actually listening, so you should invest in being a better listener. Your nonverbal behavior is arguably way more important than the verbal one, so pay attention to the person and they will probably gravitate towards you more.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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    Not Helpful 9 Helpful 24
  • Question
    How can I be friends with a popular girl?
    Community Answer
    Introduce yourself and ask her about herself. People love to talk about themselves. Just make sure you aren't trying to be friends with her only because of her status.
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      Tips

      • Join groups or activities that interest you to meet potential buddies. Finding common interests helps form meaningful bonds that can lead to great friendships. Consider a book club, coding group, or sports team to find people who click with you.
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      Tips from our Readers

      The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
      • Fighting with friends can happen sometimes. If a disagreement occurs, don't desperately chase after them if they clearly want space. True friends will come back and work things out in time. Forcing the issue often backfires.
      • Never be shy about starting a conversation, even with people you don't know well yet. They may welcome it. And try to see things from their angle, too — they might want a friend as much as you.
      • If you tell a joke and no one laughs, no big deal — don't take it personally or get embarrassed. Crack up at yourself instead, which shows confidence and self-awareness. People dig that.
      • When cheering up friends who are down in the dumps, match your approach to what you know they need — sometimes it's joking around, sometimes it's just listening. Get to know them.
      • Having friends of the opposite gender can enrich your social circle. Just be sure not to participate in harmful gossip about anyone. Stay positive.
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      References

      1. ↑ Nicole Barile, PhD, NTP. Licensed Clinical Psychologist & Nutritional Therapist. Expert Interview. 12 August 2021.
      2. ↑ https://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/5-ways-to-immediately-appear-more-confident/
      3. ↑ Nicole Barile, PhD, NTP. Licensed Clinical Psychologist & Nutritional Therapist. Expert Interview. 12 August 2021.
      4. ↑ http://greatist.com/happiness/how-to-make-keep-friends
      5. ↑ http://www.succeedsocially.com/meetpeople
      6. ↑ http://www.teenvogue.com/story/escalating-a-friendship
      7. ↑ http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-become-a-magnet-for-friends-7-mindful-tips/
      8. ↑ Nicole Barile, PhD, NTP. Licensed Clinical Psychologist & Nutritional Therapist. Expert Interview. 12 August 2021.
      9. ↑ https://personalexcellence.co/blog/new-friends/
      1. ↑ Nicole Barile, PhD, NTP. Licensed Clinical Psychologist & Nutritional Therapist. Expert Interview. 12 August 2021.
      2. ↑ http://www.teenvogue.com/story/escalating-a-friendship
      3. ↑ http://time.com/24122/how-to-make-friends-easily-and-strengthen-the-friendships-you-have/
      4. ↑ http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetailsKids.aspx?p=335&id=1705&np=286
      5. ↑ https://www.girlshealth.gov/relationships/friendships/new.html
      6. ↑ http://www.succeedsocially.com/sociallife

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      To make people want to be your best friend, compliment them and pay attention to what they say to make them feel special when they’re around you. When you're talking to people, try to be confident in yourself by standing up straight, smiling, and making eye contact. Also, avoid talking negatively about yourself or making self-deprecating jokes since people want to be friends with positive people that feel good about themselves. For more suggestions, like being yourself and not coming on too strong, keep reading!

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