How to Make Up with a Friend

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If you are feeling like it is time to repair a friendship and get it back to normal, then you have come to the right place. Whether you want to talk face-to-face, write a message, or send a gift, take a look at the following steps and prepare to get your hug on!

Part 1
Part 1 of 2:

Reaching out to Your Friend

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  1. After a fight, it can be tough to be the first person to reach out. Try to swallow your pride and be the person to make contact, even if it’s hard for you. [1]
    • If you wait around for your friend to reach out to you, it might never happen. By making the first move, you can ensure that you start along the path to making up.
  2. You might be feeling a lot of different emotions, and that can result in some jumbled words. Take a breath and think about what you want to convey to your friend when you reach out. [2]
    • Try something like, “I know we had a disagreement, but our friendship means a lot to me. I’m reaching out to see if you’d like to talk about what happened.”
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  3. If you don’t live near your friend or you aren’t going to see them in person soon, it’s fine to reach out via a phone call or a text. Plus, calling or texting someone is a little less nerve-wracking than showing up at their house. [3]
    • While calling and texting is great to get the conversation going, you probably don’t want to have an entire conversation over the phone.
    • Try saying something like, “I’d like to talk about what happened so we can repair our friendship.”
  4. Emphasize that you want to meet face-to-face to hash out your problems. Talking with someone in person is always easier than doing it over the phone, so try to find a time that you two can meet up. [4]
    • You can say something like, “I think talking face-to-face would be better than over the phone. Do you have any time in the next few days to chat with me?”
    • If you live far away from each other and can’t meet up, that’s okay. Consider doing a video call so you can see each other’s faces as you talk.

    Tip: Your friend might not want to meet up with you, and that’s okay. Give them their space and let them know that you’re ready to talk whenever they are.

  5. You can meet up at one of your homes, or you can pick a spot in public where you won’t be interrupted. Try a coffee shop, a deli, or a park so you can have some privacy to hash out your issues. Try to go when you aren’t in a rush so you and your friend can take all the time that you need. [5]
    • Talking in private is the only way you’ll both get to say exactly what you need to say. If there are other people around, it can put pressure on you both.
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Part 2
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Resolving the Conflict

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  1. It takes two to tango, and the same is true for fighting. Even if you didn’t start the fight, you can apologize for getting angry or escalating it. Only apologize for what you’re truly sorry for so your friend knows you’re sincere. [6]
    • You could say something like, “I’m sorry for yelling at you during our argument last week. I got too angry too quickly, and I shouldn’t have escalated the situation.”
    • You could also say something like, “I’m really sorry for talking about you behind your back. I know that doesn’t feel great, and I shouldn’t have done that.”
    • Reader Poll: We asked 475 wikiHow readers how they would apologize to a friend, and only 5% said take them out to their favorite restaurant or activity. [Take Poll] So, if that doesn’t work, try apologizing and reassuring them.
  2. Most fights stem from an action or a situation that you or your friend felt hurt by. Spell it out clearly so your friend can understand where you’re coming from and why you got upset. Try to stick with “I” statements, rather than “you” statements, so your friend doesn’t feel attacked. [7]
    • Try something like, “When you invited everyone in class to the study group except me, it made me feel excluded. I felt sad that you wouldn’t think to invite me even though we’re good friends.”
    • You can also say something like, “I was upset because you talked to Melissa about our friendship before you talked to me. It hurt to know that you didn’t feel like you could talk to me about our issues.”
  3. Now it’s time for you to listen. Let your friend share their response and tell their side of the story. [8] Think about their perspective and what they might’ve been thinking during the conflict. [9]
    • You can say something like, “I’d like to hear about your perspective, if you feel open to sharing.”
  4. It’s easy to blame your friend entirely for your conflict, but a fight is rarely one person’s fault. [10] Try not to interrupt your friend and be open to the possibility that you made a mistake. [11]
    • Your friend might say something like, “I didn’t invite you to the study group because I thought you had already studied for the test. I wasn’t thinking about how it might hurt you or make you feel excluded.”
    • As long as you two both get a chance to speak, you should be able to resolve your conflict.
  5. Make sure your friend gets to have some input on how your relationship can change in the future. Listen to what your friend says and try to adjust your behavior moving forward. [12]
    • Your friend might say something like, “In the future, I’d really like it if you didn’t talk about me behind my back. It really hurt my feelings, and it was hard to hear about it from other people.”
    • Try not to get defensive as your friend talks. They listened to you, so now you can listen to them.
  6. Talk to your friend about how you two can communicate better in the future to avoid fights like this again. Maybe you need to ask more questions, talk about your schedules, or set clear boundaries for your friendship before you move on. [13]
    • For example, you could say, “I think in the future, I’d like to be invited to any gatherings you plan, even if you think they aren’t my thing. That way, I won’t feel excluded, and I can make a decision on my own whether or not I want to come.”
  7. Now that you’ve talked about your issues, it’s time to move past them. [14] Accept each other’s apologies and resolve to continue your friendship how it was before your argument. [15]
    • You can say something like, “Now that we’ve made a plan, I hope we can move on and be friends again. I really value your friendship so it means a lot to me.”
    • If you haven’t reached a good resolution or you don’t feel satisfied with your friend’s apology, it will be hard to forgive them. Keep talking about your issues until you feel okay with moving on from the disagreement.
  8. Sometimes, fights get so big that it’s hard to talk about them so soon. If you two can’t talk to each other without yelling or you feel like the conversation isn’t going anywhere, take a step back and meet up another time. It’s okay to put a pause on your conversation if you feel like it’s unproductive. [16]
    • You can say something like, “All we’re doing is making the fight worse, and I think we both need to cool off. Let’s talk again in a few days when we both are a little more clear-headed.”
    • Walking away doesn’t have to mean that your friendship is over. All it means is that you need to reach out again when your emotions aren’t so high.
    • If you can, plan to meet up in a few days when both of you are feeling more calm.

    Tip: If you need help resolving your conflict, reach out to a parent or a teacher to help mediate your conversation.

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  • Question
    Should you let someone know they hurt you?
    Sirvart Mesrobian, PsyD
    Clinical Psychologist
    Dr. Sirvart Mesrobian is a Clinical Psychologist based in West Los Angeles and Glendale, California. With over nine years of professional and research experience, Dr. Mesrobian specializes in individual, family, and couples treatment for young adults and adults. Dr. Mesrobian provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, motivational interviewing, trauma-focused treatments, and other services. She earned a Master's in Psychology and a Doctorate of Clinical Psychology from Alliant International University.
    Sirvart Mesrobian, PsyD
    Clinical Psychologist
    Expert Answer
    Absolutely! Still, be conscious while doing so and avoid accusations. Discuss with them which of their actions were upsetting to you by utilizing I-statements (for example, say something like "When you said that, I felt it was an attack against me.").
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 2 Helpful 7
  • Question
    How do you make up with a friend after a fight?
    Sirvart Mesrobian, PsyD
    Clinical Psychologist
    Dr. Sirvart Mesrobian is a Clinical Psychologist based in West Los Angeles and Glendale, California. With over nine years of professional and research experience, Dr. Mesrobian specializes in individual, family, and couples treatment for young adults and adults. Dr. Mesrobian provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, motivational interviewing, trauma-focused treatments, and other services. She earned a Master's in Psychology and a Doctorate of Clinical Psychology from Alliant International University.
    Sirvart Mesrobian, PsyD
    Clinical Psychologist
    Expert Answer
    First, acknowledge what could have been different about your behavior and take accountability for your actions. Reducing blame and accusation and explaining your experience will help reduce defensiveness and allow for the relationship to repair.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 3 Helpful 7
  • Question
    How do I make up with a friend whose feelings I hurt?
    Community Answer
    Tell her that you're sorry, and the situation was your fault. Don't try to make excuses. Tell her that you hope she still wants to be your friend and that you'll give her some space if she needs it.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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      Warnings

      • If you talk about your argument with other people, your friend could feel hurt. Try to keep your disagreement private.
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      • If you need help talking to your friend, reach out to an adult you trust.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/platonic-love/202001/how-open-conflict-benefits-relationships
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/platonic-love/202001/how-open-conflict-benefits-relationships
      3. ↑ https://www.girlshealth.gov/relationships/conflict/index.html
      4. ↑ https://www.girlshealth.gov/relationships/conflict/index.html
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/friends
      6. ↑ https://www.girlshealth.gov/relationships/conflict/index.html
      7. ↑ https://www.apa.org/act/resources/fact-sheets/resolve-conflicts
      8. ↑ Sirvart Mesrobian, PsyD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/platonic-love/202001/how-open-conflict-benefits-relationships
      1. ↑ Sirvart Mesrobian, PsyD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.
      2. ↑ https://www.girlshealth.gov/relationships/conflict/index.html
      3. ↑ https://www.girlshealth.gov/relationships/conflict/index.html
      4. ↑ https://www.apa.org/act/resources/fact-sheets/resolve-conflicts
      5. ↑ Sirvart Mesrobian, PsyD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.
      6. ↑ https://www.girlshealth.gov/relationships/conflict/index.html
      7. ↑ https://www.girlshealth.gov/relationships/conflict/index.html

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      If you’ve had a falling out with a friend, clearing the air can help you make up and move on. When you sit down to chat, tell your friend that you care about them. Then, even if the fall out wasn’t your fault, tell them you’re sorry that you’ve had an argument and you hope you can move on. If you’re more comfortable sending your friend a message, then write them an email or send them a text instead. Begin your message by telling your friend something you appreciate about them. Then, tell them that you miss them and hope to get together soon. If your friend isn't ready to talk yet, respect their feelings and give them time and space. To learn how to send your friend a gift to make up after a fight, keep reading!

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        Jun 24, 2016

        "I practiced apologizing to my friend without rage, but now since my friend accepted my apology and now that we are ..." more
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