How to Masturbate Better (For Women, Men & Folks of All Genders)

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Sexy tips, toys & techniques to make “me time” magnificent
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Masturbation is the self-stimulation of your genitals or other sensitive areas for sexual pleasure and arousal. Sounds simple enough, but there’s a lot more to it! Masturbation is also a chance for you to explore your body and preferences, experience different levels of sexual pleasure, and learn how to feel comfortable and confident in your own skin. It’s a form of self-care that deserves your time and attention, and no brand understands that better than LELO . Known for their luxury pleasure products, LELO is also at the front of an empowering movement to overcome shame and put you in charge of your pleasure. In this article, we’ll go over different ways to make masturbation more enjoyable and fulfilling no matter what your gender identity or anatomy is—including some must-try items from LELO—plus fill you in on the benefits of self-pleasure and why it’s important. Read on to get started!

Masturbation & Self Pleasure Quick Tips

There’s no one right way to masturbate—whatever feels good is correct! People with vaginas may enjoy stimulating their clitoris with their fingers or using toys like LELO’s ENIGMA™ Double Sonic to reach areas within the vagina. Those with penises may rub and stroke it by hand or use vibrating toys or sleeves as well.

Section 1 of 7:

How to Masturbate: General Tips for Everyone

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  1. Think of masturbating as a form of sexual self-care and schedule some uninterrupted downtime to enjoy and explore your body. To help you get in the mood, try dimming the lights, lighting a candle, putting on sexy or relaxing music, or wearing something that makes you feel hot and aroused, like lingerie or a jockstrap. Everybody sets the scene differently, so do what gets you in the right mindset to play. [1]
    • Some people think of masturbating as just a quick or impulsive ritual you do just to “get it over with” or relieve tension, but it doesn’t have to be just that!
  2. Masturbating can also be a time to let your mind wander and imagine scenarios that turn you on and make you feel sexy. A lot of people use porn for that, and it can be a great tool to explore new kinks and or sexual acts you want to try. However, porn is super visual and doesn’t leave much to the imagination after a few minutes, so consider only using it sometimes, or starting with porn and then turning it off once you find your groove.
    • You can visualize different fantasies in your mind as an alternative, or try reading erotic fiction, looking at still images, or using audio-only porn.
    • When you do use porn, consider paying for it instead of searching all over the web for free videos. Porn actors don’t work for free, so it’s considered more ethical to subscribe or purchase their work.
    • Porn is perfectly safe and healthy in moderation and can even enhance your sex life when you watch it with a partner. However, using too often might make it harder to get aroused without it for some people. If you think you’re watching too much, consider cutting back or talking to a counselor to help you get frisky without it. [2]
  3. Erogenous zones are areas of your body that are sensitive to touch and make you feel sexually aroused. Some common places people enjoy being touched (that aren’t their genitals) are the lips, nipples, anus, and perineum (also known as the taint, or the area between your genitals and anus), but everyone’s different. [3]
    • For example, some might get aroused when their feet are rubbed, when their inner thigh is stroked, or when their earlobes get nibbled.
    • Try rubbing, pinching, or gently stroking these areas with your fingers or a sex toy. Take your time, explore different pressures and patterns, and enjoy yourself!
  4. Whether you’re inserting a toy into your anus or vagina or even just using your hands and fingers, lube lowers friction, makes things more comfortable, and prevents small tears in your skin that can be irritating or painful. [4] So, invest in a tube or bottle of lube and don’t be stingy with it! The two main types of lube are:
    • Silicone-based: Best for long-lasting play, anal play, and staying lubricated in the shower. It’s thicker and slicker than water-based lube, but can stain fabric. Silicone lube cannot be used on toys also made of silicone.
    • Water-based: Best for quick sex or masturbation sessions, use on porous or silicone toys, easy cleanup, or when you don’t plan to use it in the shower. Water-based lube is lighter than silicone lube, but doesn’t last as long.
  5. Edging is when you bring yourself close to climax, ejaculation, or orgasm, then stop or slow the stimulation to delay the big finale and make it more intense when you finally let yourself have it. Some people edge for a few minutes, while others choose to do it for hours (often as part of an edging kink). [5] Edging isn’t for everyone, but trying it out a few times can help you learn more about what it takes to make you climax, extend your sexual stamina, and learn where your personal “point of no return” is.
  6. Check the instructions on the package for your toys, since they might vary based on what they’re made of or whether they’re water-proof. When toys go uncleaned (especially the kind you put inside), they can collect bacteria and cause an infection the next time you use them. You can also slide a condom over the toy for the safest way to protect it. [6]
    • If you’re passing your toy between different openings (anus to vagina, for example), change the condom in between to prevent spreading bacteria from one opening to the next.
    • It’s not recommended to share sex toys with partners, but if you choose to, always clean them between partners or change the condom around them to prevent STIs.
    • It’s also recommended to wash your hands before touching your genitals or anus.
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Section 2 of 7:

Increasing Pleasure for People with Vaginas

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  1. Depending on your sex ed experience, you may not be totally sure what every part down there is called, but that’s OK. Start exploring any way to see what things feel like—if it feels good, keep going! It’s better to get to know your own body than to worry about terminology or anatomy charts. [7] Here’s a quick breakdown:
    • The vulva is the outer part of your genitals that includes the clitoris, the labia lips, the urethra, and the almond-shaped opening to the vagina.
    • The clitoris is a very sensitive button-like area near the top of the vulva that provides intense pleasure. It’s the only organ in the body whose only purpose is to feel good!
    • The vagina is the muscle that opens and closes between the cervix (the base of the uterus) and the outside opening.
  2. Gently rub, squeeze, or pinch the outer parts of your genitals like the labia lips, the clitoris, or any area that feels good to you. There’s no right or wrong way to do it and it’s totally up to your preference. Try rubbing in different directions, in circles, applying different pressures, and trying out different speeds. Whatever feels right is right! [8]
    • If you’re new to masturbating, you may be surprised by some of the feelings you experience. Take breaks if you need to and most importantly, take your time learning about your body and all the different ways it can feel good.
    • Once you’re feeling relaxed, aroused, and ready to go further, try sliding a finger or a toy, like a vibrator or dildo, into your vagina for new and deeper sensations.
    • Some people get off on purely clitoral stimulation, while others prefer a combo of the clitoris and vaginal play. Experiment with both to see what works for you.
    • It’s true that some women also enjoy anal stimulation as well, either from insertion or touching the outside of the anus. [9] Feel free to explore this area with your fingers or toys as well (just take it slow if you’re new to it, and use lots of lube).
  3. You may have heard of the G-spot before—a sensitive and elusive area along your vaginal wall that’s part of the clitoral network—but have you heard about the A-spot? The anterior fornix erogenous zone (A-spot) is a sensitive area about 2 inches (5 cm) deeper than the G-spot, making it hard to reach with the fingers alone. [10] That’s why you should try a toy specially designed to stimulate it, like the LELO ENIGMA™ Double Sonic, A-spot vibrator .
    • The ENIGMA™ Double Sonic leads to intense vaginal orgasms by stimulating a large surface area and sending sonic waves right to the A-spot, leading to new heights of pleasure (especially if you haven’t experienced a deep, vaginal orgasm before).
    • The sonic tip sits on top of a curved tail designed to fit comfortably with diverse anatomies, and can also stimulate the clitoris without directly touching it. The ENIGMA™ also connects to an app, giving you more mode options and control over how it feels.
    • Click this link to explore LELO's range and discover more about the A-spot, G-spot, and the ENIGMA Double Sonic!
  4. The G-spot is an erogenous zone on the anterior wall of the vagina (if you were lying down, that’s the side on top) about an inch (2.5 cm) inside the vagina. It may feel raised or slightly bumpy, and people experience varying degrees of pleasure there based on their anatomy. [11] Stroking this area with your fingers in a “come hither” motion can feel incredible and is a great way to explore what feels good for your unique body (and it can lead to intense orgasms, too!). But what if there was a toy that could do all that for you? Introducing the LELO Soraya Wave, rabbit vibrator .
    • The Soraya Wave is a rabbit vibrator with a sculpted tip that surges in that oh-so-good “come hither” motion. It has a flexible outer arm that stimulates your clitoris at the same time—a win-win!
    • It’s made of extra soft, smooth, and hygienic silicone and is fully waterproof, meaning you can explore and play in the shower, bath, or wherever you're comfortable.
    • The Soraya Wave uses patented WaveMotion technology to rise and fall with you for a personalized, intense, toe-curling experience. If you’re ready to take your pleasure in your own hands, check out Soraya Wave and learn about all that it offers.
  5. As we mentioned, the clitoris is all about pleasure and is filled with more than 10,000 nerve endings that make it feel extra sensitive and activated. [12] Many people with clitorises need or prefer some stimulation there to climax, so give that area some love! You can rub, pinch, or squeeze the exposed part at the top of the vulva with your own fingers, or use a special toy to target the deeper portions of the clitoris, like the LELO SONA 2 Cruise, clitoral massager .
    • The SONA 2 uses sonic pulses (not regular old vibrations) to stimulate the deepest parts of the clitoris, almost like a deep-tissue massage. The pulses build and build until climax, making for a deeply satisfying orgasm.
    • It has a softer, deeper, and bigger mouth than other clitoral massagers for extra comfort and pleasure and has 12 vibration settings so you can find the exact pulse and intensity that feels just right for you.
    • Plus, it doesn’t have to come into direct contact with your clitoris to be effective, meaning you can play for hours and hours without discomfort (remember that edging thing we mentioned earlier?). Click here to get the full scoop on the SONA 2 Cruise and enjoy your pleasure on your terms.
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Section 3 of 7:

Increasing Pleasure for People with Penises

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  1. For most men and people with penises, basic masturbation includes grabbing the penis and sliding your hand up and down the shaft. It’s simple, but there’s a lot of variation you can have. Try grabbing with your right hand, your left hand, or both; experiment with different grip pressures; or change up the speed, alternating between slow and fast strokes and everything in between. [13]
    • Variety is the name of the game. If you get desensitized to one grip or speed, switch it up to experience new sensations.
    • Changing things up can also make you more flexible when it comes to achieving an orgasm during partnered sex.
    • Some prefer to masturbate this way without lube if they’re uncircumcised and have enough foreskin to glide along the shaft comfortably. Circumcised people often use lube to glide more easily along the shaft since the skin may not be as loose.
  2. The shaft isn’t the only area that provides pleasure. The head of the penis has about 4,000 nerve endings that make it very sensitive and enjoyable to touch, while the scrotum and frenulum (the skin flap on the underside of the penis) are also erogenous for many. [14] Extend your stroke to cover the glans, and play around with rubbing, pinching, or squeezing the scrotum and frenulum as well.
    • Some also enjoy lightly squeezing or pulling on the testicles themselves, too. Feel free to play around with that, but stop if you feel pain or are worried about injuring yourself.
  3. For new sensations, try out a vibrating cock ring (or just a regular one). You can position it anywhere on your penis or slide it up and down for arousing new feelings. You can also try out a sleeve (a cylindrical toy usually with a textured silicone lining you insert your penis into); hold it in your hand and slide it up and down, or lay it down and thrust into it with your hips for a change in position. [15]
    • Placing vibrating toys against your perineum, frenulum, anus, testicles, and other areas can also be arousing—it’s not all about the shaft and glans.
  4. The prostate is a walnut-shaped gland about 2–3 inches (5 to 7.6 cm) inside your rectum. Some compare it to a lady’s G-spot and affectionately call it the P-spot. To stimulate it, you can massage it with a finger (take your time, stay relaxed, and use plenty of lube, especially if you’re new to anal play), or use a prostate massager (a short, vibrating toy with a bulbed head that rubs or presses on the prostate). [16]
    • Stimulating the prostate can produce very intense, powerful orgasms—stronger than a regular penis orgasm for many people.
    • When entering the anus for the first time, take it slow. Try caressing the outer areas first and getting into a relaxed, comfortable position before inserting anything up there.
    • Always use a toy with a flared base for anal play so it doesn’t get “lost” (we’ll just leave it at that).
    • Some people can even experience purely prostate orgasms without having an erection or ejaculating. [17]
    • Did you know? Frequent ejaculation is linked to a lowered risk of developing prostate cancer later in life. [18]
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Section 4 of 7:

How normal is masturbation?

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  1. About 91% of folks who identify as men and 78% of those who identify as women masturbate (with varying frequencies depending on factors like age, sex drive, etc.). It’s possible that even more women and folks assigned female at birth (AFAB) engage in “me time” than surveys say because of the Sexual Double Standard (SDS), or a research term for how women tend to be judged more harshly than men for the same sexual acts. [19]
    • This means that women-identifying people may feel less comfortable opening up about their self-pleasure habits out of fear of judgment.
    • Other factors like religious beliefs or just feeling very private about masturbation may also hold people of any gender back from discussing their habits openly.
    • Some people feel guilt or shame about masturbating for various reasons. If that sounds like you, remember that most people do it and consider seeing a counselor or therapist to help you feel more positively about it. [20]
  2. There’s no one “right” reason to do it, but for many, it seems like simple sexual pleasure is motivation enough. However, everybody’s body, needs, and circumstances are different. Some other reasons people masturbate could include: [21]
    • To relax
    • To explore and understand their body better
    • To release sexual tension
    • To experience sexual pleasure when their partner isn’t available
    • To experience sexual pleasure without the risk of pregnancy or getting a sexually transmitted infection (STI)
    • To work through a sexual issue or dysfunction per a sex therapist’s orders (like premature ejaculating in people with penises or trouble having an orgasm in people with vaginas)
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Section 5 of 7:

The Benefits of Masturbation

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  1. When you orgasm, your body releases dopamine (the “feel-good” hormone) and oxytocin (the “love” hormone), which makes you feel incredibly happy and counteracts the effects of cortisol (the “stress” hormone). [22] This leads to a whole host of other benefits like: [23]
  2. There’s plenty of misinformation out there about sex and masturbation meant to scare you away from it or make you think it’s wrong, bad, or immoral (rumors like “it uses up all your orgasms” or “it’ll stunt your growth”). Fortunately, you can rest assured knowing that these myths are not at all true! Some other totally false claims about masturbating include things like: [24]
    • Going blind
    • Getting hairy palms
    • Developing a mental illness
    • Damaging your genitals or getting erectile dysfunction
    • Decreasing your sperm count
    • Lowering your libido
    • Making you infertile
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Section 6 of 7:

Can you masturbate too much?

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  1. Some people masturbate daily (sometimes more than once a day), some only do it now and then, and some never do it at all. These are all perfectly normal and healthy amounts, and how much you masturbate is totally up to your preferences and needs. The only time masturbation becomes an issue is if it’s interfering with your job, social life, relationship, or other responsibilities. [25]
    • If you feel like your habits are causing you problems, consider talking to a counselor, therapist, or sex therapist about finding a better balance.
Section 7 of 7:

Can you masturbate if you’re in a relationship?

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  1. Sex with a partner and masturbation are totally different things, and pleasuring yourself doesn’t mean your partner is lacking or doing something wrong. Masturbating is actually a great way to learn what feels good to you (and what doesn’t) so you can tell your partner about your preferences. This means no guesswork for them and more pleasure for you! [26]
    • Talking honestly and openly about sex can make it more fun and make your relationship stronger, too.
    • Some sexual partners do mutual masturbation together (masturbating at the same time). This is a great way to be erotic and intimate without the risk of pregnancy or STIs.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.advocate.com/sexy-beast/2017/2/23/masturbation-matters-15-better-ways-get
      2. ↑ https://thewell.northwell.edu/relationships-sexual-health/how-to-stop-watching-porn
      3. ↑ https://www.centreforsexuality.ca/learning-centre/erogenous-zones/
      4. ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/sex-pleasure-and-sexual-dysfunction/masturbation
      5. ↑ https://www.advocate.com/sexy-beast/2017/2/23/masturbation-matters-15-better-ways-get
      6. ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/sex-pleasure-and-sexual-dysfunction/masturbation
      7. ↑ https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/ef932792-17b5-4274-bba3-3452070c3e10
      8. ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-masturbate-if-you-have-a-vagina
      9. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4379393/
      1. ↑ https://www.masterclass.com/articles/a-spot
      2. ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/blog/where-is-the-g-spot-and-what-does-it-do
      3. ↑ https://news.ohsu.edu/2022/10/27/pleasure-producing-human-clitoris-has-more-than-10-000-nerve-fibers
      4. ↑ https://ro.co/health-guide/male-masturbation/
      5. ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/health-and-wellness/sexual-and-reproductive-anatomy/what-are-parts-male-sexual-anatomy
      6. ↑ https://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/are-there-sex-toys-men
      7. ↑ https://www.advocate.com/sexy-beast/2017/2/23/masturbation-matters-15-better-ways-get
      8. ↑ https://ro.co/health-guide/male-masturbation/
      9. ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/mens-health/ejaculation_frequency_and_prostate_cancer
      10. ↑ https://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/do-fewer-women-masturbate-men
      11. ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/sex-pleasure-and-sexual-dysfunction/masturbation/masturbation-healthy
      12. ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/sex-pleasure-and-sexual-dysfunction/masturbation
      13. ↑ https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/22969-orgasm
      14. ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/sex-pleasure-and-sexual-dysfunction/masturbation/masturbation-healthy
      15. ↑ https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/24332-masturbation
      16. ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/sex-pleasure-and-sexual-dysfunction/masturbation/masturbation-healthy
      17. ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/sex-pleasure-and-sexual-dysfunction/masturbation

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