Signs Your Husband Isn’t in Love with You (And How to Handle It)

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Expert advice on getting the love back in your relationship

Co-authored by Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: September 6, 2024 Fact Checked

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Signs He Isn’t In Love with You

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What It Means

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What to Do

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How to React

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Expert Interview

Do you feel like your husband isn’t in love with you anymore? It’s normal for relationships to ebb and flow over time, but this gut-wrenching feeling can be hard to digest. While you won’t know for sure what your husband is thinking unless you ask, there are some signs we’ve listed below that can give you insight into what he’s feeling. Keep reading to learn the top signs that your husband isn’t in love with you anymore, as well as how you can work on the marriage and grow closer together again.

Things You Should Know

Your husband may not be in love with you if he’s much more closed off and private than he used to be.
He may also be struggling with his feelings if he makes an effort to spend time alone or away from your home.
Talk to your husband about what you’ve noticed, and ask him if he’d like to commit to working on the marriage and getting the spark back with you.

Section 1 of 4:

Signs He Isn’t In Love with You

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1
He’s closed off from you. Being private isn’t a bad thing, but a change in your husband’s privacy habits could mean a switch in his feelings. If he used to be an open book but now he’s much more private and closed off, it might mean that he’s falling out of love with you. ^{[1]
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Research source} Other signs to look for include:
- Making decisions without talking to you first.
- Not talking about how he’s feeling.
- Not seeking your support or advice anymore.
- Confiding in friends or coworkers instead of you.
2
He’s not affectionate with you anymore. If your husband used to be very affectionate (holding your hand, giving you kisses, or hugging you) and he suddenly changes, it could mean that he’s falling out of love with you. A change in his habits could mean that something is up or that he’s struggling with his feelings. ^{[2]
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Research source} Watch for other similar signs, like:
- Not saying “I love you” anymore.
- Not doing any romantic gestures toward you anymore.
- Not initiating sex anymore.
- Going through the motions of sex without enjoying it.
- Not sitting or standing close to you anymore.
- Reader Poll: We asked 1184 wikiHow readers, and 76% of them agreed that the biggest sign a romantic partner isn't attracted to you is if they’re not interested in physical intimacy or sex . [Take Poll]
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3
He spends a lot of time alone or apart from you. It’s totally normal to need your alone time. But when your husband makes it a point to get out of the house or spend time apart from you, it could mean he’s making excuses to be on his own. If he needs more alone time, it might mean he’s struggling with his feelings for you. ^{[3]
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Research source} This can result in things like:
- Working late or working more often without complaint.
- Engaging more in his hobbies that take him outside the house.
- Making plans with friends and specifying that you aren't invited.
- Not checking in with you before making plans.
- Being too busy to take you out on dates or spend alone time together.
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He doesn’t put effort into the relationship anymore. All relationships take work, even if you’ve been together for decades. If your husband doesn’t plan dates or do nice things for you anymore, it might mean he’s not willing to put in any effort. ^{[4]
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Research source} Look for other signs of this too, like:
- Not planning dates or date nights.
- Not seeking out fun activities to do together.
- Not doing small gestures for you anymore, like making you coffee or buying you flowers.
- Talking to you as a roommate instead of as a romantic partner.
- Not getting excited when talking about previous memories or experiences together.
EXPERT TIP

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan
Dating Coach

You don't have to chase someone who truly values you. Are you the one who always initiates conversations and makes plans, while your husband is more passive and doesn't return the effort? This imbalance could signal deeper issues in the relationship. Try to have a productive conversation about mutual effort.
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He doesn’t want to work through any issues that come up. Just like relationships take work on their best days, they also take work when there are problems. If your husband brushes off your concerns or won’t tell you when he’s upset, it could be a sign that he’s struggling with his feelings. ^{[5]
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Research source} Other signs include:
- Not checking in with you about how you’re feeling about the relationship.
- Not engaging in serious or deep conversations with you.
- Using passive-aggressive behavior rather than stating problems directly.
- Agreeing with you without seeming to actually care.

Section 2 of 4:

Does not being in love mean he doesn’t love me?

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Not being in love doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you anymore. There’s a difference between being “in love” and loving someone. If your husband tells you that he doesn't love you anymore, it doesn’t mean that all of his love is gone. It could mean that you two need to work on bringing the spark back into your relationship or inserting more romance into your marriage, which you can easily do if both of you commit. ^{[6]
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Research source}
- Even if your husband tells you that he doesn’t love you, it doesn’t mean your marriage is over. If you’re both willing to work on things, you can get the love back in your relationship.

Section 3 of 4:

What to Do If your Husband Doesn’t Love You

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1
Figure out what’s changed about your relationship. Your husband’s feelings probably have changed over time. Take a moment to think to yourself: what’s different about your relationship now? How has your relationship changed over time? Have you both grown as people? These could all be factors that have led to your husband’s behavior. ^{[7]
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Research source}
- For instance, maybe you both used to love romance, but as you’ve gotten more comfortable, that part of the relationship isn’t a priority anymore.
- Or, maybe your husband has new priorities and goals in his life that you aren’t onboard with, which is creating tension in your home.
- As you think, try to identify whether these changes you’re noticing in your husband could be caused by other things, like work stress or financial burdens.
2
Talk to your husband about his feelings. If you aren’t totally sure what your husband is feeling, sit down and talk to him about it. Let him know that you’ve noticed some changes, and you’d like to chat about what’s going on. Give him space to open up without judgment, and listen to him talk about what he’s been feeling.
- “Honey, could we talk? I’ve noticed that you seem a bit more closed off and distant lately. Is there anything you want to bring up?”
- “I know you’ve been stressed lately, but it seems like you’re just too tired to engage in conversations with me. Have your feelings about me changed?”
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Make a decision on what to do next. Once you’ve listened to your husband explain his side, talk about what you both can do moving forward. If you would both like to stay in the marriage and work on things, decide what small changes you can make together to rectify the relationship.
- For instance, maybe your husband is feeling neglected as a partner and feels more like a roommate. In that case, you could dedicate 1 night per week to going out together and having alone time where you share your inner thoughts and focus on having fun together.
- Or, maybe your husband feels like he’s grown and changed as a person. You could commit to picking a new skill and learning it together so you can both grow as people.
- There is a chance that your husband isn’t willing to work on the marriage. In that case, you two can talk about whether or not you’d like to stay together at this point.
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Go to couples counseling to work on the marriage. A professional will help your husband work through his feelings and express what he needs from you. They will also be able to support you as you work on the relationship and express your own needs. Make an appointment with a couples counselor to work on the marriage and commit to each other again. ^{[8]
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Research source}
- Bring this up to your husband by saying something like, “I know we’ve been having some problems lately, and I think a professional could help. Let’s try out 1 appointment and talk about what we’re going through, then see how we feel.”
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Focus on yourself and practicing self-care. Feeling like your husband doesn’t love you anymore can be incredibly stressful. As you go through this process, make sure to practice self-care and de-stress by doing something relaxing once a day. You might try meditating, doing yoga, or even having a spa night at home. ^{[9]
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Trustworthy Source
Mental Health Foundation
UK charity working towards good mental health for all.
Go to source}
- Hang out with your friends and talk to people that you trust. Sometimes, venting to a listening ear is all you need to feel better.

Section 4 of 4:

How to React If Your Husband Says He Doesn’t Love You

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1
Ask him if he wants to work on the marriage. A lack of love doesn’t have to mean not being in a relationship anymore. If there is still an undercurrent of respect, appreciation, and affection in your marriage, it’s possible that your husband loves you, but isn’t in love with you. Ask him whether he’d like to work on things or if he wants to get a divorce for clarification.
- “Does this mean you’d like to separate? Or do you want to work on things and try to repair our relationship?”
- “I didn’t know you felt this way. Is there anything we can do together to bring those feelings back?”
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Express your own feelings about the situation. Hearing that your husband doesn’t love you anymore can be devastating, and it’s natural to feel upset. Let your husband know that while you’re glad he’s expressing himself, his words and his feelings have hurt you.
- “I want you to know that I still love you, and I’d like to work on things. Hearing that you don’t love me anymore makes me very sad.”
- “I knew you were upset about something, but I could never have guessed our issues went this deep. I’m willing to do anything to save this marriage.”
3
Continue to respect each other. Even if there is a lack of love in the relationship, it doesn’t mean you two have to be enemies now. Your husband’s feelings may have changed, but you can both still respect each other as partners, parents, or cohabitors. As you work on your relationship and decide what to do next, always respect your husband (and make sure he respects you).
- For instance, just because your husband is having some wavering feelings doesn’t mean he should go out and date other people or seek other relationships (since that would be disrespectful to you).
- Similarly, just because your husband has opened up about his feelings doesn’t mean you should get upset with him for how he’s feeling or tell him not to express himself.

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