How to Plan for Kids

Co-authored by Allison Broennimann, PhD

Last Updated: December 21, 2024 References

It's become a cliché that you can never really be “ready” to have children. Still, starting a family is a major, life-changing undertaking, and you should take the time to prepare for it. Thinking about having children? Start with Step 1.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Preparing Yourself Mentally

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1
Make a decision. The first step is to decide, independently and for yourself, whether you want to have a child. Are you willing to take responsibility for another human being? Are you prepared to make the sacrifices necessary to raise a child? Do you genuinely want to be a parent?
- Consider, too, whether you want to have more than one child. Of course, people change their minds, but having an idea about how many children you'd like will help you plan for your family effectively.
2
Talk to your partner. If you have a spouse or partner, you should talk to this person at length about your plans; after all, having a family is something you will need to do together. Both of you should feel ready to start a family; otherwise, it might not be the right time.
- Discuss your plans for raising children. What kind of parents will you be? What methods of education and discipline will you use? What kind of person do you want your child to become?
- Talk about potentially divisive topics, such as religion. If you and your partner have different religious backgrounds, you should try to decide in advance how you will deal with that issue. In what religion will you raise your child? What will you teach your child about religion?
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3
Think about how you will balance work and family. Pregnancy and parenthood will certainly affect your career. Depending on your current job, you may need to consider whether you will be able to balance your career obligations with your family life. If you plan to return to work after your child is born, consider:
- how your pregnancy and postpartum recovery period will affect your career
- whether your typical working hours will allow you to be an active, involved parent
- who will take care of your child while you are working
- whether you will be able to afford the cost of child care
When you have a child, your social life will change. It will be more difficult to go out at night, and you may find that you are too tired or too wrapped up in domestic concerns to try. You may see your friends less frequently, especially those who do not have children themselves. Traveling will become more complicated.
Becoming parents may strengthen your bond and cement your relationship, but it will also change your time together. Your time and affections will have to be shared by your partner and your child or children, and your kids will often have to take precedence: their needs will come first. You will have to work harder to make time for romance and sex.
6
Make a pre-pregnancy “to-do” list. Think about things you would like to do before you start your family, and try to do as many of those things as you can. For example, consider:
- traveling, especially to exotic or romantic destinations
- enjoying parties and nightlife
- indulging in luxuries like massages, salon treatments, and shopping
- accomplishing health and fitness goals
- achieving important career milestones
Before you conceive, do some reading and research about pregnancy, prenatal care, baby care, and parenting. Know what you're getting into! You'll be better prepared to handle these challenges in you think about them in advance.
8
Decide whether you need to move. Depending on your living situation, you may need to move to a better location or a larger space. Think about:
- whether you have enough space. Will children have their own bedrooms? How do you feel about them sharing bedrooms? Do you have storage space for their belongings?
- whether your home is conveniently located. Are you close to good schools and recreational opportunities? Are there parks and safe places to play?
- whether you have family and friends nearby. When you have a baby, it can help to be near loved ones. Consider whether you want to be closer to friends and family members.
9
Plan for age differences between your children. It may be impossible to choose exactly how far apart your children are spaced, but it can help to think about whether you'd like your children to be close in age or not.
- When children are close in age, they will have more in common and may enjoy many of the same activities. They will grow up together. However, having more than one young child at a time can mean a lot of work for you, especially during the first couple of years.
- When children are further apart in age, they may have less in common and seem less close as siblings. However, it may be less stressful to have only one young child at a time, and if you wait to have a second child, your first may be able to help and serve as a role model.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Preparing Yourself Financially

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If possible, before you start trying to conceive, consider working extra hours or doing side work to raise extra money. Having a family is expensive – often more expensive than people realize. Increasing your income now will help offset future costs.
Children are expensive. You will need to buy equipment (crib, stroller, car seat, high chair, and the like), clothes, diapers, and feeding supplies. Ideally, you should research the costs of these things in your area before you start trying to conceive.
3
Consider the cost of child care and education. If you plan to return to work, you will need to find quality child care. Depending on your area, you may also need to pay for your child's education once he or she reaches school age. These are major expenses that must be considered before you start a family.
- If you do plan to use a child care provider, make sure you find one that is fully licensed. Doing so will help ensure that you can deduct some of the expense from your taxable income.
Even if you plan to return to work after the birth of your baby, chances are that during and after your pregnancy, you'll miss work for various reasons. Additionally, depending on your job, you may not be paid for any maternity leave you take.
When you are planning to have kids, you should start saving as much money as you can. Doing so will help offset future costs. It will also make you feel more comfortable and secure in your decision to start a family.
6
Look into the possibility of working from home. If your job allows it, working from home may help you solve some of the most common problems with work-life balance while keeping all or part of your income.
- Note, however, that even if you work from home, you will probably need to pay for some child care. Otherwise, you will struggle to accomplish anything when home with your child.
Depending on your job and your area, you may benefit from disability insurance, which could, in some situations, make sure that you continue to earn an income during your pregnancy. Do some research, and factor that into your plans.
8
Try to save on baby gear. You may be able to purchase some items used, and you may be able to get some items free from friends and family members with older children. Look into these options before you start purchasing everything brand new.
- Consider checking Craigslist, garage sales, and second-hand stores as well. Children outgrow this equipment so quickly that it's best to be frugal.
- Car seats should always be purchased new. It's the only way to be sure that the seat has not been in an accident (which makes it unsafe for us). With other items, just use caution and make sure they conform to safety standards. You may have to do some research to be positive.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Preparing Yourself Physically

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1
Get a physical. Before you conceive, schedule an appointment with your primary care physician to get standard blood tests, update your vaccinations, and discuss your overall health. Particular concerns may include:
- your weight. Being at a healthy weight will make it easier to conceive and will help maximize your odds of having a healthy pregnancy.
- your age. If you are over 35, you should talk to your doctor about how your age will affect a potential pregnancy.
- chronic illnesses. If you have heart problems, high blood pressure, diabetes, or any other major health issue, you should discuss a potential pregnancy with your doctor. When you get pregnant, you may need to adjust your medications or take additional steps to ensure that you and your baby stay healthy.
The hormone fluctuations associated with pregnancy can cause or exacerbate problems with your teeth and gums. It's best to see a dentist before you conceive to resolve any longstanding issues and make sure you start your pregnancy with good oral health and hygiene.
3
Schedule a pre-pregnancy visit with your gynecologist. In addition to seeing your doctor and dentist, you should make an appointment with your gynecologist before you start trying to conceive. Your gynecologist will perform a routine pelvic exam and Pap test to check for infections, signs of cervical cancer, and any other problems that might make conceiving or carrying a baby to term difficult.
- Seeing your gynecologist is especially important if you have a history of miscarriages, stillborn births, or ectopic pregnancies.
- If you start trying to conceive and do not see results within six months to a year, you'll want to schedule another appointment to discuss potential fertility problems.
4
Eat healthfully. Good nutrition is vital to a healthy pregnancy, even during the earliest period, when you may not even realize that you are pregnant. Therefore, it's best to start eating healthfully before you conceive. Aim to consume plenty of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean proteins, and low-fat dairy products.
- Make sure, especially, to get enough vitamin D, iron, calcium, and folic acid. Consider taking a daily prenatal vitamin as soon as you start trying to conceive.
Regular, moderate exercise will improve your mood, energy levels, and blood circulation. It will also help you maintain a healthy weight.
Smoking during pregnancy is very dangerous. The nicotine and carbon monoxide in cigarettes can cause stillborn births, premature deliveries, and low birth weights. Furthermore, smoking during pregnancy can cause problems for your child later in life: he or she may have lung, heart, or brain problems as a result. If you smoke, do everything you can to stop before you start trying to conceive.
Like smoking, drinking alcohol is very dangerous during pregnancy. It increases the likelihood of miscarriages and stillborn births, and it also raises the risk of your child developing learning, speech, language, or behavior problems. In severe cases, heavy drinking leads to fetal alcohol syndrome (FAS), which permanently damages the child's central nervous system. Stop drinking as soon as you start trying to conceive.
Just as smoking and drinking can threaten your pregnancy and pose risks to your unborn children, using other drugs can also be extremely dangerous. The particular consequences depend on the specific drugs, but in general, it's best to stop putting any unnecessary chemicals into your body once you start trying to conceive.
Before you start trying to conceive, you need to consider whether your job will affect your ability to conceive or to have a healthy pregnancy. If you have a physically demanding job or work someplace where you could be exposed to harmful chemicals or fumes, you may need to modify or quit your job.
Once you have seen your doctor, dentist, and gynecologist and taken steps to ensure you are as healthy as possible, you can stop using contraception and begin trying to get pregnant.
11
Identify your fertile days. You can increase your odds of conceiving by charting your menstrual cycle and having sex during your fertile period. For most women, days 11 to 14 are the most fertile; for best results, you might try having sex every day or every other day between days 7 and 20.
- If your menstrual cycle is irregular or you are having trouble conceiving, consider using an ovulation predictor kit. You can buy these kits online or at drug stores. They check your urine for luteinizing hormone (LH) to help you determine your most fertile days.

How Does Having Children Change Your Relationship?

Plan your Pregnancy with this Expert Series

Finding out that you're pregnant can be both exciting and scary. We've put together this expert series to help you announce your pregnancy, make sure you're ready, and put together a pregnancy plan.

1

Tell Your Parents That You Are Pregnant

2

Tell Your Boyfriend You're Pregnant

3

Plan for Kids

4

Prepare for a New Baby

5

Tell Your Friends You're Pregnant

6

Have a Healthy Pregnancy

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Is it okay not to have kids if I don't want them?

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Yes, of course! You are under no obligation to have kids if you don't want to. It's your life.

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Recognize that you will not be able to plan for everything. Unexpected circumstances always arise where pregnancy and parenthood are concerned. Follow the above steps to plan as best you can, but accept that some things are out of your control.

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Talk to friends and family members who have recently started families. They may be able to point out potential costs and problems that you have not considered.

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Some potential parents might find the services of a genetic counselor helpful. If you are concerned about hereditary diseases, ask your doctor for a referral.

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How to Plan for Kids

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Preparing Yourself Mentally

Preparing Yourself Financially

Preparing Yourself Physically

How Does Having Children Change Your Relationship?

Plan your Pregnancy with this Expert Series

Community Q&A

Tips

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