A Guide to Platonic Marriage: Meaning, Advantages & More

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Is tying the knot with your best friend the right choice for you?
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A platonic marriage is typically when two friends who aren’t sexually or romantically involved decide to get married to each other. Platonic marriages aren’t a new invention, but many couples are becoming more vocal about their relationships and encouraging others to marry their platonic life partners. If you’re wondering what the advantages of this kind of partnership are, who decides to get married platonically, or if a platonic marriage is right for you, you’ve come to the right place. Let’s get started!

Things You Should Know

  • A platonic marriage is a legal union between two people who don’t have a sexual or romantic relationship with one another.
  • Marrying platonically allows you to pursue other people and have a comfortable dependable partnership with one of your best friends.
  • People might enter a platonic marriage if they made a pact with a friend, if they’re asexual, or if they want to raise a child together.
Section 1 of 5:

What is a platonic marriage?

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  1. This doesn’t mean that you’re “just friends”—platonic relationships are usually with a person you have a close bond with and who has your trust, confidence, and loyalty. Some couples give each other the freedom to date outside of their marriage, while other partners identify as asexual and don’t have any interest in pursuing that kind of relationship with anyone, including their spouse. [1]
    • Platonic marriages can be between same-sex couples or opposite-sex couples. Some people also joke about having a “work spouse,” which can be an unofficial platonic marriage.
  2. State marriage licenses don’t ask if people who decide to marry are sexually or romantically involved with each other, and because of same-sex marriage legalization, friends of any sex can marry. When you marry, the state only asks if the commitment is authentic and requires that you be honest about your name, birthday, and other legal information. [2]
    • This means that platonic married couples can get divorced just like traditional marriage couples can. These divorces tend to be more amicable because both people were friends first and don’t split up because someone cheated or lost interest in the other person.
    • International marriages follow different guidelines, and may require a Green Card interview to investigate if the marriage is “authentic.” In this case, platonic marriage might not be a viable option. [3]
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Section 2 of 5:

Advantages of a Platonic Marriage

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  1. Unlike romantic partnerships, platonic marriage partners may have a more stable and flexible connection because there isn’t a fear of the other person losing interest or finding someone else. They also provide partners an opportunity to explore different parts of themselves and build unique experiences and memories with friends. [4]
    • Because platonic marriages are less likely to end in messy breakups, you might also free yourself from feeling heartbroken.
  2. Tons of relationships become unstable because of jealousy, boredom, lack of communication, or infidelity. However, two very close friends who want to spend the rest of their lives together may not have to constantly worry about keeping up a romantic connection or satisfying the other person’s sexual needs. As a result, they might feel more freedom to be themselves in the marriage. [5]
    • Most platonic relationships don’t involve sex at all. However, some platonic relationships might involve sex or intimacy as long as romantic feelings aren’t involved.
  3. A platonic marriage means that you get to spend your life with the person you’re closest to and trust the most. Since this kind of partnership doesn’t typically involve sexual or romantic intimacy, both partners acknowledge and respect each other’s needs, boundaries, and desires. [6]
  4. Because they’re created with built-in boundaries and don’t have sex or romance to get in the way, platonic marriages tend to be less complicated than traditional marriages. That means there might be less to fight over, and fewer chances of you two “breaking up” in the end. [7]
    • Although there is no official statistic about platonic marriages and divorce, these kinds of partnerships tend to end amicably because the two people were friends first and only want the best for each other.
  5. Getting married not only has psychological and emotional benefits, but it definitely can have economic advantages. Although benefits might vary state-to-state, here are some of the more universal advantages of getting married platonically: [8]
    • Tax benefits: You can file joint state tax returns, take spousal deductions on state income taxes, exempt property that was inherited from spouses from the state estate tax, and get benefits when transferring interests in property.
    • Social Security benefits: Spouses may be eligible for Social Security benefits, even if they never worked under Social Security. [9]
    • Insurance benefits: State, municipal, and private employers might offer insurance to same-sex or opposite-sex spouses. However, same-sex coverage depends on the company.
    • Healthcare: Spouses can make emergency medical care decisions for each other and take family medical and bereavement leave.
    • Parental rights: Opposite-sex partners can be listed as parents for their children. In some states, the non-biological parent in a same-sex relationship may have to get a second-parent adoption to enjoy parental rights.
    • Inheritance and property ownership: Many laws make it easier for married couples to transfer or jointly own property.
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Section 3 of 5:

Reasons to Marry Platonically

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  1. Maybe you don’t want to have a serious romantic relationship, you identify as asexual, or you want a life partner who’s okay if you have another relationship or two going on on the side. Whatever the case may be, some people just want to be with someone who doesn’t have to have sex or romance to be happy with them.
  2. It’s not uncommon for some people to become “platonic parents” and marry to raise a child together. They might be LGBTQ+ friends who want to form a family, two people who married after one partner’s spouse died to support the child together, or long-term friends who wanted to raise a kid. [10]
    • One of the benefits of being platonic partners with children is that you might be able to navigate disagreements more effectively because romance doesn’t come before the best interests of the kid.
    • Some partners might choose to have children together but keep their relationship platonic otherwise.
  3. Some people make an agreement with a close friend that if they reach a certain age and aren’t in a committed relationship, then they would marry each other. This agreement might never be fulfilled, or some friends go through with the idea and marry each other platonically.
  4. This is different from sexless marriages because, in this situation, the romantic relationship becomes platonic by choice. Some couples may lose the “spark” in their marriage but choose to stay together because they want to continue raising their kids together. [11]
    • In a platonic marriage, both partners make an agreement before getting married to not have a sexual or romantic relationship with each other, whereas, in a sexless marriage, the relationship starts out sexual and there’s no verbal agreement to stop having sex.
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Section 4 of 5:

How do you plan for a platonic marriage?

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  1. Consider what boundaries you’d like to set with your partner beforehand, and be open about what you’re okay and not okay with doing. Here are some things you may want to consider when talking with your partner about getting married platonically: [12]
    • Consider whether you want to incorporate or limit physical intimacy with each other or other people
    • Define what respect means for your relationship with your partner
    • Think about what topics you might not feel comfortable discussing with each other, like external sexual relationships.
    • How the two of you will discuss issues without letting conflict fester.
Section 5 of 5:

What if a traditional marriage becomes platonic?

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  1. There are many possible causes, and sometimes the exact reason is hard to pinpoint. Here are some of the more common reasons your relationship might feel platonic or sexless: [13]
    • One partner wants more sex than the other because of the differences in your libidos.
    • One or both partners might be suffering from mental or physical illness that makes it hard to enjoy sex.
    • One or both of you may be bored with familiar sex that no longer feels fun or exciting.
  2. Start by telling your partner that you feel like your relationship has turned platonic and communicate what you would like your sex life to look like. Ask your partner what they want and try to work towards a compromise together. Here are some more tips to help rekindle your relationship: [14]
    • Go to a couples therapist to help break down any walls in your communication with your spouse.
    • Try to show regular affection and intimacy, whether you like to massage your partner, caress them, cuddle them, kiss them, or just hold them close.
    • Up the romance by having a date night, taking a weekend trip alone, or giving your spouse love notes or little compliments throughout the day.
    • Although it may not seem romantic, planning sex into your schedule may help keep your sexual relationship alive. Not only can penciling sex into your plans generate anticipation, but it can also help you and your partner get mentally prepared for sex ahead of time.
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How does the transition from a romantic relationship to a platonic one typically happen, especially after having kids?
    Anna Svetchnikov
    Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
    Anna Svetchinkov, LMFT is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Mental Health Advocate, and Author based in Florida. With over 15 years of experience, she helps individuals, couples, and families nationwide and worldwide overcome challenges and achieve their goals through speaking engagements and presentations. Anna is a dynamic presenter who's appeared on major media networks, including PBS, FOX, ABC, and NBC, sharing her expertise in family therapy and mental wellness. She's a published author with over 30 books for children, adolescents, teens, and adults, covering topics related to mental health and wellness. Passionate about destigmatizing mental health, she founded the non-profit "I Care We All Care." Anna has received several awards for her contributions to the mental health field and was selected as one of Florida's ‘40 under 40.’ She received a BS in Psychology and a Master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from UMass Boston and is pursuing her Ph.D in Clinical Sexology from MSTI.
    Anna Svetchnikov
    Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
    Expert Answer
    The shift from romantic to platonic after having kids is often not a conscious choice. With a new baby, couples get exhausted dealing with all the extra responsibilities and chores. This can lead to built-up resentment and loss of connection. The relationship becomes more transactional - focused on daily tasks rather than emotional bonding. Communication changes from romantic to just reminders about household stuff. With this lack of spark, especially for women, physical intimacy decreases over time. Slowly, the relationship starts to feel more like roommates than romantic partners. While there are different scenarios, a common thread is that loss of intimacy, which becomes a big issue. The exhaustion and daily grind of parenthood can unintentionally chip away at romance without couples even realizing it.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://theamm.org/articles/739-platonic-marriage-why-friends-say-i-do-how-to-officiate-these-unconventional-cer
      2. ↑ https://theamm.org/articles/739-platonic-marriage-why-friends-say-i-do-how-to-officiate-these-unconventional-cer
      3. ↑ https://www.immigrationhelp.org/learning-center/what-to-expect-at-your-green-card-interview
      4. ↑ https://www.insider.com/guides/health/sex-relationships/platonic-relationship
      5. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/platonic-relationship
      6. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/platonic-relationship
      7. ↑ https://www.insider.com/guides/health/sex-relationships/platonic-relationship
      8. ↑ https://www.nyclu.org/en/publications/know-your-rights-frequently-asked-questions-about-new-yorks-marriage-equality-act
      9. ↑ https://www.ssa.gov/benefits/retirement/planner/applying7.html
      1. ↑ https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20181218-is-platonic-parenting-the-relationship-of-the-future
      2. ↑ https://www.insidehook.com/daily_brief/sex-and-dating/platonic-marriage
      3. ↑ https://www.insider.com/guides/health/sex-relationships/platonic-relationship
      4. ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/relationship-feels-like-friendship/
      5. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/sexless-marriage#tips

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