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Expert Q&A for How to Deal with a Dismissive Avoidant Partner
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QuestionDo avoidants want to be chased?Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist in private practice in San Jose, CA, and the co-creator of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook's Headquarters, and a consultant with Digital Ocean’s Safety Team. He specializes in assisting high-achieving adults with relationship issues, stress reduction, anxiety, and attaining more happiness in their lives. In 2016 he gave a well-watched TEDx talk about men and emotions. Dr. Dorsay has a M.A. in Counseling from Santa Clara University and received his doctorate in Clinical Psychology in 2008.No, they don't. For instance, if they say they want to spend a night at home alone, don't constantly call or text them. That's just going to push them away.
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QuestionHow do you know your attachment style?Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist in private practice in San Jose, CA, and the co-creator of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook's Headquarters, and a consultant with Digital Ocean’s Safety Team. He specializes in assisting high-achieving adults with relationship issues, stress reduction, anxiety, and attaining more happiness in their lives. In 2016 he gave a well-watched TEDx talk about men and emotions. Dr. Dorsay has a M.A. in Counseling from Santa Clara University and received his doctorate in Clinical Psychology in 2008.The best way to find out about your attachment style is to read up on the different ones—the most common are anxious, avoidant, and secure. See which one really fits you.
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QuestionCan you be a mix of attachment styles?Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist in private practice in San Jose, CA, and the co-creator of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook's Headquarters, and a consultant with Digital Ocean’s Safety Team. He specializes in assisting high-achieving adults with relationship issues, stress reduction, anxiety, and attaining more happiness in their lives. In 2016 he gave a well-watched TEDx talk about men and emotions. Dr. Dorsay has a M.A. in Counseling from Santa Clara University and received his doctorate in Clinical Psychology in 2008.You'll typically have a dominant style in most of your relationships. However, that might vary, depending on the relationship. With some people, you might be very secure, with others you might be anxious, and with some people you might be detached. It depends on the stage of the relationship and the situation at hand.
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QuestionWhat happens when an avoidant person dates an anxious person?Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist in private practice in San Jose, CA, and the co-creator of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook's Headquarters, and a consultant with Digital Ocean’s Safety Team. He specializes in assisting high-achieving adults with relationship issues, stress reduction, anxiety, and attaining more happiness in their lives. In 2016 he gave a well-watched TEDx talk about men and emotions. Dr. Dorsay has a M.A. in Counseling from Santa Clara University and received his doctorate in Clinical Psychology in 2008.Often what happens in those relationships, the avoidant person gets annoyed by the anxious person's overtures to reach out, and the anxious person works all the harder to somehow win over that avoidant person. However, with knowledge of the attachment styles and the facilitation of a good couple's therapist, they can learn to deal with those things.
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