Q&A for How to Get Over a Friend's Betrayal

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What should I say to a friend who betrayed me?

Nancy Lin, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Nancy Lin is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the Owner of Go to Sleep San Diego, a private practice providing therapy for people suffering from insomnia, trauma, depression, and related problems. She is also trained in issues related to cultural diversity in mental health. Dr. Lin holds a Bachelors degree in Psychology from The University of California, Berkeley and a Masters degree in Medical Anthropology from the University of London, SOAS. She earned her Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from The University of Massachusetts Boston and completed an APA-accredited internship and postdoctoral training at the VA San Diego Healthcare System (VASDHS).

Nancy Lin, PhD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

If you still want to stay friends with the person, have a conversation about your values so they understand what they did wrong.

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Question

How do I keep calm after getting angered by my friends betraying me?

Community Answer

Sometimes you can’t keep calm. And that’s okay. Just walk away. Don’t yell at them. Keep your distance until you've had a chance to calm down, then try to talk to them about what happened. Tell them why you're upset and see if you can work through the issue. If it's a serious betrayal and you don't think you can be friends with them anymore, then tell them that, calmly. You can always make new friends and you don't need to keep someone in your life that you can't trust or that mistreats you.

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Question

What do I do if a friend betrays me and I'm depressed about it?

Community Answer

It's okay to be depressed. Don't try to get over it immediately. Feel your feelings. Write about them in a journal, and/or talk to someone you're close to about what happened. Try to make some new friends. It will get easier with time.

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Question

If after a year of my absence (I moved to another place), my best friend starts to avoid talking to me and I myself do not find it comfortable talking to her anymore, what should I do?

samuel sklar

Community Answer

Just move on. Some things don't last forever. It's upsetting, but that's how life goes. The second option is to try to talk it out via phone, etc. If all else fails, just try not to dwell on it. Just move on and find someone else to be friends with.

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What should I do if I don't want to forget because it's happened so often before?

Community Answer

If a person has repeatedly betrayed you, that person is not a good friend. It is probably time to move on and make new friends. Tell them the friendship is over.

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Question

What do I do if a group of friends started ganging up on me together and I feel left out?

Community Answer

Find a new group to sit with. I had this happen to me as well. I distanced myself from that group and found a better group that respected me. If the group keeps being mean to you, tell someone you trust about it and try to ignore the group.

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Question

My best friend pretends that I'm her best friend, but her real best friend is someone else. What do I do?

Community Answer

Confront her (calmly) and tell her how you feel. Maybe she doesn't feel like she's doing anything wrong. It is okay for a person to have more than one friend, and even more than one best friend, but if you feel like she's neglecting you or not treating you well, you should talk to her. Hopefully you two can work it out.

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Question

I have recently betrayed a very close friend, but did it accidentally. Should I try to speak to my friend?

Community Answer

Yes. Ask her to hear you out. If she refuses, wait a few days and try again. If she agrees to talk to you, apologize for whatever happened and try to explain, without making excuses for yourself. If she refuses to accept your apology, you'll at least know you did everything you could to try to make amends.

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Question

How do I get over a friend's betrayal if she ignores me and walks away when I try to talk to her about it?

Community Answer

Sometimes the best thing to do is ignore it and move on. If she notices it not seeming to matter to you, she may wind up feeling worse than she made you feel.

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Question

What can I do if I made a mistake and my friend does not want to forgive me?

Community Answer

If you've apologized, you've done all you can do. Give them some space and let them think about it. There's a good chance they'll end up forgiving you eventually, but if you keep bothering them about it, they'll only get more upset.

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How do I get over my best friend betraying me if I'm alone and don't have any friends?

Community Answer

Try and make new friends. Don't think about the betrayal too much; focus on meeting new people instead. Consider joining a club at school or trying out for a sport. These are great ways to meet people. You should also talk to a family member or adult at school (like a teacher of counselor) about how you're feeling.

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Question

What do I do if my best friend got mad at me and told my crush I like them?

Community Answer

It's not the end of the world. Hey, this is your chance to find out if your crush likes you back, since everybody already knows. As for your friend, if they've apologized, you should forgive them. He/she is your best friend, and everybody makes mistakes. Let it go and move on.

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Question

My friend is a complete narcissist. She spurned my attempts to help her, calling me rude. What should I do?

Community Answer

Talk to her about it. If she doesn't listen, look at the situation from her point of view. Were you being rude? If not, try to make up with her. If she still doesn't listen, you can choose to leave her or not.

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Question

How do I deal with my best friend throwing me under the bus?

Community Answer

Well first thing, get out of the road. Don't let them get to you. They're only doing it because they know you better. Just remember to be the bigger person and don't give in.

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Question

Should I betray my friends if they betrayed me?

Community Answer

No. If you feel betrayal is wrong, then you doing it makes you wrong as well.

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Question

What do I do if a group of friends avoids me, or yells at me for no good reason? How do I get over this?

Community Answer

They are just not good friends if they yell at you. Try hanging out with a new group of friends and try to stay away from that group for about a week or a bit longer. Then go back and ask why they yelled at yo. If they apologize, you could try to become friends with them but if this does not help, then just ignore and avoid them as much as possible.

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