Q&A for How to Give Someone the Silent Treatment

Return to Full Article

Search
Add New Question
  • Question
    Is silent treatment effective in a relationship?
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach
    John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    Silent treatment can be an effective way to send a message that you're upset about something, but it's not a very mature way to deal with things. If something is upsetting you, it's important to communicate with your partner and see if changes can be made. And if you can't, it might be time to ask yourself if you want to be in a relationship where you have to give someone the silent treatment to get their attention.
  • Question
    What if I've attempted on multiple occasions to express how much this person affected my life negatively and is very manipulating, would being silent work?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    Perhaps even more than silence? If the person has had a repeated and strongly negative impact on you, maybe you should stop being friends altogether? If that's not an option, stand up for yourself even more strongly. Manipulative people keep manipulating you if you do not actively oppose them. Silence is passive.
  • Question
    Is the silent treatment good for an ex boyfriend trying to get under my skin?
    Community Answer
    Yes, you can give him the silent treatment.
  • Question
    What a girl should do if a guy needs time?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    Give him time, but stay on his radar. Hang out with friends, have a good time, post pictures of it on social media and make sure he has seen them. Let him see what a great girl you are and how much fun your life is, and that he could be part of it.
  • Question
    How do I know if someone is trying to give me the silent treatment?
    Community Answer
    He or she will avoid talking with you; if you start a conversation, their replies may be short, or they may end the conversation quickly. The person will often go out of their way to avoid meeting you, and thus to avoid further conversation.
  • Question
    I was trying to ignore them but they called me a bully. What do I?
    Community Answer
    Not talking to someone who has been hassling you or giving you the silent treatment is not a form of bullying. Ironically enough, in this case the accusation is a form of intimidation in itself, a last ditch attempt to make you look or feel bad, even though the person saying it couldn't care less how much they have been hurting you. Just chuckle and say "Whatever" and leave it at that. They are losing the upper hand once you fail to respond and will likely try anything to keep you feeling bad.
  • Question
    What if they just keep pushing me to talk?
    Community Answer
    In that case, you just need to come out and tell them that right now, you need to take some time to cool off before you say something you'll regret. Either that, or just tell them you'll talk to them when you're ready to talk.
  • Question
    How can I ignore a friend whom I can't trust anymore? I don't want to be their friend anymore, at all.
    Community Answer
    Tell your friend what you feel about the relationship first, saying that as you feel you can no longer trust them, that you've had enough and don't want to be friends anymore. After that, break contact by removing them from your friend contact lists on social media, ceasing to have conversations with them and only being polite as required (such as if paired for classwork or if you have to participate in group work at work). If they try to talk to you in a social context, don't be rude but don't be helpful either, and just say the bare minimum before moving off.
  • Question
    What if someone in the building rings our buzzer, intentionally trying to wake us up early morning? Should we ignore them and give them the silent treatment, or we should also buzz this person's doorbell?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    Ringing the other person's buzzer is a dead-end. Instead, you could disconnect your own buzzer at night, or get up early and catch them in the act. A better way is to talk to them about it, help them understand why this behavior is unacceptable. Finally, you can certainly file a police report as well.
  • Question
    I want to give my dad the silent treatment, because if I say anything I get in trouble unless I'm agreeing with him. Any advice?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    Some people think they are always right and have forgotten that others have different opinions, thoughts and ideas. In debates and conversation, they don't even listen to others anymore, let alone change their mind based on new information. Normally, you want to just end all contact with such people, beyond niceties like how are you and something about the weather. Since it's your dad, try something like: "Look, with you it's either agree with you or get in trouble. I don't like that, it makes me not want to talk to you anymore; you're my dad and that upsets me."
  • Question
    What if he won't talk to me?
    Community Answer
    Then he won't talk to you. You could write a letter and leave it with him, expressing how his silent treatment causes you to feel. But do yourself a favor, you deserve more than silent treatment, so consider not relating to this person anymore and finding better people to fill your life with. A person using the silent treatment is a control freak and they are very uncomfortable people to live around.
  • Question
    My boyfriend keeps ignoring me so I'm ignoring him back until he realizes how it feels. Is this a good idea?
    Community Answer
    The better and more mature option would be to tell him how you're feeling and why you're upset. Otherwise, he might not realize anything is wrong, and your relationship will continue to grow distant.
  • Question
    Is the silent treatment cruel to relationships?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    It is always cruel. Humans are social beings, so to be excluded from social interaction is the cruelest punishment imaginable. But it is effective. Talking is better, so always follow up your silent treatment with a good, honest conversation.
  • Question
    What do I do if the person that I'm trying to ignore is my parent?
    Community Answer
    Unfortunately, there really isn't a way to do it without getting in trouble. Instead, consider writing them a letter about how you feel, and then keeping yourself in your room for awhile until you cool off.
  • Question
    The girl I am dating always hurt me with words and behaviors. I already told her that hurts me, but she keeps doing it. Should I give her the silent treatment?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    That is one way to approach this, yes. Make sure to use it in a constructive way, keeping later communication possible. The thing to remember is that it are her actions that are hurting you, so she must be made aware of that. Perhaps communicating that is a better way than the silent treatment, though it can be a first step in that communication. Do not accept this behavior from anyone, but especially not from someone who is supposed to love you. Talk to her again, more clearly, more firmly, until she is forced to understand what you feel.
  • Question
    My friends sat at another table during Health? They ditched me to be alone. I've been friends with them all year. What can I do?
    Community Answer
    You could always ask your friends why they ditched you. But, if you have a friend who you think might be a bad influence and that friend is with your other friends, you could try to confront your friends about it. If they truly are your friends, they will understand.
  • Question
    My husband ignored me and slept in the living room after I tried to talk about feelings and it really hurt me. Should I ignore him?
    Community Answer
    Perhaps you should give him some space for a while. It might help him realize that he was wrong. If he asks you what's wrong, then you can talk to him.
  • Question
    Whenever I say something I don't like, my boyfriend thinks I don't respect him anymore. I love him. I've been nothing but a loyal girlfriend and I hate fighting with him. Any advice?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    It's a childish way of thinking on his part. You need to address this, after you have thought about whether you want to spend the time it will take him to figure this out, staying in this relationship with him. It's like a child throwing a tantrum in the aisle of the supermarket because mommy said no to buying a candy bar. You disagree with something and he says you don't respect him? So what are you to do, say yes and no like a slave just to please him? If he can't accept that he can't have everything his way, he has some growing up to do. Point this out to him, but find a more mature boyfriend if necessary.
  • Question
    I've decided to stop trusting and liking people who I thought were very supportive of me. What if I never bothered to speak with them ever again? Am I just being cynical?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    A bit cynical, yes. Consider staying on speaking terms, at least. Life can get pretty lonely at times. But hey, if you don't want to speak to them, no one can force you.
  • Question
    How can I ignore someone if they get on my nerves?
    Community Answer
    Here are a few choices, you could use one or use a combination: Leave the room. Tell them to be quiet, and give and excuse. Tell them you have something important to do, and if you miss it, something bad could happen. Flick things like small paper balls at them to be annoying back.
  • Question
    What if it's a drunk spouse?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    Drunkenness eliminates any chance of any kind of meaningful conversation anyway, so there's not much good in talking. If your spouse is drunk on a regular basis, consider getting help, or consider whether you want to be with a drunk at all.
  • Question
    Is it recommended to use the silent treatment just for fun?
    Community Answer
    No, I wouldn't use the silent treatment for fun. It can be very hurtful to the people who are on the receiving end.
  • Question
    What if my friends think that I'm a weirdo just because I give them silent treatment?
    Community Answer
    That's fine -- it means they noticed and maybe they will change their behavior.
  • Question
    What if I don't want things to be like this, and I've say sorry, but the person still gives me the silent treatment?
    Community Answer
    It's really hard when a person is silent and you don't know what he/she thinks inside. Continue to try to talk to her and both tell and show her you really care. If the situation is still the same after many attempts, you may have to step back and accept that you've done all you can on your end.
  • Question
    What can I do if my girlfriend is giving me the silent treatment?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    It's supposed to be used to force you to think of what is wrong, so try to figure that out. Of course, it would be easier to just talk about it, but sometimes you need to figure things out for yourself. Let her know you're working on that, and let her know how you feel about her silent treatment. Other than that, give her some space, don't text or message too much. But you could hug her, that's always a good thing.
  • Question
    Recently, I have started giving my friend the silent treatment because she has been hurting another person's feelings. How long should I continue giving her the silent treatment?
    Community Answer
    Your friend is probably confused as to why she are getting the silent treatment from you if you have not talked to her about the issue. Before doing anything drastic, try and break the treatment and talk to her about how her actions are not only bothering these other people, but you as well. If she truly is your friend, she will listen and try to break this behavior so you can make peace.
  • Question
    I was dating a woman who now refuses any type of communication with me. We dated for two years. I've battled depression for the last year and now it's under control, but she still refuses to talk to me. Help, please?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    It's best to just let it go. Take a few deep breaths and just say "OK". If she doesn't want to talk to you, well, there really isn't much to be done about it. Your ex has reasons not to talk to you; they are her reasons, not yours. So leave it be. It's hard, but that's the best way to go.
  • Question
    My cousin seems to be in the habit of giving the silent treatment a lot, and it bothers me because I'm a sensitive person. We live together, so how can I possibly get back at her so she could feel the same?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    Try to forget about the 'getting back at her' part, revenge is not very useful. Focus instead on making her understand how her actions are hurting you. Tell her it signals a lack of respect, and her behavior is unacceptable. If you make this clear to her, chances are, she'll feel bad, which is exactly the way you are feeling now.
  • Question
    What are some examples where giving someone the silent treatment is inappropriate?
    Community Answer
    If the person is attempting to have a mature conversation with you, then using the silent treatment is inappropriate. It is also inappropriate to carry it on for too long.
  • Question
    How long is too long to give someone the silent treatment?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    It's always better to talk to that person when you're upset enough to give them the silent treatment, rather than to actually give them that treatment. So in that sense, even a second is too long. But if you do choose to give them the silent treatment, then end it before they stop caring that you ended your silent treatment.
Ask a Question

      Return to Full Article