Q&A for How to Insult Someone

Just say, "Dang, I'm flattered I'm on your mind all the time."

Think of a few good things to say and memorize them. Practice these comebacks when you're alone, preferably speaking out loud. Finally, sometimes any answer is better than no answer, even if it's a little lame. Don't hesitate to let your friends know if their teasing starts upsetting you.

Call him "caterpillar brow" every time you see him. Then if he insults you, just say, "What am I, a mirror or something?"

Roast enough people. Note that if you're the type of person who likes to be well-liked and popular rather than kind of a jerk, you might want to reconsider. Always be prepared with a comeback in case you're insulted.

The worst thing you can do is Google insults. Get creative! Insults are more of a spur-of-the-moment thing. They can't be predetermined: they come to you when the time is right. Take the insult leveled at you, and turn it back around. For example, if they say, "That was lame," then a good insult would be, "So is your existence, yet no one hears me complaining."

Target something that is precious to the person in question. Say he likes Nike's. Say that they are stupid and nobody wears them. Find out his weakness and attack it like a rabid dog in the streets of Somalia.

You could research some clever comebacks on the internet and memorize them.

If he pulls your chair out again, say “Thank you, the ground is much nicer,” then look up at him and grin. Use sarcasm whenever he roasts you and laugh, then walk away. Make it seem like whatever he does doesn’t affect you in any way.

Call the person a blabbermouth.

The best way is just to ignore them. Insulting them will just give them more fuel to play up their victimization and frame you as the jerk.

You should ask yourself if insults are going to help the situation. Wouldn't you rather try to talk to this person about how they could improve their behavior? If not, then I suggest this, "Is there anyone else who exists in your universe or are you the only one?"

There are plenty of good comebacks all over the Internet, I'm sure you'll find lots that will suit your purpose. But consider two things. One: if you're less experienced than he is with these things, he'll only come back at you stronger - so you might not even be able to win this. Two: if you think it's mean of him to do it to you, then you can't do it to him and still consider what he does to be mean. You can either reply in kind and accept that he is not mean, or not be mean to him. Point out to your friends that he is too weak for you to go up against, because instead of normal conversation, he's just insulting and mean. Ignore him.

Google some amazing insults with no comebacks. Once you start reading these your mindset will change, and soon enough you can make expert comebacks without looking it up.

Don't insult them directly, you could instead twist the false rumor so it makes them look bad. Or you could just pretend the rumors don't bother you, and your friends will realize their plan backfired.

It is best not to insult them back, because you don’t want to fight fire with fire. Tell a teacher. Tell them what everyone is doing to you and how it makes you feel. If your teacher doesn’t listen to you or doesn’t believe you, tell another teacher, the principal, the counselor, and/or your parents. At least one of them should be able to do something to stop the bullying. If your friends are doing this too, then they aren’t your friends. Find new ones that like you for you.

Cohen is a ghost (@skullmandible) on Twitter puts it best: "[the] most cutting thing you can say is "Who's this clown?" because it implies they're a.) a clown & b.) not even one of the better-known clowns".

Don't make fun of someone's weight, or something they cannot change, like their race or sexual preference.

If someone has physically abused you, it should be reported to the proper authorities (teacher, principal, police, etc.). You should thereafter avoid those who've physically abused you, not engage in unhealthy contact with them, as you could worsen the situation.

Hit at the recipient's weakness (see Section 2, Part 2); for example, weight, cooking, driving, etc.

Don't respond. You'll only make the situation worse. Just block him and see if you can get a moderator to kick him from the server.