Q&A for How to Live a Life of Celibacy

It can be, but it depends on the person and how you approach it. Celibacy won’t hurt your physical health, but some people find it distressing. If you’re someone with a high sex drive, celibacy may be especially difficult for you. Find balance in your life by focusing on other things you find fulfilling, like your career, family, hobbies, or friends.

There are many different definitions of celibacy, just like there are different definitions of sex. You will need to find the definition that best suits your needs and goals. For example, some people might define it as a complete absence of intimate contact (including kissing and touching), while others might use it just to refer to abstaining from sex (such as penetrative or oral sex). If you find that kissing makes it too tempting to move on to more obviously sexual activities, then you might have to stay away from it.

Yes, definitely. However, depending on your natural sex drive, you may find it difficult to maintain. Before committing to a life of celibacy, consider your reasons for wanting to be celibate and how you think it will impact your life. If sex is something you really desire, you’ll need to be sure you can find fulfillment in other areas of your life.

Certainly. Many people chose to live a life of celibacy, including: Christians, broken-hearted persons, and couples who have decided to wait for each other until marriage.

You can, but you must be able to fully grasp and understand the consequences of your decision. You must be mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually prepared for this.

The thing that worked best for me was avoiding situations that could be tempting. For example, if there's a party that you know is going to have lots of drinking, drugs and sex, don't go. You won't regret it. Also if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, it's important to discuss your boundaries up front and not to compromise them for anything.

Yes, of course. Celibacy is perfectly fine at any point in life regardless of past sexual activity, so as long as you feel like it's the right choice for yourself, then there shouldn't be a difference between you and someone who has not ever had sex.

Our bodies have physical, emotional and psychological needs. Hormones stimulate our behavior to a certain extent, so there might be a conflict between your rational decision of being celibate and your physical needs to have sex. This should not necessarily be a problem. Our society bombards us with erotic, sensual and sexual innuendos, so that might feel a little confrontational. Finally, in a relationship, partners normally like to have intercourse. That's fine, nobody can force anyone to do so, but different expectations cause problems. Make sure everyone in the relationship has the same goals. Talk about it.

It really depends on the people involved, what they desire from a relationship, and their commitment to each other. If you're both very committed to each other, it's likely to survive.

You have to sit down and discuss, in order for your partner to come to terms to the decision you have made. If your partner doesn't respect your decision, let them go. Do not, under any circumstances, let them pressure you into doing anything you do not want to do.

It is the same as penetration into a bodily organ. In this case, oral sex is not celibacy.

Not really, as it can often lead to intercourse. However, there is something called Tantra that you may want to learn about, particularly from a guru leading this philosophy named Mantak Chia. Tantra can teach you how to maintain a relationship through kissing, like you mention, but without engaging in intercourse. Be aware, however, that this takes serious training and dedication. If you do not practice the exercises and mindfulness on a daily basis, it is easy to just spike your arousal while cuddling with someone (particularly after a stressful day at work, for example), so much so that you end up having sex.

It's all about respect. You don't really talk much about sex and intimacy with non-celibate people either, so this is not something you talk about with them every day. Sure, it can make for some good conversation to see what their thoughts and feelings are, but other than that, respect their decision and talk about other things.

I suggest starting over so you have a clean slate to work from, but it's entirely up to you. Both ways could be effective.

They will start acting different. Humans are not programmed to lie.

Seek counseling either together or alone to improve your marriage.

Yes. Celibacy is abstinence from sexual intercourse. Masturbation isn't sexual intercourse; it's self-pleasure.

There is no clear definition of celibacy. It can mean to be unmarried, whether you have sex or not, and it can be an explicit intention to abstain from all forms of sex, including masturbation, as well as anything in between. So really, you can choose what it means to you. To have sex is still an internal drive, controlling it leads to self-growth, so it's a good pursuit. But it can also screw up your head, cause stress and despair, so if you want to abstain from sex with other people, and still call yourself celibate while satisfying yourself, that is perfectly fine.

Yes. This is a controversial topic, in religions as well as in daily life. Though there's nothing wrong with masturbation--it's healthy, normal and good for you--the point of celibacy is to not give in to your earthly sexual desires, either through sex or masturbation. But though often viewed as different, we need sexual relief just as much as we need water or sleep (or an internet connection). So some adversaries of celibacy claim it is not natural, or advocate to at least allow masturbation. In the end, you are free to define celibacy any way you like in the privacy of your own mind. If you feel it doesn't break your celibacy, then you can masturbate as often as you like.

Of course not. Absolutely anyone of any age can be celibate.

Why you want to remain celibate? If it's something you want, you shouldn't need to strengthen your resolve because you'd already want it. If you don't, reading about celibacy isn't going to make it any easier.