Q&A for How to Make a Genuine Apology

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How can I seem more sincere when apologizing to my friend?

Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
Life Coach
Michelle Shahbazyan is a Life Coach, Author, and Speaker based in Los Angeles, California. She is the Founder of The LA Life Coach, a concierge life, family, and career coaching service. She has over 15 years of experience with life coaching, consulting, motivational speaking, and matchmaking. Michelle has helped thousands of clients achieve peace, fulfillment, and a healthier mindset. Her ultimate goal is to provide her clients with the tools, perspectives, and resources needed to create the life they desire. Michelle specializes in supporting individuals and couples with a wide array of concerns, including depression, anxiety, love and relationship issues, ADHD, grief, stress, anger management, and career planning. Her approach is informed by neuroscience, anthropology, sociology, and behavioral biology, ensuring that the strategies she develops with clients are both effective and enduring. She has a BA in Applied Psychology and an MS in Building Construction and Technology Management from Georgia Tech University, and a MA in Psychology with an emphasis on Marriage and Family Therapy from Phillips Graduate University.

Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA

Life Coach

Expert Answer

Try to really listen and understand where they're coming from. The most important part of apologizing is being genuine and being able to tolerate the other person's wave of hurt coming your way, whatever that may look like. Let them get that out and continue to stay apologetic.

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How do you apologize if you don't know what you did wrong?

Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
Life Coach
Michelle Shahbazyan is a Life Coach, Author, and Speaker based in Los Angeles, California. She is the Founder of The LA Life Coach, a concierge life, family, and career coaching service. She has over 15 years of experience with life coaching, consulting, motivational speaking, and matchmaking. Michelle has helped thousands of clients achieve peace, fulfillment, and a healthier mindset. Her ultimate goal is to provide her clients with the tools, perspectives, and resources needed to create the life they desire. Michelle specializes in supporting individuals and couples with a wide array of concerns, including depression, anxiety, love and relationship issues, ADHD, grief, stress, anger management, and career planning. Her approach is informed by neuroscience, anthropology, sociology, and behavioral biology, ensuring that the strategies she develops with clients are both effective and enduring. She has a BA in Applied Psychology and an MS in Building Construction and Technology Management from Georgia Tech University, and a MA in Psychology with an emphasis on Marriage and Family Therapy from Phillips Graduate University.

Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA

Life Coach

Expert Answer

Talk to the other person to find out why they're upset. Tell them you really care about them and want to know what you did wrong so you can fix things. Really listen to them, and accept how your actions hurt them.

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I had an outburst at my best friend. She meant the world to me and I don't want to lose her over this. How can I make it up to her, while making the apology?

Community Answer

Try to apologize by admitting you were wrong, and slowly explaining in a calm tone what is going on.

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Is it possible to be friends again with someone who let me down?

Community Answer

Yes. If they genuinely apologized, talk to them normally, without constantly rehashing their mistake. Take it slow and give them time to earn back your trust.

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My friends made fun of a guy I like, and he seems kind of irritated. I told my friends to apologize, but they said it was a waste of time. I tried to talk to him, but he won't even acknowledge me. What should I do?

Community Answer

Tell him that you're sorry, that you like him and that you don't agree with the way your friends talked about him. He will likely get over it soon enough. If anyone makes fun of him again, stand up for him. If he still refuses to talk to you despite your efforts to be kind to him, he's probably not worth wasting your time on.

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How do I write an apology letter to my teacher for making noises when people were talking?

Community Answer

Dear {teacher's name}, I am sorry for interrupting your class and being disrespectful to others. I will make sure to improve my behavior by {whatever you will do}. I would like you to let my classmates know that I am sorry for my inappropriate behavior during their time to talk. Sincerely, {your name}

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I made a date with my husband and was late. I'm sorry, but sorry doesn't cut it anymore. What else can I do?

Tom De Backer

Top Answerer

Make a new date and be on time. Then make another date and be on time again. There's nothing stronger to show what you mean than actually doing what you mean. Don't make a big deal of it, the dates are the important things, go out and have fun. If you have only one date and you were late, then you were late for 100% of your dates. If you have a hundred dates and you were late just once, that percentage becomes insignificant.

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I have made several genuine apologies to my friend. She accepted my apology but she said she doesn't want to be friends. I'd like to at least be civil, but she wants no contact at all. What can I do?

Community Answer

The only thing you can really do is just leave the situation as it is. She may or may not be open to positive communication in the future after she's had time to think things over but until then, the more you attempt to talk to her, the more resistant she'll be.

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Question

How do I write an apology letter to my teacher for forgetting the course was meeting and being too embarrassed to attend after I had forgotten?

Community Answer

State that you are sorry. Get to the point and explain why you didn't attend. Be honest. Then tell the teacher that you've learned from this mistake and it won't happen again.

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Question

How do I apologize to a service person?

Tom De Backer

Top Answerer

Either immediately, and genuinely, with politeness and brevity, or afterwards in a letter. You can always send a letter to the restaurant or wherever the person works, detailing the situation and listing the reasons why you're sorry and what you have learned, as well as how you hope to not repeat this is the future.

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I got drunk and had a birthday drink with my son's dad and left my boyfriend outside. He now thinks I chose my ex over him. How can I show him I'm sorry if he won't see me or talk to me?

Community Answer

Give him a little time, then go to see him in person and ask to talk. You can't make him forgive you, but if you sincerely apologize (and if you haven't been a repeat offender with things like this), there's a good chance he'll make up with you.

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I told my crush that I don't like him, but it was a lie. I have tried apologizing, but he is ignoring me. What should I do?

Community Answer

Try talking to one of his friends. Tell them how you feel and ask them to tell your crush that you're sorry. You might also just have to give him a little time to get over his hurt feelings. It will probably blow over, and then you can try talking to him again.

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I'm starting to get bad grades, and I keep apologizing for them, but it just keeps happening. How can I apologize for getting bad grades when I can't seem to stop?

Community Answer

Apologize once more, sincerely, and ask your parents if they'd be willing to hire a tutor for you. Tell them you're trying your best, but it doesn't seem to be good enough. You can also talk to your teachers and ask them if they'd be willing to give you extra help before or after school.

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Question

How do I stop walking out on my wife during arguments?

Community Answer

Just don't walk out. If you find yourself getting so upset (angry, sad, etc.) that you think you're going to lash out, say something like, "I'm getting really upset, and I'd appreciate it if we could talk about this when I've had a chance to calm down." Other than that, just listen to what she's saying to you, and calmly present your side of the argument. Sometimes it's best just to say, "You've given me a lot to think about. Can we revisit this issue tomorrow?" And of course, if you know you've done something wrong, offer a sincere apology.

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What can I do if my apology is genuine, but someone won't accept it?

Tom De Backer

Top Answerer

Feeling genuinely sorry, combined with a genuine apology, is enough to right a wrong. But no one can force this onto the other. One apology suffices. Don't apologize over and over again. If the other person doesn't accept, it forcibly ends your friendship. If you continue the friendship, you risk forever being placed in a subordinate position. Now, generally, it is socially considered rude to not accept a genuine apology, as time heals all wounds, but no one can be forced to accept it. That was the risk you took when you did whatever it was you apologized for.

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How do I know if the apology was selfish?

Community Answer

If the person reacts badly, that could be a sign. But also, if you don't want to be selfish, then don't make it all about you, tell the other person that you understand how they feel and are really sorry that it might have been down to you. Also, admitting that you were wrong means that you are not being selfish.

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