Q&A for How to Overcome Jealousy After a Break Up

Jealousy and insecurity come out of a lack of self love and self confidence. Sometimes, we start to feel threatened and insecure when we are vulnerable and don't know what we're doing. Knowledge is power, so try to be aware of these feelings. Understand that others have those same insecurities and fears. A lot of insecurities come from not understanding our partners.

If you have trust issues, abandonment issues, or a fear of rejection, it’s super important to have a good, strong support system. Rely on your family and friends to be there for you and have your back. Consider working with a coach to make sense of your past, because if you don't understand the past, you can't move forward.

Every person holds someone in their heart they have loved but lost. It's called experience and it is how life teaches us to process pain, to become a better and more caring person and to set boundaries early on so that we don't scare people with who we really are when it matters most. Your love reveals that you have a kind and gentle heart but there is nothing wrong with strengthening that with lessons learned. Love lost teaches you how to be more loving, more careful and more open next time around.

Remind yourself that your ex is an ex now. It's the past. He or she is free to move on, as are you. As much as it hurts, it is over when the other person makes a decision to be romantically involved with someone new. What you can do is give yourself lots of love and self care. Do things you enjoy doing, be with friends and family a lot and open your heart to new possibilities.

You may be feeling that somehow you contributed to their success but you are not benefiting from the sacrifices you made to help them reach this point. If you did put your life on hold to help them and you made sacrifices, then it is time to acknowledge the things you did but to also accept that it's now your time to fly and get to where you need to be. You cannot change the past, nor can you live in it. Do something that seems really opposite to how you're feeling right now -- wish them luck on their new pathway. And then let go. You have your pathway to follow, and it is without being tethered to them.

Your question reveals sadness beneath your angry intent. First up, you can't cause a breakup. If you try, they will know exactly what you're doing, they'll resent it and they'll likely grow closer. But worse than that, just say your girlfriend did break up. Do you truly think things could go back to how they used to be? She has clearly moved on and it is more likely that she would just go on to find someone else rather than returning you. Yes, this is a hurtful thing to realize but it'll save you a lot of pain of looking like a sour spoilsport trying to come between them.

Culturally, a lot of emphasis is placed on virginity. Losing it is a rite of passage, which is why for many centuries most cultures have placed a premium on it as being part of a marriage or controlled relationship of some sort. Sexual relations are completely novel when you lose your virginity and it's very likely that you had deep and strong feelings for the person you lost it to. It is therefore seared into your memory bank and that would make it harder to shake off this person's role in your life at that time. Try a letting go ceremony in which you acknowledge the role this person had in your life but also accepting that you've matured now and it's time to move on respectfully.

You cannot stop his jealousy but your reaction to his goading is definitely something you can control. Don't let it get to you and treat his attitude and words like water off a duck's back. The best thing that you can do truly is to stay silent. Do not engage with his banter, do not retort to his insults and do not reply to his texts or social media messages. Take a way the fuel and he'll stop adding to the fire.

Don't play victim to the circumstances you're creating. Sometimes jealousy is nothing more than a form of drama that makes you the center of attention and lets you off the hook from feeling your truer feelings of loss, hurt and pain. Jealousy doesn't keep people close, it drives them away. Remind yourself of that regularly.

Your kids come first. Don't give a second thought to how your drug-using ex views you -- until he can be bothered to come off those drugs and to have sufficient respect for himself, his kids and you, then he's the one under scrutiny, not you. Be strong for the sake of your kids and even if they hate you now, they'll come to understand in time. Demand that he gets the help he needs to come off the drugs. A drug addict dad is not a good role model for your kids.