Q&A for How to Recognize an Online Predator

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  • Question
    How do I keep my child safe online?
    Scott Nelson, JD
    Police Sergeant, Mountain View Police Department
    Scott Nelson is a Police Sergeant with the Mountain View Police Department in California. He is also a practicing attorney for Goyette & Associates, Inc. where he represents public employees with a myriad of labor issues throughout the state. He has over 15 years of experience in law enforcement and specializes in digital forensics. Scott has received extensive training through the National Computer Forensics Institute and holds forensic certifications from Cellbrite, Blackbag, Axiom Forensics, and others. He earned a Master of Business Administration from the California State University Stanislaus and a Juris Doctorate from the Laurence Drivon School of Law.
    Police Sergeant, Mountain View Police Department
    Expert Answer
    I believe limiting the use of electronic devices to public rooms in the house is usually a good start. Children shouldn't use these devices in their bedroom, especially with the doors closed. This way, you'll be able to have a visual of what they're looking at, monitoring their reactions. This will also create more engaging interactions between you, as you'll be able to ask questions and start discussions about what they're doing online. Use this as an opportunity to provide guidance and support your child as they navigate the internet.
  • Question
    One of my close friends keeps asking me for my age. Is that a warning sign?
    Community Answer
    Not necessarily. They might just be curious. They might even want to make sure they're not talking to some middle-aged predator themselves - and could find it shady that you're so resistant to tell them how old you are. There isn't anything wrong with asking about someone's age or sharing your own.
  • Question
    How do I know if I am talking to a predator?
    Community Answer
    A predator will start out innocently, but will eventually turn the conversation toward inappropriate topics, sexual in nature. Then he will want to meet you in person, and will try to pressure you into it. Don't ever share personal information online, especially your name, address, and phone number. You never know who you're really talking to.
  • Question
    What are the warning signs for sexual predators?
    Community Answer
    A sexual predator may start off conversations innocently and then gradually start introducing sexual/inappropriate commentary. They may ask for nude/sexual pictures or ask you to describe what you are wearing/doing. If you feel like you are communicating with a sexual predator, block/ignore the person immediately and report it to an authority figure.
  • Question
    There's this guy I've been talking to for a month. I don't know if he's a predator or not, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. How do I tell him that I can't talk to him anymore without hurting his feelings?
    Community Answer
    Option 1: just slowly start to drift away from his life. Answer his messages later and later each time, until eventually you simply don't answer anymore. Option 2: just let him know that you can't speak to him anymore. You don't have to tell him that you think he's a predator, but you don't have to lie completely either. Just cut him off, you don't owe anyone anything in life -- especially some random person online. If you feel your safety is at risk, then the other person's feelings should be the least of your concern.
  • Question
    I want to talk to my new internet friend via Skype, but how can I tell if they're legit or not?
    Community Answer
    Tell them to send you a picture of them holding a paper with their username.
  • Question
    Are online predators usually psychopathic?
    Community Answer
    They usually have some sort of mental issues, but it's not necessarily psychopathy.
  • Question
    What should I do if a stranger is trying to talk to me on the computer?
    Community Answer
    It depends. People talk to each other on the internet all the time and that can be fine, even with strangers. If you don't want to talk to them, just don't. If you do, go ahead, but don't give them any personal information and don't let them trick you into any kind of scan.
  • Question
    On a social media, a guy who is 17 is asking me on a date and I'm 13 and I said no. I've blocked him but somehow he found my phone number and keeps calling me. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    Block his number or get someone to send threats to him. Call the police and tell them that he is harassing you.
  • Question
    How can I convince my mother that a friend I have on the internet is not a predator?
    Community Answer
    You can have this person video call you with your mother nearby to show her that the person is trustworthy.
  • Question
    I've been dating a guy for almost 4 months online now and we are meeting next month. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    Make sure you are confident that this person is who he says he is. Tell your parents where you will be, and with whom. Make sure to meet in a safe, public place.
  • Question
    How do I know a person is real? We been talking for about seven months on Skype but I am still curious and skeptical about this guy. It's an on and off relationship online, and I have blocked him a few times but he calls and asks me to unblock him. I don't even know if I know his real name though!
    Community Answer
    You talk about too many unknown unknowns in this summary of your woes. An honest reading between the lines of what you've asked shows that you do not trust this person and you are trying hard to convince yourself but it's not working. Online relationships can work but many are iffy and a lot are scams. Some are even predatory. Since you've already taken steps to block this person before, it's clear you're not happy, so it's recommended that you do it again, change your phone number and refuse to speak to this guy ever again. Then go out and find a person IRL and be more certain!
  • Question
    I have a friend whose sister is 20 years old, and a man who is 50 convinced her to quit her job and leave with him out of state. What can we do?
    Community Answer
    Tell her you guys are concerned for her safety, but in a way that won't offend her. Ask her how well she really knows this guy, and mention any behavior you consider a red flag. Ultimately, there is nothing you can do if she decides to go, as she is 18 and thus legally allowed to make life decisions for herself.
  • Question
    We found out one of my friends was lying about who he is. But I have other friends on there who I know aren't like that. Can the police prove that the other friends are not like him by tracking them?
    Community Answer
    No. It would be a waste of time for the police to try to hunt down catfish. Just leave them all be. Don't share any personal information with anyone online and don't set up a meeting. It's better to be safe than sorry as there could be others who are not what they seem.
  • Question
    There's this person I've been talking to, and they show at least three of these signs. They asked if we could text and I declined. I don't want to turn them away - I'd feel horrible. They're so nice. I'm trying to tell myself it won't hurt to turn them away. What can I do?
    Community Answer
    It depends on which 'signs' they're showing. This article is not really clear enough and exaggerates some things. It's true that you should not give personal information (such as last name or specific location) away, but there is nothing wrong with people asking for your (first) name, age, or gender. Those are normal things that people interacting with each other naturally want to know - things that are normally obvious when you see a person in real life but online, you sometimes have to ask to find out. It's also not that unusual for a person to agree with you on a lot of things if you guys genuinely have a lot in common. It's okay to keep talking to the person as long as they are not intruding on your privacy or being pushy in any way. And it's okay to tell them that you're not comfortable sharing your phone number or other such information.
  • Question
    I am on Facebook and my Facebook has my picture and phone number. This guy seems really nice and isn't asking me questions, but he doesn't have a profile picture. I don't know if he is a predator or not. What do I do?
    Community Answer
    Most of them start innocently. But if you guys become friends and you ask for a picture, just know that he could use any random photo and claim it's him. You might ask him to send a picture of himself holding a piece of paper with his screen name or something else specific written on it so you can be sure it's him.
  • Question
    Does it matter if I told an online predator my first name?
    Community Answer
    No, but don't hand out your last name or provide any other information.
  • Question
    A girl liked one of my pictures because I asked her to. Then she DMed me on Instagram. We talked a little bit, and she asked my name and where I am from. Is she safe to talk to?
    Community Answer
    Is she someone you know in person? If not, I would say no, as she may say she is female, but could be a 60-year-old man wanting information from you.
  • Question
    Recently, a man who isn't shy about his age or the fact that he has a child has been playing in the same public gaming place I am. I still want to be cautious, but he seems genial. Advice?
    SadisticShaDoWoLF
    Community Answer
    This is actually quite common. Video games are very popular among adults, and many of them are exclusively designed for adults. However, my advice is that you stay cautious. If he speaks to you about the game, that is all fine. Do not talk to him about your personal information, like where you live, what your phone number is, how old you are, if your parents are home, and so forth. Keep it about the game. Do not add him to your friends list. He might have a child, but sometimes predators use having a child to get close to other children. Avoid adults and try to talk to other kids.
  • Question
    If someone asks me where I live, should I be worried?
    Community Answer
    Yes. You should not give your location to anyone online. Tell a trusted adult.
  • Question
    What if my friend has Asperger's and lacks social skills? How would I tell if they were an online predator?
    Community Answer
    It depends on the kinds of things they are doing. Like anyone else, someone with Asperger's/autism can be the victim of a predator, totally innocent, or even a predator themselves. If this person isn't saying anything sexual, knows your age, and hasn't asked things such as where you live or asked for photos, then the person is probably not a predator. But if the person knows your age and has pushed for photos but has NOT said sexual things, they could just be awkward and want to know more about a friend, or they could be a predator in the early stages of grooming. If you're not certain, it's best to tell the person to stop and explain to them why their behavior is bothering you.
  • Question
    Is it predatory when a user asks me what country I come from?
    Community Answer
    Not really, as it's unlikely someone could find you or determine more personal information just by knowing what country you live in, especially if it's a relatively large country.
  • Question
    How much personal information is too much to share online with someone I have met online?
    Community Answer
    Refrain from sharing your full name, location, school, or routines. Stay safe, and go with your gut.
  • Question
    If a guy that I have never talked to before messaged me and asked to meet up, could he have just typed in the wrong number?
    Community Answer
    You should not respond to him or meet up with him. It is very dangerous to meet up with a stranger.
  • Question
    Will they leave me alone if I mention I am not interested in love?
    Community Answer
    If they haven't met you in real life but declare their love online, I'd say this is a major red flag. (If they don't mention it, there's no reason to bring it up.) Depending on their personality, they may or may not leave you alone, but remember that you can always leave THEM alone. You don't even need to respond to say that you're not interested. Don't overthink this - you're not going to hurt anyone's feelings by ending online relations, people move on faster than you give them credit. Remember: you have no obligation whatsoever to stay in contact with someone who makes you uncomfortable, whether that person is online or in real life.
  • Question
    Should I still talk to online friends if I don't know them?
    Community Answer
    Talk to them, but keep the conversation away from anything sexual or inappropriate, and don't share personal information.
  • Question
    Is it a red flag if someone asks me if I have a phone while I am playing an online game?
    Community Answer
    Not necessarily, they might just be curious, but you shouldn't give your phone number out to anyone you don't know.
  • Question
    What should I do if my father is potentially an online predator?
    Community Answer
    You might want to talk to your mother, a teacher, or a counselor. Any trusted adult should know how to handle your father's potential predatory behavior.
  • Question
    What should I do if I think that someone that I am talking to online is older?
    Community Answer
    You can block them, tell your parent(s) about it and your parent(s) can call the police.
  • Question
    I had an online friend who wanted to date me online. They said I was sweet and kind, different than other girls they met. I said I wanted to be friends and they got really mad. Was this a good choice?
    SadisticShaDoWoLF
    Community Answer
    It's your decision if you want to date someone. Online dating is difficult because you do not know if that person is who they say they are. I do not know if you have met this person, but you have made the right choice because you did not want to date them and just wanted to be friends. You should not just date someone because they like you and you do not want to hurt their feelings. If they don't want to be friends anymore, so be it. If they apologize and say they want to be friends again, it's up to you whether or not to forgive them.
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