Q&A for How to Stop Talking About Friends Behind Their Backs

Write your friend a heartfelt letter letting her know how much you regret your actions and promising not to repeat them. If she chooses to forgive you, it may be a while before trust is fully re-established. If she chooses not to forgive you, chalk it up to a learning experience and move on.

If you are trying to become gossip sober, when people start to talk about people that way or treat you as if you are still a gossip, you need to stop and tell them, "No, this topic is done and we will discuss something else because this is rude."

Think about why you hate her, go through your memories, see why. If it is a good reason to dislike her, like she did something unforgivable, then it is okay. If not, then try to find a reason to like her.

Confront your friend about it and apologize. If she's a good friend, maybe she'll see you are sincerely sorry and will understand.

You could first ask them to stop and tell them it is mean, or you could go and hang out with different people, maybe bring the person they are talking about too.

You should apologize to her. And you have to really mean it. You have to be willing to change yourself, or else she's not going to accept you at all. If she still doesn't accept your apology after a few tries, then give up. Sometimes, you just have to deal with the consequences.

She will probably not come up to you and talk about it, since that requires a lot of courage. If she does I think you should just be honest. This might even stop her from being mean to you, so this could even work out for you in a positive way!

Tell her "If you were a real friend, you would believe me when I tell you I'm not talking about you behind your back." Give her a little time and space, if she continues to be upset with you, find a new friend.

Tell your friends that you truly love your best friend and if they don't appreciate that, they'll stop being your friends. If that happens you'll still have your best friend. Just appreciate that gossiping is bad and that even if you've done it, you've learned, and they haven't. Just stop.

Just because she thinks that doesn't make it so. You are free to talk to anyone about anything, and if you did nothing wrong, then she can't keep pressing this point. If you were dropped in an unknown city and think for a while it may be New York, then to keep saying "We're in New York" when standing under the Eiffel Tower is folly. Talk to your friend, let her know you did not betray her trust, and that she should simply stop saying she's in New York when you're clearly in Paris.

You really need to stop talking about people behind their backs. There are so many things you can talk about that won't hurt people - the weather, school, hobbies, TV shows, books you've read, weekend plans, etc. If you want to talk about other people, do so in a positive light. Compliment someone, or talk about the people you admire or appreciate.

Tell them maybe the gossip isn't such a good idea, and to imagine themselves in that situation. Or, just change the subject.

A lot of the time, people talk badly about you when they have their own problems. It's like a way of attempting to distract themselves or feel better about something, or even to impress someone else. If you truly want to know why and get to the bottom of the problem, address them maturely and tell them that you know about what they said, and ask why they did, or if they have something against you. While it may not work out the way you want, they are at least on notice that you are aware of their meanness and you can begin to find new friends if they don't stop.

Encourage them to talk to each other and give them advice that would help them and not fuel the fire. Avoid being negative, and try to point it back to the root problem they are having.

That nobody likes you is just his opinion, so don't think it's actually nobody. You don't need to go stand in the town square and shout out your apology. If you feel you were wrong, change that behavior, pick one or two people and ask if you can explain yourself. Say that you realize now what happened, but genuinely didn't realize it at the time. Importantly, show that you know what to do to avoid repeating this. But above all, stop doing it. Even if stopping the behavior is all you do, people will eventually notice.

If you didn't mean to say those things, then apologize to the friend you put in quotes and labeled fake. But if you labeled the friend as such in your question to diminish your own mistake, as in "Well it's not a good friend anyway, so it's alright that I made a mistake," then you're genuinely wrong. It feels like you're not sorry for saying what you did, just for getting caught. In the future, never say anything unless you're prepared to stand behind it when confronted with it. Be kind or be quiet; otherwise, this is far from the first time you'll encounter this same situation.

It's hard not to talk about an ex-boyfriend, girlfriend, friend, or best friend. If she really hurt and manipulated you, sometimes ranting and letting your feelings out is OK. Make sure these actions aren't repetitive, though. Let these feelings out in a diary or a journal. And if you feel afraid that your friends will snitch on you, politely ask them not to. If they do tell him/her, they are not real friends.

Habits aren't easy to break. Before blurting out bad or mean comments about this friend, think of something else to discuss. This can take willpower, but you might end up being a good example for others!

Treat everyone the way you want to be treated. If you can't manage that, don't expect things to get much better. If you absolutely must talk about other people, just say nice things. If you can't think of anything nice to say about someone, close your mouth, or change the subject. Eventually people will notice the new you and will want to be like you and spend time with you. (It may take a while, but it will happen.)

No. If the other members of the group agree with you, all of you should confront this one person. Be assertive, not aggressive. State the case and address her firmly but politely.