Q&A for How to Tell if a Family Member is LGBT

Congratulate them for coming out or say something supportive, like "Thank you for choosing me as a person to come out to. I want to support you any way that I can. What do you think I could do as a good friend?"

If you saw your brother kissing another guy and he said he is not attracted to women, yes, he is gay.

There is no possible way of knowing unless you ask them. Keep in mind that a child may not always be aware of their sexuality/orientation (though many are), and they might also be too afraid to tell you about it.

If he has a wife, he's probably not gay. Being feminine or having different standards for what makes a woman attractive does not mean he's gay.

No. First of all, just like straight people, gay people are not attracted to their siblings. Secondly, she is 9, so she may not have even determined what her sexuality is yet. Finally, someone looking at you is not even remotely evidence of attraction.

Maybe he's just a late bloomer, or he hasn't found "the one" yet. He might also have crushes that he keeps to himself. You can ask him if he thinks he might be asexual, but he might not even be sure yet. If he doesn't know, there's certainly no way for you to tell.

None of that necessarily means she's a lesbian. You'd really have to ask her. Most women have female friends, and for all you know she's dating guys and just keep her personal life private.

Gay people can have girlfriends. It is often used to cover up their sexuality or because they are pressured into doing so by family.

He might still be exploring his sexuality and is uncertain as to whether he's gay or bisexual, or he might be worried that you don't approve of him being gay and is using "being confused" as a cover. (If he's witnessed or endured homophobia or judgement from family or peers, he might feel like he's obligated to like girls in order to be accepted.) While his sexuality is his to figure out, it will help if you show him your support and make it clear that you love him no matter what his sexuality is. You might also want to look at resources for family members of LGBT+ people, like PFLAG, to learn how to best support him.

Not necessarily. He might just not want anyone else to find out that he watches those movies, or be worried about someone's reaction if they saw what he was watching (for instance, if your parents are homophobic). He could be gay, but it's impossible to tell that just by the kinds of movies he watches.

There's a pretty good chance (not a certain chance, just a pretty good chance) he's gay, but doesn't want to tell you since he's afraid of you reacting in a homophobic way. Be accepting and let him know you're okay with his coming out if he wants to.

No. The "gay voice" is a stereotype, and there are many other reasons your cousin's Facebook posts could annoy your mom (like clashing political views or a generational gap when it comes to humor and/or writing style). It's possible he could be gay, but unless he says out loud that he's gay or posts on Facebook saying he's gay, his voice and Facebook posts are not indicators of his sexuality.

Ask him and support him when the time is ready, you may want to keep this from you’re mom to avoid putting him through the awkward talks and so, but at least she has some perspective.

He may be experimenting, cross dressing, or has watched episodes of Rupaul's drag race. Let him develop as he sees fit for himself. It also depends on his age.

He may be hiding it by saying it’s a joke, but it depends on him. You know him best.

Yes, she may be a lesbian. However, this may only a coincidence as well. Do not rely on stereotypes. If she's comfortable enough, she will tell you when she's figured everything out.

You don't need to come out for anyone, think of it as sharing about your identity. Maybe ask him indirectly, 'I have this friend, and he's transgender, he wants to come over but he doesn't because he's scared you'd scrutinize his appearance. Are you homophobic?' Maybe try the same thing with your parents. If they respond with a threat or something negative e.g 'don't bring them to my house, we don't need that here.' You might want to reconsider coming out as it may be unsafe. Remember, coming out isn't for validation, it's for yourself.

If the blush is just because of social anxiety or something like that, no. If you are actually attracted to girls, then yes, it might be due to that.

It's probable that she likes girls. Although, there are a few possibilities: she might have an admiration for the girl in the band (not romantically), she may be joking, or she may actually like girls. The best way to find out is to ask her.

If she frequently goes to queer tango and gay bars, she is most likely LGBTQ. Despite the fact that she 'stands up' for the LGBTQ community, she may not be LGBTQ herself (she could be an ally). She may not be bisexual; she may be queer, pansexual, or experimenting with her gender. She is most likely LGBTQ, but the only way to find out (without assuming) is to ask her.

It's impolite to assume she's a lesbian just because she gives off a lesbian 'vibe.' Asking her is the only way to find out if she's interested in girls without relying on stereotypes is by asking her.