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Muslim parents should appreciate that a child is blessing of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa. If you provide your children with a good upbringing in the way that Islam teaches us, then you are being thankful to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa. Contrarily, if you neglect your child and their proper upbringing, then you are being ungrateful to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa.
Steps
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Recite the adhan when your child is born. Whisper the call to prayer in his/her right ear. Give a beautiful and meaningful name to your child. Holy Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Salam) suggested two names, Abdullah and Abdul Rahman. [1] X Research source -
Perform Aqiqah. On 7th day, aqiqah is performed. Shave off the hair on head and offer sacrifice, which can be a goat or sheep. The Prophet said, "For the boy there should be an ‘Aqiqah'. Slaughter (an animal) for him and remove the harmful thing [i.e., the foreskin] from him". Circumcise the boy, as this is obligatory to ensure cleanliness.- While some consider it sunnah to circumcise a girl, this practice is outlawed in many countries as a human rights violation.
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Teach Kalimah Tayyibah. When the child begins to speak, teach them Kalimah Tayyibah. It is La ilaha illalLah, Muhammad-ur-Rasool-Ullah which means, "There is no God except Allah, and Muhammad is Allah's Prophet." Encourage them to memorize it and recite it often. Teach them its meaning and what this short statement entails.- As they grow up, they need to understand that there is only one God, known by the name Allah, and the ultimate purpose of their life is to worship Him.
- They must be reminded of this truth, day in and day out, and must worship Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa with their tongue, heart, thoughts, actions and whole being.
- Teach your children about the events that will take place on the Day of Judgement, and encourage them to become focused on attaining Jannah (heaven, paradise).
- Your child must come to understand that as believers we have the opportunity to enjoy the bounties of Jannah, but as they get older we must also warn them about what will happen if we don't believe or don't make the sacrifices that Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa has asked for.
- Teach your children the 99 names of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa, so that they can better understand His attributes and require them to say "Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa" (exalted and glorified is He) whenever they mention Allah.
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Be a role model and teacher. Remember, kids learn what they see more than what they hear. So be a role model for them. Offer Salah (prayers) before them and let them listen to you reciting the Holy Quran. This way they will realize you are doing something important and they will try to follow you. Encourage them to worship alongside you.- Encourage your child to join you when you engage in regular voluntary acts of worship, including saying the morning and evening adhkar and voluntary prayers.
- Teach them that as Muslims we are very different from the non-Muslims in our beliefs and morals and that as Muslims we can be full of hope of reaching Jannah.
- Dress yourself and your children in accordance with Islamic tradition in order to help them develop their Muslim identity.
- Place the Qur'an at the center of your child's life. Young minds are very receptive so children should be required to read and memorize from an early age. Teach them to recite the Qur'an in Arabic and help them to understand its meaning in your native language.
- By the age of 7 the child should be learning the correct way to pray the obligatory prayers (salah). From 10, the child should be praying all five salah correctly and on time every day. If the child shows any carelessness or reluctance to pray, for example refusing to get up for Fajr, then they should be reprimanded as the Prophet Salallahu Alayhi Wa Salam has taught us. This is an important lesson on the child's road to complete submission to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa.
- Teach your children that whenever we need or want something in our lives, whatever it may be, we should make dua to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa using His names and attributes, with confidence and also patience that He will answer us. Tell them that our dua will be elevated by our good deeds and that we should ask of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa in good times as well as bad.
- Encourage them to learn and recite the duas made by the Prophet (Salallahu Alayhi Wa Salam) throughout the day, for example when they enter and leave the bathroom and at meal times, and remind them that these are a beautiful form of worship that help to keep our hearts pure.
- The child needs to understand that since Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa gives us so much and yet asks for so little in return, it is our duty to complete our acts of worship with deep sincerity and to the best of our ability.
- Help them to come to understand that Islam is a way of life that guides us through every aspect of our lives, including our faith, family relationships, law and social order.
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Tell them bedtime stories about Prophets and the early days of Islam. These are not only interesting but have very strong moral messages. These stories go a long way in nurturing the subconscious minds of kids and will help them to develop a love and respect for the Prophet Muhammed (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Salam) and a desire to live their lives in the way that he has taught us.- Teach your children about the many different acts of worship that the Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Salam) practiced and encourage them to adopt them in their daily routine. Read to them narrations about the life of the Prophet (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Salam) to inspire them to follow his example.
- Require them to say "Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Salam" (May Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) whenever the name of the Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Salam) is mentioned.
- Teach your children to send blessings upon Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Salam) many times every day.
- Encourage them to always act upon the Sunnah and praise them when they display prophetic character.
- Teach your children about Jannah (Heaven) and encourage them to remain focused on the Afterlife. Descriptions of Jahannam (Hellfire) can be daunting for young minds, but by the time they are learning salah they should understand the reality that Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa has created the Fire as the eternal destiny for the disbelievers and that Muslims who neglect their worship or are disobedient may spend time there too.
- Tell your children that one of Allah's greatest gifts is a system of rules (the Shariah) that promotes human welfare and a safe society by defining the boundaries to how we live our lives together. Inspire your children with stories illustrating how Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Salam) established Islamic society by applying Allah's laws and punishments. This will help them to understand the importance of obeying Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa and the real consequences of not doing so.
- Inculcate in your children the understanding that Allah's rules must always be obeyed without question, even if they do not understand or agree with the rule in question. If you feel they need to be disciplined it should always be within Islamic limits to the extent that will make them fear disobeying Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa in future.
- Teach them that Islamic Law is permanent and can never be altered or improved upon.
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Spend time with them. Get them admitted to good schools where they are free to practice Islam, especially salah. Ask them about their day at school and, when they are old enough, check that they said their prayers on time. If they have any problem, encourage them to share everything with you. From the age of about 5 all Muslim children should attend Qur'an classes. They may find madrassa stricter than secular school but it will help them become accustomed to sharing the company of other same-gender children motivated to learn about Islam and will instill the lifelong habit of learning.- Keep reminding them that the purpose of their life is to worship and serve Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa.
- The whole family should aim to spend 15 to 30 minutes together each evening to read and recite Qur'an and to go through what they have learned at madrassa - this will help the young children to understand that the Qur'an lies at the center of family life.
- The minds of children are very receptive, so great emphasis should be placed on memorizing the Qur'an and learning Tajweed (correct pronunciation) while they are young.
- Taking your children to the local mosque for prayers, especially Friday jumua'at, will help them to feel part of the Muslim community and impress upon them the significance of their 5 daily prayers.
- Encourage your children to develop a sense of sisterhood and brotherhood with other Muslims of the same gender. This will strengthen their faith and help them to build a shared resolve to study and practice their religion and remain obedient to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa.
- Be aware that state-run schools in some countries normalize and even encourage behavior seen as immoral by many religions including Islam, such as free-mixing between genders, dating, same gender marriage and sexual activity outside marriage. Depending on your location, you may be able to withdraw your child from lessons on relationships and sexuality if you feel they contradict the teachings of Islam.
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Develop an encouraging and supportive environment. The atmosphere in your house must be encouraging for kids to express their ideas, views and thoughts without fear of ridicule, as long as they are respectful and aligned with Islamic teachings. Always emphasize that Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa is their source of hope and joy, but must also be feared.- Remind them every day that Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa loves them and that His love is unconditional, and so they must love and seek His pleasure too through their obedience.
- As they grow up, try to encourage them to prioritize their relationship with Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa. Instill in them a fear of incurring Allah's displeasure by reading from the many verses from the Qur'an that contain warnings and descriptions of the punishments that Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa has prescribed for the disbelievers and transgressors.
- If they do ever disrespect Islam in any way, for example by insulting hijab or mishandling the mushaf (copy of the Qur'an), then they should be cautioned that consequences may follow both in this life and the next. Encourage your children to seek Allah's forgiveness every day for their mistakes in order to avoid these consequences.
- If you do need to discipline your child for religious reasons, it should always be done with love and consistency, through reference to the limits set by Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa and Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Salam). Both parents should play as role in this and neither should be seen as a 'soft touch'.
- Teach your children to recognize and acknowledge the innumerable gifts that Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa has given them, e.g. the faculty of sight, availability of food and water, a secure home, etc. Use examples to help them to realize how dependent we are on Allah. Encourage them by your own example to say "Alhamdulillah" whenever they see something to be grateful for.
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Encourage creativity. If your kids have creative inclination, encourage them to express themselves. Be proud of what they do and do not laugh at or mock their work. For example, if your kid has written a poem, show that you value their work. Perhaps hang it on the wall or on the fridge.- That said, teach them that creativity or innovation in worship is strictly forbidden in Islam and leads to the Fire - the Prophet (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Salam) has shown us the perfect way to worship Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa so we should always seek to follow his example of how to worship without modification.
- Forbid them from drawing animate beings (animals and humans). Instead, teach them to draw flowers, mountains, objects and the like.
- Guide your children away from the dangers of listening to music as this is a distraction from the Qur'an. Instead encourage them to appreciate the beautiful sound of the Qur'an recited with Tajweed.
- Many Muslim parents chose to protect their children from the harmful influence of television by removing it from their home or restricting its use to educational and religious programs.
- Try to fill your childrens' spare time with activity that will benefit them in this life and the next, especially studying Islam and applying what they learn.
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Keep an eye on the company of your kids. Friends have great effects on kids' personalities so watch who they befriend. Children should be made aware of Islam's rules on gender interaction and must be taught from a young age to lower their gaze when around the opposite gender. Parents should ensure that boys are only allowed to play with other boys and likewise, girls only with girls.- The Prophet Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Salam said, "A man follows the religion of his friend; so each one should consider whom he makes his friend" [2] X Research source , meaning that we should encourage our children to reserve close friendships for other Muslim children. Make sure their friends are not having a bad influence on them and that your child grows up with good manners and morals.
- Make sure that your children understand from an early age the limits that Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa has set for free-mixing between boys and girls - that there should be no unnecessary chit-chatting and no boy-girl friendships - and the reasons for it.
- Boys are sometimes inclined to show off in front of girls and should be reprimanded for doing so.
- Children should be taught about the wider meaning of modesty in Islam and how this is the essence of the Muslim character. Girls should be taught to love their hijab, which will come easily if they have worn it from an early age, and encouraged to speak in a formal manner when males are present.
- Discuss with your children the dangers of the digital world. Apply appropriate controls to internet use - browsing history and social media usage should be monitored, blocked and reviewed with the child where necessary to ensure content has an Islamic value and haram images are not being viewed.
- Worship, Qur'an study and building emaan (faith) should always be prioritized over wasting time online.
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Support your child through adolescence and their teens. This phase of life can be difficult and needs special attention. Parents should speak with them about the physical, psychological, social changes and warn them against their dangers well before puberty arrives. Encourage them to ask sincere and awkward questions - Islam addresses even sensitive issues such as sexuality with grace and openness. Adolescents should understand that the physical desires that they experience are normal and Allah's way of guiding them towards marriage and having children, but as with many of the world's great religions, acting on them outside marriage is strictly forbidden under the Shariah.- Tell your teenagers that you will help them find a spouse when they are ready. Promise them your support in the meantime and guide them towards self-control by avoiding any from of temptation, busying themselves with study, worship and fasting. They should be reminded that any willful transgression upon themselves will be recorded and will have to be accounted for to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa on the Day of Judgement, and that in Islamic countries the unmarried, male and female, who are unable to contain their desires can be punished under the Shariah.
- Reassure them that wet dreams are normal and blameless and are a blessing from Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa to release any tension they may experience. You may notice your child staying alone and keeping their feelings to themselves; they may have bouts of anger or sadness or rebelliousness. They need your support during this time, but also need to be made aware that they are now accountable for each and every sin, so will need to develop self-discipline through fear of displeasing Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa.
- Certain sins are known to be addictive, and so should be stopped at an early stage to prevent the formation of a habit. Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa hates it when sins are repeated.
- Any impermissible act of a sexual nature or anything that leads to it, such as inappropriate internet usage, not lowering the gaze or chit-chatting with the opposite gender, should be of particular concern to Muslim parents.
- It is important to continue to keep an eye on the manners and behavior of Muslims teens. They may experience peer pressure from both Muslims and non-Muslims to stray away from the teachings of Islam, so be sure to keep an eye out for warning signs.
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Ensure they fulfill their religious obligations and are aware of the importance of full submission to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa. With puberty staying within the bounds set by the Shariah becomes obligatory, including saying the five daily prayers and fasting during Ramadan. You shouldn't have any problem if you have taught them at an early age to fear Allah's punishment. If not, however, teach them that certain acts of worship are now compulsory (fardh) and will be recorded as sins if neglected.- Until they develop the self-discipline that characterizes all good Muslims, teenagers may occasionally need to be corrected for neglecting their worship or stepping beyond the boundaries that Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa has set, but this should always be in accordance with the principles that the Prophet Muhammed (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Salam) has taught us.
- Talking to them about preparing for the Hereafter is the most effective way of teaching children about accountability and instilling the obedience expected of all Muslims. Remind them that Jahannam (Hellfire) is a real place that Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa has created for those that disobey Him, and yet Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa is their only source of hope of reaching Jannah.
- Tell your children about Satan (Shaitan) and his mission to entice people towards disbelief and transgression. Warn them about the subtle tricks and tactics that Shaitan uses to try and drive us away from Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa and towards the Hellfire.
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Keep the deen in their hearts and encourage them to focus their lives on pleasing Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa. Continue their classes at your local mosque in order to develop their knowledge and understanding of the Holy Qur'an and Sunnah. This will enable them not only to improve their own worship but also to spread the word of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa within their community when they get older.- Spend time with your teenagers to help them understand how the Qur'an and Sunnah apply to their life and how following the teachings of Islam will save them.
- Make sure that they do not drift away from their religion by becoming too obsessed with this temporary world (Dunya), for example by prioritizing exams and acquiring material possessions over ibadah (worship). Remind them of the need for lifelong religious learning and spiritual development.
- Encourage them to develop their faith through your own example - if they see you engaging in regular acts of worship, like fasting and prayer, and striving for self-improvement through studying the Islamic sciences and Qur'an memorization, they will be more likely to do the same.
- Teach your children about the rewards available for additional acts of worship over and above the minimum requirements, such as voluntary prayers, dhikr (remembrance of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) and reading and reciting the Qur'an. Encourage them to make dua throughout the day, whenever they feel they need a little lift.
- Encourage older children to engage in dawah, by inviting non-Muslim school colleagues to find out about Islam or their Muslim friends to practice their religion more closely.
- Remind them of the consequences of disbelief and help them understand that their good deeds will earn great rewards and ultimately will protect them. The easiest good deed is to praise and glorify Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa and so they should aim to do this regularly throughout the day, especially after prayers.
- If you support them as they get older in the choices that they may make to get closer to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa, such as growing a beard or wearing the niqaab, then as their parent you will receive blessings too.
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Community Q&A
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QuestionWhat if I don't want to be Muslim? I'm 11 years old.SobiTop AnswererThere is no pressure on you to be a Muslim, Islam teaches that there is no compulsion of religion. Your parents, however, do have a right to bring you up in an Islamic environment and teach you in accordance to Islamic values. If you choose not to believe in that, then there is no obligation for you; indeed, at the end of the day, Allah guides whom He wills (2:272). Of course, remember that Allah only enters believers to Paradise and enters disbelievers into Hellfire (which contains other, more horrific punishments in addition to the agonizing fire), both for eternity.
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QuestionWhat if one parent wanted to raise the child as a Muslim, but the other didn't?Community AnswerThen there is urgent need for the two parents to have good conversations about this. This is a major life decision, and it is important that the parents work it out. Counseling would be helpful.
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QuestionMy daughter is half-Palestinian, and I’d like for her to learn about Islam. I started reading the Quran, and I’d like to learn more to so that I can guide her. What should I do?UmmshareefTop AnswererThe best way for you and your daughter to learn more about Islam is to attend classes at your local mosque. Most mosques offer evening and weekend single gender classes for children to learn the basics of Islam and meet other children who are similarly motivated to learn in a safe environment.
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References
- ↑ https://islamqa.info/en/7180 The first (best) category is the names ‘Abd-Allaah and ‘Abd al-Rahmaan. It was reported that the Prophet (Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Salam) said: “The most beloved of names to Allaah are ‘Abd-Allaah and ‘Abd al-Rahmaan.” (Narrated by Muslim in his Saheeh, 1398).
- ↑ https://muflihun.com/abudawood/43/4815
- https://www.al-islam.org/from-marriage-to-parenthood-heavenly-path-abbas-and-shaheen-merali/chapter-11-raising-children
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