Am I Love Bombing Someone?

Take this quiz to see if you're taking things too far.

Ever feel like you’re doing too much? Worried you might even be love-bombing? Let’s unpack that!

Give your honest answer to these quick questions, and we’ll tell you whether or not you’re crossing a line or overstepping your boundaries, and also how to handle that.

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Questions Overview

1. When you give them gifts, do you expect them to pay you back?
  1. Of course. Why else would I give them anything?
  2. It's nice if they return the favor, but not expected.
  3. Nope. I give them things because I enjoy it.
2. Have they ever told you that they want some space, but you chose not to give it to them?
  1. Yeah, they've mentioned something like that before. But I didn’t listen.
  2. They sort of act closed-off sometimes, I think, but they've never said anything. I’m not sure.
  3. No, they've never said anything like that, or acted like it.
3. Think hard, and be honest: What do you want from a relationship with this person?
  1. I just want to be close to them and get to know them.
  2. I want to be the best person I can be for them.
  3. I want something they have, like money, or their friends, or their social status.
  4. I'm not sure.
4. How do you feel when they do fun things with other people, or without you?
  1. I feel pretty bad. Like they're excluding me, or don't care about me.
  2. It doesn't feel good, but I don't take it too personally.
  3. Meh. I don't feel any sort of way about it.
  4. Annoyed. They should be spending their time with me. I might even say that to them.
5. How would you feel if they moved away next week?
  1. Hurt and angry. Like I've wasted my time and energy on them.
  2. I'd be pretty sad. I like them a lot, and don't want to lose them.
  3. I'd feel bummed, but I'd wish them the best!
  4. Eh, I'd be fine.
6. Do you ever give them compliments that you don't really mean?
  1. Often.
  2. Sometimes.
  3. Never.
  4. I'm not sure, or I don't remember.
7. Who do you think takes the lead in your relationship?
  1. I do. I should always be the one in control.
  2. I like to take the lead, but I let my partner call plenty of shots, too.
  3. It’s pretty equal.
  4. I let my partner take the lead, usually.
  5. I'm not sure.
8. Have you ever lied to them for your own gain? For example: saying “I’ve never felt this way before” even though you have, because you want their feelings to deepen.
  1. Yes, but I don't think it really matters.
  2. Once or twice, but I feel bad about it.
  3. Not on purpose, no.
  4. I don't know, or I can't remember.
9. How do you feel when they don't respond to your calls or texts right away?
  1. Frustrated or even angry. They should be making me a priority.
  2. Anxious. I hope they're alright.
  3. Annoyed, but I understand they don't always have time.
  4. I feel fine. I know they have other things to do.
10. When you do nice things for them or show affection, what’s your goal?
  1. I want them to like me more and feel more emotionally invested in me, and I know that gifts, compliments, and quality time can do that.
  2. I don’t know, I don’t really think about it. I guess I just want to show affection, so I do.
  3. I just like them! It’s as simple as that. When I do nice things for them, it’s because I enjoy caring for them and want them to be happy.

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The good news is: by taking this quiz, you\u2019re headed in the right direction. Clearly, you care about whether or not you\u2019re love bombing this person. Take a step back and ask yourself what your end goal is, then find more honest and less manipulative ways to get there. If you want something they have, just ask them for it. If you're looking for a friend or a relationship, try approaching that more honestly. Let them know you're available and down to connect, but leave the door open for them to come in, rather than opening and pushing your way through their doors.

Whatever the case, it's not fair to violate their boundaries and make them feel uncomfortable just because you're chasing something or someone. You wouldn't want someone to do that to you, would you? So don't do it to them. That's not healthy for either of you.","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Stop-Love-Bombing"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Love-Bombing-then-Ghosting"}],"link_data":[{"title":"What Is Love Bombing? (Warning Signs and How to Prevent It)","id":13460981,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Stop-Love-Bombing","relUrl":"\/Stop-Love-Bombing","image":"\/images\/thumb\/c\/c9\/Stop-Love-Bombing-Step-18.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Stop-Love-Bombing-Step-18.jpg","alt":"What Is Love Bombing? (Warning Signs and How to Prevent It)"},{"title":"Love Bombing then Ghosting: 5 Reasons Why People Do It","id":13832323,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Love-Bombing-then-Ghosting","relUrl":"\/Love-Bombing-then-Ghosting","image":"\/images\/thumb\/d\/d9\/Love-Bombing-then-Ghosting-Step-15.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Love-Bombing-then-Ghosting-Step-15.jpg","alt":"Love Bombing then Ghosting: 5 Reasons Why People Do It"}],"minimum":0,"image":"","image_url":""},{"number":2,"text":"You're not love bombing.","meaning":"Based on your answers, you\u2019re not love bombing. Though, based on your answers it sounds like you may want to take a pause to think. It's clear that you really like this person, and you really want them to like you, too. Honestly, the fact that you're worried enough to take this quiz means you're probably a really caring, thoughtful person in relationships. But sometimes, when we like someone a whole lot, we end up trying a little too hard\u2014so hard that it's actually not always for the best. We\u2019re not saying that that\u2019s you, but it does seem like you love to give affection\u2014but you might not always think it through completely.

This doesn't make you a bad person, or even a manipulative person! It just means that it's time to take a deep breath, shake out your shoulders, get some space, and let yourself breathe. It's pretty stressful putting in all that work to make sure a relationship works, but sometimes all that effort just makes things claustrophobic, and you'll feel better if you loosen up a little.

For now, ask yourself what your end goal is, then find more low-key ways to get there. Before you give a gift or express your feelings, think to yourself: can I back this up? Or, let the other person take the lead for a while. Let them know you're available and down to connect, but leave the door open for them to come in, rather than going and knocking on their doors. That way, you both have your own emotional space, and you can start coming together in a healthier way. You got this!","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Stop-Love-Bombing"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Love-Bombing-then-Ghosting"}],"link_data":[{"title":"What Is Love Bombing? (Warning Signs and How to Prevent It)","id":13460981,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Stop-Love-Bombing","relUrl":"\/Stop-Love-Bombing","image":"\/images\/thumb\/c\/c9\/Stop-Love-Bombing-Step-18.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Stop-Love-Bombing-Step-18.jpg","alt":"What Is Love Bombing? (Warning Signs and How to Prevent It)"},{"title":"Love Bombing then Ghosting: 5 Reasons Why People Do It","id":13832323,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Love-Bombing-then-Ghosting","relUrl":"\/Love-Bombing-then-Ghosting","image":"\/images\/thumb\/d\/d9\/Love-Bombing-then-Ghosting-Step-15.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Love-Bombing-then-Ghosting-Step-15.jpg","alt":"Love Bombing then Ghosting: 5 Reasons Why People Do It"}],"minimum":0,"image":"","image_url":""},{"number":3,"text":"You're not love bombing.","meaning":"Based on your answers, we think you're in the clear. You're enthusiastic and earnest, but those aren't the same as love-bombing. Love-bombing is a manipulation tactic where someone overwhelms another person with affection in order to get something, whether that's love, a favor, or influence. Most importantly, love bombing involves overstepping boundaries and a level of dishonesty.

You might feel like you're coming on strong, but that's only because you really like this person, and want them to like you! There's nothing wrong with that. That said, if you feel like you're pushing things a little too hard, there's also nothing wrong with taking a step back to get your own breathing room.

Let the other person take the lead for a while. Let them know you're available and down to connect, but leave the door open for them to come in, rather than going and knocking on their doors. That way, you both have your own emotional space, and you can start coming together in a healthier way. You got this!","edit_links":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Stop-Love-Bombing"},{"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Love-Bombing-then-Ghosting"}],"link_data":[{"title":"What Is Love Bombing? (Warning Signs and How to Prevent It)","id":13460981,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Stop-Love-Bombing","relUrl":"\/Stop-Love-Bombing","image":"\/images\/thumb\/c\/c9\/Stop-Love-Bombing-Step-18.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Stop-Love-Bombing-Step-18.jpg","alt":"What Is Love Bombing? (Warning Signs and How to Prevent It)"},{"title":"Love Bombing then Ghosting: 5 Reasons Why People Do It","id":13832323,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Love-Bombing-then-Ghosting","relUrl":"\/Love-Bombing-then-Ghosting","image":"\/images\/thumb\/d\/d9\/Love-Bombing-then-Ghosting-Step-15.jpg\/-crop-200-200-200px-Love-Bombing-then-Ghosting-Step-15.jpg","alt":"Love Bombing then Ghosting: 5 Reasons Why People Do It"}],"minimum":0,"image":"","image_url":""}]" class="quiz_results_data"/>\"Love<\/picture>","alt":"What Is My Love Personality Quiz"},{"title":"Are You Best Friends Quiz","id":13457572,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Relationships\/Best-Friend-Quiz","relUrl":"\/Relationships\/Best-Friend-Quiz","image":"\"Best<\/picture>","alt":"Are You Best Friends Quiz"},{"title":"Am I Giving Someone the Ick Quiz","id":14669875,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Are-You-Giving-Someone-the-Ick","relUrl":"\/Are-You-Giving-Someone-the-Ick","image":"\"Are<\/picture>","alt":"Am I Giving Someone the Ick Quiz"}],"number":1},{"text":"Actions","result":"We love that! In that case, check out one of these interesting quizzes:","next_quizzes":[{"title":"Apology Language Quiz","id":13685898,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Relationships\/Apology-Language-Quiz","relUrl":"\/Relationships\/Apology-Language-Quiz","image":"\"Apology<\/picture>","alt":"Apology Language Quiz"},{"title":"Am I Ready For A Relationship Quiz","id":13203019,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Relationships\/Am-I-Ready-For-A-Relationship-Quiz","relUrl":"\/Relationships\/Am-I-Ready-For-A-Relationship-Quiz","image":"\"Am<\/picture>","alt":"Am I Ready For A Relationship Quiz"},{"title":"How High Are My Dating Standards Quiz","id":14493791,"url":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/Relationships\/Are-Your-Standards-High-Test","relUrl":"\/Relationships\/Are-Your-Standards-High-Test","image":"\"Are<\/picture>","alt":"How High Are My Dating Standards Quiz"}],"number":2}]}" class="quiz_questionnaire_data"/>

What is love bombing, anyway?

Love bombing is a more recent term, and has become popular thanks to social media and pop psychology. It’s a real thing, but lots of people misunderstand what it is, or use the term wrong, so we’re here to clear the air.

What is love bombing? Love bombing is overstepping boundaries by overwhelming someone with affection in order to get something in return, like their love, a favor, or just influence. Notice the “overstepping boundaries” part. It’s not love bombing to do lots of nice things for people you like, but it is love bombing to do things that someone has told you makes them uncomfortable, or to do them just because you expect something in return. Essentially, it’s a form of manipulation.

Signs of Love Bombing Now remember, none of these things are automatically love bombing. Often, they’re just nice things to do for someone. What matters is the intent behind them, and whether or not the other person actually wants them. These are signs, but they’re not proof. That said, here are some things to watch out for, from yourself and others:

Excessive gifts. Flowers or trinkets on a first date? Movie tickets as a favor? Sure, fine. But more elaborate gifts, like an expensive bit of jewelry from someone you’re not all that familiar with, or an all-expenses paid trip as a first or second date? These things raise some flags. In these cases, it feels more like the gift giver is trying to buy something, and they probably are.

Jealousy. A love bomber is usually jealous . They want all your attention, and they get moody or feel betrayed when you give that attention to someone else. They think they’re owed your affection, because they’re giving you affection, and they usually won’t take “no” for an answer. But in a healthy relationship, both people respect each other’s individuality and boundaries.

Moving too fast. With love bombing, the person is usually in some sort of rush. They want to get this show on the road so they can get what they want faster. But a real, caring, loving relationship, whether it’s between friends, partners, or family, is more measured and paced out. There’s time to grow and get comfortable. Love bombers, though, don’t want that time, because the less time you have to think about it, the better it is for them.

Emotional turmoil. When you’re being love-bombed, you’ll feel overwhelmed or confused, and that’s the point. The love bomber is trying to disorient you with affection so that you’re more likely to give them what they want. In a healthy relationship, you might have nerves, or be uncertain or anxious, but you shouldn’t ever feel so confused that it negatively affects your mental health, at least not because you feel guilty or disturbed by the other person.

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