How (and Why) to Self-Reflect

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Practice introspection to become a better version of yourself
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During the hustle and bustle of everyday life, it’s all too easy to lose sight of our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. That’s where self-reflection comes in. This practice encourages you to press the “pause” button on your daily life, so you can better understand yourself. Not sure how to get started? We’re here to help you better understand self-reflection, how to do it, why you should, and offer plenty of questions to get you started.

Simple Ways to Self-Reflect

  1. Ask yourself questions about yourself, like, “What do I want, and why?”
  2. Keep a journal of your thoughts and feelings.
  3. Set goals and monitor your progress.
  4. Ask others what they think about you.
  5. Reminisce on your past self.
  6. Exercise and meditate to nourish your mind.
  7. Practice gratitude.
Section 1 of 4:

What is self-reflection?

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  1. There are tons of ways to self-reflect, but at its core, self-reflection is just about asking questions about yourself and as a result, getting to know yourself better. [1] That way, you can know who you are, where you’re going, and why you’re headed in that direction.
    • Everything about yourself is fair game for self-reflection: your thoughts, emotions, desires, strengths, weaknesses, opinions, politics… All of these are part of what makes you, you!
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Section 2 of 4:

Ways to Self Reflect

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  1. Research shows that when you put your thoughts into writing, you get better at examining them. [2] Take 5-10 minutes each day to journal and reflect on how your day went, along with anything you feel thankful for. Journaling is a great way to curb any negative or unproductive thoughts while helping you look toward the future.
    • You might write about a frustrating experience at work, a tough conversation you had with a friend, or an upcoming event that’s stressing you out.
    • You could also jot down something you did well, or something that made you really happy.
    • It’s okay if your journaling seems jumbled—what matters most is that you’re transforming your thoughts into words.
  2. Every once in a while, stop and try to name what emotion you’re currently feeling, whether it’s happiness, sadness, anger, or something completely different. If you can name your emotion, you can better understand it , and it doesn’t feel so alien or scary. [3] If you can’t name it, try to describe it!
    • Also ask yourself why you’re feeling that way, and what feeling that emotion usually makes you do , and if that’s positive or negative.
    • Receptive, ecstatic, blessed, reassured, intrigued, resentful, and indignant are all great examples of words for your emotional vocabulary. [4]
  3. Write down your goals and outcomes for your career, as well as your spiritual, emotional, and mental health. Once a month, check in with yourself—have you reached your goals from the previous month, or are you not quite there yet? As you reflect, create new goals for the upcoming month. [5]
    • Your goals could be “I want to be 20% more productive at work,” or “I want to give myself an extra hour of “me time” each week.”
    • It’s okay if you don’t reach your goals right away! Self-reflection is all about the journey and becoming more in tune with yourself.
  4. Throughout the week, focus on anything you feel thankful or grateful for. Practicing gratitude can help you feel calmer, and also boost your feelings of contentment. [6]
    • Speak your gratitude aloud. For example, say, “I’m grateful for the support system in my life,” “I’m thankful to have a roof over my head,” or “I’m thankful to have a supportive boss and co-workers” are some ways to practice gratitude.
    Oprah Winfrey, Entertainment Mogul

    Practice gratitude frequently. "Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough."

  5. Life coach Tracey Rogers says that “You have to recognize that there are some things about you that need to change in order to be the best version of yourself.” [7] But don’t beat yourself up when you think about the past; instead, honestly identify and reflect on the mistakes you made, so you can make better, more informed decisions in the future.
    • For instance, if you showed up late to a friend’s important event, you might set several alarms for yourself in the future.
    • If you hurt a friend’s feelings, you could pinpoint what you said and how you said it. That way, you’ll know what not to say in the future.
    • If you fall short of your goals, you could pinpoint what slowed you down.
  6. Regular exercise boosts your mood and helps your brain work better. [8] Walk through your neighborhood, a local park, or any other place where you can really unplug and focus on yourself. Meditation and yoga are also great ways to boost your sense of self-awareness. [9]
    • There are plenty of meditation styles to try—guided style helps you focus on a relaxing place or experience, while mantra meditation involves chanting a calming word.
    • There’s also mindfulness meditation, which helps you focus on living in the current moment.
  7. Self-reflection isn’t just about judging or criticizing your past decisions. Instead, self-reflection helps you learn from your past so you can reach a healthier, happier future. [10]
    • Instead of thinking “I can’t believe I made that mistake at work,” think “I’m glad I have the opportunity to reflect on my mistakes so I can do better in the future.”
    • Instead of thinking, “I shouldn’t have said that to my sister,” think “I’m now better prepared for future conversations.”
  8. Just 10-15 minutes is enough time to help you unplug and focus on yourself. In fact, research shows that professionals who took time for self-reflection performed better at work overall. [11]
    • If you don’t have a lot of free time, try self-reflecting at least once a week.
  9. Career coach Adrian Klaphaak says to “Ask people you know well and trust…to give you feedback about what they see as your core strengths.” [12] Reach out to a friend, loved one, or other trusted individual for help. Ask this person to hold you accountable, and remind you to self-reflect frequently. This might be a text, phone call, or any other reminder that helps you remember.
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Section 3 of 4:

Benefits of Self Reflection

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  1. Ever make the same mistake over and over again? That was probably a moment for self-reflection. When you self-reflect, you try to learn why and how you think or do something. It’s like having a conversation with yourself and checking in to see how things are going, and if anything needs to change. [13]
    • Think of self-reflection as a sort of huddle between you and yourself. You’re both the coach and the player.
  2. Self-reflection is about getting outside yourself in order to look inside. It’s easy to pass judgment on other people, but not so easy to judge yourself without self-reflecting. This helps you find new ways of thinking about things, which makes you a more well-rounded person. [14]
  3. It’s not always easy to look at your own rough edges, but that’s the only way to improve them! If you practice a little self-reflection, you can start striving to be the best you. And once you start to see yourself improve—at your hobbies, at work, or even just in terms of your own thoughts and opinions—that feels good, and you feel good as a result. [15]
  4. If you’re never asking how you can do something better, be it socializing, getting new skills, or just how to better manage your time, how do you expect to improve? When you self-reflect, you discover the reasoning behind your own thoughts and actions, which helps you make better decisions in the future. [16]
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Section 4 of 4:

Self-Reflection Questions

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  1. Thought-provoking questions may lead to some helpful insights and help you better understand yourself and your needs. Don’t be afraid to ask yourself some difficult questions—identifying and reflecting on your weak points can help you improve in the future. Consider some of the following, and remember to also always ask “Why?” [17]
    • What have I been avoiding?
    • How have I been achieving my goals?
    • How am I holding myself back?
    • What am I most proud of?
    • What stresses me out the most?
    • What opportunities did I miss out on?
    • What did I start to do but never finish?
    • Who do I think I am?
    • Who do I want to be?
    • What can I do to be that person now?
    • What are my priorities in life?
    • How can I help other people?
    • What have I learned from failing?
    • What mistakes do I want to avoid in the future?
    • What is precious to me?
    • Who is precious to me?
    • What sort of world do I want to live in?
    • Who supports me?
    • Who do I support?
    • What do I want?
    • What do I need?
    • What excites me?

Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    Why is it important to self reflect?
    Adrian Klaphaak, CPCC
    Life Coach
    Adrian Klaphaak is a career coach and founder of A Path That Fits, a mindfulness-based boutique career and life coaching company in the San Francisco Bay Area. He is also an accredited Co-Active Professional Coach (CPCC). Klaphaak has used his training with the Coaches Training Institute, Hakomi Somatic Psychology, and Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS) to help thousands of people build successful careers and live more purposeful lives.
    Adrian Klaphaak, CPCC
    Life Coach
    Expert Answer
    It's a great way to identify what's important to you. It's also important to sort of take a step back and take stock of your trajectory in life. If there's something you really want to achieve and you aren't moving closer to that goal, reflection can kind of help you re-calibrate.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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    Not Helpful 2 Helpful 11
  • Question
    What if I'm really bad at self reflection?
    Adrian Klaphaak, CPCC
    Life Coach
    Adrian Klaphaak is a career coach and founder of A Path That Fits, a mindfulness-based boutique career and life coaching company in the San Francisco Bay Area. He is also an accredited Co-Active Professional Coach (CPCC). Klaphaak has used his training with the Coaches Training Institute, Hakomi Somatic Psychology, and Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS) to help thousands of people build successful careers and live more purposeful lives.
    Adrian Klaphaak, CPCC
    Life Coach
    Expert Answer
    As people you know really well to identify your strengths and weaknesses. Seeking out feedback is a kind of roundabout way to do some reflection, since they may see things in you that you're totally unaware of.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 1 Helpful 7
  • Question
    I get bummed out whenever I reflect on my achievements. How can I get closer to completing more goals?
    Adrian Klaphaak, CPCC
    Life Coach
    Adrian Klaphaak is a career coach and founder of A Path That Fits, a mindfulness-based boutique career and life coaching company in the San Francisco Bay Area. He is also an accredited Co-Active Professional Coach (CPCC). Klaphaak has used his training with the Coaches Training Institute, Hakomi Somatic Psychology, and Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS) to help thousands of people build successful careers and live more purposeful lives.
    Adrian Klaphaak, CPCC
    Life Coach
    Expert Answer
    You may be thinking about achievement in the wrong way. If your goal is to graduate from law school or get a job at Google, you're just going to get down on yourself. Those are massive, lofty goals that may take decades to achieve depending on how old you are. Try to think about the steps along the way that you've completed. Those are achievements, too!
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.annualreviews.org/content/journals/10.1146/annurev-orgpsych-031921-024406
      2. ↑ https://online-journals.org/index.php/i-jet/article/view/11939/7143
      3. ↑ https://cmha.ca/news/understand-your-emotions-understand-yourself/
      4. ↑ http://www.psychpage.com/learning/library/assess/feelings.html
      5. ↑ https://www.nsls.org/goal-setting-techniques
      6. ↑ https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/practicing_gratitude_has_positive_impacts_on_our_health_and_well_being
      7. ↑ Tracey Rogers, MA. Certified Life Coach. Expert Interview. 6 January 2020.
      8. ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/exercise-and-mental-health
      9. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/meditation/in-depth/meditation/art-20045858
      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-happiness/201910/what-is-self-reflection-and-why-it-matters-wellness
      2. ↑ https://hbr.org/2017/03/why-you-should-make-time-for-self-reflection-even-if-you-hate-doing-it
      3. ↑ Adrian Klaphaak, CPCC. Career Coach. Expert Interview. 18 December 2018.
      4. ↑ https://www.annualreviews.org/content/journals/10.1146/annurev-orgpsych-031921-024406
      5. ↑ https://online-journals.org/index.php/i-jet/article/view/11939/7143
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-social-self/201009/reflection-critical-self-improvement
      7. ↑ https://online-journals.org/index.php/i-jet/article/view/11939/7143
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-practice/201805/6-self-reflection-questions-self-critical-people

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      If you want to self-reflect, try seeking out a quiet place with no distractions, like your bedroom or office. Once you've found some personal space, go ahead and talk out loud to yourself. Just say what's on your mind in that moment. Then, pour out the emotions you're feeling, and cry if you have to. When you're done, be sure to write down these emotions afterwards so you can understand yourself better. Once you get it all out, make sure you take some time to just breathe for as long as you need. For more advice, like how you can turn this reflection into action, read on.

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