How to Talk to a Girl

PDF download Download Article
PDF download Download Article

Do you start stuttering and forgetting your own name any time you talk to a girl? You want that to stop? Then, just start a conversation about a topic you think will interest both you and her. By doing this you will have much more fun and feel a connection with the girl you talk to. You will feel more comfortable and find time flying when talking to this special girl. To talk to a girl, approach her in a friendly and casual manner, and make her feel special by expressing interest in her thoughts, complimenting her sincerely, and using open body language. It may seem intimidating, but with a little practice, you should be able to talk to nearly any girl without breaking a sweat.

Conversation Help

Part 1
Part 1 of 3:

Starting a Conversation

PDF download Download Article
  1. You don't have to do anything elaborate or dramatic to do this -- in fact, you probably shouldn't. Just smile at her from across the room, excuse yourself as you brush past her, or just lock eyes, look away, and then look back at her after enough time has passed. You don't have to say hi to her the second you notice her; instead, you can spend some time making her curious about you first. If you already know the girl, of course, then don't play too hard to get and go right up and say hi to her. If you feel you have the confidence, why not introduce yourself ? [1]
    • Make sure to keep up confident body language as you approach. Keep your head up high, your gaze straight ahead of you, and maintain good posture as you approach her .
    • If you wait too long to say hello, she might feel like she's getting ignored.
  2. All you have to do is say, "Hello, I'm Joe -- what's your name?" Or, "I'm Joe. It's nice to meet you." You could also start by asking her about something you have in common, such as a class you both share. When she responds and gives you her name, reach out and lightly shake her hand. Don't be awkward about it. Sure, it may feel a little old school, but it's the way mature people introduce themselves. If you already know the girl, you can just say hi and make sure to use her name.
    • Once you know the girl's name, use it a few times so she thinks that you're really invested in the conversation and care about what she has to say. Just once or twice is enough.
    • A helpful trick when you're introducing yourself to a new girl is to pretend that you have a girlfriend/wife and they're standing next to you. Don't say anything to a girl that you wouldn't feel comfortable saying in front of your girlfriend/wife if you had one. This will stop you from saying anything off-putting that could make a girl uncomfortable. Keep things light and casual at first. [2]
    Advertisement
  3. Be yourself . [3] Loosen up and let this girl see who you really are. If you're a goofy, funny guy, make her laugh. If you're more serious, talk to her about topics that are interesting and meaningful without being too serious instead of cracking tons of jokes -- unless jokes are your thing. Also, while you need to find out about her, you also need to tell her yourself so that she can get to know you. This is a part of being yourself. But whatever you do, make sure you don't spend the whole time talking about yourself, ask her about herself and even if you're not, you should act genuinely interested in her answer.
    • Remember that, while it's important to be yourself, you should hold back on the more eccentric stuff, the kind of qualities that make people say, "You have to get to know him first..." You don't want to creep her out! Try to talk about things she might be interested in as well.
  4. Smile . This can help a lot. It shows that you are enjoying the conversation and that you feel comfortable, which will make the girl continue talking with you. [4] Try to have a natural expression that has your lips slightly upturned in a smile, and at the appropriate moments, smile bigger and grin. You don't have to smile the whole time, but smiling at key moments at the beginning of a conversation can make the girl feel appreciated. If she says something funny, laugh.
    • Smiling will put the girl at ease and will make her feel like you really like what she has to say.
    • Don't smile the whole time, obviously, or you'll look nervous, or even constipated.
  5. If you like the girl, then sure, the goal is to get to know her on a deep level eventually, but that doesn't mean you should talk about your grief over your grandmother's death or to describe the rash on your back in great detail seconds after you meet. Instead, pick light topics that are inoffensive and are easy to talk about, such as your pets, favorite bands, or hobbies, so that you don't make the girl uncomfortable before you really get to know each other. Showing you care in the smallest ways, can make their whole day better .
    • Picking light topics to start off doesn't mean you have to pick boring topics. You don't have to talk about the weather just to avoid saying anything slightly personal. Unless you live somewhere where people are actually interested in the weather, then talk about it.
    • Follow the flow of the conversation. Sometimes two people really hit it off and start opening up to each other much faster than they would expect. If the girl starts opening up to you and really trusts you, you can hold back a bit less, too.
    EXPERT TIP

    John Keegan

    Dating Coach
    John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach

    Compliments and observations can be great conversation starters. From there, follow up with open-ended questions to show interest and encourage further discussion.

    6. Advertisement


Part 2
Part 2 of 3:

Making Her Feel Special

PDF download Download Article
  1. Try to steer the topic in the direction of something you both care about, from your obsession with Community to your love of biking. You don't have to do this by asking her about her five favorite bands, types of food, hobbies, or forms of exercise; you can just listen to the natural flow of the conversation, and see if you can find something you both like, or if you can get her to notice something you like. For example, if you casually mention that you were coming back from the A's game yesterday, then she'll respond if she's a big A's fan, too.
    • When you're talking, make sure you ask open-ended questions instead of "yes" or "no" questions, so you can keep the conversation going. [5]
    • Make sure to avoid awkward silences ! Remember: things will only be awkward if you make them awkward, be confident and keep the conversation flowing as best as you can.
    • Don't despair if you feel like you have nothing in common. You'll be able to find something eventually if you keep up a fun conversation for long enough.
    • It may turn out that you don't have so much in common, but that you click because you have similar personalities or outlooks. That's great, too.
    • When you mention a band you like, ask her if she likes the band too; let her see that you care about her interests when you're talking about yours.
  2. Make eye contact while you're talking. This is another way to make her feel special. You don't have to stare into her eyes like you're searching for your own reflection and creep her out, but you should make a point of giving her all of your attention, and not looking down at your phone or scoping out the room to see if anyone more interesting has walked by. You can break eye contact every once in a while, but only to keep things interesting, not to show that you're bored. [6]
    • Making eye contact shows confidence . If you make a point of locking eyes with the girl, she'll see that you're confident about getting to know her.
  3. Express interest in her thoughts and opinions. Listen intently when she speaks. Girls like guys that listen to them and like what they say. Don't constantly interrupt her to state your opinion; let her talk and share thoughts with you. However, show that you're listening by nodding, saying "yes" or "no" at the appropriate times, and answering her questions.
    • Ask her what she thinks about whatever it is you care about -- your favorite music, the new fashion trends this season, or the importance of friendship.
    • Though it's important to ask for her opinion, try to avoid talking about religion or politics immediately, or you may get into an argument you didn't anticipate. [7]
    • When she says something, make sure you respond and show that you're listening by rephrasing what she says occasionally. You can say, "I completely agree with what you said about how hard it is to stay in touch with friends who move out of town..." to show that you're hanging on to her every word.
  4. You should compliment an aspect of her personality or her looks without freaking her out to show her that you care. If you like her type of music, or the books she reads, tell her that she has great taste. It's all right to compliment her clothes, hair, or jewelry, but you'll really win a girl's heart if she sees that you're into more than just her outside. [8] Also, if you're feeling super confident, why not compliment her in a flirty way?
    • If you're going for the physical compliment, don't do more than compliment her clothes, hair, or in more intimate cases, her eyes. It's not time to freak her out by telling her how hot she is before she even knows your last name.
    • If she has a great laugh, don't be afraid to tell her that.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 231 wikiHow readers and 58% of them agreed that their favorite type of compliments to receive are ones about their character or personality . [Take Poll] So try something like “I really admire your ambition” or “You’re so thoughtful.”
  5. You don't have to bore her by asking about her favorite part of Algebra II; however, you can show that you're interested by asking her what her favorite subjects in school are, asking about her favorite teachers, or even letting that lead you to a discussion on what she wants to do when she gets older. Don't just nod and say, "That's interesting..." ask her why she likes a certain subject or why she wants to be a nurse or a lawyer when she grows up.
    • Some girls don't like talking about school that much. If you're sensing a lack of interest, just move on.
    • Don't make it feel like an interrogation. You can talk about the subjects you like, too.
  6. It's best to not tease girls about things they might take seriously, especially weight, looks, or intelligence. It's especially important not to make a comment that the girl can take the wrong way when you're just getting to know her. If you manage to deeply offend the girl at the beginning of your contact, it'll be hard to dig yourself out of that hole.
    • Err on the side of caution. Don't tease her unless you really feel confident that she'll get it.
    • Follow her lead. If she has been teasing you for a while, it's okay to tease her back. Just make sure to keep your jokes on the same light level.
    7. Advertisement
Part 3
Part 3 of 3:

Keeping Her Interested

PDF download Download Article
  1. Girls like guys that make them laugh. Don't be afraid to flaunt your wit and sense of humor -- as long as you aren't too raunchy or inappropriate in the beginning. You don't have to start off with a series of knock-knock jokes to get her attention; just make sharp comments, fire back a quick joke if she has one, and make unique observations about the world around you that make her think. Don't overthink it. If you have a goofy or a cornball sense of humor, let her see it.
    • If you try a joke and she doesn't laugh, show her that you don't take yourself too seriously. Say, "Maybe I'll have better luck next time..." and it'll make her laugh.
    • If she makes a funny comment, don't just say, "That's really funny." Show her that you can make a funny comment right back, or laugh with her at it.
  2. A girl will be able to tell if you're trying too hard to pick her up from a mile away. If you want to keep her interested, then you shouldn't relentlessly pursue her if she doesn't want to be pursued, compliment her ten million times when she's clearly uncomfortable, or show off by bragging about how much you can bench press or about the home run record you're trying to set for your county. Relax and stop caring so much about impressing her and you will actually end up impressing her more.
    • If the girl sees that you're comfortable enough with yourself that you don't have to try so hard to get her to like you, she'll want to talk to you even more.
    • If you flex your bicep, talk about what great shape you're in, or tell her how good you look with your shirt off, she will be nothing but turned off.
  3. Be confident in yourself and don't be afraid of saying something stupid. [9] If you're not afraid then you probably won't. Just keep engaging her and be okay with the occasional awkward exchange, silence, or story that you had trouble telling the right way. Stay positive, relaxed, and happy, and she'll have even more fun talking to you. Don't be too self-deprecating, even if you think it'll make her laugh, or she'll think you have a low self-image.
    • You don't have to brag to be confident. You can talk about how much you love baseball without telling her that you're a star athlete.
    • One sign of confidence is being able to laugh at yourself. This will show her that you don't take yourself too seriously.
  4. If you're nervous, sweaty, or scared, the girl will be able to tell. If you're feeling nervous, just slow down your speech, focus on the dynamics of the conversation instead of every word you're saying, and stop fidgeting with your hands or looking around the room. If you're not relaxed, the girl will pick up on your tension and will feel uneasy as well. Take deep breaths, slow down your speech and movement, and think about the best case scenario instead of the worst thing that can happen.
    • If you're really nervous and it's painfully obvious, you can make a small joke about it to lighten the mood.
    • If you're really the nervous type, bring a bottle of water or soda around with you so you can sip on it from time to time to calm yourself down and to take small breaks. [10]
  5. Talk to her honestly, and don't stretch the truth. The natural inclination is to embellish things, but it's much more trouble than it's worth. If you really get to know and like her and she eventually finds out you lied to her, it's extremely embarrassing to you and breaks her trust (and the relationship). You shouldn't be putting on an act whenever you see her, in any sense.
    • Even if she doesn't notice for a while, other people (and other girls) will notice you're acting more impressive around her.
    • If you want to see the girl again, then your lies will eventually catch up with you. If you want her to like you, then she has to like the real you -- from the beginning.
  6. People like hanging out with people who make them laugh, feel happy, and have a positive outlook on the world. If you're feeling grumpy or like the world is against you, then it's not the best day to approach a girl. Talk about the things and people that make you happy and focus on the positive experiences you've both had; when you get to know each other better, you can talk more about the negative stuff, too, but if you want to keep her engaged at first, then you should set a decidedly positive tone.
    • You can even catch yourself if you're having a negative moment. If she asks you how traffic was getting there and you say, "Terrible," fix the negatively by saying, "But I'm really loving this new audio book I'm listening to," or "But I saw the cutest family of deer on the way over."
    • If she asks you about a certain band that you really hate, you can say something like, "I haven't really heard enough of their music" or "They're not my favorite, but they're pretty good." Don't go off on a rant about how much you hate something when you're first talking to a girl.
  7. If you really hit it off with the girl, then you can ask for her email, phone number, or even just for her last name so you can be Facebook friends. If you're asking her out, you can be more blunt about it, but if you just like her and want to talk to her again, just say something like, "I have to get going, but I'd love to pick up this conversation another time. Can I call you so we can do that?" She'll say yes without hesitating.
    • If you're feeling more shy, get her Facebook or email, and send her something goofy with it--a link to a web comic she'd enjoy or a silly forum thread. It's also less awkward than the phone. It helps her notice you more and you have a better chance of meeting again.
    • Get her contact information just when the conversation is going great, and you're at your peak of finding fun things to talk about. Don't wait until the conversation drags to ask for her contact info, or she'll be less inclined to see you again.
    8. Advertisement

Expert Video


Join the Discussion...

So how do you actually talk to girls?
WikiGiraffeHugger577
16
WikiGiraffeHugger577
I’m (16 m) not very good at talking to girls. I just get all clammy and awkward whenever I talk to someone I like. Sometimes, I even get weird... Read More
Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
I'm a firm believer that the problem with talking to someone you like is that you know you have that intention in your heart. I think women can p... Read More
WikiBirdGlider597
WikiBirdGlider597
I used to get nervous around girls too. But then I learned that listening more than you speak is a hack that makes people think you're a great co... Read More
See all 6 Replies and
Read Discussion

Expert Q&A

Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
      Advertisement

      Video

      Read Video Transcript

      Tips

      • If she clearly isn't interested or refuses to respond, back off. Many girls often receive the attention they don't want and may not know how to deal with it well. Understand that dealing with unwanted advances is difficult. Don't be personally offended; end the conversation and move on.
        Thanks
        Helpful 57 Not Helpful 10
      • Girls have different levels of need for attention. Some girls are happy if they see you once a week or so. There are others who won't leave you alone, and there are still others who can go for long periods of time without seeing you and it doesn't necessarily mean they've lost interest.
        Thanks
        Helpful 73 Not Helpful 16
      • Some girls love to listen and observe more than talking. If she is not talking much then she might be interested in listening to you.
        Thanks
        Helpful 61 Not Helpful 16
      Show More Tips

      Tips from our Readers

      The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
      • Express interest in her interests and hobbies. Ask her what she likes to do for fun or what kinds of activities she enjoys. When making plans for a date, suggest ideas based on her interests that you know she would enjoy. Making the effort to plan dates around things she likes shows you care.
      • Compliment her thoughtfully and appropriately. An occasional, sincere compliment shows you notice and appreciate things about her, but too many compliments too soon can feel disingenuous or even creepy. Stick to tasteful compliments about her outfit, smile, talents or accomplishments.
      • Remain calm and composed when interacting with her. Getting visibly nervous or stressed in her presence can make things feel more awkward. Take some deep breaths, speak slowly and clearly, and focus on enjoying the moment together rather than worrying about what might go wrong.
      • Don't try too hard to impress her with smooth talking or lines. This can come across as inauthentic or even desperate. Just be yourself — that confidence and genuine personality is what will intrigue her, not gimmicks.
      • If she calls or texts you, respond in a timely manner to show you value communication with her. Answer the phone when she calls and text back when she texts.
      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Name
      Please provide your name and last initial
      Submit
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
      Advertisement

      Warnings

      • Don't talk about other girls in front of her, and never compare her to other girls, especially her friends.
        Thanks
        Helpful 281 Not Helpful 20
      • Don't talk about your ex, she might think you still have feelings for her.
        Thanks
        Helpful 231 Not Helpful 27
      • When she is ready to talk again, treat her with respect and compassion to get past previous behaviors.
        Thanks
        Helpful 189 Not Helpful 27
      • Don't EVER talk to her in a rude or crude way. This is a huge turnoff to most girls and will get you dumped.
        Thanks
        Helpful 212 Not Helpful 39
      • Don't press a conversation she clearly doesn't want to have. A conversation takes two people - if you're doing all the work, then it's not going to work. Don't be offended if she does this; she might just be scared. Leave her alone and move on.
        Thanks
        Helpful 169 Not Helpful 33
      • If she is angry at you or she "doesn't want to talk about it," leave her alone for a while. There is no set time; she will be ready when she's ready.
        Thanks
        Helpful 50 Not Helpful 9
      • Avoid touching or trying to kiss a girl you're talking to without her permission. You want to keep things fun and casual, not make her uncomfortable! [11]
        Thanks
        Helpful 0 Not Helpful 1
      Advertisement

      You Might Also Like

      How to
      Win a Girl's Heart
      How to
      Treat a Girl
      How to
      Get a Girl to Be Your Girlfriend
      How to
      Get a Girlfriend
      How to
      Talk to Girls at a Party
      The Ultimate Collection of Funny, Cheesy, & Romantic Rizz Lines
      21 Questions Game: Spicy & Freaky Questions to Get to Know Your Crush
      100+ Flirty Things to Say to a Girl & Boost Her Self-Esteem
      20+ Signs a Guy is Attracted to You
      How to
      Seduce a Man
      140 Flirty Jokes & Pick-Up Lines to Make Her Laugh
      How to
      Seduce a Woman
      70+ Sweet, Playful & Steamy Good Morning Texts To Send Your Man
      3 Ways to Be Smooth and Rizz Up a Girl
      Advertisement

      References

      1. ↑ https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/eye_contact_an_introduction_to_its_role_in_communication
      2. ↑ Connell Barrett. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.
      3. ↑ Connell Barrett. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.
      4. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/whats-in-a-smile/
      5. ↑ https://www.mediacollege.com/journalism/interviews/open-ended-questions.html
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/201404/5-secret-powers-eye-contact
      7. ↑ https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/ct-xpm-1998-01-01-9801010196-story.html
      8. ↑ https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/too-seldom-is-heard-an-encouraging-word-why-and-how-to-offer-more-compliments/
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/shyness-is-nice/201811/50-quick-tips-boosting-your-confidence
      1. ↑ https://www.webmd.com/diet/features/water-stress-reduction
      2. ↑ Connell Barrett. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      To talk to a girl begin by catching her eye. Introduce yourself and smile, try asking her open-ended questions about herself and laugh if she says something funny. If you have something in common like hobbies or favorite bands be sure to ask her more about those. While she is speaking don't constantly interrupt. Show her that you're listening by nodding and rephrasing what she says occasionally. You can also use follow up questions like, "that's cool, can you tell me more about that?" to show that you're interested in what she is saying. If you're talking try to maintain relaxed eye contact with her. You can give her a compliment about her personality or her taste or just crack a light-hearted joke. Also, you can ask her about school or work. Just be careful not to tease her unless you are sure she understands your sense of humor. If you really hit it off with a girl, you can ask her for her contact information. Try saying something like, "I have to get going, but I'd love to pick up this conversation another time. Can I have your number?" Just remember to be friendly, relaxed and confident throughout your conversation. To learn how to keep her interested after you first talk, read on!

      Did this summary help you?
      In other languages
      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 4,626,310 times.

      Reader Success Stories

      • Cameron Wilson

        Mar 11, 2022

        "I'm 14, talking to this girl, just making fun of this article in general. She is really pretty, she's ..." more
      More reader stories Hide reader stories
      Share your story

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement