How to Tell Your Parents You Think You're Autistic

Autism is a multifaceted disability, and it takes a lot of research in order to understand.

1. 1
   Learn about autism . Autism is a very complex and misunderstood disability, so it takes a lot of research to understand it. Read lists of traits and essays by autistic people. Autistic people are often the best source, because they have firsthand experience with how their brains work, and some stereotypes are wildly inaccurate. Signs of autism include:

   • Social struggles ^[1] (being perceived as rude, feeling like you're "guessing" what to say, trouble relating to peers, etc.)
   • Difficulty understanding social relationships ^[2]
   • Difficulty reading faces and interacting with others
   • Learning to hide your true personality because people tend to judge you harshly if you speak your mind and be yourself (known as "autistic masking")
   • May need more alone time
   • Avoidance of eye contact, staring, or unusual eye contact
   • May not want cuddling
   • Uneven physical or verbal skills. For example, poor handwriting or bad coordination.
   • Intense focus and large memory, especially when studying favorite things; may remember childhood well
   • Difficulty with forming or understanding spoken words. May struggle with forming coherent sentences, and prefer written words, sign language, typing, or other forms of communication
   • Intense, narrow interests that bring you joy ^[3]
   • Preference of routines and sameness ^[4]
   • Strong, overpowering emotions, potentially resulting in meltdowns
   • Idiosyncratic speech: echoing words or phrases, ^[5] flat or singsong tone of voice, unusual pitch, and/or artistic and abstract language.
   • Exaggerated response or little response to sensory input like sound, light, smell, taste, etc.
   • Interest in how things work
   • Stimming behaviors (e.g. hand flapping, rocking, tapping pencils, hugging oneself, clapping hands, jumping, spinning, etc.)
   • Strong sense of justice and morality
   • Remarkable honesty and loyalty
2. 2
   Research carefully before making too many assumptions. Reading one article on autism isn't enough to get a good sense. Read the diagnostic criteria, delve into the Autistic community online, and read how autistics describe autism. Reflect as you read. Does it fit you?

   • Research related and co-occurring conditions. Is it possible that you have any of these in addition to autism, or instead of autism?
   • Keep in mind that autism is not perfectly understood. There is still misinformation out there, and there are studies with contradictory and unclear conclusions. Some information is written by non-autistic people who never consulted any autistics, and thus may have gotten something wrong.

   Tip: Even if autism seems likely, don't get too attached to the diagnosis. You don't want to become so single-minded that you overlook the truth. For example, a combination of ADHD and NVLD can look a lot like autism. You want an accurate diagnosis.

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3. 3
   Learn about conditions that could be mistaken for autism . ADHD , reactive attachment disorder, social anxiety , avoidant personality disorder, OCD , and schizophrenia are examples of conditions that can look somewhat similar to autism. ^[6]

   • It's possible to be autistic and have one or more of these conditions too. For example, it isn't uncommon for autistic people to have ADHD.
4. 4
   Reflect upon what you've read. Think back on your childhood, your quirks, your needs, and the accommodations that you and others make for you. When you consider autism, do things start to make more sense? Or is it a poor fit?
5. 5
   Consider your childhood and your earliest memories. Did you walk in circles, line up your toys, or make unusual repetitive movements? Did you hit your milestones in an unusual order? (This includes early childhood, and also later childhood, such as learning to ride a bike or swim.) Reflect on your childhood and see if autism explains any of your quirks, strengths, or struggles. Do you remember things like:

   • Lining up toys (in straight lines, arrays, or other arrangements)
   • Stimming like hand-flapping, finger-tapping, or rocking
   • Repetitive rituals, e.g. pacing around an object and touching it repetitively
   • Making up stories in your head instead of playing them out with toys
   • Meltdowns or shutdowns after many of your peers had outgrown "tantrums"
   • Struggling with motor tasks like learning to ride a bike, swimming, writing neatly, or taking outdoor clothes like coats/shoes off/on quickly
   • Not knowing how to make friends
   • Finding it easier to relate to adults than their peers
   • Peers treating you like an outsider or a younger child
   • Being frequently criticized/corrected for your body language or things you say, despite you doing your best
6. 6
   Talk to real autistic people. Visit a disability club, read blogs, or use #AskAnAutistic/#AskingAutistics to ask about autism. You can even talk about the autistic traits you've noticed in yourself, and ask if they think it's a possibility.

   • Some autistic people have created lists of traits that could indicate undiagnosed autism. ^{[7] [8]}
   • It's considered bad manners to post in #ActuallyAutistic unless you are either diagnosed or quite sure that you're autistic. However, anyone is welcome to read, listen, and learn.
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