11 Ways to Turn the Tables When He Pulls Away

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Make him chase you even after he’s been distant

Co-authored by Lauren Sanders and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: December 17, 2024 Fact Checked

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One day everything is totally fine in your relationship, and the next day your guy is acting cold. Feeling your partner pull away can be scary, but rest assured that you can turn the tables and make him come running back to you. For our best tips on reversing the situation and fixing your relationship, keep reading!

Things You Should Know

Ask him what’s going on without getting upset. Send a message like, “Hey, is everything ok with work?”
Flip the script by asking him to put the relationship on pause. This will send him into panic mode and have him running after you.
Give him the space that he wants and focus on yourself by hanging out with friends and diving back into your hobbies.

1

Take a deep breath.

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Take control over your panic to avoid reacting with fear. It can be scary when someone you have strong feelings for starts pulling away. We know your natural reaction is to reach out right away, so take a pause: breathe in and out , then look at the situation rationally instead of with panic. ^{[1]
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- It’s fine to freak out a little bit. Give yourself 10 minutes to yell into a pillow or have a good cry. When that 10 minutes is up, pull yourself together and think about how you can flip the script on him.

2

Give him the benefit of the doubt.

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Assume that he’s pulling away for good reason to calm your mind. Sure, a good partner would prioritize you no matter what’s going on in his life. But it’s possible that your guy is pulling away because of outside factors, like stress at work, family drama, or other responsibilities. Don’t let your mind jump to the worst conclusion before you get all the facts. ^{[2]
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- There are some guys, though, who will pull away because they’re afraid of commitment or because they’re playing mind games with you . If that’s the case, the steps below are sure to win him back and send him chasing after you.

3

Offer your support.

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Ask him what’s going on so it seems like you aren’t upset. Remember, the key here is to not blame or accuse him of anything. Send him a text or reach out, and ask him if everything’s okay. Let him know that you’re here to talk, since it seems like something has been bothering him. This shows that you’re not freaking out, and it also shows that his “message” isn’t getting through to you. ^{[3]
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- “Hey, you seem distant lately. Everything okay with work? I’m here if you need me.”
- “You alright? Seems like you’re distracted with some family drama. Wanna talk about it?”

4

Suggest taking a break.

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Put your relationship on pause to send him running back to you. When guys pull away, they’re sometimes doing it to signal their disinterest. By telling him that you’d rather halt the relationship for now, it will send him into panic mode and convince him that he has to step up (or he’s going to lose you). ^{[4]
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- “I really like you, but it seems like you’ve been distracted lately. Maybe we should take a break until you’re more serious about this relationship.”
- “It’s been fun getting to know you, but it seems like you’d rather focus on your career right now. Maybe we should stop talking and take a break.”

5

Act calm, cool, and collected.

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Be as calm as possible to defy all his expectations. When a guy pulls away from you, they expect you to come running after them, sending them desperate texts and leaving sad voicemails. When you don’t do that, and instead act like everything is fine, he gets confused and starts to rethink what he’s doing. ^{[5]
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- It may be tough, but try to act like everything is normal. Don’t give in and ask him why he’s ignoring you or if he’s doubting the relationship—that gives him all the power again.

6

Let him have his space.

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Back off so he has time to think about what he wants. It’s probably the last thing you want to do, but hear us out: when you give him the space he’s craving, he has a chance to work through his emotions and decide whether or not he’d like to commit to the relationship. Let him know that you’re here whenever he’s ready, but wait for him to reach out to you. ^{[6]
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- “I’m here when you want to talk, okay? Just let me know.”
- “Shoot me a text if you want to chat. Otherwise, I’ll let you have your space.”
- Reader Poll: We asked 2071 wikiHow readers, and 51% of them agreed that the best way to reconnect with a guy who has pulled away is to give him space and wait for him to reach out . [Take Poll]

7

Focus on yourself.

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Shift your attention from him back onto you. Reconnect with your friends and spend some time relaxing. Do a little bit of introspection, and ask yourself how you view love. Use this time to think about your relationship and whether or not you want to stay with a man who is playing mind games with you. ^{[7]
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- During this time, you might decide you want to break things off with him, which is totally valid. You could send him one final text or give him a quick phone call to let him know that things just aren’t working out.

8

Date other people if you aren’t exclusive.

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Make him jealous by seeing other people and moving on fast. If you two haven’t defined the relationship yet, there’s no reason you have to wait around for this guy to make up his mind. Flirt with cute guys, take up offers for other dates, and generally have a good time. If your guy happens to see you out on a date, that’s even better! ^{[8]
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- Be wary of using people just to get back at a guy. Remember that any new guy you date has feelings too, and he probably wouldn’t appreciate it if you only go out with him to make another dude mad.

9

Post things on social media.

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Live your best life to show how unbothered you are. While you might want to sit at home and wait for your guy to text you, resist the urge and go out. Have fun with your friends, do your hobbies, and most of all, post things on social media where he can see them. ^{[9]
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- Don’t make this super obvious—don’t tag him in any pics or send him your posts. But rest assured that when he sees you out having fun, he’s going to think twice about not talking to you.

10

Let him come to you.

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Once you’ve sent your final text telling him that he can reach out to you, toss your phone to the side. Although it may be tempting, don’t send him a text or ask if you can call him real quick. Rest assured that if you follow the steps above, he’s going to come back to you. ^{[10]
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11

Respond slowly when he reaches out.

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Make him wait so he knows what it feels like. When he reaches out, your first reaction is probably to respond right away. While that’s totally valid, now’s your chance to really make him see the error of his ways. If he texts you, wait a few hours before you respond. If he calls, answer and say you’re busy, then ask if you can call him back later. Make him squirm before finally rekindling your relationship. ^{[11]
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- After you two do reconnect, consider sitting down and having a serious conversation with him about his behavior. It can be very hard to deal with someone you love pulling away, and you probably don’t want this to happen again. Feel free to tell him just how hurt you were throughout the process.

Expert Q&A

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How do you get someone back who is pulling away?

Lauren Sanders
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Lauren Sanders is a Professional Matchmaker, Dating Coach, and the Founder of Dating for the Soul. With over four years of experience, she specializes in helping singles find love. Lauren is also the author of Lipstick Faith: A Collection of Inspirational Writings and Life Lessons, You Deserve the World, Rainbows and Strawberries: 100 Devotions for the Brighter Side of Life, and Let's Go Outside Mommy. Lauren holds BS from Dillard University and a Masters from The University of North Georgia.

Lauren Sanders

Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Communicate your feelings with them and ask what you can do to improve the relationship. You may also want to suggest couples' therapy. It may also help to return to the things you did in the beginning phases of the relationship and stopped doing. In order to keep a relationship healthy, one must continue doing the things they did when they first met the person. Once these things stop, people tend to pull away.

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11 Ways to Turn the Tables When He Pulls Away

Things You Should Know

Steps

Take a deep breath.

Give him the benefit of the doubt.

Offer your support.

Suggest taking a break.

Act calm, cool, and collected.

Let him have his space.

Focus on yourself.

Date other people if you aren’t exclusive.

Post things on social media.

Let him come to you.

Respond slowly when he reaches out.

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Tips

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