12 Examples of Mixed Signals from Guys

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When you’re getting mixed signals from a guy you like, it can feel frustrating and confusing—does he actually want to be with you or not? Mixed signals can come from a guy’s insecurity or lack of communication skills, but sometimes they’re his way of keeping you at a distance. We’ll teach you how to decode these subtle signs and walk you through exactly what to do when a guy gives you mixed signals.

1

He acts hot and cold.

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  1. He might tell you how much he likes you and then go radio silent for a couple of days. Or he might flatter and flirt with you a ton but not ask you out again. When a guy goes hot and cold, it's either his way of trying to slow things down, or it's an unhealthy tactic to get you to chase him. Here’s how to handle hot and cold behavior: [1]
    • If you’ve just met, give him time and space. Wait for him to reach out, and focus on yourself in the meantime. By not engaging in his games, you’re showing that you know your worth and won’t tolerate coldness.
    • If you’ve been dating for a while, describe how his behavior makes you feel and ask for the behavior you’d like to see instead. For example, “I feel hurt and confused when you get distant. Could talk about what’s going on and schedule regular time together so we can connect more?” [2]
    • Reader Poll: We asked 2071 wikiHow readers, and 51% of them agreed that the best way to reconnect with a guy who has pulled away is to give him space and wait for him to reach out . [Take Poll]
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2

He texts you infrequently and sends short replies.

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  1. He might send a text like “Hey how’s it going?” and then not respond after you reply. Or, he might like all your social media posts but not reply to your texts. Waiting’s not easy, but it’s normal for guys to respond a few hours later, as long as they reply within the same day. [3] But if he repeatedly doesn’t make an effort in his texts, here’s what you can do:
    • If you don’t know each other well, check out his texting patterns over a few days. Look to see if he regularly starts conversations with you—that’s a good sign he’s really interested!
    • If your guy ghosts you or leaves you on read more than a couple of times, your best bet is to move on. [4]
    • If you’re dating, let him know that you’d like more consistent communication. Say something like, “I’d love it if we could check in over text once a day or so. How do you feel about that?”
3

He doesn’t follow up after a date.

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  1. You two might go on an amazing date or a couple of dates and really feel like you’re clicking. But then, after the next fun outing together, you stop hearing from him. That kind of emotional whiplash can leave you wondering what’s going on! Here’s how to decode this classic mixed signal: [5]
    • If you don’t want to text first, wait up to 3 days after the date and see if he texts you. Some guys might still be operating under the outdated assumption that they have to wait a certain amount of time before asking for a second date. [6]
    • Reach out to him and take the initiative. Pick up the conversation where you left off by bringing up something from your date, and mention hanging out again. You could send a message like, “Hey, I still can’t believe you beat me at foosball. Can I get a rematch?”
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4

He cancels on you.

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  1. It certainly doesn’t feel good when someone cancels on you. Still, if he gives you a genuine apology and reschedules, he probably had a legitimate reason for canceling. However, look out if he doesn’t try to reschedule or if his flakiness becomes a pattern. [7] Here’s how to deal with flaky mixed signals:
    • Set boundaries for what you will and won’t accept in your dating life. [8]
    • Ask yourself, “If this behavior were still happening in one year, would I be okay with it?” If the answer’s no, it’s a good idea to address the situation. [9]
    • Assert your boundaries by expressing what’s important to you, rather than blaming him.
    • For instance, you could say something like, “I’d really like it if you could stick to our plans. That way I know when I’ll get to see you because I really value our time together.”
Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: Does He Like Me?

Some guys can feel like a total mystery. How can you figure out if he likes you as just a friend—or if he wants something more? Take this quiz to find out!
1 of 15

When you two are in a room filled with other people, how often do you catch him staring at you?

5

He stops putting effort into planning dates.

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  1. As the relationship goes on, you two might end up staying in to watch a movie or ordering takeout rather than going out. Yes, it might feel like a mixed signal when a guy stops planning romantic dates, but it doesn’t immediately mean he’s lost interest. Here’s how to tell where you stand: [10]
    • If you just met and you’ve noticed he prefers to “Netflix and chill” rather than go out, he might not be interested in a committed relationship. This is especially true if your conversations tend to stay pretty superficial or sexual in nature. [11]
    • If you’ve been dating for a while, try to reignite the romance. Ask your guy if he’s down to try a new hobby with you, check out a new restaurant, or boost the romantic ambiance on your next date night with some candles and music. [12]
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6

He doesn’t want to define the relationship.

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  1. Labeling the relationship means that you’re willing to make a commitment to each other (and it often means you’ll be exclusive). [13] So it can be absolutely gut-wrenching when a guy says he likes you but “isn’t ready” or doesn’t want to label your relationship. After all, studies show defining the relationship boosts relationship satisfaction. [14] If your guy won’t label the relationship, take a deep breath. You’ve got plenty of options:
    • Give him time and focus on building trust. Some people find it hard to commit because of past relationship issues, and they just move at a slower pace. [15]
    • Communicate openly about what you want from the relationship. [16] He might not know whether or not it’s important to you to be exclusive and DTR. Say something like, “I’d really like to make our relationship official. How do you feel about that?”
    • End the relationship if you two can’t agree. Sometimes, couples just don’t work out because of differing expectations. If you can’t find common ground, just remember there’s someone else out there for you.
    EXPERT TIP

    John Keegan

    Dating Coach
    John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach

    Relationships shouldn't be a guessing game. If you wonder if you're valued, take stock of the dynamic at play. Communication problems and a lack of give-and-take might be early signs of problems within a relationship.


7

He gets jealous easily but still doesn’t want a relationship.

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  1. It’s a huge sign of immaturity if a guy who doesn’t want to define the relationship gets jealous when you talk to other people. Relationships are about putting in equal effort, so jealousy from a noncommittal guy represents a double standard. Here’s some guidance for where to draw the line with jealousy: [17]
    • Move on if he gets jealous of your friends. It’s normal and good for your well-being to maintain healthy friendships.
    • Leave the relationship if his jealous behavior crosses into demanding behavior or accusations.
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8

He avoids talking about his emotions.

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  1. When a guy won’t open up to you, it can feel isolating and confusing. [18] Everyone moves at their own pace, so your guy might just need a little more time before he feels safe and comfortable being vulnerable. In the meantime, here’s what you can do: [19]
    • Try to encourage him to talk by saying, “If you ever want to talk, I’m here.”
    • Build trust by expressing appreciation. For instance, you could say, “I’m so grateful for you, and I really appreciate that you were there for me today.”
    • Be vulnerable and share your own feelings. You could say something like, “I had a really rough day at work today. I wanted to get your thoughts on what I should do.”
9

He says he’s there for you but doesn’t come through.

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  1. A lack of follow-through and emotional support can mean he’s not really interested. On the flip side, this could also mean he's not mature enough to understand the time and energy he can realistically give in a relationship. [20] Since emotional validation and consistency are crucial parts of a relationship, here's what you can do to clear up this mixed signal: [21]
    • Talk to your partner about how it feels when he doesn’t follow through and what you’d like to see him do differently. [22]
    • Steer clear of guys who shower you with compliments and promises when you first start dating. That behavior is called “love bombing,” and it’s a technique narcissists use to get you to trust them. [23]
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10

He tells you he’s into you but still talks to his ex.

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  1. However, when his behavior makes you feel uncomfortable or insecure, it’s okay to speak up. [24] For instance, it's totally reasonable to be upset if your guy turns to his ex for emotional connection, since that could be a sign of unresolved feelings. In turn, those unresolved feelings can make it tough for him to move on and truly connect with you. [25] Try this out if he talks with his ex:
    • Check in with how you feel about the relationship overall. Romantic jealousy tends to get worse when you already feel insecure or uncertain about a relationship. [26]
    • Let him know the behavior bothers you. Say something like, “Seeing you talk with your ex makes me feel pretty insecure. Could we talk about this?”
11

He isn’t affectionate when you’re around other people.

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  1. If he doesn’t want to kiss you or hold hands in public, he might just feel self-conscious or come from a different cultural background where PDA isn’t acceptable. [27] A lack of PDA isn’t anything to be worried about unless you notice he’s also not affectionate in private. [28] In either case, it’s worth checking in with him to see what’s behind this hot-and-cold behavior. Here’s how to do it:
    • Just say something like, “I’ve noticed you’re not into holding hands in public. What are your comfort levels for PDA?”
    • Check in with him before you try and touch him in public. For instance, you could ask, “Is it okay if I kiss you? Or should I wait?”
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12

He doesn’t want to have sex.

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  1. You might feel rejected when a guy turns you down, but this confusing signal might not be about you. When a guy loses interest in sex, he might be stressed out, he might have low testosterone, or he might just have a naturally lower libido. Since a lack of sex doesn’t equal a lack of attraction, here’s what you can do: [29]
    • Wait for him to initiate sex and avoid criticizing or blaming him. [30]
    • Engage in other forms of touch like cuddling and kissing, without expecting sex.

Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How do you deal with a guy who is playing games?
    Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
    Psychotherapist
    Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.
    Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
    Psychotherapist
    Expert Answer
    Playing games is a big sign that you need to have a conversation. Be direct about how you're feeling—that's the best way to get a straight answer.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/feeling-trapped-or-abandoned-when-relationships-run-hot-or-cold#1
      2. ↑ https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/getting-what-you-want-need-from-your-relationship/
      3. ↑ https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/2020/03/04/text-messaging-etiquette-how-long-do-you-have-to-respond/4932440002/
      4. ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a36233281/left-on-read-meaning/
      5. ↑ https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a25605953/text-after-a-first-date/
      6. ↑ https://bestlifeonline.com/text-after-first-date/
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/modern-dating/202012/5-mixed-signals-are-in-fact-signals
      8. ↑ https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/getting-what-you-want-need-from-your-relationship/
      9. ↑ https://www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/help-relationships/arguing-and-conflict/dealing-unreliable-partner/
      1. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/ideas-for-keeping-romance-alive-year-round#tips-to-keep-the-romance-alive
      2. ↑ https://www.nbcnews.com/better/lifestyle/are-you-situationship-what-it-how-get-out-it-ncna1057141
      3. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/ideas-for-keeping-romance-alive-year-round#tips-to-keep-the-romance-alive
      4. ↑ https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a35034604/define-the-relationship-dtr-talk/
      5. ↑ https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0265407520918932
      6. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/tips-for-finding-lasting-love.htm
      7. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
      8. ↑ https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/is-there-disrespectful-behavior-in-my-relationship/
      9. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/relationship-help.htm
      10. ↑ https://www.nbcnews.com/better/lifestyle/how-build-emotional-intimacy-your-partner-starting-tonight-ncna1129846
      11. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/modern-dating/202012/5-mixed-signals-are-in-fact-signals
      12. ↑ https://www.hprc-online.org/social-fitness/relationship-building/strengthen-your-relationships-validation
      13. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/when-your-partner-breaks-a-promise
      14. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/reading-between-the-headlines/201703/the-danger-manipulative-love-bombing-in-relationship
      15. ↑ https://www.psychalive.org/how-to-deal-with-jealousy/
      16. ↑ https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1948550612448198
      17. ↑ https://www.psychalive.org/how-to-deal-with-jealousy/
      18. ↑ https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/pda-getting-on-the-same-page-about-touching-in-public/
      19. ↑ https://www.today.com/health/my-boyfriend-won-t-touch-me-public-wbna29158047
      20. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/married-and-still-doing-it/201804/6-possible-reasons-man-may-decline-sex
      21. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/divorce-busting/201001/9-tips-the-partner-higher-sex-drive

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