What Does Constant Rejection Do to a Person?

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Getting rejected is a normal part of life—it will happen to everyone at some point. But when it feels like you get rejected all the time, you might start to wonder what those rejections are doing to you and if it’s normal to feel this way. Thankfully, feeling like you always get rejected isn’t uncommon, and you definitely aren’t alone. That’s why we’ve answered your questions about rejection so you can get back to putting yourself out there without fear.

Question 1 of 6:

What does being constantly rejected do to you?

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  1. 1
    It can make you feel angry. When you put yourself out there in any situation (romantic, platonic, or even career-wise), there’s a glimmer of hope that can feel like it gets dashed. When that happens, you might feel angry at the person who rejected you, or even at the world in general. It’s okay to feel angry, and you can use that emotion to propel you forward and keep going. [1]
  2. 2
    It might make you feel depressed. Getting rejected over and over can make you feel more than just sad. Studies show that constant social rejection can make you feel like giving up, which can unfortunately lead to depression. Depression can often look like feeling tired all the time, having no motivation to do anything, or isolating yourself from others. [2]
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  3. 3
    It can make you feel jealous of other people. You might see the people around you getting accepted instead of rejected, and that can be hard to handle. Jealousy is a normal human emotion, and it’s okay to feel envious of the people we know from time to time. [3]
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Question 2 of 6:

How do you deal with constant rejection?

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  1. 1
    Acknowledge your feelings. You might be feeling hurt, angry, jealous, or any mixture of emotions. It’s okay to let yourself feel things, and you don’t need to bottle anything up. Consider chatting with a close friend who you trust, or even writing down what you’re feeling in a journal. The more you can let things out, the better you’ll feel, since you won’t feel like you have to hide what you’re thinking. [4]
  2. 2
    Keep looking forward. Just because you got rejected this time doesn’t mean you’re going to get rejected again. Even getting rejected a bunch of times can’t tell you what’s going to happen next! Rejection is normal, and almost everyone you know has been rejected at some point in their lives. [5] Try to set your sights on the future, and don’t dwell on what’s happened to you in the past. [6]
    Expert Answer
    Q

    How can you see rejection in a positive way?

    Sabrina Grover, LMSW

    Licensed Master Social Worker
    Sabrina Grover, LMSW is a Licensed Master Social Worker (LMSW) who earned her degree in Advanced Clinical Practice from New York University. Sabrina has experience working in substance abuse recovery centers and schools where she gained experience providing evidence-based treatment to children, adolescents, adults, and families. Sabrina specializes in Dialectical, Narrative, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapies. She has particular expertise in treating clients struggling with grief, complex trauma, interpersonal difficulty, family conflict, anxiety, and depression. She commits to providing a supportive environment for everyone who commits to growth and offering a warm, non-judgmental atmosphere.
    EXPERT ADVICE
    Answer from Sabrina Grover, LMSW :

    Think of the rejection as a possible catalyst forward for you to get into a better situation where you are accepted and successful. Plus, if someone did reject you, it obviously wasn't a good fit to begin with.

  3. 3
    Talk about your experiences with a mental health professional. A therapist or a counselor can help you work through your emotions in a healthy way. [7] If you feel like you’ve been dealing with rejection your whole life, make an appointment with a mental health professional and talk about your experiences. They’ll be able to help you understand why you feel constantly rejected and how you can boost your self-esteem so you can put yourself back out there. [8]
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Question 3 of 6:

Is constant rejection normal?

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  1. Yes, being rejected is a fairly common human experience. We all get rejected from time to time, whether that be romantically, platonically, or professionally. Not everyone is going to like us or accept us for who we are, and that’s okay. The fact that you’ve been rejected a lot shows that you’ve been putting yourself out there, which is a great quality to have. [9]


Question 4 of 6:

Why do I fear rejection so much?

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  1. Rejection can cause actual, physical pain, which can be scary. Studies show that social rejection lights up the same centers in our brain as the feeling of physical pain. That feeling is very uncomfortable, and it’s not something you usually want to go through more than once. That’s why rejection can be so intimidating—it can actually hurt you. [10]
    • Thankfully, this pain doesn’t last forever. Experts note that time is the best healer, and after the initial hurt wears off, your brain will start to recover from the rejection very quickly.
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Question 5 of 6:

What does constant rejection do to you in a relationship?

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  1. 1
    It can lower your self-esteem. When you’re rejected by your partner, it can start to feel like they don’t really like (or love) you anymore. While this might not be true, it can really lower your self-image, and it might even make you feel bad about yourself. The best thing to do in this case is to sit down and talk with your partner about why you feel rejected and what you both can do to stop that from happening. [11]
    • Start the conversation by saying something like, “Hey honey, can we talk? I’ve been feeling a little rejected lately, and I just wanted to check in about our relationship.”
  2. 2
    It can make you withdraw from your partner. After you get rejected a few times, either emotionally or physically, you might just stop trying altogether. This can lead to withdrawing from your partner, which can potentially be bad for your relationship. Again, this is a scenario that you definitely need to talk to your partner about so you can work out what’s going on with your relationship. [12]
    • If you’re having trouble talking with your partner or reaching a solution that’s good for both of you, try making an appointment with a couple’s counselor.
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Question 6 of 6:

How do you stop taking romantic rejection personally?

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  1. 1
    Give yourself some credit for putting yourself out there. It’s super hard to tell someone that you like them or ask them out, and you did that! Pat yourself on the back for a job well done, even if it didn’t turn out exactly as you had hoped. [13]
  2. 2
    Use it as a learning technique. Did you maybe ask someone out too early? Did you miss the signs that they just wanted to be friends? Try to think about everything that happened leading up to the rejection, and use it as a teaching method for the next time. [14]
    • For example, maybe you asked someone out that you had only known for a couple of days. Next time, you could try to get to know them a little bit better before you invite them out on a date.
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How do you embrace rejection?
    Sabrina Grover, LMSW
    Licensed Master Social Worker
    Sabrina Grover, LMSW is a Licensed Master Social Worker (LMSW) who earned her degree in Advanced Clinical Practice from New York University. Sabrina has experience working in substance abuse recovery centers and schools where she gained experience providing evidence-based treatment to children, adolescents, adults, and families. Sabrina specializes in Dialectical, Narrative, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapies. She has particular expertise in treating clients struggling with grief, complex trauma, interpersonal difficulty, family conflict, anxiety, and depression. She commits to providing a supportive environment for everyone who commits to growth and offering a warm, non-judgmental atmosphere.
    Sabrina Grover, LMSW
    Licensed Master Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    View the rejection as a gift to you. You can now move forward and find a pace where you are accepted and successful.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/rejection
      2. ↑ https://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/rejection
      3. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4734881/
      4. ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/rejection.html
      5. ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/rejection.html
      6. ↑ Sabrina Grover, LMSW. Licensed Master Social Worker. Expert Interview. 3 December 2021.
      7. ↑ Sabrina Grover, LMSW. Licensed Master Social Worker. Expert Interview. 3 December 2021.
      8. ↑ https://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/rejection
      9. ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/rejection.html
      1. ↑ https://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/rejection
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201406/what-do-when-you-feel-rejected
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201406/what-do-when-you-feel-rejected
      4. ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/rejection.html
      5. ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/rejection.html

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