What He Thinks When You Don't Contact Him

PDF download Download Article
PDF download Download Article

You’ve halted all contact with a guy after a breakup, but now you’re left wondering…what’s he thinking? For most guys, a “no contact” period will make them realize how much they care about you or make them jealous, confused, or remorseful. It’s a time full of emotions, and we’ve put together a thorough list of what he might feel while you’re giving him the silent treatment. Read on to see how the male mind reacts during “no contact.”
This article is based on an interview with our licensed clinical psychologist and relationship coach, Sarah Schewitz, founder of Couples Learn. Check out the full interview here.

1

He won’t be concerned at first.

PDF download Download Article
  1. If it was him who broke up with you, he may even feel relieved at first. He might assume you’re busy or processing your feelings, even though it’s likely he’s dismissing his own at this stage. [1]
    • This “honeymoon phase” doesn’t last long. After several days, he’ll begin to feel like something is off.
    2. Advertisement
2

He’ll start to get curious about you.

PDF download Download Article
  1. It’s common for most men to expect (or hope) that their ex will be the one to break the ice, and he’ll worry when you haven’t called or texted in a week. He’ll be obsessed with trying to figure out what you’re thinking. [2]
    • When he can’t find out what you’re up to, he’ll start making his own stories—maybe that you’re seeing someone, or you’ve given up on him.
    • The less he knows about you during this time, the more he’ll think about you during “no contact.”
3

He might begin to feel panicked.

PDF download Download Article
  1. He’ll realize that playing it cool and not reaching out to you aren’t working, and that you’ve put your foot down on “no contact.” He wants you to feel the same way he does, but if he doesn’t see any sign of you hurting or moving on, he’ll be very confused. [3]
    • It’s after this realization that his behavior or thought patterns might change. He may cycle through a range of negative thoughts or reach out to you first.
    2. Advertisement
4

He’ll wonder if you miss him at all.

PDF download Download Article
  1. Questions like “Was I ever important to them?” or “Did our relationship mean anything to her?” might be torturing him, and he may begin to miss you even more. He might even go so far as to think you’re already seeing someone else if he can’t get in touch or see you on social media. [4]
    • This is a very uncomfortable time for him. He’s struggling to understand why you’re not responding to his texts, or what you might be feeling in return.
5

He’ll ask himself what he did to cause this.

PDF download Download Article
  1. Hopefully he’ll come to an understanding of how he fits into the breakup instead of going into “victim mode.” Especially if it was you that broke up with him, he might have thoughts like:
    • “What did I do to make her disappear?”
    • “Where could I have been a better partner?”
    • “Where could I have shown up differently?”
    2. Advertisement
6

He could be struggling with a fear of commitment.

PDF download Download Article
  1. Going “no contact” often hits men with commitment issues the hardest. On one hand, he’s enjoying a commitment-free, single life. On the other, he’s worried that you won’t be around when he decides to settle down. It’s a difficult decision he doesn’t have much time to make if he wants to get back with you. [5]
    • His competitive thoughts might be something like “What if I never see her again?” versus “I don’t want to lose my freedom or emotional independence.”
7

He might start losing his confidence.

PDF download Download Article
  1. He’ll doubt everything from his attractiveness and bedroom skills to his jokes and romantic gestures. He might fixate on every little error he made while you were together, adding to his feelings of regret and insecurity. [6]
    • Whether it was he that dumped you or vice versa, his confidence will still be shaken after not hearing from you at all.
    2. Advertisement
8

He could feel angry or upset.

PDF download Download Article
  1. It’s normally short-lived and comes from his ego being bruised, but it’s still unpleasant. He might think you’re being rude or fake, and may even try to confront you about it or get a rebound girlfriend in response. [7]
    • Anger usually gives way to remorse after a few days or weeks and is a normal response to breakups or the silent treatment.
    • In some cases, a burst of anger could lead to him trying to beg or persuade you to come back. [8]
9

He might want to see other people.

PDF download Download Article
  1. He might feel angry and do it out of spite or insecurity, or he may genuinely want to put his feelings to the test and see if anyone else can compare to you. When he realizes they can’t, he’ll want you back even more. [9]
    • He might also find a rebound or fling if he suspects you’re seeing someone new too. It could be because he wants to “win” the breakup, or to prove that he’s over you (even if he isn’t).
    2. Advertisement
10

He’ll get desperate for your attention.

PDF download Download Article
  1. If he hasn’t reached out already, now is when he’ll start texting you or trying to engage you on social media. If you reach out to him, he’ll be hyper-responsive in the hopes of getting you to reciprocate. [10]
    • He wants your attention because it reassures him that he still has some kind of pull or effect on you.
    • Frequent attempts to connect with you are a surefire sign that the “no contact” rule is working .
11

He’ll show signs that “no contact” is working.

PDF download Download Article
  1. The biggest and most obvious sign that your silent treatment is working is that he’ll try to contact you. It could be a simple “Hey” text, or he might even flatout ask to get back together. Other signs your ex misses you during “no contact” could be: [11]
    • He asks mutual friends about you (or they tell you that he misses you).
    • He’s super active on your social media and follows you closely.
    • He’s way more responsive to your messages (if you’re in contact).
    • He makes sudden changes or improvements to his appearance.
    • He makes sudden lifestyle changes, like hitting the gym a lot more.
    2. Advertisement
12

He’ll see how much he misses you.

PDF download Download Article
  1. This realization usually happens several weeks or even months after the breakup. He’ll recognize how much he needs you in his life or how he can’t stand the thought of you with someone else. [12] If he wants to get back together, he might:
    • Ask you outright to restart the relationship.
    • Say he’s a changed person.
    • Tell you how he thinks things will be different this time.
    • Beg you to come back.
    • Reach out to you first, if he hasn’t already.
13

He’ll be terrified he lost you forever.

PDF download Download Article
  1. He’s been hoping and hoping you’ll talk to him, but now he’s realizing he’ll be a permanent ex if he doesn’t do something. He’ll reflect deeply and, if he wants you back, make a plan to win you over. [13]
    • If he truly cares about you and is worried about losing you, he will reach out to you.
    • He might have been holding out on communicating for so long because he thought he could “win” the breakup and make you reach out first.
    2. Advertisement
14

He might only think about himself.

PDF download Download Article
  1. He probably won’t be wondering what you’re feeling—instead, he’ll only be thinking about how it’s your loss or how to move on to the next girlfriend. Unfortunately, going “no contact” doesn’t inspire a change of heart in every guy. [14]
    • If he was truly narcissistic or manipulative, it’s best to keep the “no contact” rule in effect as long as possible to distance yourself from him.
15

He’ll finally reach acceptance.

PDF download Download Article
  1. In this final stage of “no contact,” he’ll stop reaching out as frequently (or at all), his social media activity will die down, and he’ll stop trying to “accidentally” bump into you. There’s no more ambiguity in the relationship—you’re exes. [15]
    • This period can be very sad for both exes. He’ll feel down if he wanted you back, and you might feel sad that he’s officially not a part of your life anymore.
    • If you were hoping to get back together with him, it’ll be up to you to reach out after the “no contact” phase.
    2. Advertisement

Expert Q&A

Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
      Advertisement

      Video

      Tips

      • Every guy is different and will react to “no contact” in their own way. Be open and flexible about changing your tactics if it’s not panning out the way you hoped.
        Thanks
        Helpful 65 Not Helpful 7
      • Go “no contact” if you’re in an on-again off-again relationship where contact means you’ll eventually get back together.
        Thanks
        Helpful 2 Not Helpful 2
      • If you feel the need to communicate with him or express your feelings once in a while, it’s OK to break “no contact.”
        Thanks
        Helpful 0 Not Helpful 2
      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Name
      Please provide your name and last initial
      Submit
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
      Advertisement

      You Might Also Like

      160+ Good Roasts to Burn Your Friends & Family Members
      How to
      Find Your Doppelgӓnger (or Twin)
      How to
      Get Revenge on Anyone
      How to
      Roast People: Finding Joke Ideas, Crafting Punchlines & More
      200+ Favorite Things Questions to Ask
      50+ Ways to Wish Someone a Bright Future & Good Luck
      100 Simple & Sincere Ways to Say "Thank You for Your Hospitality"
      160+ Best Roasts to Say to Guys (& Bruise Their Ego)
      How to
      Compliment a Girl's Eyes
      Controversial Hot Takes and Prompts to Create Spicy Debates
      Similarities and Differences Between Sigma Males and Alpha Males
      How to
      Greet Someone During Advent
      12 Signs a Hug is *Definitely* Romantic, According to Experts
      How to
      Find Out Where Someone Lives
      Advertisement

      References

      1. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-let-go-of-the-past-and-hurt
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologicalscience.org/observer/why-love-literally-hurts
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/having-sex-wanting-intimacy/201612/4-reasons-end-contact-your-ex
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/why-bad-looks-good/202111/missing-an-ex-this-could-be-why
      5. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/fear-of-commitment-or-phobia
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201602/is-why-its-crucial-get-over-your-ex
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/auto-pilot-manual-override/202107/why-being-ignored-hurts-so-much
      8. ↑ https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/strategies-controlling
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/nurturing-self-compassion/201902/maintaining-confidence-throughout-the-dating-process
      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/me-before-we/201406/the-7-stages-of-grieving-a-breakup
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/close-encounters/201609/whats-really-going-when-people-stay-in-touch-exes
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/202109/7-reasons-exes-get-back-together
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/rediscovering-love/201708/10-reasons-why-some-people-cannot-let-go-ex
      5. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/ex-move-on-quickly
      6. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/10-tips-to-mend-a-broken-heart

      About This Article

      In other languages
      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 494,542 times.

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement