What Does “When You Know You Know” Mean?

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Explaining this phrase, plus how to use it (with examples)
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You’ve probably heard the popular adage “when you know, you know” in conversation, on social media, or even in hit songs like Lana Del Rey’s “Margaret.” But what does this common phrase mean, and is there any truth to it? If you want to know the answers to these questions, look no further! We’ve compiled a complete guide on the phrase “when you know, you know,” including its definition, how it's used, and whether the saying is accurate. Keep reading for everything you need to know!

What does “when you know, you know” mean?

The adage “when you know, you know” refers to the belief that you’ll intuitively know when you’ve found “The One.” Many people use this phrase to explain their overwhelming sense of certainty that their romantic partner is the right person. People also use the phrase to describe their gut instinct about big decisions.

Section 1 of 3:

“When You Know You Know” Meaning & Usage

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  1. In other words, when you’ve found the one you’re going to end up with, your intuition will make this clear and banish all your doubts. It’s a very sweet and romantic sentiment about true love and finding your soulmate .
    • Thanks to the love song “Margaret (feat. Bleachers)” by Lana Del Rey, which recently went viral on TikTok, the phrase has become even more popular.
    • In the chorus of the song, Lana repeatedly sings “when you know you know” to describe the certainty that the lead singer of Bleachers, Jack Antonoff, felt when he met his wife, Margaret Qualley. [1]
  2. This certainty often goes beyond rational thought—it’s more of a “gut feeling,” or a strong wave of intuition. The people who use this adage simply know that they’ve found the right person, even if there aren’t any clear or obvious reasons for this belief. Here are some examples:
    • “None of my friends could understand why I’d move across the country for someone I had just met, but when you know, you know. I took that leap of faith, and now we’ve been together for 5 years.”
    • “Right after he proposed, we hopped in the car and drove to Las Vegas to elope. When you know, you know, and there’s no time to waste.”
    • “I keep asking my mom how she knew that my dad was ‘The One,’ but she just says ‘when you know, you know.’ I guess I haven’t felt that sense of certainty about someone yet!”
    • “When you know, you know! Saying ‘yes’ to him was the easiest decision I’ve ever made, and I’m so excited to marry my best friend.”
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  3. Many people use the phrase to describe their gut instinct on a big decision, or their intuitive sense of certainty that something is meant to be. For example:
    • “For a while, Georgetown was my dream school, but when I toured UCLA, I immediately felt like it was where I was meant to be. After that, I never thought about Georgetown again. I guess when you know, you know!”
    • “A lot of people warned me about going into business with my best friend, but I had a great feeling about us working on the startup together, and now we’re thriving. When you know, you know, and I’m so glad I trusted my instincts.”
    • “I toured a bunch of beautiful apartments, but for some reason, none of them felt quite right. I kept searching and when I stepped into a little condo on the west side, I immediately felt at home. I signed the lease right away. When you know, you know.”
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Section 2 of 3:

Is there any truth to the phrase “when you know you know?”

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  1. Many people swear by the wisdom of the adage and believe that it accurately describes their experience. For others, the phrase is anxiety-inducing and sparks difficult questions, like, “If I don’t feel 100% certain about my partner, does that mean they’re wrong for me?” Or, “How am I supposed to know if I’m with the right person?”
    • If you fall into the latter camp, don’t worry! It’s completely normal to have doubts and questions sometimes, especially early on in the relationship.
    • Your sense of certainty will likely build over time, with some effort and patience. As Lana Del Rey sings in “Margaret”: “If you don’t know, don’t give up ‘cause you never know what the new day might bring. Maybe tomorrow you’ll know.” [2]
    • If you’re really concerned about whether or not you’re in the right relationship, there are some signs you can look out for, and we’ll cover them below.
Section 3 of 3:

How to Tell That You’re with the Right Person

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  1. In a relationship, conflict is completely natural and inevitable. The important thing is that you and your partner handle conflict in a healthy way. [3] Do you give each other the silent treatment? Do you hurl insults and criticisms? Or, do you talk things out in a loving way and forgive each other? Being able to work through conflict is key to a healthy relationship, so if you and your partner excel at it, there’s a good chance you can stand the test of time together. [4]
    • Reader Poll: We asked 1198 wikiHow readers, and 54% agreed that the best way to handle conflicts in your relationship is to work through conflicts until you find a resolution together . [Take Poll]
  2. You don’t have to see everything the exact same way, but it’s important to agree on the big things. Do you have similar moral codes? Do you share ideas about what the ideal relationship looks like? Do you agree on whether or not you should have kids? If your core values and major life goals line up, this is definitely a sign that you’re in the right relationship. [5]
  3. In a happy, healthy relationship, neither person should be pressuring the other to change fundamental things about themselves. If you admire and respect your partner for who they are, and they feel the same way toward you, this is definitely a sign that the two of you are right for each other. [6]
  4. If you can easily see yourself building a life with this person, this is a good sign. [7] When you picture your life several months or years from now, can you see your partner still in it? Can you picture yourself eventually moving in with them, or maybe even getting married? If your answers to these questions are “yes,” this person just might be the one for you!
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      References

      1. ↑ https://genius.com/28108632
      2. ↑ https://genius.com/28108632
      3. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-do-you-know-that-youre-with-the-right-person
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/couples-thrive/202001/5-ways-to-tell-that-youve-really-found-the-right-partner
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/couples-thrive/202001/5-ways-to-tell-that-youve-really-found-the-right-partner
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/couples-thrive/202001/5-ways-to-tell-that-youve-really-found-the-right-partner
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/couples-thrive/202001/5-ways-to-tell-that-youve-really-found-the-right-partner

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