11 Convincing Reasons Why You Shouldn't Date a Man with Children

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Maybe you’ve always had a rule that you wouldn’t date a guy with kids and your friends are telling you that you’re being ridiculous. Maybe you’ve met a great guy but you aren’t sure about those kids he has and you’re trying to weigh the pros and cons. Regardless, there are legit reasons to want to avoid dating a single dad. We’ll walk you through some of the most common problems with this so that you can make an informed decision about how you feel. Remember, it’s totally okay to change your mind—or stick to your beliefs—so don’t let anyone give you a hard time about not wanting to date someone.

1

His ex might be difficult from time to time.

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  1. Whether he likes it or not, a man is going to be linked to the mother of his children for life. If things aren’t good between him and her, you may end up getting pulled into all kinds of drama and conflict. If you’re looking for a peaceful, stress-free relationship, a guy with kids may not be able to offer you that. [1]
    • He may even be the perfect guy, but if his ex is showing up all the time and causing chaos or trying to pick fights with you, it may not be worth it to you.
    • If his ex isn’t around anymore or they’re on super good terms and she’s mature, this may not be a particularly big deal.
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2

It’s hard to keep things casual.

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  1. If he’s a single father, he’s likely dating because he’s looking for “the one.” If you’re just trying to casually date around and keep things relaxed, he’s unlikely to be on board. Things may work out for a little while, but your wants not matching up with his needs can lead to conflict and heartbreak. [2]
    • On the other hand, if you really are just looking for a quick fling, he may be up for that. Some single dads don’t feel like they have the time for a full-time relationship. If that kind of arrangement is okay with you, go for it!
    • Alternatively, this can be a good thing depending on what your goals are. If you’re looking for Mr. Right and he’s trying to find a life partner, it could be a good thing that he’s looking for something serious.
3

His kids will come first.

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  1. Children will be his number one priority. This is a good thing—you probably wouldn’t want to date a guy who neglected his children for a new girlfriend—but it does mean that you won’t be the most important thing in his life. If you’re the kind of person who likes to feel like they’re the most valuable person in a guy’s life (which is totally okay), dating a guy with kids may not be the right thing for you. [3]
    • If he does make you his number one priority, it could mean he isn’t really a good dad and that may be a red flag.
    • If you’re super secure in who you are and you don’t necessarily need the guys you date to obsess and fawn over you, this may not be a problem. In fact, some people like dating guys with kids because it means they get more alone time!
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4

Children may interrupt your time together.

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  1. There are going to be times when his kids get in the way of the fun the two of you are having. Depending on the age of his children and how often his ex has the children, this can range from “slightly annoying” to “dealbreaker” levels of frustrating. If it really annoys you when someone interrupts your time with your boyfriend, a guy with kids can make things hard for you. [4]
    • Don’t feel bad about wanting to be left alone. If you’re dating a guy with kids and you’re tired of the kids getting in the way, it’s totally normal to be annoyed.
    • If you’re the kind of person who values their alone time, or you’re really good at going with the flow, this may not be a barrier at all.
5

Dating a guy with kids can be unexciting sometimes.

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  1. A guy with children won’t be able to take a random weeklong road trip, or that sexy midnight rendezvous you wanted to pull off as a surprise. In fact, spending time with him may mean he has to skip out on that second bottle of wine at dinner, or that he has to spend the night near his home so he can get home on time for the babysitter. If you’re craving adventure, dating a man with [5]
    • If you’re not quite ready to give up on the late-night bar hopping fun with your friends, you may have a hard time adjusting to a guy with kids.
    • At the same time, if you want a mature, level-headed guy who knows how to handle responsibilities, a man with children may be absolutely perfect for you.
    • Some guys with kids will take every opportunity they have to do something interesting in their spare time. If you’re still yearning for adventure and he’s one of those guys who can’t wait for the babysitter to show up so the two of you can go have fun, it may not be a big deal!
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6

His kids may not be nice to you.

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  1. If things go well, he may end up inviting you to spend time around his children. Depending on their personalities and ages, they may act out, be rude to you, or make things difficult for you and your boyfriend. If you aren’t ready to potentially put up with some annoying behavior from his children, it could be a serious problem for your relationship. [6]
    • In his kid’s eyes, your mere presence may be a sign that mommy and daddy aren’t getting back together. If you do end up dating a guy with kids and their behavior becomes a problem, try not to hold it against them. They’re probably going through a lot.
7

You might feel jealous.

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  1. On the more obvious side of things, you may feel envious of his ex and worry about him and her getting back together. However, you may even find yourself getting jealous of his children! As ridiculous as it may seem now, seeing your boyfriend giving so much attention to someone else can be extremely difficult if you’re the kind of person who tends to be a little jealous. [7]
    • It’s totally normal to be jealous when you’re in a relationship, so if you’ve ever dated a guy with kids and you felt this way, don’t be too hard on yourself. You’d be surprised how common this is.
    • If you don’t have a tendency to get jealous, this is probably a non-issue for you.
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8

You may become too attached to the kids.

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  1. If you and him end up dating for years and you develop a serious bond with him and his children, the breakup could be totally devastating. If you tend to struggle with breakups and moving on takes a long time for you, dating a guy with kids could be a very risky proposition. [8]
    • Even if you don’t end up breaking up, the overarching feeling that it could happen can make things difficult.
9

It can be hard to be your authentic self.

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  1. Do you tend to curse every now and then? Can’t do it around his kids. Want to openly flirt by saying something dirty? Not around his kids. You’re going to have to self-regulate a little more often than you would if you were dating a guy with no children. This may not be a big deal right now, but when it gets to the point where you’re spending time around his children, it might be hard to cope with. [9]
    • Some guys take on a more mature aura when they become dads. If you’re still trying to hold on to some of your youthful, late-night, party-time energy, it could make things extremely difficult for the two of you to build something together.
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10

The past will come up a lot.

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  1. Even if his ex isn’t around anymore, he’s never going to forget her. His children will remind him every day. If you’re the kind of person who really hates hearing about your partner’s exes and you just can’t help but get the image of him with someone else out of your mind, dating a guy with kids may be hard for you. [10]
    • On top of his ex always coming up, you won’t be his “first” in anything. If you and him have children, he’s already experienced that miracle. If he was married before, you won’t be his first spouse. For some people, this can be really difficult.
11

He might have some emotional scars.

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  1. It’s rare for a guy to have children with someone, split up with them, and just be totally fine with it emotionally. Whatever happened, it may still haunt him, and if the two of you end up dating you may have to work through some tumultuous feelings with him. He might even be a widower, and he may never get over the pain of losing his ex. [11]
    • If you’re the kind of person who finds a lot of value in helping people heal or being vulnerable with your feelings, this may not be a huge deal for you.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2019/01/how-do-i-deal-my-boyfriends-ex-wife/581287/
      2. ↑ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/304913910_Romantic_and_dating_behaviors_among_single_parents_in_the_United_States
      3. ↑ https://medium.com/love-the-single-parent/pros-cons-of-dating-a-single-parent-6dfb6d675fc0
      4. ↑ https://www.huffpost.com/entry/dating-a-single-parent-he_b_9563228
      5. ↑ https://twu-ir.tdl.org/server/api/core/bitstreams/15306e11-3499-4771-ac17-420f8ab48fb5/content
      6. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5226056/
      7. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/is-your-partner-jealous-of-your-child
      8. ↑ https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/types-of-families/Pages/What-Your-Child-is-Experiencing-When-You-Remarry.aspx
      9. ↑ https://www.lovetoknow.com/life/relationships/tips-dating-single-mother
      1. ↑ https://medium.com/hello-love/why-dating-a-single-mum-may-not-be-your-thing-1ae87f8af01c
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/raising-grieving-children/201007/remembering-fathers-are-also-widowed

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