The Recent Alien Invasion: What We All Need to Know As many of you have undoubtedly noticed, Pleasantville has recently come under invasion by (as they demand to be called) Remulaks from the Planet Zorkulon. This is undoubtedly a huge inconvenience to many of us. While they do not seem violent, many people have been set back by a nasty encounter with a Remulak. Fortunately, we still have hope. As stated above, the Remulaks are not a traditionally violent species. Though a few of us have had our cars vaporized, the residents of Pleasantville are still perfectly safe. One thing I will say is this: Watch your tone! Even if you aren’t speaking—and even if they don’t apear to speak our language—the Remulaks have a sharp understanding of sarcasm. Even a quick “yeah, right” can cause you some trouble if uttered within earshot of our new guests. That leads me to another point: Please, please, please watch your speed! The Remulaks are fortunate in that they are not harmed by our vehicles. Their defense mechanism, however, which involves spraying corrosive acid apparently designed to evaporate metal, plastic, and rubber, can leave you with a nasty mechanic’s bill. What do you do if a Remulak ends up in your home? Though rare, it has happened. I am sad to say we are still hammering out the details of what protocols one should take in the situation. Until that time, the best rule of thumb is to be a good host. Should a Remulak decide it wants to, say, stand in your bed while emitting a pulsing green glow, by all means, let it! The homeless shelters can’t take many more of us with less-than-gracious manners. Finally, we must approach the topic of our most valuable resource, our children. We are fortunate in that the Remulaks appear indifferent to our young. They do not, however, appreciate certain sounds children are capable of making. Examples include shrieking, yelling, or general loud commotion. If your children must play outside (or in the presence of a Remulak anywhere), tell them they can have fun, as long as fun involves staying quiet and never touching a Remulak. Perhaps you’re noticing a trend here. If not, let me clarify. In order to coexist with the Remulaks until other arrangements are made, we must be as polite, dignified, and above all else, non-aggressive as possible. The mayor, the city council, and I shudder to think what might happen should these most gracious guests to our community decide their advanced technology would work on us as well. Pleasantville is known for a lot of things (go Fighting Lemon Trees!), but I certainly wouldn’t think we’d want “setting off an intergalactic incident” on the list of achievements. Best faces forward, Pleasantville! We are counting on you.