This is a summary of the article “Hedgehog Removal: Best Practices” by PV Nasby in the Pleasantville Independent Business Review. In the article, Nasby begins by addressing our city’s recent hedgehog infestation. As I’m sure you’re aware (and as funny as it may sound to outsiders), hedgehogs are no joke. Nasby has dedicated the better part of his life to humane hedgehog removal methods, resulting in a unique career well-suited to our lovely city’s (very) unique needs. A big part of Nasby’s focus in this article is compassion. Though his main thought on this sounds silly at first glance—“Hedgehogs are just like us: doomed astronauts hurtling around a fireball on some remote rock at the edge of the universe”—it brings up a lot of interesting points regarding animal care and cruelty. Who are we, Nasby argues, to demand the hedgehogs leave our town, when they own the Earth as much as we do? It’s a question he says he struggled with for a long time, but he eventually found a solution. The key, he claims, is in treating the so-called invaders with respect. A removal expert may not be able to reason with a hedgehog, but he can use the best practices outlined in the title to make sure both parties stay relatively happy. Did you know, for instance, that hedgehogs love to be spoken gently to, so much so that they’ll generally follow you into a hedgehog cage if you murmur at them as you guide them toward it? Nasby does. Another trick the author recommends is making a small trail of treats a hedgehog might like, such as chocolate chips or grapes, as a way to direct the hedgehog into a cage. Nasby says we must also consider where we dispose of our hedgehogs once we have apprehended them. Despite conventional knowledge, the creatures tend to prefer an urban habitat these days, which may help explain their recent appearance in our town. After lots of research over the course of his career, Nasby has finally decided that neighboring Danville is a perfect place to release our new neighbors. Danville is full of hedgehog lovers, as it turns out, and while the more metropolitan lifestyle of Pleasantville may not allow time to wait, say, a half-hour for thirty or so hedgehogs to cross the road, Danvillians don’t mind a bit! Nasby’s final point is a little more serious. As human beings, he states, we must all show a little empathy and patience toward our visiting hedgehogs. If the society we’ve created is too hectic to stop and smell the roses, so to speak, what’s the point in being part of that society? In Nasby’s opinion, every hedgehog experience is just another chance to enjoy our short time on this planet. In closing, Nasby says that, as with most problems, it’s really all about cooperation. As much as the hedgehogs need to understand we are busy with jobs, family, etc., we need to understand that the hedgehogs could be busy as well. If we treat them with respect, they won’t mind—even if they end up being forcibly relocated to Danville.