They offer support and encouragement Think about how they communicate and whether they make you feel needed, happy, and confident. A true friend will never dismiss you or put you down, even if they disagree with you. Examples: “You are rockin’ those shoes!” “I didn’t make the team, but I’m happy for you and will be cheering you on at the matches!” They truly listen Look for signs that they’re actively listening to you (like nodding and asking questions). If they’re always dominating the conversation and/or are distracted when you’re talking (like looking around the room or at their phone), they’re not really listening. Examples: “Oh my! What happened after that?” “I hear you, sister!” They make time for you True friends will be good about scheduling hang outs or phone chats. If they’re always blowing you off or making excuses, they’re not a true friend. Examples: ✗ “Oh, I totally forgot about lunch! I’m sorry, life has just be totally crazy lately!” ✓ “I’m free this afternoon for a snack and some chat if that works for you?” They engage in open communication True friends will pick up on how you’re feeling and be open to discussing feelings and secrets. They will be comfortable admitting any wrongdoings and apologizing like an adult. If you feel like they lie to you often or break your trust, they might not be as good of a friend as you thought. Examples: “You seem a little off today… is something going on you want to talk about?” “I’m sorry I didn’t come hang out with you last night. I know you needed to talk and I let you down. Can you forgive me?” They’re honest Friends who lie about things, small or large, are not true friends. Furthermore, they’ll get defensive or accusatory when called out on their dishonest behavior. Examples: ✗ “I never said that. You’re the one lying here!” ✓ “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the whole truth. I feel awful about it and I never meant to hurt you.” They don’t gossip If your friend loves to gossip about others then they might be talking about you when you’re not around. Everybody gossips from time to time but if they’re always talking smack about others, be wary. Examples: ✗ “I heard that she sneaks out every night to go see Jerry. I think Mike knows but he’s too much of a dumb pushover to say anything.” ✓ “I’ve heard that she’s not entirely faithful to him but who knows, sometimes gossip is just gossip. Anyway…” They don’t treat you like their psychologist Friends are supposed to support each other during hard times. However, if your friend is always having some crisis and you’re there picking up the pieces, reassess whether it’s a true friendship. ✗ “I just feel so sad all the time without him and nothing I’ve tried seems to help. I know you wanted to go out but I just can’t enjoy life while this is going on and I want to stay in so you can help talk me out of this rut.” ✓ “I’ve been in kind of a funk because of the breakup, but I don’t want that us stop us from having a good time.” They have no ulterior motives True friends enjoy your company because of who you and won’t befriend you for selfish purposes (like popularity, wealth, convenience, success, or boredom). Examples: ✗ “So I know you’re friends with Alex, do you think you could get us invited to that party this weekend?” ✓ “I just want to hang out with you, so I’m happy whatever we decide to do.”