15 Signs You're in a Flirtationship (& What to Do About It)

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Should you take that flirty friendship to the next level?
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You flirt with each other all the time, but you've never gone out on a date. You text each other constantly, but you're just friends. Sound familiar? You might just be in a flirtationship! Read on to learn everything you need to know about flirtationships, including what's good and bad about them, signs you're in one, and whether you should end it or take things to the next level.

Flirtationship Definition

A flirtationship is a relationship dynamic between two people that's more than a friendship but less than a romantic or sexual relationship. Flirtationships mostly just revolve around flirting with each other and nothing more. They can sometimes turn into romantic or sexual relationships if the circumstances are right.

Section 1 of 6:

What is a flirtationship?

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  1. This is someone that you would normally be romantically or sexually attracted to, but the two of you are just friends—you don't have, and have never had, a romantic or sexual relationship.
    • There aren't really "rules" to being in a flirtationship. The nature of the beast is that it's a sort of weird, complicated thing that exists but you don't really talk about it.
    • Part of the uncertainty of a flirtationship lies in how unreliable flirting is. Research shows that people don't even notice when someone is flirting with them more than 75% of the time. [1]
    • As long as a flirtationship feels good, there's nothing to worry about. Flirtationships can make you feel more attractive and boost your self-esteem.
    • A flirtationship can sour, though, if one of you wants something more and the other isn't interested. It can also cause problems if either of you is in a romantic relationship with someone else.
  2. A 2025 study showed that college students used flirty friendship as the first stage of a romantic relationship, before the "talking" or "just talking" stage when they started to seriously think about the potential for a relationship. [2]
    • During this stage, a potential couple will just hang out together, basically as friends, and get to know each other. They'll flirt with each other and tease each other, but that's about as far as anything goes.
    • This gives people a safe, low-pressure way to get to know each other before they decide if they want to make the emotional investment of taking things to the next level.
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Section 2 of 6:

15 Signs You're in a Flirtationship

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  1. A key aspect of a flirtationship, as in any -ationship , is mutuality. You flirt with them, they recognize that you're flirting with them and flirt with you in return. It's a seemingly endless cycle of flirtation that both of you really enjoy. [3]
    • Typically, you never directly address any of this flirting. It's just something that happens. You might even feel like talking about it would "break the spell," so to speak.
    • Because you're close friends with the person, the uncertainty that typically accompanies flirting is gone—you know they're not going to reject you (but you also know things aren't going to go any further).
  2. 2
    You say sweet things about them all of the time. The foundation of a flirtationship is friendship, after all, and friends say sweet things about each other. And you're good friends, the kind of friends who tell each other when your pants make your butt look good.
  3. This one is more likely to apply if you've known them for a while. Everybody knows a lot about their friends, but you know stuff that a lot of people don't even know about members of their own family—stuff like their middle name, their shoe size, their coffee order, or how old they were when they had their first kiss.
  4. 4
    You know where they are and what they're doing almost always. It's not that you're necessarily checking in with each other all the time, it's just that you text a lot and when you're together you talk a lot. You know what's going on in each other's lives.
    • When you've got something big, they'll probably be dropping you words of encouragement before and following up after to ask how it went.
  5. 5
    You have at least one photo of them on your phone. Let's face it, probably more than that, plus a few selfies of the two of you. Bonus points if they're featured as your wallpaper or they've ever been included in your profile pics on social media.
    • Speaking of phones, can you unlock each other's phones? That's definitely flirtationship territory.
  6. 6
    You have at least one in-joke that everyone else thinks is lame. This is another one for the longer-term flirtationship couples. You've got that one-liner that gets you both howling with laughter and no one else can understand why it's funny. "Sorry, guess you had to be there," you'll choke out between peals of laughter.
  7. Usually, it's a nickname that presents itself in an organic way, sort of spontaneously. It's definitely not something that's planned or done intentionally, and you're the only ones who use it.
    • For example, if your friend reminds you of a fictional character, you might call them by the character's name.
  8. 8
    You have a "secret" handshake or fistbump. This goes right along with special nicknames, although you can have one or the other or both and they can happen at the same time or at different times. Special or secret greetings also play into the childlike element of your flirtation.
  9. 9
    You text each other random stuff constantly throughout the day. Do you text them pics when you're out with other friends? Send them links to every funny video or meme you see? If you'd have to scroll your messages for 5 minutes just to get to the texts from yesterday, you might be in a flirtationship. [4]
    • It's also totally possible that if you're not texting, you're calling, and if you're neither texting nor calling, it's because you're hanging out together.
  10. 10
    Your texts include lots of emojis. When you use a lot of emojis, it's usually because you're trying to express yourself emotionally and make some kind of connection with the person you're texting. You want to be agreeable so they'll like you, and research shows people who use emojis seem more agreeable. [5] But these aren't just any emojis—you use the flirty ones 😉😘❤️
  11. And it probably happened in this really organic, natural way. Maybe you were watching TV together and ended up leaning on them with their arm around you—nobody moved and nobody said anything about it, but it definitely felt nice.
  12. 12
    Your other friends don't understand your relationship. They assume you've hooked up and are flabbergasted when you tell them you haven't. Or they look over at you and groan after you've mentioned that person's name for the fifth time and ask when the two of you are just going to get it over with and hook up.
    • To them, it's likely obvious that there's chemistry between the two of you. If you're single and there aren't any other obvious reasons why you shouldn't date, it's a mystery to them that you're not.
    • Of course, you might also feel more comfortable in a flirtationship and not be ready to take things to the next level yet—and that's okay too!
  13. 13
    Random people assume you're a couple when you're out together. "What?! Us?!" Cue awkward laughter. Sound familiar? The thing about being in a flirtationship is that your chemistry is palpable . When you're out and about together, people definitely think you're together together.
  14. 14
    You have stuff over at their place. If you're out late, you might end up crashing on their couch just so you don't have to drive home tired. It's only natural that you might leave a t-shirt and some pajama pants over there, maybe even a toothbrush. But it's just for the sake of convenience.
    • They might keep your favorite soda in their fridge or make sure they have your favorite mouthwash as well (also just for the sake of convenience).
  15. And yet, for some reason you just can't see yourself with them. You've probably even thought about it, but no—it just doesn't feel right somehow. The flip side of this coin is also possible: You see a future with them, but they're only interested in friendship. [6]
    • How this plays out depends on the specific circumstances of your flirtationship. For example, it wouldn't feel right to go any further with a flirtationship involving a coworker who also had a romantic partner.
    • At the same time, that almost forbidden nature can make a flirtationship that much hotter (while also soothing your guilty conscience that you're not actually cheating or violating company policies).
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Section 3 of 6:

Pros and Cons of Flirtationships

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  1. A flirtationship can be quite a self-esteem boost, especially if you compliment each other a lot. Plus, research has shown that mutual flirtation can reduce stress. [7]
    • It can also make you feel attractive, which definitely feels good.
    • You might even start to get a little bit of a bounce in your step—almost, but not quite, like falling in love. That's the effect of those feel-good hormones flirting triggers your body to release.
  2. If either of you is in a romantic relationship with someone else, your flirtationship might constitute emotional cheating and could cause problems in that relationship. [8] Even if a significant other claims they're not bothered by your relationship, they still might be building up resentment about it.
    • Even if you're both single, flirtationships are mired in uncertainty. You never know where you stand or how the other person really feels about you.
    • All of that uncertainty can really wreak havoc on your self-esteem, especially if you're potentially interested in the person romantically or sexually.
    • If you or the person you're in a flirtationship with is emotionally unavailable , trying to push your relationship any further could likely end in heartbreak.
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Section 4 of 6:

Taking a Flirtationship to the Next Level

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  1. One of the biggest things that sets a flirtationship apart from a more committed romantic relationship is a lack of emotional intimacy. Building that deeper connection will help the two of you become closer. Then, it will seem more natural to think about taking things to the next level. [9]
    • For example, you might share a personal story about your own insecurities or vulnerabilities in a bid to connect. You're also sending them a signal that you feel safe being vulnerable with them.
    • Pay attention to how they respond. If they are willing to share a personal story and be vulnerable in return, that shows that they're interested in a deeper emotional connection with you.
  2. 2
    Look for signs of genuine interest. You may have decided that you're ready to take it to the next level, but have they? Pay attention to how they interact with you. Are they looking for excuses to get you alone? Do they make up reasons to see you or contact you more? These could be signs that they're interested in a deeper connection with you. [10]
    • There are small signs as well. For example, you might notice that it's taking them longer than usual to get off the phone when you call, or that their hand lingers on your arm or shoulder for a few seconds after they hug you.
  3. 3
    Let the person know you're interested in them romantically. You don't have to jump straight from a flirtationship into a full-on committed relationship. In fact, studies show many people actually consider the flirtationship stage to be the first of four stages in a romantic relationship. [11]
    • For example, you might say something like, "I've been thinking. You know how everybody always says we'd make such a cute couple? Well, why don't we find out?"
    • Because the two of you don't really talk about the state of your relationship, this can be an awkward thing to bring up. A private conversation somewhere quiet is best.
    • There's always a possibility that the other person doesn't consider you relationship material at all—they just consider you safe (and fun) to flirt with. If you're not sure, try to figure this out before you launch into this talk.
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    Be open and honest about your feelings. You can say something simple like, "I've started having feelings for you, but it's okay if you don't have them for me. I cherish our friendship. But I would be dishonest to myself if I didn't lay it out there."

  4. If you're taking things slow, you might move from the flirtationship stage to the "talking" stage. At this point you're still not really dating, but you're openly thinking about it. Essentially, you've both admitted to each other that you're interested in each other romantically. [12]
    • This stage gives you a low-pressure way to think about what it might be like to date this person or be in a committed relationship with them.
    • At the same time, you have a chance to get to know them better before the two of you become more closely attached.
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Section 5 of 6:

When & How to End a Flirtationship

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  1. Look, if your flirtationship is making both of you happy and it's not hurting anyone, go for it! But if you find yourself pining for something more or if you're starting to resent them for not considering you actual partner material, it might be time to cut it off.
    • A flirtationship is supposed to be a light, fun thing that adds joy to your life. If it's no longer doing that, it's probably time for the relationship to change in some way.
    • Another thing you can think about is whether you're flirting with intention or flirting just to flirt. If you're flirting with intention and they're flirting just to flirt (or vice versa), that's not likely to end well. [13]
  2. 2
    Allow it to fizzle out naturally. A lot of flirtationships will simply lose steam on their own with the passage of time, especially if neither of you is really pushing for the relationship to develop any further. This might not be the most efficient way to end a flirtationship, but it probably requires the least amount of effort. [14]
    • It also feels really organic to just let the relationship evolve on its own as it will. If that's something you appreciate, this might be the way you want to go.
    • This is also a good strategy if there's a natural endpoint to your flirtationship—for example, if you're in school and about to leave campus for the summer.
  3. 3
    Stop flirting with the person or flirting back when they flirt with you. To some extent, how you end a flirtationship depends on your relationship with the person before the flirtationship started. But one thing is universal—if you want to end a flirtationship, you have to stop flirting. It might feel a little dull at first, but after a while it will start to feel natural and those feelings you had will dissipate. [15]
    • You might even feel a little sad that you have to stop flirting with them—especially if they were a lot of fun to flirt with! But remind yourself that this little pinch of sadness is nothing compared to the heartbreak of ending a full-blown romantic relationship.
  4. One of the hallmarks of a flirtationship is that you don't really talk about the status of your relationship. But if you were previously flirting with someone pretty heavily and you just stop one day, they're likely to notice and wonder why. They might even ask you about it. If they do, it's a good time to define the relationship. [16]
    • While this might not be at the level of a full-on "DTR" talk that you'd have with someone you were dating, it's still helpful to set boundaries so you won't have any misunderstandings or hurt feelings moving forward.
    • Use "I" language to keep the focus on your feelings rather than making it seem like you're blaming them for anything.
    • For example, if you want to move to the next level romantically but the person you're in a flirtationship with doesn't, you might say, "I enjoy flirting with you but I want more, I feel rejected when we flirt because I know you don't want to take it any further."
    • Given that flirtationships are often marked by a total lack of communication, this conversation could definitely set the stage for a healthier relationship—whatever direction it heads in.
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Section 6 of 6:

Flirtationship Vs. Situationship

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  1. Depending on the circumstances, a flirtationship can get pretty complicated—but a situationship might even be worse. A situationship includes all of the emotional ambiguity of a flirtationship, but you also probably hook up on the regular. [17]
    • While both of these types of relationships rely on a foundation of poor communication, neither is entirely a bad thing as long as no one is getting hurt.
    • Another big difference is that when a situationship ends, it's likely to feel a lot like the end of a real relationship, except that you might find you don't have as much support because people didn't take your relationship seriously.

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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-psychology-of-relationships/202404/the-science-of-flirting
      2. ↑ https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/pere.12590
      3. ↑ https://www.theodysseyonline.com/letter-to-the-guy-im-in-flirtationship-with
      4. ↑ https://www.theodysseyonline.com/letter-to-the-guy-im-in-flirtationship-with
      5. ↑ ​​ https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7296135/
      6. ↑ https://www.theodysseyonline.com/letter-to-the-guy-im-in-flirtationship-with
      7. ↑ https://news.wsu.edu/press-release/2019/12/16/study-finds-flirting-among-coworkers-can-reduce-stress/
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/social-instincts/202301/3-tips-to-detox-your-love-life-and-not-get-played
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/peaceful-parenting/202101/how-to-take-a-flirty-relationship-to-the-next-level
      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/peaceful-parenting/202101/how-to-take-a-flirty-relationship-to-the-next-level
      2. ↑ https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/pere.12590
      3. ↑ https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/pere.12590
      4. ↑ https://www.doctornerdlove.com/why-is-she-good-enough-to-flirt-with-but-not-good-enough-to-date/
      5. ↑ https://totalsororitymove.com/the-pros-and-cons-of-a-flirtationship/
      6. ↑ https://totalsororitymove.com/the-pros-and-cons-of-a-flirtationship/
      7. ↑ https://www.breakthecycle.org/blog/conversations-dtr-defining-relationship/
      8. ↑ https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20220831-situationships-why-gen-z-are-embracing-the-grey-area

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