Fighting with a friend
I have 2 friends called D and B. I first met D and then became friends with B. I don't want to be friends with D anymore but I don't know how to say it to her because she always makes a fight. Though she is kind I'm tired of fighting. I can't be ME because she is always critical. I don't what to do.
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It can be really tough when a friend is critical of you, especially if you feel like you can't be yourself around her. If your friend makes you feel bad about yourself, then it might be worth addressing it with her. You could talk to her one-on-one and give a few examples of things she's said that were hurtful. She may not realize how her words are affecting you, and may be willing to work on things.
If she's not receptive to the conversation or continues to criticize you, it's okay to end the friendship. You can either tell her directly that you think you've grown apart, or just stop reaching out or making plans with her. Try not to put your other friend in the middle, though—it's okay if they still want to be friends with both of you. Avoid talking badly about the girl you're not getting along with and don't put your other friend in a situation in which she has to choose sides.
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If she's not receptive to the conversation or continues to criticize you, it's okay to end the friendship. You can either tell her directly that you think you've grown apart, or just stop reaching out or making plans with her. Try not to put your other friend in the middle, though—it's okay if they still want to be friends with both of you. Avoid talking badly about the girl you're not getting along with and don't put your other friend in a situation in which she has to choose sides.
There are a few different ways to go about things if you’re fighting with a friend. First, if things are just feeling a little off in your relationship, try not to make assumptions about their feelings. You might suspect or think you understand, but you don’t know until you actually ask them. Go to the source, be kind, and ask if something’s wrong, or if they feel like they have something to discuss with you. If they ask why, simply say that you’re worried because you’re seeing their behavior change a bit, and you want to make sure they’re okay. Avoid being defensive at all costs.
If your friend did something overtly offensive or hurtful to you, try not to jump to conclusions about why they did it. You won’t know the truth until you hear their explanation, but you do need to be ready to hear it, and you need to be ready to talk about how it made you feel. They might not be aware that they hurt you, so you could be calling attention to something they didn’t even realize they did. You can also try giving them the floor to discuss their feelings. Listen first, then explain to them why their behavior hurt you and that you want them to be cognizant of this behavior in the future.
Unfortunately, it can be hard to end friendships gracefully since there are so many emotions involved. However, if something terrible has happened that warrants you having to end the relationship, it’s okay to quietly slip out and stop contacting or connecting with them. If you see them in social situations, simply smile and say hello, but do not engage. Big friend groups always have a few people in them who do not like one another, and this is perfectly okay. Just make sure not to say anything derogatory about them, and always stay classy.
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If your friend did something overtly offensive or hurtful to you, try not to jump to conclusions about why they did it. You won’t know the truth until you hear their explanation, but you do need to be ready to hear it, and you need to be ready to talk about how it made you feel. They might not be aware that they hurt you, so you could be calling attention to something they didn’t even realize they did. You can also try giving them the floor to discuss their feelings. Listen first, then explain to them why their behavior hurt you and that you want them to be cognizant of this behavior in the future.
Unfortunately, it can be hard to end friendships gracefully since there are so many emotions involved. However, if something terrible has happened that warrants you having to end the relationship, it’s okay to quietly slip out and stop contacting or connecting with them. If you see them in social situations, simply smile and say hello, but do not engage. Big friend groups always have a few people in them who do not like one another, and this is perfectly okay. Just make sure not to say anything derogatory about them, and always stay classy.
I've tried talking to her and she was being rude and angry. Every year we have a fight for petty little things that D causes. I don't want to be best friends anymore but I told her we could still be on friends but she declined the offer and ever since she keeps on giving me and my best friend V side eyes and glaring at us.
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Honestly, I don't like saying this, but she might be a lost cause. Might be best to ignore her, and if she keeps being mean, don't be afraid to call her out, and don't hold anything back.
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Thank you for sharing this—it takes courage to open up about something that feels this heavy. As a life coach, here’s what I want you to know first: you are allowed to outgrow people, even if they’ve been kind or supportive at times. Relationships, even friendships, should feel safe, uplifting, and authentic—not filled with constant criticism or conflict.
Here’s a path forward you can consider:
1. Clarify Your Boundaries
Ask yourself what you really want: Is it distance? A complete disconnection? Or just a shift in how often you interact? Knowing your own boundary is step one.
2. Prepare for the Conversation
If you choose to talk to D, keep it short, kind, and firm. You don’t need to list all her faults or get into a debate. You might say something like:
“I appreciate the time we’ve had as friends, but I’ve realized I need space to grow and feel more like myself. I don’t want to argue—I just need to take a step back to focus on my own well-being.”
She might push back, but that doesn’t mean your decision is wrong—just that it’s uncomfortable for her. You don’t owe anyone access to you at the expense of your peace.
3. Honor Your Need to Be Yourself
Being in a friendship where you feel judged or silenced chips away at your self-worth. Your need to be free, expressive, and at peace matters. A real friend won’t make you feel small for being yourself.
4. Lean Into Friendships That Feel Light
If B is someone who accepts you and encourages you, that’s worth nurturing. Don’t feel guilty about gravitating toward healthier dynamics.
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Here’s a path forward you can consider:
1. Clarify Your Boundaries
Ask yourself what you really want: Is it distance? A complete disconnection? Or just a shift in how often you interact? Knowing your own boundary is step one.
2. Prepare for the Conversation
If you choose to talk to D, keep it short, kind, and firm. You don’t need to list all her faults or get into a debate. You might say something like:
“I appreciate the time we’ve had as friends, but I’ve realized I need space to grow and feel more like myself. I don’t want to argue—I just need to take a step back to focus on my own well-being.”
She might push back, but that doesn’t mean your decision is wrong—just that it’s uncomfortable for her. You don’t owe anyone access to you at the expense of your peace.
3. Honor Your Need to Be Yourself
Being in a friendship where you feel judged or silenced chips away at your self-worth. Your need to be free, expressive, and at peace matters. A real friend won’t make you feel small for being yourself.
4. Lean Into Friendships That Feel Light
If B is someone who accepts you and encourages you, that’s worth nurturing. Don’t feel guilty about gravitating toward healthier dynamics.
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