So there's a super cute girl that you're into, but every time you're around her you have no idea how to act! Not to worry. Although, there's no guarantee that she'll want to date you, there are some definite ways you can make that event more likely. See step 1 to get started acting appropriately around the girl you like!
Steps
Method 1
Method 1 of 3:
Building Your Personality
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Build your confidence. Confidence is one of the most attractive qualities a person can possess. You don't have to be super sexy or built like Chris Hemsworth, either. All confidence requires is a firm belief in your own self-worth. If you believe it, that girl you like? She's going to believe it, too.
- It takes time and a little effort to build your confidence, especially if you're starting from a low point. Even if you don't believe in yourself, pretend like you do. Faking confidence actually tricks your brain into believing that you are confident! [1] X Research source
- Stand up straight when you're walking, like you matter. Take up space like crossing your ankle across your knee when you're sitting. Leaning nonchalantly against a nearby surface. Avoid crossing your arms across your chest, or not making eye contact when you talk to people. Both of these are defensive gestures.
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Be yourself. Part of being confident is being yourself and being okay with who that is. Trying to change yourself to be someone else isn't going to work with her. She's going to see that you're not comfortable with yourself and that you're lying about who you are and she won't be pleased.
- Show what makes you unique and why you're interesting. You don't have to walk around wearing a pocket protector (do people do that anymore?), but you don't have to hide that you're interested in computers. She will accept you and if she doesn't.. she's probably not worth your time!
- Don't try to be someone else, especially if you're trying to be the person you think she wants. If she isn't interested in the person you are, she's not the girl for you.
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Maintain good hygiene. It's hard to attract the girl that you like when you overwhelm her with your smell and your greasy hair. Try to shower at least a couple times a week and use soap. Wear clothes that have been recently laundered. Reusing jeans and trousers is fine, as long as they aren't super dirty, but change your shirt each day.
- Be careful about using aftershave or cologne. A little goes a long way! You don't want to approach the girl you like in a cloud of cologne. Keep it down to a little spritz if you have to do wear it.
- Make sure to smell the deodorants before you buy them so you know how strong they smell and what they smell like. Again, you don't want to overwhelm her with smell, but a little deodorant (especially if you've just played a game like soccer or basketball) will make you seem much more put together.
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Have your own life. As much as you want to spend time with her, it's important to pursue your own interests and passions as well. You've got more going on than just your potential romance.
- Pursue your own interests. If you're into soccer, join a team and play games. You could even (if you're feeling brave) invite her to come watch a game or to kick around a soccer ball with you.
- This will mean you have your own friends to hang out with, even if your groups overlap. Do things with your buddies rather than doing things only when you know that she'll be there, or doing things only with her.
- This doesn't mean that you ignore her completely. Of course not. When you see her around (either at school, or at mutual events), ask her what she's been up to and mention some of the things you've been doing (like teaching yourself a language, going rock climbing, kicking butt on Call of Duty).
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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:
Acting Appropriately
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Be respectful. Most guys are taught that they don't need to be respectful to women and act accordingly. Don't be one of those guys. Being respectful does not mean being a doormat or being "whipped" but it does mean treating the girl you as if she's an actual human being (which she is!).
- One way of showing respect is to stop doing something when she tells you to stop. For example, if you two were having a tickle war and she says "Stop it!" you stop, even if you think she's kidding. If she is kidding, she'll let you know and you can continue. Showing that you respect her right to say "no" in minor instances, will show that you are willing to respect her boundaries in more important instances.
- Be respectful to other people when you're around her (and in general). Don't talk about your ex as "that weirdo" or use language like that. Don't degrade women, or call guys "pussies." You'll come across as disrespectful to women and you'll come across as immature.
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Read her body language. While a lot of guys say that women's body language is a mystery, it's really not that hard. Remember, you can tell when your sister is upset with you, or your female friend is trying to ignore you. The girl you like isn't going to be any different to understand. [2] X Research source
- If she spends most of her time not making eye contact with you, or giving you short, one word answers, she either doesn't want to be around you, or she's upset with you. It's probably best to back off.
- A girl who wants you to stick around is going to be pretty obvious about it. She'll be turned towards you. She'll be making eye contact and smiling and laughing at the things you say (not derisively). She may even touch you (like on the arm when she's making a point). [3]
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Expert Source
Connell Barrett
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.
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Make eye contact. It turns out that making eye contact is one of the biggest ways to flirt with someone that you're interested in. This is a good one that you can use in class, if you're sitting in the right spot, or even across the room if you're at a party. You can do this a couple different ways. A good way to do this is to make eye contact if she's across the room, catch her eye and hold it. Now, if the two of you are having a conversation, make sure to look deeply into her eyes. For some reason, that intense, long look can cause butterflies in the other person. [4] X Research source
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Don't ignore her friends. A girl's friends are incredibly important to her. She will listen to their opinions, even if she won't always follow their advice. If they don't like you it will cast a nagging bit of doubt in her own mind about you. To keep that from happening, you need to make sure that her friends like you.
- Learn some of the things that they like and ask them questions about those interests. For example, if her friends are super into a t.v. show, ask them a little about it (what's their favorite thing about the show, favorite characters, favorite episodes, things that irritate them about the show or the fandom).
- If you're having a conversation with the girl you like and her friends are around, make sure to include them in the conversation. You can still give her the long, heart-felt, languishing looks while making sure that her friends don't feel like you're ignoring them completely.
- Don't flirt with her friends, however. You don't want to come across as a player who is out to get whichever girl responds to his attentions. The girl you like won't think you're interested in her if you're flirting with all her friends, too.
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:
Knowing What to Talk About
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Ask her questions. When you're talking to the girl you like, you want to make her feel special. People like it when others take an interest in them and the girl you like is no different. Showing that you care about her thoughts will make her more interested in you, as a result.
- Ask her opinion on things, even if it's something silly. For example: say you're wearing a shirt that your friend doesn't like, ask for her opinion on whether the shirt is silly or not. Tell her she's the final judge. It'll make her laugh and feel important.
- Pay attention to the things that she does and says, so you can ask questions about it. For example, if she mentions going rock climbing, ask her how she got started rock climbing and what she enjoys about it. People like talking about themselves, so before you jump in with stories of your own, ask her another question about what she thinks.
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Listen. In this day and age people have really lost the skill of listening (Really listening) to one another. Real listening is when you take the time to absorb what someone is saying rather than thinking about the next thing you're going to say or what you're going to have for dinner.
- For example: even if you're at a loud party, when you're having a conversation with her, maintain eye contact, ask questions and if your mind strays, ask for clarification (you can use the loud party as an excuse: "Sorry, it's really loud in here. Can you repeat what you just said?").
- To this end, when you're having a conversation with her, don't fidget with stuff, or keep looking all around the room, or keep checking your phone. She'll feel that you don't really care what she has to say.
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Make her laugh. Laughter is a great way to bond with someone. This doesn't mean that you need to be the class clown (Actually, it will probably work best if you aren't). All this means is that you make her laugh and say a few entertaining things. Now, everyone has a different sense of humor and you know her best, but if you're not sure there are a few things to do that rarely fail.
- Gently poke fun at yourself. You don't have to do a big self-deprecating speech (in fact that will make you seem not confident), but a few jabs at yourself will get her laughing and show that you don't take yourself too seriously. For example: talk about how you got hit in the head with a soccer ball that day when you weren't paying attention, or that time you went to the wrong class because you forgot what day it was.
- Bring up something funny that you saw that day (or within the previous week). It should be something a little out of the ordinary and funny. For example: ask her if she's ever ended up entangled with a bunch of zombies and then tell her about the zombie walk you accidentally ended up in the middle of.
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Flirt with her. Flirting can be very hit or miss and is to be used with caution. Since everyone is different, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to flirting with someone. Humor and eye contact are the two big ones, but you can subtly flirt in other ways.
- Unless she's made it explicitly clear, flirting really obviously can be off-putting to some girls. Keep that in mind when you're hanging out with her. If you aren't a good flirt, eye contact and humor will probably be your best bets.
- Flirting over text, however, can be a great, non-threatening type of flirting. Of course, you want this to be only supplementary to your interactions in person. Keep texts short, sometimes a picture is worth more than a hundred words (especially a funny picture; do NOT send explicit pictures unless she has actually asked for them!). It's good to have a reason to text. You could say something like "saw this and thought of you" (and then send a picture).
- Giving her the right compliment can be a great way of expressing interest and flirting. Don't do something basic like "you're the most beautiful girl I've ever met" (it comes across as insincere). Instead, say something like "Did you realize your sweater matches your eyes? it's a beautiful color," or "of course you aced that test, you're super smart!" [5]
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Expert Source
Connell Barrett
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.
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Tell her how you feel. In the end, the best way to act around the girl you like is to tell her how you feel. She might otherwise never know. It can seem super intimidating or scary to bare your feelings like that (and it is a very brave act!). But, otherwise you both will be in this uncomfortable holding pattern. [6] X Expert Source Connell Barrett
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.- Don't do it in front of everyone. Choose a time and place where you're both sober and in your right mind. Simply say "Hey, I really like you and I was wondering if you'd like to go on a date sometime."
- Don't do this over the phone or text or social media, because you will come across as a coward and most girl's don't find that a particularly attractive quality.
- Respect her decision, even if she says "no." It can hurt when someone says no, but remember that it isn't about you as a person, it's simply that your proposal didn't work for her (because she isn't interested, or because she already has a boyfriend, or she's into girls, etc.). You can ask why if you must, but if she simply says "Because I'm not interested" that's your answer and leave it at that.
- If she says "yes," then yay! Now you two can get to planning a super fun first date. The relationship might not work out, but you proved your bravery by asking her out and your worth by treating her with respect.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do I find out if a girl likes me?Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach."The way to find out if a girl likes you is to let her know that you like her. Then, she'll give you some clarity and say, "Oh, I feel the same" or "Sorry, I'm not interested." Ask her out or give her a compliment so she gives you feedback.
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Tips
- Remember, be kind to all. This will not only help your reputation, but allow you to make new friends that might know things about her. But if her friends don't like you, it will greatly decrease your chances with her.Thanks
- Make her as comfortable as possible when she is with you. Be nice and open.Thanks
- Never give her the impression that you are just doing this for fun or to tease and don't actually like her. She will never forgive you.Thanks
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Warnings
- Don't follow her around. This will give her an impression that you're a creep or a weirdo. She'll be wondering, "what the heck are you doing here?"Thanks
- Do not ever ask your friend to ask her out for you (if you are at that point) Most girls take this as a lack of courage or that you are not serious, and she will probably say no because she'll think it's a joke!Thanks
- Avoid lying to her at all costs (even little lies) it can grow and grow till it will come back to haunt you.Thanks
- Most people say that when you want a girl make her jealous. A lot of times girls see this as sign that she has no chance. Saying how "hot" another girl is to her will only hurt her feelings, whether she wants to go out with you or not.Thanks
- Getting together with a girl that you have been friends with forever might ruin your friendship, but it doesn't have to, if you both behave with maturity.Thanks
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References
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vanessa-van-edwards/how-introverts-can-use-bo_b_4578260.html
- ↑ http://everydayfeminism.com/2013/01/feminist-guide-to-non-creepy-flirting/
- ↑ Connell Barrett. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.
- ↑ http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/valley-girl-brain/201203/how-flirt-without-it-seeming-youre-flirting
- ↑ Connell Barrett. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.
- ↑ Connell Barrett. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.
About this article
Article Summary
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When you’re around the girl you like, you’ll want to be friendly and outgoing so you can make a connection with her. It’s natural to feel nervous around your crush, but there’s no way she’ll know this if you act confident and be yourself. If you meet her eye across the room, give her a quick smile before you look away. You should also try to speak to her so you can get to know her better. Complimenting her is a great way to start a conversation. Then, you can ask her some questions about herself to find things you have in common. You can also tell a few jokes and tease her a little bit to keep things lighthearted and make her laugh. For more dating advice, including how to tell a girl you like her, read on!
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Reader Success Stories
- "I really like this girl, and I just want to know if I'm doing things right. I was doing some minor things wrong, but I am going to change that. I'm pretty sure she knows that I like her, and I wasn't going to ask her out until I got a phone. Now I am prepared, this helped me out a lot. Going to continue hinting that I like her and reading wikiHows. " ..." more
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"I really like this girl, and I just want to know if I'm doing things right. I was doing some minor things wrong, but I am going to change that. I'm pretty sure she knows that I like her, and I wasn't going to ask her out until I got a phone. Now I am prepared, this helped me out a lot. Going to continue hinting that I like her and reading wikiHows. "
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"It seriously helped me getting an orientation in life. Thank you. I think that more young people should see this, as if you had a bad childhood (like me), odds are that you might become a very shy person or generally unable to socialize with anybody."
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"The eye contact helped. A girl in my class doesn't seem to be interested in me, and she's flirting with other guys in my class. But when she talks to me, she looks me deeply in the eyes."
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"I was very worried about what to do with the girl I like. This article helped me so much. It was one of the most helpful articles on the internet!!"
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"The most helpful tip was to ask to meet her somewhere to ask her on a date because asking over the phone may come off cowardly."
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