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It is normal to feel awkward talking to your mom about sensitive topics like body changes and puberty. But this shouldn’t prevent you from bringing up these topics. Try to realize that because your mom went through the same thing when she was your age, she is more likely to be understanding and supportive than not. If your mom does not agree that you need a bra, instead of getting mad, remain calm and try to understand her reasoning. If you disagree with her reasoning, then try talking about the issue with another trusted adult.
Steps
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Own your reasons for wanting a bra. Write down two to three valid reasons for wanting a bra. And try to make your reasons personal. If you do this, your mom will be more likely to sympathize and agree with you. Also, by identifying your reasons, you will have more confidence in communicating your needs to your mom. Just remember that your mom was a girl who needed a bra once, too. [1] X Research source- For example, perhaps you play sports and you realize that a bra will provide you with the support you need.
- If you are developing and it's becoming noticeable, say "I need support and coverage so that I don't show more than I want. People keep staring at me and I think it's because they can see I'm not wearing a bra."
- Try to avoid using the "everyone else is doing it" reason; parents don't usually see this as a valid reason.
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State your feelings. It is natural to feel nervous or embarrassed about discussing sensitive topics, like wearing a bra, with your mom. Perhaps you are afraid your mom will misunderstand you, reject your request, or punish you for asking. But don’t let these feelings prevent you from talking with your mom. Instead, translate your feelings into words when you approach your mom about the topic. [2] X Research source- For example, “I feel a little embarrassed talking about this, but I need to ask you something mom,” or "Mom, can I ask you something personal? I wanted to know at what age you started wearing a bra because I think it is time for me to get one. I hope you understand."
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Practice what you will say. Write down three or four different ways of asking your mom for a bra. Say them out loud and see which one feels the most natural. Once you have nailed down what you would like to say, rehearse it out loud or in front of the mirror until the words come out naturally. [3] X Research source- For example, you could say, “Mom, I need to ask you something. It is not anything bad, but it is a little embarrassing. I don’t know if you have noticed, but my body has been going through some changes lately. I think it is time for me to wear a bra. I think a bra would help me feel more comfortable and secure about my body.”
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Arrange a time to talk. Try to avoid bringing up the topic when your mom is busy. If she is busy, she is less likely to listen to and hear what you have to say. Instead, give her a heads up by arranging a time to talk. This way your mom knows that you need to talk to her about something important, and she can give you her full attention. [4] X Research source- You can say, for example, “Hey mom, I need to talk to you about something important. When would be a good time talk?”
- People are usually more open after eating a meal, so bringing up the topic after dinner may work as well.
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Ask while you are out shopping. If you are uncomfortable asking your mom directly, then you can try suggesting the idea of wearing a bra. Arrange a time to go shopping with your mom. When you are approaching the bra department or store in the mall, ask if you two can go in together to check it out. Once you are in the store, ask your mom, “Do you think it is time for me to wear a bra? I kind of feel like it is time.” [5] X Research source- As you approach the store you could also say, “Mom can we take a look in the bra section? I kind of think it is time for me to start wearing a bra.”
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Write a note or send a text. If you are afraid that your mom will be harsh or overly critical, or you just cannot get over your embarrassment, then try this strategy. Write a note detailing why you think you need a bra. Give her the note when she is not busy. Tell her to read the note, think about it and come talk to you afterwards. [6] X Research source- Alternatively, you could write the note and then read it to her out loud while you are alone together; for example, while you are both alone in the car or on a walk.
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Remain calm. If your mom doesn’t agree with you or tells you no, try not to argue, yell or whine. Instead, remain calm and keep your tone of voice friendly and understanding. Then ask your mom why now is not the right time. [7] X Research source- For example, “When do you think the right time is?” or “When did you get your first bra?”
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Suggest an alternative. Do this if you are uncomfortable not wearing a bra, but your mom still says no. Suggest getting a training bra, sports bra or a camisole with a built-in bra to wear in the meantime. After wearing these for a few months, bring up the topic again.- For example, “I have been wearing my training bra for six months. I think I am ready to wear a bra now.
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Talk to another trusted adult. Do this if your mom simply will not listen or does not understand that a bra will help you feel more comfortable about your body. Talk about the issue with a trusted relative, counselor, or teacher. They may be able to offer you some advice on how to approach the topic with your mom. [8] X Research source- You could also ask them to discuss the topic with your mom for you.
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Community Q&A
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QuestionWhat can I do if my mother says I can't get a bra until I'm in secondary school, but I'm afraid that my nipples show through my clothes?Community AnswerTell her how you feel about this. If you've already done that and she still won't let you get a bra, see if you can compromise by getting a few thick tank tops to wear under your shirts. Some of them even have built-in bras for this purpose.
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QuestionWhat does a bra feel like?Community AnswerIt depends on the type of bra being worn. A sports bra feels more comfortable, because the straps don't need to be adjusted and there are no wires.
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QuestionWhat if I am only 9 but my buds are poking out and I feel uncomfortable without one, should I still ask?Community AnswerOf course! There is no "right" age to get a bra. If you feel uncomfortable, it's time to get a bra.
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Tips
- Remember that your mom went through the same thing when she was growing up. She'll have an idea of when you're ready for a bra, but be sure to let her know if you need one sooner.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- Go shopping with your mom so she doesn't get the wrong size or get a training bra when you don't need one. Even though it will be awkward, it's better to have your mom know what's going on with you and your body rather than not having her know.
- If you are a little embarrassed to ask, then try asking a friend who has a bra in the size you need if you could borrow one. When are feeling more confident, then try asking your parent or guardian again.
- Try to drop little hints here and there, like saying your chest hurts when you're doing sports. This way, she will know that you've had signs of needing a bra before you ask her to get one.
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Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about being honest with your parents, check out our in-depth interview with Nora Oliver .
References
- ↑ http://kidshealth.org/en/teens/talk-to-parents.html#
- ↑ http://kidshealth.org/en/teens/talk-to-parents.html#
- ↑ https://www.kidzworld.com/article/25990-dear-dish-it-i-need-a-bra
- ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/puberty/who-can-i-talk-about-my-body-and-sexual-health
- ↑ https://www.kidzworld.com/article/25990-dear-dish-it-i-need-a-bra
- ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/puberty/who-can-i-talk-about-my-body-and-sexual-health
- ↑ http://kidshealth.org/en/teens/talk-to-parents.html#
- ↑ http://kidshealth.org/en/teens/talk-to-parents.html#
About This Article
Article Summary
X
While it might feel awkward to talk to your mom about needing a bra, a little preparation can help you feel more confident. Think of a few reasons why you want to get a bra, like needing more support while playing sports or feeling less self-conscious about your developing body. This will show your mom that you’ve given the matter some thought. When you’re ready to talk to her, start by telling her how you feel. For example, you might say “I feel a little embarrassed talking to you about this, but I need to ask you something.” If having a discussion with your mom is too nerve-wracking, then try to be more casual about it. Send her a text or write her a note. You could also drop some hints the next time you’re out shopping together by asking if you can look at bras together or if she thinks it’s time for you to wear a bra. To learn how to respond if your mom says no to you getting a bra, keep reading!
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Reader Success Stories
- "I am 10 years old and my nipples were showing through my shirt and my actual breasts were a little raised. I was so nervous to ask my mom for a bra (not the padded ones just a sports bra) and I was afraid what she would say. I wrote a note to her and put it in her purse, and then we went shopping for bras! Also: If youre scared to actually ask your mom, write a note and slip it somewhere she will find it! Thanks to wikiHow, I now have a sports bra and I'm not embarrassed about my breasts!" ..." more
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"I am 10 years old and my nipples were showing through my shirt and my actual breasts were a little raised. I was so nervous to ask my mom for a bra (not the padded ones just a sports bra) and I was afraid what she would say. I wrote a note to her and put it in her purse, and then we went shopping for bras! Also: If youre scared to actually ask your mom, write a note and slip it somewhere she will find it! Thanks to wikiHow, I now have a sports bra and I'm not embarrassed about my breasts!"
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"I was so nervous on how to ask my mom, and how to deal with her saying, "no". Which she did, but then, following these tips, I suggested alternatives, and now I have a training bra with removable padding. I think I might be asking for something more, like a real bra once I get my first period! Thank you so much, you saved my life wikiHow!"
..."
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"I am 11 years old and I already wore a crop top but I didn't think that it was enough support, so I started off the conversation by asking how old my mum was when she got her first bra, and she told me she was the same age as me. Then I followed the advice on this article and my Mum said yes. Thanks so much wikiHow!"
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"I am 11 years old and I started to have changes in my nipples, so I did research and found out that I needed a bra. And then I asked my mom in a note. I didn't get an answer yet, I am still waiting but she is a very helpful mom so most likely it is going to work."
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"I was sure my mum would say I am not ready, because she always says that. Puberty has been going on for a while, and I think I need a proper bra rather than a training one. I was nervous, so I sent her a note. She understood, and now I have a proper one!"
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