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Dating in your 30s can be tricky, especially if you haven’t been on a date in a while. Not to worry, though! In many ways, the dating scene is a lot easier to navigate when you’re in your 30s since you and your potential partner are old enough to know what you want without playing games. As such, the best way to ask a girl to be your girlfriend when you’re both in your 30s is to be straight up and ask her! If you’re ready to take the next step, here are a few tips and suggestions to help you along the way.

1

Be direct and ask in person.

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5

Tell her you don't want to see other people.

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  1. You might be dating casually, but that doesn't mean she's your girlfriend yet. If you want to take things to the next level, tell her you aren't interested in seeing anyone else, and you want to know if she'll agree to only date you. [5]
    • Say something like, "I really enjoy spending time with you and I'd love to see where this goes. I'm not dating anyone else, and I don't want to. Are you seeing anyone other than me?"
    • If you met online, you could say, "I deleted my dating profile. Do you still have yours up?"
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6

Tell her your friends are getting curious.

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7

Pop the question in a letter.

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  1. Brainstorm everything you’d like to say to her, and jot it down in the letter. Let her know exactly how you feel, and that you’d like to take things to the next level. Once your letter is finished, hand it to her directly, or mail it to her home. [7]
    • You might reflect on some of your past relationships, or talk about how comfortable and happy you feel when you’re around her.
    • You could write something like, “I can never find the right words to say when I’m with you, so I’m writing this letter to tell you exactly how I feel.”
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8

Take her on a date and ask her out.

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  1. Keep it flexible—grabbing lunch or coffee is a great place to start. If she isn’t a fan of your original suggestion, feel free to compromise and go with whatever she suggests. [8] Spending time together on a date is a great time to ask her to be your girlfriend. [9]
    • “Want to grab coffee this weekend?” or “Are you free for lunch tomorrow?” are simple but effective ways to invite her on a date.
    • Plan a date where you’ll be able to talk openly and freely. If you’re catching a movie together, you won’t get much time to talk.
10

Invite her to a group event.

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  1. Instead of meeting up with her alone, ask if she’d like to go to a group outing, like a sports game, barbecue, carnival, or game night. Spending time in a group atmosphere might take some of the pressure off. [11] If the group setting feels too public, take her aside for a few minutes to ask her the big question.
    • You might say something like, “Could we talk outside for a second? There’s something I want to ask you.”
    • When you’re with other people, there won’t be any awkward gaps in the conversation.

Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    Is dating harder in your 30s?
    Stefanie Safran
    Dating Coach & Matchmaker
    Stefanie Safran is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Owner of Stef in the City, a Matchmaking and Dating Coaching business focused on an honest and hands on approach. Stefanie labels herself as “Chicago's Introductionista®” as she has over 15 years of experience in the matchmaking industry. Her work has been featured on various media such as: ABC7, NBC5, CBS2, WGN, FOX, The Chicago Tribune, The Chicago Sun Times, The HuffPost, and Refinery29. She holds a MBA in marketing and branding from Loyola University in addition to her BA from the University of Wisconsin-Madison.
    Dating Coach & Matchmaker
    Expert Answer
    Not necessarily. In fact, it might be easier. People tend to learn a lot from relationships that don't work out, so you may have an easier time finding someone to click with.
  • Question
    What are women in their 30s looking for?
    Stefanie Safran
    Dating Coach & Matchmaker
    Stefanie Safran is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Owner of Stef in the City, a Matchmaking and Dating Coaching business focused on an honest and hands on approach. Stefanie labels herself as “Chicago's Introductionista®” as she has over 15 years of experience in the matchmaking industry. Her work has been featured on various media such as: ABC7, NBC5, CBS2, WGN, FOX, The Chicago Tribune, The Chicago Sun Times, The HuffPost, and Refinery29. She holds a MBA in marketing and branding from Loyola University in addition to her BA from the University of Wisconsin-Madison.
    Dating Coach & Matchmaker
    Expert Answer
    In my opinion, the main thing they want to see is that you're making an effort. Clean your facial hair up, dress snazzy, have clean hands and whatnot. If they see you care about the way you look, she'll be much more inclined to be open to a date.
  • Question
    How should I act on a first date?
    Stefanie Safran
    Dating Coach & Matchmaker
    Stefanie Safran is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Owner of Stef in the City, a Matchmaking and Dating Coaching business focused on an honest and hands on approach. Stefanie labels herself as “Chicago's Introductionista®” as she has over 15 years of experience in the matchmaking industry. Her work has been featured on various media such as: ABC7, NBC5, CBS2, WGN, FOX, The Chicago Tribune, The Chicago Sun Times, The HuffPost, and Refinery29. She holds a MBA in marketing and branding from Loyola University in addition to her BA from the University of Wisconsin-Madison.
    Dating Coach & Matchmaker
    Expert Answer
    Treat it a little bit like a first interview. Do your best to be make a good impression, be honest, and actually pay attention to what's going on. Don't pull your phone out or text while you're on a date. Listen, engage in conversation, and take an active interest in the person you're talking to.
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      Tips

      • Jot down a list of your some of your exes, along with any of your friends who are currently in relationships. Create a pros and cons list with these names—focus on what you really liked about these relationships, and what you didn’t like. This might help you fine tune your ideal partner. [14]
      • Try not to focus on the past, even if you’ve experienced some tough break-ups. Instead, focus on the potential relationships waiting for you in the future! [15]
      • It may sound cliche, but age really is just a number. You don’t have to date someone who’s exactly the same age as you!
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