175+ Bad Jokes That'll Make You Cringe (and Laugh)

PDF download Download Article
Awful dad jokes & face palm-inspiring puns for any occasion
PDF download Download Article

Knock knock, it’s wikiHow with a list of the best, most cringiest, most dad-liest bad jokes around. Get your friends laughing (probably against their better judgment) with these super corny jokes. (And in case “bad” for you means “PG-13,” well, we’ve got some jokes like that for you too.) Keep reading for major giggles.

Best Bad Jokes at a Glance

  • A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks: “Is this stool taken?”
  • If a pig loses its voice, does it become disgruntled?
  • Q: How do trains eat their food? A: They choo-choo.
  • Q: Where do skunks pray? A: In pews.
  • Q: What’s brown and sticky? A: A stick.
Section 1 of 6:

Cringey Bad Jokes

PDF download Download Article
  1. Get your friends laughing like crazy with one of these cheesy dad jokes. Not only is sharing dumb jokes a lot of fun, but laughing together is a great way to boost your mood and feel closer to your best buds ! [1]
    • Nature is so resourceful. It can make dew with just water.
    • Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
    • Q: Why do melons have weddings?
      • A: They cantelope.
    • I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
    • Did you hear about the beautiful wedding? Even the cake was in tiers.
    • A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks: “Is this stool taken?”
    • For a fungi to grow, you must give it as mushroom as possible.
    • Q: Why did the electric car feel discriminated against?
      • A: Because the rules weren't current.
    • I'm such a good navigator, a self-driving car once asked me for directions.
    • I was going to grow some herbs, but I couldn’t find the thyme.
    • Did you hear about the mediocre restaurant on the moon? It has great food but no atmosphere.
    • Q: How did I know my girlfriend thought I was invading her privacy?
      • A: She wrote about it in her diary.
    • A company is making glass coffins. Whether they're successful remains to be seen.
    • I'm only familiar with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.
    • At first, I thought my chiropractor wasn’t any good, but now I stand corrected.
    • My toddler is refusing to nap. He’s guilty of resisting a rest.
    • I have the world’s worst thesaurus. Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible.
    • I used to be able to play piano by ear, but now I have to use my hands.
    • I failed my calculus exam because I was sitting in the middle of identical twins — I couldn’t differentiate between them.
    • I’m already bored with my time machine, and I’ve only had it for a year. I probably won’t bother getting it.
    • Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, “How do you drive this thing?!”
    • A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank. The rabbit says "I think I'm a Type O."
    • Did you know deer can jump higher than the average house? It’s because of their strong hind legs and the fact that the average house can’t jump.
    • Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? Poor guy really needed some space.
    • Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
    2. Advertisement
Section 2 of 6:

Punny Bad Jokes

PDF download Download Article
  1. They're so bad, they're amazing. And they're guaranteed to make your friends laugh against their better judgment!
    • Q: How can you spot a nosy pepper?
      • A: It gets Jalapeño business! [2]
    • I’m addicted to brake fluid, but it’s OK because I can stop at any time.
    • A polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender “I’ll have a rum …………………. and coke.” The bartender asks, “What’s with the big pause?” The bear shrugs. “I was born with them.”
    • Q: What do you say to a Llama that loves picnicking?
      • A: Alpaca lunch.
    • A photon checks into a hotel. The front desk asks if it has any luggage. It replies “no, I’m traveling light.”
    • I can’t stand Russian dolls. They’re so full of themselves.
    • Q: Why did the hipster burn his mouth on pizza?
      • A: Because he ate it before it was cool.
    • Did you hear about the glass blower who accidentally inhaled? He got stomach pane.
    • Q: What do you call a snail that isn’t moving?
      • A: An escar-stay.
    • If you see an Apple Store get robbed, does that make you an iWitness?
    • Did you hear about the new corduroy pillowcases? They’re really making headlines.
    • Did you hear about the woman who loved making archery supplies? Every day she went to work, she quivered with joy!
    • Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands. (That joke never grows old.)
    • I’m glad I know sign language. It’s pretty handy.
    • Did you hear that the Devil is going bald? Yeah, there’s gonna be hell toupee.
    • Becoming vegetarian was a huge missed steak.
    • I got a job at a bakery, because I knead dough.
    • Did you hear about the sale on paddles? It was quite the oar-deal.
    • All the toilets in the NYPD headquarters have been stolen. The police apparently have nothing to go on.
    • Q: What do Russian kings order on their pizzas?
      • A: Czardines.
    • Oh no, I dropped my toothpaste! I’m crestfallen.
    • This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
    • Be kind to dentists. They have fillings too, you know.
    • Did you hear about the actuary who wouldn’t make whipped cream? She was whisk-averse.
    • I don’t enjoy computer jokes. Not one bit.
    • The past, the present, and the future all walk into a bar. It was tense.
    • I refuse to work with compost. It’s degrading.
    • A clown held the door open for me. What a nice jester!
    • Q: What’s the body temperature of a Tauntaun?
      • A: Luke Warm.
    • I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was really just a play on words.
Section 3 of 6:

Dad Jokes for Kids

PDF download Download Article
  1. You don’t have to be a dad to appreciate a good dad joke. Whether you’re actually a father or just enjoy corny jokes, these classic cringey puns and riddles are sure to make any kid crack up.
    • Watch what you say around the egg whites. They can't take a yolk.
    • Q: What do you call a dog magician?
      • A: A Labracadabrador Retriever.
    • I got an A on my origami assignment when I turned my paper in to my teacher.
    • Q: Why do people who live in Greece hate waking up at dawn?
      • A: Because Dawn is tough on Greece.
    • Mom keeps asking why I have so much candy. She doesn't know I always keep a few Twix up my sleeve.
    • Q: How can you tell when a clock is hungry?
      • A: It goes back four seconds.
    • If a pig loses its voice, does it become disgruntled?
    • If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It’s always 90 degrees there.
    • I found a wooden shoe in my toilet — it was clogged.
    • I got a new pen that can write underwater. It can write other words too.
    • I hate my job — all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.
    • I wrote a song about a tortilla once—actually, it's more like a wrap.
    • I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.
    • RIP, boiling water. You will be mist.
    • Every time I take my dog to the park, the ducks try to bite him. That’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
    • 6:30 is my favorite time of day, hands down.
    • Whenever you get a bad sausage, it's just the wurst.
    • My dog is a genius. I asked him, "What's two minus two?" He said nothing.
    • I used to run a dating service for chickens, but I was struggling to make hens meet.
    • I tried buying camouflage the other day but I couldn't find any.
    • I'm so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed!
    • I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg.
    • Mom said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
    • Did you hear that laughing too loudly is illegal in Hawaii? They only permit a-low-ha.
    • I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
    • I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.
    • A magician was walking down the street — then he turned into a store.
    • We’re renovating the house, and the first floor is going great, but the second floor is another story.
    • I was wondering why the baseball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.
    • Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows — they're making headlines!
    • I'm reading an anti-gravity book, and I just can't put it down!
    2. Advertisement
Section 4 of 6:

Bad Jokes for Parties

PDF download Download Article
  1. No party is complete without a few dumb jokes, right? Give all the guests something to chuckle over (or roll their eyes at) by telling these lame jokes :
    • I gave my handyman a to-do list, but he only did jobs 1, 3, and 5. Turns out he only does odd jobs.
    • I had a conversation with a dolphin once. I felt like we really clicked. [3]
    • Hi, I’m Cliff. Drop over sometime.
    • A termite walks into the bar. He sits down and asks, “Hey, is the bartender?”
    • I can tolerate algebra, maybe even a little calculus but geometry is where I draw the line.
    • Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked.
    • Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be justwater.
    • Two peanuts went walking down the street. One was assaulted.
    • Dogs can't operate MRI machines. But catscan.
    • I went to a silent auction. I won a dog whistle and two mimes.
    • I was going to try an all almond diet, but that's just nuts.
    • I found a book called How to Solve 50% of Your Problems . So I bought 2.
    • Q: What do you call the security guards for Samsung?
      • A: Guardians of the galaxy.
    • I was making a joke about retirement. It did not work.
    • I love dad jokes, but I don't have kids, which makes me a Faux Pa.
    • My dream job is to clean mirrors, because I can really see myself doing that.
    • I lost 25% of my roof last night...oof.
    • Dad, when he puts the car in reverse: "Ah, this takes me back."
    • The owner of the tuxedo store kept hovering over me while I was browsing, so I asked him to leave me alone. He said, “Fine, suit yourself.”
    • My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days. I said it must be my weekend immune system.
    • Did you hear about the guy who went to the doctor for a headache? The doctor examined his ear and found money. The doctor kept pulling and pulling it out until he had $1,999. Then the doctor said, "No wonder you're not feeling two grand!"
    • Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
    • Two windmills were sitting on a hill. One asks the other, "Do you have a favorite song?" The other replies, "Well... all my life I have been a heavy metal fan."
    • My boss said “dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.” So I went in as Batman.
Section 5 of 6:

Cheesy Riddles

PDF download Download Article
  1. Before making them burst into laughter, that is (or groan—one or the other). Try out some of these classic and not-so-classic cringey riddles at your next hang:
    • Q: What’s the difference between a jeweler and a jailer?
      • A: One sells watches and the other watches cells.
    • What did the buffalo say to his son when he left the ranch?
      • A: Bi-son.
    • Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
      • A: Put a little boogie in it.
    • Q: Where do generals keep their armies?
      • A: In their sleevies. [4]
    • Q: How is my wallet like an onion?
      • A: Every time I open it, I cry.
    • Q: Why did Mozart hate chickens?
      • A: Because when he asked them for their favorite composer, they said, "Bach! Bach! Bach!"
    • Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
      • A: A fsh.
    • Q: Where do skunks pray?
      • A: In pews.
    • Q: What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
      • A: Dam.
    • Q: Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
      • A: Because the P is silent.
    • Q: Why are there fences in cemeteries?
      • A: Because everyone's always dying to get in.
    • Q: What's big and gray and doesn't matter?
      • A: An irrelephant.
    • Q: What do you call a sheep who can sing and dance?
      • A: Lady Ba Ba.
    • Q: If you're American when you come out of the bathroom, what are you when you're in the bathroom?
      • A: European.
    • Q: Why did the toilet paper roll downhill?
      • A: To get to the bottom.
    • Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
      • A: No eyed deer.
    • Q: What's the award for being the best dentist?
      • A: A plaque.
    • Q: What kinds of pictures do hermit crabs take?
      • A: Shellfies.
    • Q: What do you call a large African mammal with long hair and sandals?
      • A: A hippie-potamus.
    • Q: What do you get the man with the heart of a lion?
      • A: A lifetime ban from the zoo.
    • Q: Why can you never trust atoms?
      • A: They make up everything.
    • Q: What was the mummy's favorite type of music?
      • A: Wrap.
    • Q: How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker got him for Christmas?
      • A: He felt his presents.
    • Q: How did the butcher introduce his wife?
      • A: Meat Patty.
    • Q: What’s brown and sticky?
      • A: A stick.
    • Q: Why was the whale sad?
      • A: It lost its porpoise.
    • Q: What did one wall say to the other?
      • A: "Meet me at the corner!"
    • Q How do you think the unthinkable?
      • A: With an itheberg!
    • Q: Why do crabs never give to charity?
      • A: Because they’re shellfish.
    • Q: What grades did the pirate get on his report card?
      • A: Seven Cs.
    • Q: What did the ocean say to the beach?
      • A: Nothing, it just waved.
    • Q: What do you call a person with a briefcase in a tree?
      • A: A branch manager.
    • Q: Why did the baby cookie cry?
      • A: Because its mother was a wafer so long.
    • Q: When is a door not really a door?
      • A: When it’s ajar.
    • Q: Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
      • A: Because they’re so good at it!
    • Q: Why did the coffee call the police?
      • A: It got mugged.
    • Q: Why did the Cyclops close his school?
      • A: He only had one pupil.
    • Q: Where did the pumpkins have their meeting?
      • A: In the gourdroom.
    • Q: What's the best way to save your dad jokes?
      • A: In a dadda-base.
    2. Advertisement
Section 6 of 6:

Dark Humor Bad Jokes

PDF download Download Article
  1. There are jokes you’re embarrassed to laugh at because they’re dumb, and then there are jokes you’re embarrassed to laugh at because they’re…let’s say, a little more PG-13. And there are some jokes that are both—like these:
    • I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor.
    • My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don't even care.
    • I don't have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.
    • My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
    • My parents raised me as an only child, which really made my sister mad.
    • The most corrupt CEOs are the ones who run pretzel companies. They're always so twisted.
    • When I die, I want to die silently like my grandfather—not like his screaming passengers.
    • When a kid burned down his house, his father watched, put an arm around his wife, and said, “That’s arson.”
    • The only thing that flat earthers fear is sphere itself.
    • I childproofed the house, but they still got in.
    • You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You do need one if you want to go skydiving twice.
    • I went to a zoo the other day, but there was only one dog there. It was a Shitzu.
    • Girl walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre. So he gives it to her.
    • Today, I asked my phone "Siri, why am I still single?" and it activated the front camera. 🥲
    • A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. "You can't cut me down," the tree exclaims, "I'm a talking tree!" The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."
    • Q: Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?
      • A: They taste funny.
    • I was told to never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.
    • We treat our father like a god. We ignore him until we need something.
    • Q: How are marriages like algebra?
      • A: When you look at your x, you can’t help but wonder y.
    • I’d love to have kids one day. But that’s about as long as I can handle them.
    • My boss calls me a “the computer” because I fall asleep when unattended after 15 minutes.
    • Cremation is my final plan to get a smokin’ bod.
    • Q: Why did the zombies get divorced?
      • A: Their marriage was dead.
    • Q: Why did the lion go to therapy?
      • A: He found out his wife was a cheetah.
    • As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
    • Q: Why did the man miss the funeral?
      • A: He wasn't a mourning person.
    • I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
    • Don't challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you're prepared for the reaper cushions.

Expert Q&A

Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
      Advertisement

      Tips

      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Name
      Please provide your name and last initial
      Submit
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!

      You Might Also Like

      Roses are Red, Violets are Blue: 60+ Sweet, Silly & Savage Poems
      50 Cute & Flirty Knock-Knock Jokes to Make Them Smile
      The Best Big Forehead Jokes to Roast Someone: 140+ Options
      The Best Bald Jokes to Crack Everyone Up: 130+ Options
      Funny Text Jokes: 45 Short & Hilarious Jokes to Send Your Friends
      105+ Rizz Jokes, Puns, & One-Liners to Impress Everyone
      The Best Dating Jokes: Puns, Knock Knock Jokes, and More
      100+ Dry & Sarcastic Jokes for Anyone with a Deadpan Sense of Humor
      50+ Eye Jokes That You Should Really Look Into
      Funny Jokes to Tell Your Boyfriend
      110+ Funny Senior Quotes & How to Pick Yours
      How to
      Tell a Knock Knock Joke
      60 Hilarious Airport Welcome Signs for Friends, Family & More
      How to
      Tell Jokes Like a Professional Comedian (with Examples)
      Advertisement

      References

      1. ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_laughter_brings_us_together
      2. ↑ https://wstyler.ucsd.edu/puns/
      3. ↑ https://www.geeksforgeeks.org/bad-jokes/
      4. ↑ https://www.today.com/life/inspiration/bad-jokes-rcna58390

      About This Article

      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 829 times.

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement