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Being a protective boyfriend involves being considerate, thoughtful and ready to ensure the safety of your lover. Avoid being jealous and desperate and you’ll show your partner that you are capable of protecting them.
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Ask your partner what they want from you. [1] X Research source If you want to know what your partner expects from you, and how you can best protect them, be direct. Ask your partner, “Do you think I am protective of what we have together?” or “Do you think I am overprotective?”
- Listen carefully to your partner’s answer. If you are confused or have follow-up questions, ask for more information when your partner has finished speaking.
- If your partner expresses that you could be more protective and caring, take proactive steps to show that you care. For instance, if your partner indicates that you seem unconcerned when others flirt with them, explain why you react the way you do.
- You could explain that you feel so confident in your relationship that you do not feel obligated to fend off other people who are flirtatious with your partner. Do not be defensive or passive-aggressive when explaining yourself. Explain your perspective in a calm, measured way and refer only to your own actions and beliefs.
- For instance, do not respond to your partner’s expectation that you will be more protective by arguing that because he or she is not protective, you do not need to be either.
- If your partner thinks you’re overprotective, take proactive steps to reduce your overprotective behaviors. For instance, if you scrutinize and over-analyze the messages she gets on social media, or designate which of her friends she can see, she might be concerned that you’re being overprotective. Adjust your behavior appropriately.
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Send your partner thoughtful messages throughout the day. [2] X Research source Use text messages and emails to remind your partner that you care about and miss them. For instance, you might send a short message like, “Thinking of you,” or “Hope you’re having a great day.”
- If you know your partner has a rough time ahead or is facing a serious challenge refer to it in your short, thoughtful message. For instance, if your partner has a test later, you could write, “Good luck on your test!”
- Don’t overdo it. One or two brief, spontaneous messages a day is enough. More than that might be perceived of as clingy.
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Touch your partner non-sexually. [3] X Research source While sex is an important part of your physical relationship with your partner, it is only one part. Nonsexual touching can inspire feelings of affection and provide small opportunities for bonding. Showing you care is as important as saying you care.
- When you wake up in the morning give your partner a big hug and a peck on the cheek.
- If your partner is sitting or laying down watching TV, give them a squeeze on the shoulder as you pass by.
- After your partner comes home from work, offer to give them a back rub to relieve the day’s tension.
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Spend time with people who support your relationship. If a certain friend or family member is constantly pressuring you in overt or subtle ways to leave your partner, limit the time you spend with them. For instance, perhaps your mother makes sniping comments about your partner like, “She doesn’t have much of an education, does she?” You might have a friend who insists, “You could do much better.” You should respond to these situations by defending your partner. Tell the individual in question, “I’m in a loving and committed relationship. I wish that you could see how happy my partner makes me.” Explain to the friend or family member that you love and are committed to your partner. Encourage your partner to do the same.
- Sometimes friends and family have serious concerns about our choice in romantic partners. Listen carefully to the issues your family and friends are concerned about regarding your partner. If many people have similar or overlapping concerns, you might be in a bad or abusive relationship.
- Do not complain publicly about your partner. If you have issues with your partner, work them out one-on-one behind closed doors.
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Take pride in your relationship. [4] X Research source Go out in public with your partner. Instead of spending every night inside watching TV and eating dinner, go on dates. For instance, you could go to dinner in a nice restaurant and see a film together. You could go downtown and go shopping, or just enjoy walking around. Use your imagination to concoct a fun date you can do with your partner.
- Celebrate your relationship on social media. Post happy pictures of you and your partner doing fun things together. Update your personal information to reflect the fact that you’re in a relationship.
- Tell friends and family about fun things you and your partner did together. For instance, if your coworkers inquire as to what you’ve been up to, say, “My partner and I went to the park this weekend. It was great fun,” or “My partner and I had a barbecue in our backyard. We really enjoyed it.”
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Encourage your partner to maintain their health. Good health is the cornerstone of a good life. If your partner is not exercising enough -- or too much -- express your concerns in a loving way.
- You could say, “I am concerned about your health. I want us to have a long, happy life together. Let’s work together to stay healthy.” Encourage your partner to get fit with an invitation such as, “Let’s go for a bike ride.” You might also say, “There’s a new gym nearby. Let’s check it out this weekend.”
- Partners who work out together tend to improve the quality of their relationship. [5] X Research source Take a walk after dinner or a bike ride at the park with your partner. Not only will be burning calories, but you’ll get to bond with your partner.
- Besides working out regularly, eating right is an important component of good health. Go shopping with your partner so you can both buy things that you want to eat together. Choose healthy foods like vegetables, fruits, and whole grains. Avoid processed, packaged foods loaded with salt, sugar, and fat.
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Learn a martial art. There are many martial arts from many different countries. While no martial art will prepare you for every possible situation you could face, they will give you the training and muscle memory to adapt to bad situations, assess the severity of various threats, and react quickly. [6] X Research source
- If possible, train in multiple martial arts. The more self-defense knowledge you have, the better equipped you will be to protect your partner when the time comes.
- If you can’t do martial arts, learn some basic self-defense techniques. Stomping an aggressor’s foot or kicking them in the groin before fleeing (with your partner) is a standard way to escape danger.
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Work out. While working out is a great way to stay healthy and fit, you can also build strength in order to keep your partner safe. [7] X Research source Focus on building upper body strength with sit-ups, chin-ups, push-ups, bench presses and dumbbell exercises. When the time comes for a confrontation, you’ll be ready.
- Working out also impresses your partner. Healthy and fit people tend to be perceived as more attractive and likable.
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Use caution when you’re with your partner. [8] X Research source For instance, if you normally walk home from work through a rough part of town, avoid that stretch when walking home from work with your partner. Go a few blocks out of your way to limit your exposure to potential crime or violence.
- Wrap your arm around your partner whenever they seem concerned about people or places in the vicinity. This will reassure them that you’ll protect them. If someone is whistling or catcalling your partner, pull your partner close so that they feel stronger.
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Keep an eye out for potentially bad situations. Imagine you and your partner are out on the town. You’re out with a group of friends. While you and your buddies are sitting comfortably in a booth, your partner goes out on the floor to dance with some friends. You notice a group of people near your partner who are getting rowdy, or somebody heckling her or him without any apparent reason. While you might be riled up and alarmed by this, don't step in straight away. Allow him or her the space to handle it but monitor the situation closely. Go to your partner’s defense if you feel it's needed.
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Only use violence as a last resort. [9] X Research source There are times when protecting the one you love mean resorting to violence. But most of the time, there are other options available. You should start by attempting to de-escalate any bad situation. For instance, if someone is speaking or acting aggressively toward your partner, intervene by apologizing. Tell the aggressor, “We’re sorry, it was just a mistake. We’ll be going now.” Then, make your exit.
- Do not insult the aggressor or up the ante by threatening them. Challenging the aggressor will only make them more likely to hurt your partner, or you.
- If the aggressor doesn’t let you leave or pursues you, call the police. Report the situation and follow their directions. Stay cognizant of the aggressor during the entire exchange, and watch for signs that they might strike. Defend yourself if necessary.
- If an aggressor pulls a weapon on you, do not struggle with them or attempt to wrest it from their grasp. You could end up getting your partner or another bystander hurt.
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Don’t be jealous. [10] X Research source Remember, your partner is dating you. Just because they are getting attention from other people doesn’t mean they are reciprocating the advances.
- Jealousy in small amounts is normal and demonstrates that you care about your partner. [11] X Research source
- If your partner does choose someone else, take comfort in the fact that they are not the one for you. The right one for you, after all, is the one who stays committed to you. For that reason, again, there is no reason to be jealous.
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Gently but firmly dismiss individuals who approach your partner. Politely go up to your partner and greet them. Ask them to introduce you to their “friend.” Your partner should reply something like, “He/She was just leaving.” At this point, hopefully, the would-be suitor realizes that your partner has a boyfriend and will cease their flirtation.
- Depending on your partner's personality, they may be willing and able to shake off these people off themselves. If so, let them handle it, while keeping an eye on the situation in case the person refuses to listen to your partner.
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Ward off persistent creeps and perverts. If your partner feels ogled or is getting unwanted attention, they will rightly feel very uncomfortable. Not only is it rude and invasive, but it can make your partner feel unsafe.
- Tell your partner when you notice this happening and reassure them that you're aware of it and are prepared to say something if needed.
- Stay alert for guys or girls who make pests of themselves. Call them out on their leering if needed, politely and firmly. For instance, tell them, “Leave them alone. They don't deserve your leering.”
- However, be careful to realize that if your partner is attractive, it's only natural for others to look, so learn to spot the difference between this curious and appreciative gazing and menacing leering. [12] X Research source
- Don't go overboard if someone just throws an appreciative glance at your partner once and then goes on their way.
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Enforce your partner's boundaries. Pay close attention to what your partner is and isn't okay with, and ask if need be. If someone is crossing your partner's boundaries, you are the backup. You can add weight to their words with a frown, glare, or a verbal reminder that "She said no."
- You may need to do this with creeps, but also sometimes people you trust. For example, if a friend keeps pestering your partner to talk about something she doesn't want to, you can give a small frown and say "They said they don't want to talk about it. Let it drop."
- Pay close attention to your partner's boundaries with you, too. If your partner says no to something, or they don't seem comfortable, listen to their wishes. No one should do things which your partner is uncomfortable with, including you. [13] X Research source
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Ask yourself why you’re getting overprotective. If your partner is not giving you enough attention, you might feel neglected. You will probably feel jealous that she is talking with others instead of you. In that case, express your concerns to your partner. Arrange a date night or special time when you can regularly be together one-on-one. This will ensure you both find enough time to spend together.
- Try to compromise with your partner to find a comfortable amount of time you can be together each day.
- If you were cheated on by your partner before, you might also become overprotective as a result. Perhaps you start trying to keep an eye on him/her. However, this is unhealthy, not to mention impossible. Rebuilding trust takes time, and overprotective behavior will slow the process.
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Admit your anxieties to your partner. [14] X Research source For instance, you might feel worried that your partner is not attracted to you as much as they used to be. You might think your partner does not want you around anymore. If you feel these things, express them to your partner. Often, being reassured that your partner is still interested in you can alleviate your stress and reduce your need to be overprotective of him or her.
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Confront your own lack of confidence. [15] X Research source Low self-esteem and a lack of self-confidence can lead to unhealthy attachments and overprotective behavior. Build your self-confidence each day by taking care of your appearance. Dress well and maintain good hygiene. Eat a balanced diet and get 60-90 minutes of exercise each day. In time, you will feel more comfortable with yourself and not need to be so overprotective of your partner.
- Make three lists: one of your strengths, one of your achievements, and one of things you admire about yourself. Consult your partner and other friends about what they think belongs on each list. Refer to it regularly when feel down about yourself.
- While this method works for some people, others struggle to take it seriously or find it embarrassing. If this sounds like you, try a different strategy like practicing self-care or spending time with people who value you.
- Reader Poll: We asked 188 wikiHow readers, and only 10% prefer to reaffirm their self-worth by reflecting on their positive qualities and accomplishments . [Take Poll]
- If you suffer from long-term insecurity about your personal prospects, consult a psychologist. Psychologists are trained to help you work through personal problems and identify causes which may lie deep in your past.
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Respect your partner’s boundaries. For instance, do not snoop into their text messages or emails. If you are suspicious that your partner is cheating on you, confront them with your concerns directly. Don’t go behind your partner’s back to discover what they’re saying to their friends or coworkers. [16] X Research source
- If they ask for alone time or don’t want to go out every time you offer them an invitation, don’t take it personally. Everyone needs alone time.
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References
- ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/5-communication-pitfalls-and-pointers-for-couples/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/lifetime-connections/201512/7-ways-show-you-really-care
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/lifetime-connections/201512/7-ways-show-you-really-care
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/lifetime-connections/201512/7-ways-show-you-really-care
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/02/09/workout-partner-healthy-couples-valentines-day_n_2638571.html
- ↑ http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/bestMA.htm
- ↑ http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2616346/University-Alabama-athlete-21-dies-trying-protect-partner-collapsing-wall-tornadoes-sweep-region.html
- ↑ http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/pyramid.html
- ↑ http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/get_attacked.htm#conflict
- ↑ http://www.mensxp.com/special-features/today/6557-how-to-deal-with-your-partner-getting-attention-from-other-men.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mysteries-love/201503/extreme-jealousy-in-relationships
- ↑ http://www.mensxp.com/special-features/today/6557-how-to-deal-with-your-partner-getting-attention-from-other-men.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sense-and-sensitivity/201201/developing-healthy-boundaries
- ↑ http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/dear-gt/why-do-i-become-overprotective-and-possessive-in-relationships
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201205/building-confidence-and-self-esteem
- ↑ http://www.besthealthmag.ca/best-you/relationships/how-to-protect-your-relationship-from-the-effects-of-social-media/
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Being a protective boyfriend means that your partner feels safe and comfortable, but “protectiveness” can easily stray into overprotectiveness. To make sure that doesn’t happen to you, ask your partner directly if they want you to be more protective and caring, or whether you’re being overprotective. If your partner ends up in a potentially bad situation, such as in the middle of a group of rowdy people, give them their space and only step in when necessary. You should only use violence as a last resort. For more advice, such as how to deal with other people who are romantically interested in your partner, read more!
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