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Talking to women can be overwhelming, especially if you’re a naturally shy or introverted person. Pick up artists have developed several methods to help men approach women with confidence. Learning how to will take time and practice, but if you’re willing to make the effort, the results will be well worth your while.
Steps
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Choose a method of study. There are many different styles of pick up artistry and different teachers or “gurus” teach or advocate for different methods. Research the different styles of seduction and focus on the one that feels most organic to who you are as a person.- Some of the different gurus include David DeAngelo, Mystery, Ross Jeffries and JT Tran.
- David DeAngelo believes seduction is a numbers game and that you'll only improve by meeting and talking to lots of different women.
- Mystery is the most famous pick up artist working and has "trained" many of the other pick up artists working today. He advocates dressing ostentatiously and engaging women in conversation immediately upon entering the room.
- Ross Jeffries prefers to talk to women during the day, specifically in quiet places like coffee shops.
- JT Tran believes in teaching men self-confidence and communication skills in order to improve their experiences with women.
- There are many forums on the Internet devoted to analyzing different methods of study. Do research before pursuing a specific method.
- Some gurus also offer boot camps for aspiring pick up artists. These camps are expensive, usually costing upwards of $3,000 and don't offer much beyond what you can for free online.
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Find a good wingman. A wingman is a huge asset for a pickup artist; they’re there to set you up, to make you look good and to help you get comfortable as you’re meeting and talking to new women. Choose a friend you can trust and who likes to have a good time, but not such a good time that they can’t focus on the task at hand. [1] X Research source- Try to find a wingman with a serious girlfriend. That way, you won’t be competing for the same women.
- Don’t choose a wingman who is more attractive, fashionable or charming than you. Find someone who is your equal.
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Practice talking to women often. Learning to talk to women is a skill like anything else, and the only way to get better is through study and repetition. Set time aside each week to go out and pick up women. Bring your wingman with you, or attempt to do it alone, but either way, get out there and practice.- Set clear, accomplishable goals. Decide to talk to five women a week, or aspire to get one phone number every day.
- The more time you devote to your training, the more your anxiety will dissipate when talking to women.
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Get yourself out there. It’s impossible to pick up women from the comfort of your own home, so a key step in becoming a pick up artist is leaving your house. Try to go out and meet new people several times a week; the more places you go, the more opportunities you’ll have to meet women.- Try going to bars and clubs on weekends; they’re usually crowded, so you’ll have lots of opportunities to meet and speak with different women.
- Take out your headphones while you’re walking. You can’t have a conversation with someone if you’re not even aware they’re right next to you.
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Use an original pick up line. Women like to feel special, and nothing makes a woman feel less special than hearing the same line over and over again. A pick up line is designed to break the ice, start a conversation and put a woman at ease.- If you’re stuck for what to say, make a joke or comment on what’s happening around you.
- Try leading with, "You're so beautiful, you made me forget my pick up line."
- The best "line" is always what feels natural to you as a person. Pretending to be something you're not is never the way to go.
- Don’t "neg" a woman. "Negging" is a backhanded compliment designed to undermine a woman's confidence. In reality, negging a woman will only put her on the defensive.
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Listen and be engaged in the conversation. Starting the conversation is only the first step. Once you convince a woman to talk to you, you actually need to listen to what she has to say. Ask her questions about her life and her job and what she does for fun.- Don’t spend the conversation thinking about what to say next. Listen to what she’s saying and you’ll find it much easier to craft your responses.
- Don’t spend the whole conversation talking about yourself. Your goal is not to impress her, it’s to get to know her.
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Make statements instead of asking questions. Asking too many questions during a conversation may cause a woman to feel like she is in the midst of a job interview. You can avoid this by making a few assumptions. For instance, instead of asking a woman where she's from, try guessing.- Try saying, "You're from around here, right?"
- If you're wrong, the woman will correct you and the conversation will continue. If you're right, she'll be impressed by your insight, and that will help propel the conversation.
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Plant your feet in one spot and stand up straight. Humans are very sensitive to body language, so make sure your body is conveying confidence. Planting your feet conveys assertiveness and helps women to feel more at ease around you. Be especially cognizant of this when you’re approaching women on the street – you don’t want them to worry that you’re going to attack or follow them.- Make sure to look women in the eye when you’re having a conversation with them.
- Don’t fidget – it makes you look nervous.
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Avoid dinner on a first date. When you reach the point in the conversation where you would normally ask the woman out, avoid asking her to dinner. Dinner is a wonderful date option, but a table creates a physical barrier, so offer out another alternative for your first date.- Instead of dinner, ask her out to coffee or for a walk.
- During the date, be physically affectionate. Off your date your hand to help her from her car or take her coat and let your hands gently brush her shoulders.
- This will help you gauge whether or not there’s chemistry between you.
- Make sure there is chemistry between you before going in for a kiss.
- If a woman seems disinterested in the physical contact or asks you to stop, do so immediately.
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Eat right and exercise. In order for you to feel confident talking to women, you first need to feel confident about the way you’re presenting yourself. If you feel self-conscious about your body, change your diet and make an effort to go to the gym.- You don’t need to have a six-pack to effectively pick up women. Just focus on getting your body to a place where you feel healthy and comfortable.
- If you find an exercise regimen that you’re passionate about, you can use that to try to connect with a woman. Ask her what kinds of exercise she likes to do, then strike up a conversation from there.
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Pay attention to your appearance. You don’t need to completely overhaul your closet, but adding some new options to your wardrobe will increase your confidence and make you look more stylish and pulled together. And don’t underestimate the importance of personal hygiene or grooming.- Take a shower and shave before going out on the town.
- The devil is in the details – moisturize your skin, clip your nails, put on some cologne (but don’t overdo it).
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Develop your sense of humor. Women love funny guys – laughter puts people at ease and is a great way to make a woman feel comfortable around you. If you’re not naturally funny, consider taking an improv or stand up class. This will help you tap into your natural sense of humor and will help you feel more confident making jokes.- Have a few go-to jokes or lines that you can use to break the ice or plug into conversations as needed.
- Think about what makes you laugh. The more you understand what tickles you, the easier it will be to write jokes or lines that will make other people laugh.
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Get your own place. Women want to meet men, not little boys. If you’re still living with your parents, moving out will be a huge step for you. Getting your own place will make it easier for you to have women over, plus the independence you’ll feel will translate over into increased self-confidence.- If you don’t already have a job, get one. Women want to meet and talk to guys who are self-sufficient.
- Look for a place in a centralized area, so it will be easy for you to socialize and meet new people.
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Join the Discussion...
I keep seeing this beautiful girl at a cafe I study at, and I really want to talk to her. But I feel so awkward. What do I do? How do I get her t... Read More
Great question. The first thing to do is to always go back to step one, which is your own mindset and way of being. For you to approach her in th... Read More
Fully agree on the eye contact thing. Makes it so much easier to break the ice and then you’re already halfway to starting a conversation. If s... Read More
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Tips
- Be a good person. Be kind and respectful and you’ll have a better shot of getting women to talk to you.Thanks
- If a woman turns you down or asks you to leave, listen. You are not entitled to her time or attention, so move on to someone who actually wants to talk to you.Thanks
- Read books about seduction – a classic is The Game by Neil Strauss.Thanks
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