Download Article
The best ways to beat sadness and have a great time on your birthday
Download Article
While birthdays are usually associated with joy and celebration, they can also trigger sadness, dread, and anxiety for some people. Birthday depression, also known as the “birthday blues,” describes the negative emotions you may experience around (or on) your big day. In this article, we’ll explain everything you need to know about the “birthday blues,” including common symptoms, potential reasons you feel sad, and tips to banish the “blues.”
“Birthday Blues” Meaning
Having the “birthday blues” refers to being sad, depressed, or disinterested about your birthday. If you have the “birthday blues,” you might feel a lack of interest in celebrating, disappointment, withdrawal from loved ones, low self-esteem or self-confidence, rumination about the past, sleep or appetite changes.
Steps
Section 3 of 5:
How to Cope with the “Birthday Blues”
Download Article
-
Accept and process your emotions. The first step in preventing (or overcoming) the “birthday blues” is to tell yourself that it’s okay to feel down. Your emotions are completely valid, so try to allow them without any judgment or criticism. Ask yourself why you might be feeling this way, and write your feelings down in a journal to help you address them. [3] X Research source
- With that being said, it’s possible to dwell on negative feelings and worsen your mood. To avoid this, consider setting a “sadness limit” for yourself. You could journal for 10-15 minutes, for instance, then engage in a fun activity to distract yourself.
-
Treat yourself and practice self-care . Think of your birthday as the one time of year where you can be completely selfish and ball out. Fill your day with activities that bring you joy, and don’t feel pressured to host a huge party if it’s not your idea of fun. Whether you surround yourself with people who make you feel good or spend your entire day in solitude, here are some ideas to pamper yourself: [4] X Research source
- Go on a long hike
- Take a trip to the spa
- Cook your favorite meal
- Have a picnic at the park
- Attend a concert or comedy show
- Sign up for an art or cooking class
- Watch a movie or show you’ve been postponing
- Buy something that’s been on your wish list for a while
-
Tell your loved ones that it’s your birthday. There’s nothing wrong with reminding your friends and family members before the big day, especially if they’re busy or forgetful. Communicating your wishes and expectations ahead of time is one of the best ways to kick off your celebrations, plus avoid feelings like loneliness, disappointment, and depression. [5] X Research source
- Remember, other people can’t read your mind. Think of how you want your loved ones to show up for you on your special day, and give them enough time to make it happen.
- For example, if you want to go on a road-trip with your besties, mention it a few months in advance and start planning. If you want a romantic dinner with your partner, ask them to book a reservation at least 2 weeks beforehand.
-
Reflect on the past year and practice gratitude . Highlighting your accomplishments can instantly make you feel better. What’s the best thing that happened this past year? What challenges did you overcome? Did you learn a new skill? Expressing gratitude for all the experiences in your life can help you stay positive on the big day. Some other reasons you might feel grateful include: [6] X Research source
- Meeting someone new
- Maintaining good health
- Having the ability to learn
- Completing another year of life
- Strengthening existing relationships
- Having a roof over your head or a stable job
-
Set goals for yourself and look forward to the future. Instead of dwelling on the past and what you “should have” accomplished by now, remind yourself of the endless possibilities in the future. This can help you push away negative thoughts and get you excited about turning older. Who knows? You might land a promotion, move to a new city, or meet the love of your life in the upcoming year!
- If you’re not where you want to be in life, write down a list of specific and realistic goals , then make a checklist of tasks you can complete to work towards them every day. [7] X Research source
- For example, if your top goal is to own a home, you could make sub-goals like saving money, building your credit, and increasing your income. Within these sub-goals, you could break things down even further, such as paying your credit card bills on time or looking for a new job.
-
Create a birthday tradition for yourself. Starting a new birthday tradition can give you something to look forward to every year. Whether it’s cooking your favorite meal, taking a relaxing bubble bath, or going to the beach to watch the sunset, take part in a birthday ritual that helps you feel calm and eases your anxieties. [8] X Research source Other ideas include:
- Visiting your parents
- Buying yourself flowers
- Reading a book at the park
- Going for a 30-minute drive alone
- Taking a walk around your neighborhood
-
Don’t overplan your celebration (and ask for help if needed). While your birthday might seem like the perfect occasion to pack in as many activities as possible, overplanning can lead to stress, exhaustion, and irritation. Opt for a calmer celebration, or ask your friends or family members for help if you’re struggling to organize something. [9] X Research source
- If you’re hosting a birthday celebration at a restaurant, for example, you could ask your best friend to make the reservation for you, or ask your sibling to pick up the cake on their way there.
-
Lower your expectations for the day to avoid disappointment. Try to remember that your special day might not happen exactly how you want it to. Being realistic about your expectations and being thankful for any efforts that other people make can lower potential disappointment. A “perfect” birthday is whatever you want it to be, whether it’s having a huge party, eating dinner with family, or going on a quiet walk in the woods. [10] X Research source
- If possible, stay off social media for the day. Constantly checking your feed in hopes that someone will give you a birthday shoutout can take a huge toll on your mental health.
-
Talk about your feelings with a trusted friend or family member. If you’re feeling down in the weeks or days leading up to your birthday, open up to a loved one and share your thoughts. Expressing your emotions can improve your well-being and help you feel calm before the big day. Chances are, your loved one can relate to what you’re going through and give you a much-needed boost of confidence.
- If you find it hard to open up and be vulnerable, remember that your loved ones want to support you. You could start by saying something like, “I’m feeling a bit sad about my birthday because I don’t have many people to celebrate with. Have you ever felt this way?”
-
If you’re grieving, practice self-kindness and compassion. At the end of the day, it’s your birthday and you should do what feels right to you. If you want to ignore the day, that’s okay, especially if your loved one passed away recently. It’s also perfectly fine to organize a celebration or buy yourself something special; it doesn’t mean you care less about the person who died or won’t have other days to remember them. [11] X Research source
- Remember, everyone copes with grief differently, and there’s no proper way to express pain. Try to accept your emotions on your birthday, whether they’re positive or negative.
- You can cherish the memories you spent with this person by looking at old photos of them, visiting a place they loved, lighting a candle in their honor, or talking to them aloud. [12] X Research source
Advertisement
Section 4 of 5:
Reasons You May Feel Sad on Your Birthday
Download Article
-
Past trauma If you experienced family drama or negative events during your childhood birthdays, these memories may resurface on your big day. Relieving painful and upsetting moments from the past can cause sadness, anger, anxiety, and depression. [13] X Research source
-
Fear of aging Some people view aging as a privilege, but it’s perfectly normal to worry about the physical and mental changes that accompany it. Whether you’re stressed about looking youthful or feel burdened by responsibilities you never had before, the fear of getting older is valid—especially on milestone birthdays like your 30th or 50th. [14] X Research source
-
Not meeting societal expectations Maybe you thought you’d be further in your career, married with kids, or owning a home by a certain age. If you haven’t met certain milestones set by society (or yourself), birthdays can make you feel like you’re “behind” in life, leading to anger, sadness, or disappointment. [15] X Research source
- A mid-life crisis can also cause the “birthday blues.” It’s common for people to experience stress, anxiety, and depression when they’re struggling to find life’s purpose and meaning.
-
Loneliness or feelings of isolation If you’ve fallen out of touch with friends or aren’t able to celebrate with loved ones, it can make you feel alone on your big day. [16] X Research source Similarly, you may feel unappreciated or uncared for if no one shows up to your party or wishes you a happy birthday.
-
Anxiety or depression While the “birthday blues” can happen to anyone, it may be more common for those with mental health disorders. [17] X Research source The increased attention and change in routine around birthdays can be uncomfortable for people with anxiety, while unmet expectations and feelings of loneliness may be heightened for those who have a history of depression.
-
High expectations of the day It’s normal to feel disappointed if your birthday hopes aren’t fulfilled, especially on milestone birthdays. [18] X Research source Perhaps you thought you’d get a specific gift or someone would plan a surprise party for you. When your wishes fail to materialize (or you set unrealistic expectations for the day), it can make you feel disappointed, insecure, irritable, or unloved.
-
Fear of dying (thanatophobia) For some people, every birthday is a reminder of how quickly time is running out. You might feel like life is flying by, and it can be depressing to know your loved ones won’t be around forever. If you have thanatophobia, your fear of death can impact your daily life and cause physical symptoms, like chills, dizziness, or panic attacks. [19] X Trustworthy Source Cleveland Clinic Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals Go to source
-
Pressure to love your birthday Why aren’t you jumping for joy? How are you celebrating your special day? The pressure to feel happy and enjoy your birthday can be overwhelming, which may end up causing the opposite emotions in you. [20] X Research source
-
Stress around your birthday celebration From making a guestlist to setting up decorations, throwing a birthday party can be incredibly overwhelming. Being bombarded with tasks and decisions can cause stress, anxiety, or dread leading up to your birthday. [21] X Research source
- Alternatively, you may feel stressed about having to attend a birthday party hosted by a loved one, especially if you’re uninterested or dislike large social gatherings.
-
Grief due to a loved one not being there If you’ve lost a loved one, celebrating your birthday can feel “wrong” on many levels. [22] X Research source This is especially true if you’re dealing with survivor’s guilt, or you didn’t get the chance to say what you wanted and get closure before they died.
Advertisement
Expert Q&A
Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
Advertisement
Video
Tips
- If you always feel sad around your birthday, try to remind yourself that it’s largely symbolic and embedded in culture. You have the power to decide whether or not to celebrate it. [25] X Research sourceThanks
Submit a Tip
All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
Name
Please provide your name and last initial
Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
Advertisement
References
- ↑ https://www.choosingtherapy.com/birthday-blues/
- ↑ https://www.choosingtherapy.com/birthday-blues/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/open-gently/202406/birthday-blues-what-you-can-do
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/depression/birthday-depressi on
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/depression/birthday-depression
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/depression/birthday-depression
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-practice/202112/are-you-feeling-stagnant-heres-what-try
- ↑ https://themodernmusemagazine.com.au/health/how-to-banish-the-birthday-blues/
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/depression/birthday-depression
- ↑ https://themodernmusemagazine.com.au/health/how-to-banish-the-birthday-blues/
- ↑ https://www.cruse.org.uk/understanding-grief/managing-grief/coping-with-birthdays/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/open-gently/202406/birthday-blues-what-you-can-do
- ↑ https://www.choosingtherapy.com/birthday-blues/
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/depression/birthday-depression
- ↑ https://www.choosingtherapy.com/birthday-blues/
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/depression/birthday-depression
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/depression/birthday-depression#the-blues-or-depression
- ↑ https://www.choosingtherapy.com/birthday-blues/
- ↑ https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/22830-thanatophobia-fear-of-death
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/depression/birthday-depression
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/depression/birthday-depression
- ↑ https://www.cruse.org.uk/understanding-grief/managing-grief/coping-with-birthdays/
- ↑ https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24481-clinical-depression-major-depressive-disorder
- ↑ https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24481-clinical-depression-major-depressive-disorder
- ↑ https://www.brightonandhovepsychotherapy.com/blog/why-do-people-get-the-birthday-blues/
About This Article
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 623 times.
Advertisement
