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Being a parent is stressful but rewarding, and in order to be a good parent you must make good children. There's no universal definition for Good Children, but this article will provide some general advice. Pick the steps that you feel are most applicable.
Steps
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Teach your children the rules of your household (and those you want them to abide by). It may sound harsh, but you must bring boundaries into the house and do it early, because then they will be less upset when you punish them. Physical punishments are illegal in some locations and many people, including child care experts, don't believe in slapping children. Look into punishments and behaviour adjustment techniques such as the naughty-steps method, scoldings and the warning-warning-punishment technique.
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Read. Read to your children and with your children. Do not let them get used to watching TV all day. Read them to sleep, and also give them educational books that teach them to read and write themselves.Advertisement
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Be a good example to your children. Whilst your offspring are obviously not simian in nature, to a greater or lesser degree, monkey see-monkey do. You should not do something that you wish your children not to do, even when they are not in your presence.
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Teach them to be healthy and widen their tastes. Feed your children with fruit and vegetables, of as many different varieties as you can. This will, possibly, help to make them good children. Teach them to brush. Encourage them to brush their teeth and hair in the mornings and nights. You should widen their taste to different foods but don't force your child to eat things they don't enjoy the taste off.
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Love and respect your children. As your child gets older they want more respect and privacy but at the same time they deep-down want your love. Learn to respect and give them a more mature love that doesn't involve kissing.EXPERT TIPMarriage & Family TherapistMoshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).
Treat your kids with kindness, no matter what. Talk things through with them like you would with any other adult. Clearly express your expectations while avoiding ultimatums or accusations. A calm and firm approach can go a long way in forming a lasting relationship.
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Never go by the saying "If you want to act like a child, I'll treat you like one". It doesn't work and only ends up with older children getting angrier.
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Educate them. You should be asking them what they did in school today, what they enjoy and don't and especially what they find difficult.
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Let them be themselves. Don't choose their bedroom layout for them, or tell them what jobs they can't and can do, it makes them feel useless and annoyed, and they may also be afraid they will upset you.
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Make older siblings feel involved in the younger siblings lives. Older siblings should not be left out or be made to feel like they must be an example. Let older siblings feel involved in younger siblings being brought up- but don't shove the responsibility of being a parent on them.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionWould you have any advice on handling a rebellious teenager?Anna Svetchinkov, LMFT is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Mental Health Advocate, and Author based in Florida. With over 15 years of experience, she helps individuals, couples, and families nationwide and worldwide overcome challenges and achieve their goals through speaking engagements and presentations. Anna is a dynamic presenter who's appeared on major media networks, including PBS, FOX, ABC, and NBC, sharing her expertise in family therapy and mental wellness. She's a published author with over 30 books for children, adolescents, teens, and adults, covering topics related to mental health and wellness. Passionate about destigmatizing mental health, she founded the non-profit "I Care We All Care." Anna has received several awards for her contributions to the mental health field and was selected as one of Florida's ‘40 under 40.’ She received a BS in Psychology and a Master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from UMass Boston and is pursuing her Ph.D in Clinical Sexology from MSTI.You need to be structured, but you need to balance rewards and consequences, because if there are only consequences, they have nothing to lose. If you only provide rewards, you can improve behavior for a short period, but it will not change the behavior on the long term. So, set rules and expectations. Teens need to know exactly what's coming and that they have a choice, whichever choice they make. If they decide to break the rule, there will be a consequence. If they behave well, they get a reward. Your behavior must also be consistent.
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QuestionHow do I get adopted children to feel at home?Graceak05Community AnswerAt first, give the child some space. Respect their privacy so they can respect you. Do not rush them into the ways of your home but introduce them slowly until they are comfortable with your house schedule. Do not talk to them about their past. Either let them talk to you about it or wait some months or years until the child is showing signs of getting along but even then discuss it subtly. Let them feel included, e.g letting them choose the meal you will eat, or what you can watch on the TV or by making key decisions with the child.
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QuestionEach time I ask my son what he did in school his answer is "I don't know." What can I do?Community AnswerTalk to his teacher about what he is doing at school and if he has the same issues there.
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Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about raising children, check out our in-depth interview with Anna Svetchnikov .
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