How to Politely Cancel Plans over Text

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We all know the feeling: you made plans with a friend, but now that it’s almost time to leave the house, you just don’t have the energy. Or, maybe something else came up, and you actually can’t make it. Whatever the case is, cancelling plans, even over text, can be a little nerve wracking—but with a few well-placed compliments and a little honesty, you can gracefully bow out without feeling guilty.

1

Text them as soon as possible.

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    If you know you’re not going to be able to make it or you’re just not feeling it, try to text at least a day ahead of time. [1] Otherwise, your friend might be bummed about the inconvenience, especially if they set aside time specifically to see you. [2]
    • If there’s an emergency and you have to cancel plans at the last minute, that’s totally fine. Otherwise, you should try to cancel well ahead of time.
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2

Start with a positive.

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    When you start with something nice, it lets your friend know that you really do love and appreciate them, and that cancelling your plans together isn’t a personal attack. And, if you’re cancelling a date with someone, it lets them know that you still want to see them in a romantic way. You might write something like: [3]
    • “Hey Amber! I was really looking forward to seeing you and catching up.”
    • “Hi Fred! Super excited to hear about what you’ve been up to.”
    • “Hey Alison! Really pumped to meet up and get to know you more.”
3

Be honest about your situation.

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    If you’ve encountered a snag in your schedule, you just need to tell them what it is and why you can’t make it. Your friend will be much more understanding if they can tell you’re telling the truth. Say something like: [4]
    • “I ran into an issue at work, and it looks like I’m going to be here a while.”
    • “I’m dealing with some family problems, and I’m not sure I’m going to be able to meet up tomorrow.”
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4

Let them know if you’re just in a bad mood.

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    If you get out of bed in the morning and realize that all you want to do is sit on the couch and eat ice cream, let your friend know. Everyone has those days, and true friends will definitely understand where you’re coming from. You could say something like: [5]
    • “To be honest, I’m not feeling my best today, and I don’t think I’d be much fun to hang out with.”
    • “I’ve had a super long week at work, and I’m just feeling really tired today.”
5

Offer up an alternative plan if you’re just feeling tired.

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    If your friend wanted to go out clubbing but you’re feeling more of a chill vibe, invite them over to watch a movie at home instead. Or, if you’re really not feeling up to seeing people, ask them if they’d like to chat via phone call or video call. There are still ways you can catch up with a friend, even if you don’t feel like leaving the house! [6]
    • Giving an alternative shows that you still want to hang with your friend, but you just aren’t up for the original idea right now.
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6

Ask if you can reschedule if you can’t make it.

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    Instead of just saying, “Let’s hang out soon!” pick a new date, time, and place so your friend knows that you’re serious. Rescheduling can take some of the sting out of a cancelled plan, and it shows that you aren’t just blowing your friend off. Try to include this in your original message so they know what you’re doing right away, and make sure it’s a plan you can stick to so you don’t have to cancel again. For instance, you could say something like: [7]
    • “Hey Jessica! Thanks for inviting me out to lunch. Unfortunately, something came up and I can’t make it today, but I’d still love to see you. Are you free tomorrow afternoon?”
    • “Hey Jason! I really appreciate the invite to your party. I’m not feeling my best, but if you’re available next week, I’d love to catch up over coffee. How does Tuesday after work sound?”
    • “Hi Maria! I’m really sorry to reschedule our date, but I’m dealing with an issue at work. Can we move it to tomorrow night instead? Drinks are on me!”
7

Thank them for inviting you out.

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    After you tell your friend that you have to cancel or reschedule, let them know how much you appreciate them making plans with you. This will reassure your friend that you love spending time with them, and it can even help you feel less guilty, too. Try something like: [8]
    • “Thanks again for inviting me out. I always love to hear from you.”
    • “It’s always a treat to see you! I love spending time with you.”
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8

Apologize, but not too much.

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    However, you don’t need to go overboard—things like, “I’m the worst!” or, “You probably hate me,” will only make your friend feel bad. Instead, offer up a sincere apology, like: [9]
    • “Really sorry to have to cancel on you! It won’t happen again.”
    • “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how busy I would be!”
9

Express your disappointment.

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    By telling them how bummed you are, you’re letting them know that they’re important to you, and that you aren’t just brushing them off. They’re also probably feeling a little bit disappointed, so you two can relate with each other. Say something like: [10]
    • “I’m super bummed, I was really looking forward to seeing you.”
    • “I’m so annoyed that I can’t see you later!”
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10

Be sincere, and try not to joke around.

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    Saying things like, “You know me! Always canceling plans!” might make your friend feel worse, and it doesn’t sound like you feel very bad about it, either. Stick to sincerity and honesty, and try to remember that canceling on someone is an inconvenience for them. [11]
11

Thank them for being flexible.

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    We’re all busy, and moving your plans around isn’t always super easy. Let your friend know that you’re grateful they could change up their plans for you, and that you understand it might be inconvenient. Say something like: [12]
    • “I know this isn’t ideal. Thanks so much for working around my schedule!”
    • “Thank you for changing things up! You’re a lifesaver, seriously.”
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      References

      1. ↑ Judith Gottesman, MSW. Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 19 October 2021.
      2. ↑ https://rightasrain.uwmedicine.org/life/relationships/cancel-plans
      3. ↑ Amber Rosenberg, PCC. Pacific Life Coach. Expert Interview. 26 April 2021.
      4. ↑ Lynda Jean. Certified Image Consultant. Expert Interview. 17 November 2020.
      5. ↑ https://online.ucpress.edu/collabra/article/9/1/57549/195121/How-to-Cancel-Plans-With-Friends-A-Mixed-Methods
      6. ↑ https://online.ucpress.edu/collabra/article/9/1/57549/195121/How-to-Cancel-Plans-With-Friends-A-Mixed-Methods
      7. ↑ https://americanmigrainefoundation.org/resource-library/how-to-cancel-plans/
      8. ↑ Amber Rosenberg, PCC. Pacific Life Coach. Expert Interview. 26 April 2021.
      9. ↑ https://americanmigrainefoundation.org/resource-library/how-to-cancel-plans/
      1. ↑ https://americanmigrainefoundation.org/resource-library/how-to-cancel-plans/
      2. ↑ https://rightasrain.uwmedicine.org/life/relationships/cancel-plans
      3. ↑ https://rightasrain.uwmedicine.org/life/relationships/cancel-plans
      4. ↑ Lynda Jean. Certified Image Consultant. Expert Interview. 17 November 2020.

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